Steady As We Burn
by C. Nichole
Summary: Rey and Kylo Ren share a Force bond and it distracts them both as they fight on opposite ends of a galaxy-wide war. Life is strange and attraction adds a layer of complication that neither Rey nor Kylo is comfortable acknowledging. Still... Sometimes, in the sweet moments between dreams and reality, they meet as the Force tries to bridge the gap between understanding and love.
1. To Sleep

_Before you save me_  
 _Just wait your turn_  
 _Look at me now_  
 _Steady as we burn_  
 _It was all for love_  
 _Just move yourself_  
 _Jumping back down_  
 _Pushing out in front_

 _Guided by voices  
It's you and me_

 _-_ **GUNSHIP, Tech Noir**

* * *

She was sweeter when she was half-asleep. In the days and weeks that had passed since Crait, she tried to move on while he reeled with the consequences of their decisions. Both went through the motions. Mostly hiding it from those around them. Kylo was lucky that he was feared, it kept 'most everyone from looking too close. Rey was less fortunate in that she had so many people around her that loved and cherished her.

They could see even if they could not understand.

But sometimes, at night, when it was quiet and that steady heartbeat of the Force that ran through them both was strongest, sometimes, she was sweet. And it was in these quiet, lonely moments that Kylo Ren was something softer than Kylo Ren, but not Ben Solo either. And it was in these quiet, lonely moments that Rey and he could almost forget.

The first time he woke up in bed with her, it had shocked them both so much that it was Kylo who had somehow inadvertently severed that strange tie between them, but waking up with someone in your arms was a disconcerting thing for the touch-starved.

The second time it happened, Rey had been the one to sever the connection, all but pushing him out of her proximity and back into his own space.

The third time it happened, neither was sure of how long it all lasted. It could have been minutes, could have been hours. Alone in both of their beds, separated by the galaxy, but brought together by the Force. But this time they were both exhausted. Both lonely. Rey had been on supply runs with Chewie and was becoming more and more acquainted with the darkness and, worse, the apathy that existed throughout the star systems. Kylo had been battling Hux on very nearly everything. With Phasma gone, and not there to temper him, Hux was even more ruthless as Kylo expected he felt cornered. There was a fight coming and Kylo wasn't sure whether he had the strength, or the support, to be able to withstand Hux's intentions.

Kylo didn't sleep often. Couldn't with the kind of nightmares that haunted him and she... She was wrapped so tight around him and he was terrified to move. If he moved, he'd ruin it. She'd wake up. She'd recoil. He was a monster, and she was light. Pure and purposeful and clear in her intention. He was a needless complication that didn't deserve her. He knew that. But it didn't stop kindred spark inside of him from reaching out—from _hoping._

"Ben," she'd murmured before tightening her leg around his thigh. Her fingers slipped sleepily over his skin and he had to bite his lip to stifle a soft moan.

 _That_ got his attention. He was more than awake, but she was half-asleep. Caught somewhere between the Force bond and a dream. And the dream... the dream featured him. He wanted to feel smug at the realization, but it only reminded him of the finality of his decisions. He was about to pull away. He didn't deserve this, and she'd be properly awake and realize what was going on soon enough. Better to end it himself before he could see the disappointed look in her eyes.

But she surprised him. Rey lifted her head, craning her neck to look at him. She blinked once. Twice. Then closed her eyes and tucked herself right back where she'd been.

She was always surprising him.

Rip, tear, pull apart his entire world.

She lay there, wrapped up in his body and his presence, long enough that he began to wonder whether she'd fallen back asleep. Eventually, she shifted against him again, the soft, strong points of her body brushing up against his exposed flesh. His fingers dug into the mattress—his bed? Hers? It was all he could do to keep himself from making a mess of it all, to keep himself from doing something that he'd regret, even as all of his body cried out for him to hold her tight. Kiss her. _Show her_ how much she meant to him. But he was a failure. Broken and bruised and undeserving. She would be repulsed she would...

 _Wait. What... did she say?_

Rey had mumbled something against his skin, distracting him enough that he'd needed to ask her to repeat the question.

"Why the hell do you sleep half-dressed?" she grumbled from somewhere underneath his chin.

"What?" he choked out. Why wasn't she pulling away? Telling him every reason he was a failure? How she _hated_ this connection? _She's wondering why I'm wearing... pants?_

"Look, Ben. If this is going to happen, without either of our intentions, you're going to have to dress more comfortably. I can't stand the scratchy feel of your pants."

 _It reminds me of the ratty, Bantha wool blanket that I scavenged on Jakku._

He didn't think that she meant for him to know that. Or that she meant for him to see herself, small, picking at the wreckage of a Star Destroyer—looking for things that would bring her more portions. It was almost enough to distract them both from the truth of the situation, that while Kylo was mostly clothed, _Rey_ was mostly not. Though neither was particularly well-versed in the finer points of... whatever kind of relationship remained between them, the attraction had always been undeniable even if it had been sometimes uncomfortable.

 _Uncomfortable?_ Sleepily, her hand ran along the length of his back, brushing along the faint scars that bacta hadn't been able to banish from his body. Her touch wasn't exactly welcome. He was as unused to being held as she was at showing intimacy. Still, even though he was uncomfortable, he wasn't willing to pull away.

Not yet, at least.

But he was always making concessions for her. How many times would she reach out to him until she no longer did? He wondered if he'd managed to destroy any good that was between them. Fucked it all up beyond recognition with his intentions.

 _...A new order in the galaxy... Join me._

What was his dream? What was _her_ dream? The Force had seemingly brought together two extremes, one light one dark, and here they were left with physical inclinations and frustrations of the heart.

 _I can't be what you need..._ his heart and mind and soul seemed to cry.

 _What do you know of what I need?_ She seemed to answer.

And still, she held him. Half-asleep. Taking comfort in the warmth of his body and his strange proximity. They lay together, bodies tangled at so many points it was hard for Kylo to gauge where he started and she ended. But he liked it even if he wished he didn't. Even if all it did was make an impossible situation even more complicated.

Even he couldn't deny, with her, with Rey... There was such a peace. But it was more than that, it was so...

"...Quiet. It's so quiet here, with you," Kylo admitted and he could feel that she understood his meaning.

 _Without Snoke inside my head._

It was a terrible sort of liberation, being free from his influence—and his guidance. He could feel that she didn't understand, that she _couldn't_ understand, what it had been like to be Snoke's apprentice. Still, the remnants of Snoke's presence haunted him and a part of him, one that craved for the simplicity that came with following orders and believing in _something,_ almost missed it.

His childhood was a lonely one and Snoke had been a source of comfort when he'd felt lost and afraid—of his power, of his heritage, of his place in the galaxy. It hadn't always been steeped with pain. First, Snoke was so understanding. Such a source of comfort and compassion during the trying times of his youth. And Snoke had assured him that his place in the galaxy was all but ensured if only he could rise up and become the special and elite warrior he was.

And then he'd seen the holovid of that senator, Casterfo, revealing his mother's bloodline to the galaxy. _Everyone_ had seen it. And from that point, he knew the truth that Snoke had always reaffirmed: he was special. He was Vader's grandson. And he was a part of a legacy that was bigger than himself. And even when his reasoning would kick in—when the light side would tug at his heartstrings—the guilt of being unfair and unappreciative to his _friend_ would bring him back to Snoke. By the time the pain was a reality, Ben Solo had already made his decision by destroying his uncle's legacy. And it was his need for that kind of completion, the kind of hurt that cleaved his heart in two and reminded him of his place, that kept him with Snoke.

 _Until her._

Strong. Fiery. A beacon in the darkness of the Force. And when he'd been confronted with the reality of Snoke's intention, Kylo Ren hadn't hesitated. Nothing in the galaxy would take her from him, nothing except...

 _Except me._ The self-hatred nearly overwhelmed him, so much so that Rey nudged her head against his chin, distracting him.

"You live too much in your head," she mumbled, words stifled by a yawn. "Just feel, Ben. Just be."

 _Here_ _. With me,_ she offered. _I'm too tired to be mad at you right now._

He understood that. And, because he was as much a slave to her desires as he was to the bond between them both, he let his mind settle and focus. He was almost asleep when he felt her lips brush up against the curve of his jaw, chapped and perfect. Emotion, pure and purposeful, flowed through him and Kylo thought that he'd never felt so happy before, or quite so sad.

Before the kiss was over, Kylo was back in his own bed, and almost in his own headspace and he felt the loss of her contact like a blaster bolt to the gut. But before the bond closed, before he was left truly and terribly alone, he could _feel her_ thoughts.

 _I miss you, Ben._

The connection between them was severed before he could send back his answer.

 _I miss you, Rey._

As his loneliness settled around him, his thoughts dwelt on her. _Always_ on her. And he wondered when the Force would bring them together again. All he could do was count the moments. And go through the motions. And wait. For those sweet moments between dreams and the Force. Where she was just Rey, and he was just _himself._

The waiting, he thought, was the hardest part.

* * *

A/N: Title and lyrics obviously taken from the epic song by GUNSHIP, Tech Noir. Honestly, I just hear Reylo everywhere. Kind of working through writer's block at the moment, if you read this and you're so inclined, send me a prompt or a trope and I'll do my best to work it into what comes next.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Come visit me on Tumblr ( pacificwanderer) and scream about Reylo and Star Wars with me :)


	2. Perchance to Dream

In the endless loneliness of the nights without her, he tried to imagine that the rumbles and hums from the Finalizer were actually her disturbing his bed. It didn't work, but it was better than the alternative—that he was alone in his cold, dark room where shadows of the past haunted him mercilessly. _Taunted him._ Reminded him of his failure to disconnect and kill the past. Worst of all, he felt incomplete without her there, even if they were only connected through that strange bond. Kylo felt as if his days were spent mitigating one disaster after the next, while his nights were spent counting—and hoping, damn that fragile hope—that she'd find him again.

She didn't always find him in the night. Sometimes, when they were brought together, it was for mere moments. She was still upset with him and he was still stubbornly assured of his own _rightness._ At least, it was what he told himself. Days passed and, though he didn't regret going with her to join the Resistance, he was beginning to wonder whether there might be another option for them to consider.

Sometimes, they talked.

Sometimes, they yelled.

And sometimes, during those long, quiet hours of the night, they were together.

Kylo had obliged Rey's request by wearing less than he was decidedly comfortable with on the off chance the Force would bring them together again. And he waited. Night after night. Nearly a week passed before that same, strange sensation filled the air and bridged the gap between them both. This time, he was wearing less than she, though Rey was no less wrapped around him than before. It was almost as if she made up for the absence of love and comfort in her life by taking from him. Sometimes, it felt like she was taking too much.

Kylo wasn't experienced in relationships, aside from some hasty kisses at his uncle's temple, which were more experimentation than any real affection, and he'd not had much time for romance. Rey brought out the most peculiar emotions in him in her absence. He felt _more_ when she wasn't near. Longed—obsessed. But once she was connected with him, laying in his arms, he found peace. The unhealthy thoughts started to melt away and, more and more, he felt as if there was something beyond the loneliness that had linked them initially.

He felt drawn into her world. Bright colors bled into the peripheral of his vision, not quite as much as when they'd shared that moment by the fire, but enough for him to forget where he was. Though she was all he could see clearly, there was something familiar about the warmth and the hum that ran through her body. He suspected she must be sleeping in the crew quarters on the Falcon which meant it likely wasn't the best time for their bond to connect them. Kylo wondered if their bond would strengthen if they got closer though he lied to himself about exactly _what_ he imagined would facilitate that connection.

He was inexperienced, but he wasn't ignorant. He knew passion, lust, the strange frustration that comes with denied desires. He'd seen and heard much on his travels, even with Uncle Luke and his relic scavenging. In the outermost reaches of the galaxy, not everyone was as obsessed with propriety as the denizens of Hosnian Prime had been. It still hurt to think about, but he killed those thoughts almost as immediately as they surfaced. Kylo had never agreed with Snoke's intention with the Hosnian system. The galaxy needed order, but not like that. Order through strength, but what had happened instead... Kylo clenched a fist and Rey stirred, probably in response to his dark thoughts.

 _You have too much of your father's heart, young Solo._

"Compassion makes for better leaders," Rey murmured, and just like that, Snoke, and the Hosnian system, and the past are all banished. Just like that, she took precedence over all things. It should have frightened him, the way he subconsciously made concessions for her— _always her—_ but it just made him feel...

 _Right,_ she offered. _It's the compassion you have for me, and the compassion I have for you..._

"Is that what we're calling this now, 'compassion'?" he tried to joke, eliciting a snort from Rey.

"I think it's frustration and loneliness, mostly. Ben, surely you can see that what the First Order wants isn't what the galaxy needs?"

The last thing he wanted was to pursue _that_ particular discussion right now. Not when she was close and things were... _nice._ He wanted her. There was a part of him that had wanted her from the very start. From that dark and dangerous moment on Takodana, when he'd been a monster, and she'd been like something out of a dream.

"The only thing I've ever wanted is you," he admitted. It was stark and true and, for a moment, he wasn't quite sure she understood. His deeds seemed to contradict his words, but when he reflected on it later, he'd realize what he said was truer than even he'd intended. His parent's desires, Luke's and, finally, Snoke's—had he ever really been Ben Solo?

But she understood. She _got_ him even if she was hurting. Even if she wished things could be different. What passed between them was pure emotion, happiness, sadness, and something dangerously close to love. It nearly destroyed him—it had been so long since he'd felt anything remotely close to love and, of course, it would come from _her._ Her grip on him tightened as she burrowed closer. Every part of her entwined with every part of him as if that could somehow mend the fractured pieces of his psyche. Kylo wished it could. He kept waiting for it to hurt. First came the comfort, then came the pain—Snoke had made sure of that. But it never did. She was there, holding him, her hands cascading over the strange topography of a body he'd never loved, of a body he'd pushed to its limits in the pursuit of a perfection that he'd never achieve.

 _Perfection doesn't exist, Ben._

 _But you exist,_ he sent back. She laughed, and the feeling rumbled through his body in a way that was not _unpleasant._ He'd never heard her laugh before, not like this. He wanted to hear it again, but there were other thoughts to distract him as well. As his body amped up and so did his anxiety but, as ever, she was there for him.

"Don't be afraid," she said, calming him even though he could feel the rapid beat of her heart against his chest. There was _no_ way he'd be able to hide his desire now and Rey, with a teasing smirk, pressed tight and slid her leg along his in a way that was anything but innocent.

His hand came up to grip her hip, to stop her? To prompt her for more?

"I just...," he stammered. _I don't want to make you uncomfortable._

 _This is new for me too,_ she admitted. Shared memories flash through his mind of her, much too young, and forced to grow up too fast. She'd been strong—a fighter. Most of the girls on Jakku hadn't been so lucky. She'd seen too much and had an idea of what lust looked like—shared, secret moments for other scavengers that she'd inadvertently spied. There was more... but she distracted Kylo's thoughts as her voice radiated through him.

"You're bigger than I thought," she reflected quietly and Kylo nearly choked. He could feel her amusement through their bond. "Height, width of your chest, length of your _legs,_ " she clarified. "Those black clothes do a lot to disguise your size, Ben."

"It helps me blend in," he admitted. _If they can't see me, I can be anywhere, be anything._

"It helps you disappear. I like you better without the mask... and the extra fabric." She punctuated her words with a gentle stroke while shifting closer, her leg pressing against his very evident arousal.

 _That,_ he knew, wasn't unintentional.

"Imagine if you were here," she teased while the movement of her body drove him half-wild with need.

"Imagine _you_ were here," he growled, which only made her laugh again.

"I hope the Force knows what it's doing because I sure as hell don't," she said, lips brushing along his collarbone as she pressed closer.

 _Kiss. Kiss her,_ every fiber of his being seemed to insist. But she wouldn't want that, would she? He could feel his face flushing with embarrassment. His ears _burned._ He didn't know what he was doing, either. It seemed to be a running theme in this life. Always searching for direction, but never being able to find the right path, at least, not until her. But to pursue her would mean turning his back on everything he'd sacrificed so much for. _Let the past die._ He'd killed for it, too. But he didn't feel any closer to the person he thought he was meant to be. Just lost, adrift in a sea of unknowing.

Her hand slipped from his back and caressed over the expanse of his chest, stopping to trail gently over his scar. The scar _she'd_ given him. This time, Kylo couldn't keep from purring as her touch lingered against the rough outline that marked his skin. Her touch felt like healing. He'd have withstood a thousand battles, and a thousand scars, if he'd known _this_ would be at the end of those encounters.

Her hand stopped just short of his jaw as she looked into his eyes. Curiosity was reflected there, and desire. "I don't regret doing this," she told him before resuming her exploration.

He barely managed to reply, "Neither do I."

 _Your thoughts are loud,_ she nudged with her own mind.

 _I... only when it comes to you._

"Liar," she said with a knowing smile. He was about to defend himself when she did what he'd practically been begging her to do from the moment they'd touched on Anch-To, she kissed him. Full chapped lips pressing into his own. And he _knew_ it was her first kiss. The dark, possessive part of him wanted to be her _first_ and _last_ in every way, but the rational part of him knew better than to get too attached to a fantasy. And yet, when her lips parted and his tongue twisted sweetly with her own, it was almost enough to convince him. Rey pressed him onto his back and slid her body over his own and Kylo's mind and hands were barely able to keep up with the change in position. Kylo liked to be in control. It was a source of comfort and helped to keep his mind in check, but with Rey, he was always bending, even if she wanted more than he'd ever be able to give. And here, in this place, he was willing to let her take the lead. But when her legs straddle his waist and her core brushed up against his length—hot and soft and everything he'd dreamed about but never imagined would be real—he nearly choked.

"Rey," he gasped as his hands came up to hold her hips, every fiber of his being screaming that he should grab, hold, _tug_ her right exactly where he wanted her to be.

But Rey was generous and, with a heated look, she _obliged_ his desires.

They moaned in unison.

 _I didn't realize..._

 _That was..._

 _Oh._

The bond heightened their emotions, which seemed to carry over in _unexpected_ ways.

"Can you imagine if we were actually..?" she said with a little smile before ducking her head in to pepper little kisses along his neck. He could imagine _exactly_ what it would be like if they were together if there wasn't a galaxy between them and if she were with him. She was such a bright and beautiful woman and his darkness would consume her. He'd known it on Crait when he'd spat those thoughtless but true words at his uncle, _I'll destroy her._

"Ouch! What was that?" She'd _bit_ him. Part of him was shocked, yet another, darker part of him wanted her to do it _again._

"You dip into absolutes so easily. There's darkness and light in all of us, Ben. _Balance._ If you search your feelings, you'll know it to be true," she murmured against his skin in a way that was completely distracting. So he _let_ her distract him from his own bitter thoughts. Just for a moment, he could be a man and she would be a woman, and everything else that was between them wouldn't take precedence over their desire—and compassion for each other.

Kylo's hands skimmed underneath the thin gown she was wearing and he was beyond shocked to realize she _wasn't wearing anything else._ Kylo's heart lurched in his chest as his fingers skimmed over the soft, supple skin along the curve of her ass. And Rey, Gods, and stars above, _purred_ at his touch. Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the galaxy, thought he was going to die from the exquisite torture of it all. And when she begged for, _"More,"_ Kylo thought that maybe he'd go through it all again, every damned part of it, _just_ to hear that word from her lips again.

 _There could be so much more between us... or maybe so much less?_ she teased as her body slid along his. As her breasts pressed into him, Kylo could just make out the rough, little scrapes of her nipples along his chest and _Gods_ what he wouldn't do to feel that—skin to skin. Rey popped her head up and smirked down at him and, for a moment, he thought she was going to grant that wish... until a shrill alarm carried through the comm into his private quarters.

 _Proximity alert._

Only Hux would be so bold. He'd have to talk to the techs and be _certain_ that the General wouldn't be able to interrupt him again with such nonsense, but it was enough to take his mind away from the moment—distract him enough that the bond could blur and fade. Kylo groaned with frustration as she slipped from his arms back to her ship. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard her voice carry through the bond, "Next time, Ben. Give in and let _go..._ " before closing off completely. His mind tripped over her words— _Next time—_ before he was left alone with his thoughts and desire. It was going to be a long, _hard_ night.

* * *

A/N: Oh, Kylo. You're supposed to be fighting a war, or something. Not falling in love! Merry happy holiday whatever you celebrate lol or don't. I love you all for reading, for following, for the favs, the comments! This pairing is the best fucking present a girl could ask for and I'm so happy to share them both with you all. Any mistakes are my own awesome mistakes lol.

This chapter was in response to a prompt I received on Tumblr:

 **Heyyy I've got a prompt after seeing your wonderful "Steady As We Burn" fic, probably because I'm bad and dirty...How about more of the bedsharing after Ben trades in his scratchy sleep pants for some briefs or something, but realizes it's a HUGE mistake when Rey cuddles up to him again and there's nothing blocking his physical reactions to her ministrations? I'm sure Rey won't mind it one bit ; but scared and undeniably aroused Ben is such fun.**

So thanks, nonnie! If you're so inclined, come on over to Tumblr and hang out with me pacificwander and shoot me a prompt!

Some housekeeping, lines that are not mine but belong to Larry Kasdan and Rian Johnson:

 _Search your feelings, you know it's true._ Obvs Darth Vader callback from ESB is obvious.

 _You have too much of your father's heart, young Solo._ From the horrific Snoke ala TLJ.

 _I'll destroy her._ Ala Kylo on Crait in TLJ.


	3. Passion and Pain

Kylo shot out of his bed and onto his feet. He knew that something was wrong and unconsciously called his lightsaber into his hand, finger on the ignition. Kylo scanned his room and only the dark, durasteel walls met his gaze. He was alone, except he _knew_ in his gut something wasn't right.

 _She's in pain,_ he thought, grip tightening around the hilt of his saber.

 _Rey... I will destroy anyone who hurts you,_ Kylo promised, not sure if she could even hear him through their bond.

The air grew thick with tension before their connection solidified. She was wholly with him and, judging from the way her eyes scanned the room, she could see _everything._ Kylo almost relaxed, except she looked _wrong._ Rey was hunched over on the floor, barely covered in a thin gown, and bandages, she was wrapping bandages around her hands and feet. Someone or _something_ had brought her pain and he was seconds away from launching out on a warpath to bring whatever had hurt her to its end. But her voice stopped him before he could go and rain down ruination while dressed only in his bedclothes.

"Ben, is it supposed to hurt this much?" she asked while slumping forward. The wrappings dropped from her fingers, rolled on the ground for a moment, and then faded into nothing.

"What, Rey?" he asked, checking his gut to try to control his reaction in case she revealed that someone had made her feel this way.

"Training," she puffed out before carefully crooking her finger at him.

 _What kind of training, Rey?_ he asked while stalking closer. With a gesture, he sent his lightsaber back to the bed before stopping just short of where she sat. He was never sure what to do in these situations. More than technically, they were enemies, but also strangely not. And then there was the obvious attraction between them. He _wanted_ to scoop her up into his arms and deposit her on his bed where he could kiss away her pains, but he wasn't sure if he was capable of following through with that fantasy, so he settled sitting beside her. Rey looked at him, eyebrow raised.

"What?"

"This room is terrible," she commented before letting out a little hiss of pain. Kylo had to restrain himself from pulling Rey into his arms, instead, he tried for a joke.

"It's better than the Stormtrooper barracks." A smirk curled the corner of his lip before he could stop himself. Rey noticed.

"The last thing I would want would be an _audience,_ " she drawled before reaching up and tracing her finger along the corner of his lip.

 _What kind of training?_ he reminded her as she worked to distract him.

 _Lightsaber. If I'm ever going to fight as well as you do, I need more practice. But it drags—in a different way than the staff. It pulls at muscles I didn't even know I had._

"What are you training with?" he asked, curious. Luke had managed to scrounge up some old holos, and there'd always been the Jedi texts his uncle had managed to find throughout the years, never mind the odd, Jedi-Training relics. But she was alone and without a teacher though Kylo knew she'd taken more than even he realized from his own mind. Still, knowledge and application were two different things.

"Holos, mostly. Leia found some through a friend of a friend, practicing the different forms, too, over and over, but sometimes I replay what I _felt_ from you."

 _Back on Snoke's ship,_ she doesn't voice. He often thought of that fight as well. About how it went and, more often, how it ended. How he wished things were different... and how badly he'd wanted her after it had all been said and done. They were always pushing at boundaries. Sometimes, Rey would be the one pushing him—touching, teasing, reproving; sometimes, Kylo would push back—sensibilities, strength, anger. And sometimes, when the mood was right, and the bond burned bright and strong between them, they'd _both_ push, and the resulting reaction was brilliant to behold.

It was one of _those_ occasions, and Kylo did his best to keep himself from _overreacting._ He'd wanted her for so long, and that longing grew with each passing moment. But it wasn't right. _They_ weren't right together. And they knew it. But, for now, they ignored that they were a part of something strange and wild and ignored that the galaxy was being torn apart by war.

The Force wanted more from them, more than they were often prepared to give, but it seemed to revel in the little ways they submitted to the desire of the bond and rewarded them by strengthening their connection. In that, at least, the Force was clear as it was strongest when they were working _together._ Getting _along._ Or when it brought them together when the other was in need—as with Rey and her pain.

"Rey, I'm going to touch you," he started and she slowly let her head fall to the side to look at him.

"Oh?" _It took you long enough,_ she seemed to be thinking even as she held herself separate from where he sat. With a sigh, he gathered her against him, his long legs splayed around her, and the last of his reticence fell away as she melted into his big, warm body. He was still getting used to being the one who reached out—the one who initiated touching between them but, as with all things concerning Rey, it was a lot easier than he thought it would be. And, besides, he Ioved the way her bare skin felt against his own.

"I grew a lot, as a child. The growing pains were... uncomfortable. My... _mother,_ " he choked out with obvious difficulty. "She showed me how to massage to alleviate the muscle spasms."

Rey laughed, but it ended with a short gasp as the pain laced through her. _Somehow,_ he'd felt that as well. "Are you certain that you aren't just thinking of reasons to touch me, Ben?"

Kylo wasn't used to seduction, but she seemed to be teasing him, maybe he should tease her back? He let his voice drop till it was barely more than a rumble against her skin. "I'm always thinking up reasons to touch you."

Rey's breath hitched in her throat and he _knew_ she was struggling to find words to say. So she didn't say anything, just inched her body closer, tight enough that every soft curve of her was aligned with every tight— _hard—_ point of him. Kylo ran his hands down along her exposed arms, knowing _exactly_ where the training would have had most of its impact.

 _You need to do more weight training as well. The extra muscle will help with the lightsaber resistance._

Rey huffed. _I am... I was a scavenger. I have plenty of muscles_.

Kylo let his little smile press into the curve of her neck. _Ah, you do. But it never hurts to have more._

This time, her thoughts were plain to him and he could see himself the way _she_ saw him—tall, broad, thick with muscles and wild with his strength. She _loved_ to watch him fight. _He_ didn't have to worry about having enough muscles. Her thoughts were loud and he couldn't keep the little chuckle from rumbling through his body—an unused, foreign sound even to him, but she seemed to enjoy it.

"I have to exercise as well," he said while his hands slowly and purposefully pressed into the muscles of her forearms. Rey purred with relief and he _almost_ stopped, but a dark, dangerous part of him liked the sound so much that he had to keep himself from bringing forth that noise from her—again, and _again._ Rey's head lolled against his chest and she sighed as he methodically worked the tension and pain from her muscles, his strong hands pressing into the tight muscles of her back before moving downward. "Who does this for you?" she had the presence of mind to wonder as his hands slipped down to her thighs. His hands were so big on her legs—she was strong, but still so small compared to him. He really was a monster next to Rey.

 _They're sensitive,_ she warned, distracting him from his dark thoughts.

Kylo pressed into the meat of her thighs, fingers firm but soothing.

 _I'll be gentle, sweetheart,_ he promised, the endearment slipping from his mind into hers before he could stop himself.

 _Sweetheart?_ she wouldn't let it go, of course.

 _I... My parents,_ he barely offered.

Rey nudged his bicep with her nose. _I like it, but what can I call you?_

 _Anything you want._ Kylo didn't care, just so long as she kept calling him anything at all, well, anything other than ' _monster_ _.'_

"I'll have to... _ahh..._ think on it, Ben," she confided and Kylo felt a little twinge of worry in his gut. There were so many ways that she had power over him—even her using his birth name didn't sound strange and wrong from her lips. _Almost_ nothing sounded wrong when she said it. And that little catch of air when he'd pressed _just so_ on the inside of her thigh? _Stars,_ he was going to hear that again if it was the death of him. Not content to let her question drop, Rey reminded him, "But you didn't answer, is there some First Order massage droid tech the Resistance hasn't heard of yet?" she teased, even though her words somewhat sobered them both. Still, he answered her, even as his gut twisted with the truth of how far away from his world she was.

"No one helps me. If it's bad enough, and I can, I'll massage myself," he said thoughtlessly as his fingers tripped over her tight muscles. He could _feel_ as she ducked her head and smiled against the skin of his shoulder. "Is _that_ what you were doing, then, the time I found you shirtless?"

Kylo choked a little. He'd _been_ thinking of her, truthfully. And had thought to practice his 'saber form while trying to banish her from his mind. It hadn't worked and, worse, the Force had practically summoned her to him as he desperately tried to keep thoughts of her from consuming him.

"I was practicing," he murmured along the sensitive area behind her ear and Kylo took great pleasure in the way the breath caught in her throat as his lips skimmed the surface of her skin.

"Oh?" she purred, her hands coming to rest on his own spread thighs, fingers digging into his flesh as she tried to keep herself steady.

"It's the only way I'm able to keep my mind off of you," he admitted.

"Mmm...," she purred distracted as his fingers dipped low, dusting the soft skin of her inner thigh. Much higher and he'd be pushing this farther than they'd ever gone before—would she want that? _He_ wanted that, but Kylo wasn't about to lose out on the best moments he'd ever had by being impatient—at least, not again. But Rey, _Gods and Stars,_ Rey twisted her hips up and his fingers _brushed_ and he knew _immediately_ that he wasn't the only one who was enjoying this.

"Just so that I am quite clear, that was intentional, Ben."

 _I think I enjoy it when you're being intentional._

 _Maybe it's your turn?_ she added, her emotions fluttering right through her, into him—desire, insecurity, need, fear.

"Don't be afraid...," he started to say— _You're perfect, I adore you, there's nothing about you that I don't want—_ but Rey reached back and pressed her palm into his full lips.

 _Don't start something you're not going to finish,_ she said before obscenely sliding her legs wider, urging him on wordlessly. Kylo nearly gaped like a fool. It had started innocently enough, but now he was venturing into territory that he'd never experienced firsthand.

 _Just... Tell me if there's something you don't like,_ he urged her.

Rey trailed a hand back and gently skimmed the curve of his ear with her fingertips— _Gods,_ what he wouldn't do to feel _that_ again. When her nails gently trailed behind his ear, he almost whined.

 _Her. Focus on her. Focus..._ He could feel her amusement at his mantra through their bond.

 _You'll feel if there is anything I don't like, Ben. At least, I'm quite certain you will.*_

* * *

The air left her lungs in a rush and he could _feel_ how, if anything, his touch had just made the desire between them _worse._ She lay against him for long moments, trying to regain her wits and her breath. Finally, just when he thought he was going to explode from nervousness, she quickly turned her head and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"It's never felt like that before," she admitted quietly and he could feel the slight embarrassment radiating out of her body.

"Before?" he managed, fighting the rising tide within him that wanted to feel _jealous._

Rey laughed, a sleepy, satisfied sound. "With myself," she clarified.

 _Oh..._ The thoughts that invaded his mind were nearly overwhelming, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from spiraling out of control. _Gods,_ to think of her _like that._ His beautiful scavenger, alone and wanting, touching herself to thoughts of...

 _You,_ she offered wickedly. _Even when I hated you, you were always in my dreams._

Kylo knew the feeling. How many times had his own, wicked dreams of her invaded his thoughts? He hadn't been able to sleep well in years, but with erotic visions of the scavenger who'd bested him overrunning his dreams, things had gotten even worse. The only time he slept well was when she was with him, but now that he had _real_ images to think on, he could only wonder how much more obsessed his thoughts would become.

After all they'd done, Kylo gave in to his initial impulse to pull her into his arms, carry her to his bed, and gently kiss away her pains. Soon enough, she was snoring softly as their bond thrummed between them. He didn't know how much longer they'd stay connected, but he hoped it would be long enough that he'd be able to find some rest as well.

Kylo gently tucked her body along his own, fitting her neatly under the crook of his jaw and along the line of his _still_ hard body. He wanted her. He'd killed and would kill for her. But it wasn't enough. She was too much, and he was too much and together... He just couldn't see a way for it to end without heartache.

He didn't know if he'd ever have more than these strange moments and he intended to enjoy them as long as he could. He hoped she felt the same and, as she slept in his arms, the Force granting him this one boon, he also knew there'd come a time where even these moments wouldn't be enough. Still, for now, he watched her sleep—peaceful, beautiful, _his—_ and when his eyes finally slipped shut, he realized how much he loved her.

And, one day, he hoped she'd feel the same.

* * *

Thanks for the prompt, Nonnie!

 **For "Steady As We Burn," one of them is exhausted after a particularly physically taxing day and the other gives them a massage. Maybe starts out innocent but changes along the way? *wiggles eyebrows***

*OH NO, WHERE ARE THE FUN BITS?! lol I have had this account for _forever_ and I don't do explicit on FFnet, BUT I do over on AO3, so if you'd like to read the extra goodie bits, head over (same username, same story name). Sorry for the annoyance, but it is what it is over here. Not all of these are going to be explicit (and I think it's more mature than explicit, but I'm not the best judge of those kinds of things), but whatever is will only be posted over on AO3, but I'll edit where I can and post here as well.

ALSO. God mother fucking damnit. The way Kylo says, "Ah, you do," during TLJ is just the 100% sexiest thing in the fucking universe and I could die. Oh, and that _look_ he gives her right before they go to town on the Praetorian Guard? OMFG. DEAD. I have the flu or a cold or some shit I'm not sure but it sucks, so here's so smut to make eeeeeeeeeeeeveryeone feel better *cough* *dies* All my mistakes are my own! I love you!

This is a pretty smutty chapter, so there's probably not much character development lost here if you skip along. Just two kids who are trying to navigate being inexperienced and somewhat damaged. Tried to stay in character, but well, smut is smut. Thanks for the reads/follows/favs/reviews! Ya'll are lovely 3 If you're so inclined, this really is _very_ prompt drive, so leave a comment with a prompt or come over and visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. Enjoy the rest of your week. I'm going to go to bed now lol.


	4. Far Off Places

Life in the Resistance wasn't as easy as Rey had expected. Not that the people weren't nice, and not that Finn, Poe, and Rose weren't there for her, it was just... _so much._ After secretly reconvening on Bespin, Leia, and other Resistance sympathizers, had managed to scrounge together something that resembled a team and were planning their next course of action. And as much as Rey wanted to be a part of it all, she held her distance. She was an outsider in this, even after all she'd done, and for reasons she couldn't begin to explain.

 _Kylo—Ben. How much of what I've seen does he know?_

She wasn't sure if she trusted him. Cared for him? Of course. Worried about him? Only every waking moment. Mad at him?

 _Mad as a cheated Hutt._

Out of everyone, Leia seemed to understand that there was more going on for Rey than anyone realized and, combined with the loss of Luke's knowledge and any training he could have provided, Rey felt lost. Behind the smile and the easy laughter, Rey was hurting. She found it was easier to go back to old patterns of isolation than it was to admit that she needed help from her friends because what could she say?

 _Hello. Yes, I'm connected to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren through a bond in the Force and at any time he could psychically connect with me and divine our position and strategy? Oh, and I think that he's the only person in the galaxy that really understands me? And I might be falling in love with him?_

She could only imagine how that would go over.

Rose had noticed her far-away stares and offered to talk about it, mistakenly assuming that Rey was still grieving over Han and Luke. And it wasn't that she wasn't still sad, she was, but it was more than that. She missed Ben Solo like a phantom limb and having to hide it from her friends was getting harder by the day. And the jealous, selfish part of her was more upset about having to watch as Finn found love on his own. Some best friend she was. So she distracted herself, even as the Force complicated everything in her life. She went on scouting missions with Chewie. Made supply runs. Did whatever she could to keep her thoughts from him, but inevitably, when she was at her lowest, when she needed him the most, he'd be there. Part of her was upset that the Force had so tightly wound her fate to Ben's, but another, more honest part of Rey reminded her that this was what she'd always wanted—belonging. She _belonged_ to Ben like no one else in the galaxy and _he_ belonged to her.

But, Gods, why did it have to be so confusing?

It came as a surprise to no one when Rey volunteered to collect some family relics for Leia from her ancestral home. Apparently, Leia had stashed some books and other articles that either could be helpful for their cause or could be sold to further fund it. So Rey and Chewie took the Falcon from where the Resistance had been holed up and made their way to Naboo.

Chewie knew the way to the Naberrie family retreat, Varykino, and Rey watched, eyes wide with wonder as Leia's ancestral home came into view when they dropped in through the atmosphere. It was spectacular to behold. Hedged in by sharp, verdant mountains, Varykino jutted out into the lake, commanding a nearly perfect view of the crystalline waters. Rey commented that she'd never seen anything so beautiful before and Chewie shrugged, telling her that one day she should visit _his_ ancestral home on Kashyyyk, then she wouldn't be so impressed with tiny trees and little lakes. Rey had laughed and promised that one day, she'd go visit with him.

Though, she was doing that a lot lately, promising herself that _one day_ she'd do something. How long would this struggle last? And would she even see the end of it? Rey shook her head and tried to focus on her mission—gather the relics and personal items for Leia and then get back to the Resistance.

They'd arrived late in the day, so Chewie had decided to stay with the Falcon while Rey met with the sparse serving crew. They had been notified of her presence prior to her arrival and were happy to help her find what she needed for General Organa. It took hours and, by the time they'd managed to pack all that she needed, Rey was tired and hot. Summer, it seemed, was balmy on the planet and Rey was unused to the strange humidity, amplified by the lake adjacent to the Varykino. After dinner, the serving crew retired for the evening after assuring Rey that they'd help her with moving the large crates to the Falcon in the morning after she'd gotten some rest.

Then they'd left her. Though most of the rooms in the lake retreat were covered with drapes and unaired, they'd prepared a spectacular room for Rey to stay in. In the biggest room she'd ever seen, with the most elaborately decorated bed in creation. The room made her feel _wrong._ Like she wasn't good enough to even be in the same vicinity as such amazing creations. She was surrounded by splendor and as the many mirrors that lined the walls reflected her image in the strange surroundings, Rey felt lost. Uncomfortable, and dressed in unfamiliar sleeping clothes—a too soft, too short silken gown—she found herself wandering out onto the veranda that seemed to wrap around the beautiful home.

The Naberrie's retreat was beautiful, though she preferred it at night. The shadows made the palatial building seem less intimidating, blurring the edges in the same darkness she often felt in her heart. Rey made her way to the edge of the veranda where the lake itself brushed up against the outline of the property. The moon was high and glittered against the dark waters like diamonds, haunting and beautiful. It just made her feel so alone, so she shouldn't have felt surprised to feel the air thicken, that tense moment before the bond solidified in the Force and then _release_ as he joined her. Ben cleared his throat from behind her and she _knew_ he could see her clothes—or the lack of.

"They're not big on keeping things hidden here," she joked without turning around. Eventually, she felt the warmth of his body seep into her own as he pressed into her back. Rey splayed her hands on the beautiful stone railing before her as Ben's warmth seeped into her. She could feel that he was wearing _much_ more clothing than she was, which was annoying because it meant she was at a disadvantage. How was she supposed to resist him when so much of her body was exposed to his touch?

But Ben always seemed to wait for her to take the lead. She didn't know if it was one of the things he'd subconsciously picked up from her—that she was more comfortable being in control—but she also knew it was a challenge for him. Kylo Ren bent his knee to no man, but to a woman, a scavenger?

 _I'd give you the galaxy, if you but asked,_ came his thoughts, deep, dark and seductive.

 _I only ever wanted your support,_ she thought back, tartly. But that had meant supporting an organization that he fundamentally disagreed with. The Resistance were the criminals, in his mind, working towards their own end in a galaxy that seemed to thrive on war. Rey sighed and shook her head and, instead of pursuing what was to be another lengthy argument, Ben gathered her tight against him, his warm, strong arms wrapping around her middle as he tucked her underneath his chin.

 _You look beautiful, drowned in moonlight._

There was no way he didn't know where she was. Leia had mentioned that she, Han and Ben had a few spent summers at the lake, when he'd still been at home and things were... _better._ But Rey considered all the times she'd inadvertently revealed her location or some detail about the Resistance. For what it was worth, Ben never seemed to be seeking out information from her. All he wanted was to be with _her_. Rey closed her eyes as the gentle sounds of the water brushing against the shore soothed her conflicted soul. No wonder Leia had come here and no wonder her ancestors had kept this home safe for so long. It was a miracle in an otherwise dark galaxy.

Rey shifted in his arms to face Ben before hopping up on the stone railing behind her. Ben looked down at her, head cocked to the side, as his gaze cascaded over her body. With a smile and a gentle tug at his clothing, Rey pulled him between her legs and wrapped herself around his broad body. She liked having all of herself wrapped around all of him. It almost eliminated the lonely memories if her childhood when she'd imagine that someone, somewhere out there in the galaxy, was thinking of her—waiting with open arms. Of course, there _had_ been someone— _Ben Solo—_ only they hadn't met each other yet.

But the Force knew.

And as unsure and awkward as they sometimes were together, Ben always made her feel cared for, even if his delivery sometimes needed work.

 _I'm better at showing my feelings._

 _Than telling? You and I both, Ben._

His strong arms wrapped around her and held her tight against his warm body. Where she was seated was high enough up that it brought Rey to his eye-level, and she found she liked being the same height as Ben. From her position, she could touch everywhere she wanted, even the places that were sometimes out of her reach.

 _Like the tips of your ears..._ she thought while gently trailing her fingers along the curve of his ear.

 _I don't know why you like them so much._

 _They're wonderful. They're you. But they give you away._

 _Give me away?_

 _Yes, when you think of all the things you want to do to me, and when you do them, your ears flush red. It's brilliant._

Rey leaned in and brushed her lips along the curve of his jaw before gently tugging on his earlobe with her lips.

Ben _shuddered_ against her and Rey couldn't suppress her chuckle.

 _I think someone likes my ear-worship a little more than they're letting on._

 _Stars, you have no idea..._

Rey pulled her head back and laughed. She'd not been expecting _that_ much honesty. What a man the Force had bound her to. It was getting harder and harder to keep the distance between them, especially since they were being brought together with more frequency.

 _And especially since you both can't seem to stop touching each other,_ Rey chided herself while Ben leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before tucking Rey against his body again. She could _swear_ he was laughing at her internal monologue, so she teased him instead.

 _Never pegged you for a snuggler, Ben._

 _There are many things you don't know about me, Rey._

Of that, she was absolutely certain, but he was good enough to distract her from asking more questions with his lips and his roaming, leather-bound hands. And Rey, Force forgive her, _lived_ for his reverent touch. Soon enough, Rey wasn't just wrapped around him, she was clinging to him as he slowly teased her body. It was unfair, the way he could get into her head and just _pull out_ everything she wanted, but before she could retaliate with her own hands, he shifted her focus.

"Do you trust me?" he asked before leaving long, suckling kisses along the curve of her neck.

"I... Yes?" Rey could feel him smile against her skin.

"Not very convincing, sweetheart," his deep voice rumbled, sending a delicious shiver right through her. Rey opened her mind and heart, feeling out through the Force and was overwhelmed by the pure emotion of what she beheld. He saw her. _All_ of her. The dark, the light, the good, the bad, the conflict, and the conviction. _That_ was who he wanted—who he cared for. Not because she was powerful, or that she would be a useful tool, he wanted _Rey_ because he'd fallen in love with all of her.

 _In love with...?_

Rey pulled back and gently pressed on his chest so she could look into his eyes. Had he really meant for her to see all of that?

"Ben?" Rey didn't know what else to say. She stared at him and, as ever, felt as if he was peering into her soul. What other secrets did he know about her, and still he wanted her?

"You must know, there isn't another person in the galaxy that means what you do to me."

Sometimes, when he looked at her, his intensity scared her. Ben's eyes would lock onto her and see right through to the blood and bone and marrow of her very being and she felt laid bare by it. There was an honesty between them that hadn't existed for her before—not with her friends, not with any of the other scavengers on Jakku, no one.

And it terrified her. What would it be like to have the love of such a man? One who burned bright with the intensity of a sun? She would know if she let him love her the way he wanted to. If she shared her life with him, the way he wanted to. But there had to be a concession, wasn't that a part of love as well? Or maybe she'd never known what it was beyond an emotion that others had manipulated—with her and with Ben—in order to get what they wanted.

"I... Ben, I'm not sure that know what love is?"

Rey had lived with the lie of her parents for so long and even Unkar had held it over her head. They'd be back, if she was just _good_ enough, worked well enough, hoped _hard_ enough... _Lies. It was all lies._ But Ben had helped her see the truth, the truth she'd denied for so long. It had made her feel free, but with that freedom came fear. With Rey free from the past, it meant had to take responsibility for the present. And presently, Rey was having a moment through a strange Force bond with someone who should have been her biggest enemy.

Ben was quiet for a long time, just content to hold her and let the gravity of her words settle around them. She had friends and people she cared for, but there was always this little part of her that she held back, even when it seemed as if she jumped into friendships with blind determination. It was easier to put herself out there physically than to make herself available emotionally. Because that fear of abandonment always lingered at the edge of her psyche— _Will they leave me? Do they care? Is this all a lie to get my help? Do they love me? Can I love? What is the truth?_

If she kept back that little piece of herself, then the hurt would be that much less, but with Ben... It was getting harder and harder to keep that piece of her heart, especially when the Force seemed to want her to lay _everything_ bare between them.

"For the longest time, I didn't think I knew how to love," he admitted, finally. Rey's fingers dug into the thick fabric of his tabard, almost as if she was bracing herself for the inevitable hurt of his words, but the pain never happened.

 _You changed things for me._ His gaze trailed over her face, watching and feeling for her reaction.

 _As did you for me._ Rey blushed. He was always drawing out the truth of her feelings, pushing her beyond the boundaries she thought she had.

"I believed I'd be alone forever."

 _I knew they were never coming back, I just never wanted to break the illusion._

"I wanted to be alone forever."

 _It's easier to let go of the past when there's nothing left of it. Snoke convinced me compassion—love—all such emotions were a weakness to be vanquished._

Ben dipped his head and gently pressed his lips to her forehead. "When I'm with you, I feel such peace. I've never felt as at home as when I'm with you, wherever that may be."

"Is that what love is? A feeling of home?" Rey asked. She'd always been curious, always asking too many questions and never getting any satisfactory answers.

 _Except with Ben. He never lies to me._

Ben gently threaded a gloved hand into the loose hair at the nape of her neck, slowly massaging as he considered.

"I'm not the best one to talk to about such things," he started. "But I can tell you that when I look at you, when I hear you, and can feel you near, I know there's nowhere else in the galaxy I'd rather be than with you."

 _Then why does this have to be so hard?_

Everything between them was a mess and, beyond her own vision of an indeterminate future with Ben Solo, she couldn't see the steps that she needed to take to get what she wanted. And letting herself fall further with Ben seemed like it would only end in heartache for them both.

 _I've been told before that somethings are more important when you fight for them._

 _We're from different worlds, Ben._

 _And yet, the Force brought us together. There's more here at work than even we can comprehend._

So, that was it then? He wasn't the only one who'd told her to trust the Force before, but how could she trust the Force when it seemed as if it was leading them both towards some sort of mutual destruction?

 _Didn't you tell me once before to just be, or do you not take your own advice?_

Rey frowned at him before tilting her head back and gently biting the tip of his nose. Ben blinked at her.

"Cruel scavenger," he murmured, eyes focused on her pout.

"Beautiful monster," she replied. She could feel his fingers twisting in her hair, the leather of his glove creaking as he pulled, _just_ hard enough that it enhanced the desire between them. But before he could kiss her, Rey averted her eyes and conceded, "I think a part of me has always been waiting for you, Ben. When you first found me on Takodana, I was frightened because you were terrifying, but I was terrified because I _knew you._ And it made no sense."

Ben leaned forward and let his lips brush along the shell of her ear.

"Meeting you has been the only thing, in a very long time, that feels like it makes sense."

 _Gods,_ she felt the truth of that statement to her very core. Ben felt like a part of her own soul that had been missing and, when he was near, it was hard to keep her wits about her. Rey skimmed her hands up and gently pulled his head into her kiss. No matter how many times their lips met, she was always overwhelmed by the intensity of the feeling that thrummed through them both. They were connected at so many points, it was hard to divine where he ended and she began. She liked this—craved it, even. The more they met, the stronger the bond between them grew... as did her powers, but she had more pressing matters to consider.*

But before they could get much further, a knock echoing from inside distracted them both. And _just like that_ he was gone, and she was there, alone, and _frustrated._ Was it later than she thought—or earlier?

 _Kriff..._ she growled, hoping he could still hear her.

 _Next time, sweetheart._

Rey took deep, calming breaths and tried to compose herself before heading back inside and searching for something to wrap herself in. Leia needed her relics and Rey needed to get them all on the Falcon as soon as possible so they could get back to the Resistance, but all she could think about was how _pissed_ she was that they'd been interrupted. But she was being foolish. What was any of this going to resolve? A big, fat nothing. It was only going to make things harder, in the long run. The days cycled on and it was getting harder and harder to keep their bond secret. One day, someone was going to find out what was between them and how that could be utilized by both the Resistance and the First Order...

 _Maybe a little hint on how things should be going?_ Rey thought, hoping the Force would at least point her in the right direction. As ever, it was silent and only seemed to make things more complicated for her.. With a sigh, Rey went to let the servants know she'd be right out to help. It was going to be a _long_ day.

* * *

 **Thanks for the prompt, Nokkie!**

 **If you are still looking for prompts, how about something from Rey's perspective where she gives into some of her dark desires or something light-hearted like a late night chat whilst she's on a resistance mission &everyone else is asleep. Don't matter. Love your style**

 **Me** : How about both? lol kind of?

I'm having a good time with this, hence the ease with which I'm writing it (kind of? hah fast for me, anyways). This chapter turned out too damn long, but consider it my New Year's present for you all for being so lovely.

I haven't been to Lake Como (where some of Episode II was filmed and where the Naberrie lake retreat "exists"), but I have been all over the rest of Italy and goddamnit if Verdi wasn't right when he said, "You may have the universe if I may have Italy." Hands down, travel fav (even if it sometimes gets a little nutso—Napoli Centrale-hooooooooooo!).

 _Drowned in moonlight_ is my little shout out to Space Mom. God fucking damnit, I miss Carrie Fisher so much. I still can't really talk about it. She meant a lot to me, as I know she meant a lot to everyone, but fuck it still hurts.

I edited to keep within the rating on this site at *, but it's all up on AO3 if you're interested/able/etc.

I'm still sick (bleh) and any mistakes are my own (yay!). Thanks for the favs/follows/reviews! And thanks for reading. Your support and kind words mean more than you can know! Have a safe and happy New Years, everyone! If you're so inclined, leave a comment with a prompt or come over and visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer.


	5. A Light in the Darkness

She'd seen him before in a daydream. In a nightmare. Rey hadn't connected the dots in her mind before because she hadn't had the time to sit and consider what she'd seen—and how much she'd been through. So when she stopped to think about it, she spiraled.

And it was hard.

And it hurt.

And Rey found that she needed to excuse herself from the cockpit with a hasty wave and a barely intelligible, "Need a minute," in Chewy's direction. Chewy, having been friends with and around humans for _ages,_ seemed to understand the sudden bursts of emotion that humans were prone to having. Humans were _almost_ as volatile as Wookies were known to be. Rey appreciated it, whatever the reason he was able to be so sympathetic and understanding, but there was another presence she longed for, one that was tempered by darkness and a strange, faint light.

Live had never been easy for Rey. Life was hard, life was dirty fingernails and not enough to eat, life was sadness, life was impossible and unending loneliness. Until him. _He_ felt it too. He felt the pain and the struggle and saw the woman behind the pleasant veil. And still, he came to her. Still, he sought her out. Had he always been there, in her dreams? The Force connecting them before they truly knew of each other at all?

Rey crawled into the bunk in the crew quarters and let go of the facade, crying quietly until that telltale sign of their bond hummed into existence. He was wrapped around her before she realized what was happening. Since they'd begun... all of this, they couldn't seem to resist touching each other. That simple comfort of being in the arms of a loved one, neither had felt it for so long and Rey jealously guarded the moments in her heart, even as she knew that one day the memories would break her.

 _When this is over... What will become of me?_

 _This will never be over. I won't allow it_.

 _I don't want to be alone anymore, Ben._

 _You're not alone. You'll have me. Always._

Ben snaked his arms around her middle before tucking her tight against his body, his chin ducking to rest against the top of her head. This was her favorite way to be. He was so big and warm, but he'd always fit himself right in where she needed him, no matter how uncomfortable that might be for his huge frame.

 _He loves me._

 _I love you,_ he agreed.

"If I'd known you were waiting for me on the other side of the galaxy, nothing would have stood in my way."

But there was more to existence than living for the love of another, Rey had been able to see that, still, it didn't make the loneliness any easier to deal with. Her friends were wonderful, and they all tried their best to be there, but even they seemed to acknowledge that there was a strangeness about the Force that they'd never share, or be able to understand. It wasn't something she knew how to shut out or cut off, and there was only one other person in the galaxy who understood.

Who didn't judge her for wondering about the darker aspects of the Force.

"Tell me why, Ben. Help me to understand," she mumbled through sniffles. Ben shifted a little, his gloved hands worrying along the edge of her shirt before he took a deep breath and answered.

"It wasn't intentional. Not at first. But the dark side was always there, in a way that the light wasn't. I was _sure_ about my power, my intentions, my _abilities_ in the dark. The light, everything was in flux and I felt like I was working against my own inclinations. For a time, the light would temper my powers, but after the temple..."

 _Everything changed._

Rey grabbed one of his big hands, ducking in quickly place a kiss on the back of his glove before tucking it under her chin.

"Sometimes the light doesn't give me what I need."

 _The anger. Passion. Desire. I can't hide these things. Luke said I should be able to resist, but I feel powerless before that temptation._

 _The Force is more than what the Jedi were taught, if it wasn't, then Darth Sidious wouldn't have been able to take power the way he did. There needs to be..._

 _Balance..._

"Something new. Something different. Rey, I still believe in what I saw. One day, you'll stand with me."

Rey sighed. "I know. That vision has never wavered. The only constant in my life has been _your presence._ "

"Then why resist... all of this? If you know it's inevitable?" He didn't sound angry, just hurt.

"Because I know the path I am supposed to take _doesn't_ go through the First Order. It can't, Ben. Surely you can see what they want _isn't_ balance. It's some sort of chaotic order through fear."

Ben scoffed, a little puff of air tickling at the top of her head. "And the Resistance? Your rebels fight a losing battle to regain a time when bureaucracy stagnated the Senate."

"It's called democracy, Ben. When you kill all of your enemies, who else is left to rule over?"

Ben was quiet for long moments, but his grip tightened around her. Rey _knew_ that he'd considered that. He lived so much inside his head that she was certain he'd considered _every_ option, which made his conclusions all the more frustrating. There were people that believed in the First Order as they'd once believed in the Empire, and there were people who believed in the Resistance as they'd once believed in the Rebellion and the Republic. Everyone thought they were right, and no one was willing to compromise while people on across the galaxy suffered for the war. And as hard as it was for her to think about, there were good people on both sides—hell, even Finn had been a part of the First Order once, maybe there were more good people like him? There had to be a change, but she didn't know what her part in that was, only that she knew it had something to do with Ben.

 _I know you understand the truth, Ben._

 _And I know you understand that the way forward is together. I want this to end as much as you do, Rey. The longer we're separated, the harder this is going to be._

And there it was. She used to think she wanted him to come over to her side and, once upon a time, it had been true, but now she just wanted _him._ His darkness tempered the light within her soul and helped her channel her own rage and frustrations. Her light helped calm him, kept him from delving too deeply into that thick, black void. Push and pull. She felt, deep in her soul, that they were meant to be a part of something _bigger._ Something more than just the light or the dark, but they still had a galaxy between them.

 _It feels so right. Why would the Force bring us together if we're meant to be apart?_

"I suppose that is for us to figure out," he replied, lips gently brushing along the side of her brow.

 _Us._ Rey liked the sounds of that. There was a strange comfort in not having to think of herself as a sole entity in the universe anymore. Even if her dreams and memories haunted her, she still shared the prospect of a new future with Ben, and that gave her hope. As ever, Ben's thoughts and presence was a sense of comfort to her and the mood between them started to shift.

They were young and mostly inexperienced in love, but exploring and finding that connection together was another aspect of their relationship that Rey was starting to covet. As if sensing the change, Ben's gloved hand pulled free of her own before wandering down along the curve of her hip, that comforting touch changing into something firmer and seductive. Rey tugged a little at his hands, pulling at the leather of his gloves and Ben got the hint and pulled them off—they disappeared from sight before they hit the floor.

 _I love your hands,_ she admitted.

Ben let out a rare chuckle. "Is that right?"

"Mmm," she purred before shifting awkwardly to face him. There wasn't much space to maneuver in, but they made it work. Rey lay half on top of Ben, her legs tangled with his own as she thought, _You always know precisely where to touch me._

 _Your thoughts are very... vivid. It's easier knowing what to do when you make it clear in my mind._

 _Maybe you could make it clear in my mind... what you would like?_ Rey hinted. So often their connection was made up of emotions and a lot of _talking._ Which she loved, but when they came together and it was physical, Ben seemed driven to make it all about her. Which was _wonderful_ , but almost felt as if he was keeping her at a distance.

 _I'd rather make you feel better,_ Ben admitted. Rey poked him through the thick fabric of his tabard. "Don't you think I want to do the same?"

Ben chewed his lip. "You're... precious to me. It's the one way I can show you how much you mean to me, without fucking it all up."

 _Oh._ He kind of broke her heart in so many ways. He was fractured, destroyed and haphazardly rebuilt in similar ways to her, and sometimes, when they were together, it felt as if the broken pieces of her heart could fit perfectly with the broken pieces of his to make something solid and whole.

This was one of those moments.

 _You mean more to me because of the mistakes you've made and the mistakes you've grown beyond. I hope I'm the same for you,_ Rey explained. The past might have made them who they were, but it didn't have to define them forever. They could choose to move beyond it. Together.

"Let me show _you_ how much you mean to me," she urged as her fingers slid up and gently tangled in his dark hair. She could feel the embarrassment radiating out of him at her suggestions _and_ her thoughts.

"I've never done this... with anyone else before," he finally admitted and Rey could imagine how red the tips of his ears were. Almost wanted to brush his dark hair back so she could see for herself. They'd gotten close before, but something had always come along to break that connection before Rey could get her fill of him. She was _intent_ on getting what she wanted—which was Ben's pleasure.

 _You know I'm the same. Don't be afraid, Ben._

 _I'm not afraid, I just... don't know how long I'll last with you touching me._

Rey peeked her head up at him. He'd worried his lips with his teeth so much that they were beautiful, plump and berry-red. And the flush across his cheeks was just so _perfect_.

 _ ***** You have to know that I just want to show you how I feel for you—how you show me._

And then she showed him.

* * *

**When she was finished, Rey was very pleased with herself and couldn't keep her mind off of what she'd done and what more she wanted to do with Ben.

 _Rey. Your thoughts are very loud._

 _And?_

 _And unless you're aiming to end up underneath me, you might want to... stop being so explicit?_

Rey scrunched her nose at him. Actually, being underneath him _didn't_ sound like such a bad idea, but she wasn't sure whether he needed to rest after something like that. _She_ knew that she'd keep going. _Stars,_ when he pleased her, all she wanted was more and more and more.

 _Rey!_

"Right, right. Let me find something to clean you up with."

After she helped clean him up and mostly cover him, Rey pressed Ben back into the small bunk and sprawled her body over his.

"The Jedi were against attachments like this," Ben quietly told her while his bare hands trailed an electric path over her spine.

"Seems silly," Rey mused while tracing the path between Ben's many moles and freckles with the tips of her fingers.

"It was meant to strengthen a Jedi's resolve and to keep attachments from getting in the way of the path," he explained, breath hitching whenever she slid her fingers over a sensitive patch of skin.

"I suppose they wanted the Jedi Order to be the most important thing in the world, no wonder there was a split."

"Oh?" Ben prompted as Rey continued to explore, her lips occasionally drifting along and dusting his neck with kisses.

"It'd be easier if you didn't know what you were giving up, but now that we have this... Ben, I don't think I would want to live without it."

 _Even if it hurts?_

 _I'd rather my life hurt with you, than have to live without you forever._

Ben wrapped his arms around her and held tight, both basking in each other's presence. They stayed that way until they both fell asleep. Much later, Rey woke up alone, and she was certain she smelled like Ben, the blankets certainly did. And she liked that—liked his dark, masculine scent. Liked the way his body reacted when he was near to her, the way his breath hitched and his throat swallowed, liked the way he'd nibble his lip... and his little groans.

 _Bad. I've got it so damn bad._

What in the bloody stars was she going to do? There had to be a way for it to all work out, right? The Force must have known something that they didn't and it wouldn't keep pulling them together if it wasn't right, would it? With a sigh, Rey cleaned herself up and did her best to mask Ben's scent. Wookies were known for their sense of smell and Rey was always careful to make sure she cleaned up before she'd be around Chewie, using the sonic shower or otherwise. But this time around, the shower was broken and neither Rey nor Chewie had a chance to fix it.

Rey left the crew quarters and made her way through the humming and clicks of the Falcon, casually entering the cockpit as if she hadn't just given Ben Solo, Supreme Leader of the First Order, a hand job in the bunks of the Millennium Falcon. They were an hour outside of their destination before Chewie remarked that Ben's hygiene had improved with age before another remark about how _dirty_ the kid would get.

 _Kriffing shower! Chewie knows._

Rey blanched before mumbling an explanation that Chewie waved off. He neither cared nor was he owed an explanation. Of course, he knew. Chewie was perceptive and could _clearly_ tell that there was more going on between them when she'd insisted he fly from Ahch-To, right into enemy territory. Hell, he'd even gone along with her plan to get Ben back from Snoke. Somewhere, inside that furry, giant body, he believed in Ben Solo as much as she did. _All_ of Ben Solo.

"I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep it a secret, Chewie," she admitted, nibbling her lip in frustration. Had she always done that? Or was it another thing she picked up from _him?_ No wonder Chewie noticed.

Chewie remarked, sagely, that it would be best to keep it quiet as not everyone would understand.

 _Not everyone knows Ben the way I do._ "I am so kriffed, Chewie."

Chewie seemed to know that so, instead of lying to make her feel better, he said nothing. Which, actually, worked better for Rey.

"People thought Luke was crazy for going after Darth Vader, right?"

Chewie nodded in agreement before adding _Myself, included._

"Do you think I'm crazy for believing in him?" She had to ask and really needed to hear it.

Chewie didn't tell her that he'd loved Ben Solo as long as he'd been alive, loved him enough to let that boy—no, man—keep Chewie from his own family in the _hope_ that he'd be able to do right by him. All he said was, _I should have been there, too._

"We can be there for him now," Rey replied.

Chewie grunted his agreement.

 _We're here for you, Ben. And you're here for me. One day, we're going to figure this out._

And as Rey punched in the coordinates for the temporary Resistance base, she felt hopeful for the first time in forever. But life was unpredictable and while some incidents drive people apart, others help bind them beyond what they think is possible. Rey had no idea that she was heading towards tragedy, a tragedy for both herself and Ben Solo, something that would both break them apart and _make_ them whole.

* * *

 **Thank you for the AO3 prompt,** **BladeofSilver: Has Rey ever questioned him about his reasons for wanting to be strong with the Dark Side? Not because she wants to sway him to the Light, but just out of genuine, personal curiosity. With the way their bond works, I think Kylo would be much more inclined to answer honestly, sensing that she has no ulterior motive in asking him. If anything, a heartfelt conversation about the Force through the Force would be an interesting read—especially if you write it.**

Smut is marked at ** and is up on AO3 if you're interested/of age/etc.

Also, these things are meant to be around 2k, but somehow I keep failing at that. All well! More for you? God, these two kids just give me so many feels. I don't normally get worked up over my own writing too badly (like, I can be objective about it), but sometimes the words and thoughts that come out are just like _ouch._ I feel for these kids. I have since TFA. Probably too much. SO HERE ARE ALL MY FEELS WRITTEN OUT FOR YOU. Thanks for reading lol. Any mistakes are my own and I love them lol.

Ok, shit's about to get real next few chapters in. I'm crying thinking about it, so we'll see if I'll be able to finish typing it out. Personally, I've been through some shit in life, and the older I get, the more sadness impacts me, so take heart (this hurts me too? lol). Also, it bears repeating, I believe wholly in happy endings, even if it takes some tears to get there. As always, thanks for the comments, the kudos, the reads—thank you for it all. The response to this has been so lovely and I hope you continue to enjoy.

The "She'd seen him before in a daydream. In a nightmare" lifted from ADF's novelization of TFA, so not my own.

FFnet people, again, I've edited at the * points to keep it within the rating system here :) The complete chapter (bumbling smuttiness included) is over on AO3 (same name). Ya'll are hella amazing commenters. I love you all. Thank you so much!


	6. Quiet Interlude

He was on Coruscant. Hux had been rallying support for their war efforts amongst the social elite and he... Wasn't well equipped for such endeavors. It was strange to him, now that he had a modicum of real power, to realize how attractive that power was to certain individuals. Hux had expected that Kylo would stay on the Supremacy and let him have free range of the Coruscanti nobles. He'd assumed _wrong,_ as per usual. Kylo was not above getting his hands dirty or making it clear why their support was something beyond optional, but he hadn't anticipated the flirting. Or the whispering and furtive glances. Or the touching. With the mask, most people had given him a wide berth, but without it...

 _Young Solo..._

Snoke's words haunted him, never mind that his former master was dead by his hands, his presence still lingered. The only time he felt truly free of the past was when he was with Rey. The indecency of having to submit to a gaggle of fawning people was beginning to grate on him. The noise reverberated around the room which was filled to the brim with beautiful, glittering beings and objects; it felt like a mausoleum, dressed up only to hide the decay within. Socialites reminded Kylo of teenagers or, at least, what he'd always assumed teenagers acted like. Things were different back with his uncle, and now he had to learn social graces on the fly. Hux seemed to revel in the attention as human and aliens alike sought his favor—and his bed. Though Kylo knew for a certainty that Hux was more interested in connections than assignations. Still, when a busty Twi'lek had brushed her barely covered breasts on his arm for the _third_ time, Kylo decided he was beyond making a good impression. Reigning in his anger, Kylo brushed her off, ignoring her moue of distress, and made his way through the semicircle that had surrounded him with their chatter and their unwanted presences.

He'd never liked Coruscant. It was too big. Too bright. Too _everything._ His cape snapped behind him and as he strode through the throngs of fake people, thoughts of his mother intruded in his mind. She was a master at navigating this kind of thing, but he... _I'd clung to her skirts and looked for excuses to leave._ Kylo gave his head a shake while his face settled into a scowl. It was too difficult to think of his mother, so he wouldn't. And he most certainly wouldn't think of Rey. Wouldn't think of how they'd spent the last few times together, so wrapped up in each other that the rest of the world had passed them by. It was beginning to draw some negative attention and Kylo thought, with no small amount of irritation, that he'd have to do something about the rumors that the Supreme Leader had taken a concubine, but First Order officers weren't the only ones who'd started to notice.

 _Rey..._ He couldn't keep his thoughts from straying to her and the last time they'd been together. "My friends are beginning to wonder about me," she'd casually admitted. He'd been speaking about the technique and materials needed in order to repair a lightsaber, but her words had him gaping like a fish.

 _No. She's mine. If they find out, they'll keep her from me. Protect. Claim._

Rey had reached out and gently slid her fingers between his own.

 _I can hear you. If it comes to it, I will make them understand... Somehow._

"We shouldn't be doing this," he'd said softly, the words spilling uneasily from his lips.

"No, but we are anyway," she'd said as if that settled the matter. He'd not been able to convince her to see his point of view and she'd not been able to do the same for him. Inevitably, he or she would bring up _the chasm_ between them both, and it would end with hurt feelings and often tears—both hers and his.

 _Why can't this be easy?_

Rey had smiled up at him. "Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy. There's a way out of this. A balance—I know it."

She was so sure of herself. Of _everything._ A bright light that almost made him hope. Almost made him believe. She'd kissed him. Soft, _slow,_ before settling into his body. And, soon, he wasn't thinking much of anything at all, except...

 _More._

 _Just like that... Oh, Rey..._

 _Please..._

He loved the way Rey felt when she was pressed up against him like she was _made_ to be at his side. He'd never believed that he'd feel peace like he did when she was with him. With her in his arms, he didn't have nightmares, didn't even dream, really. Why would he? When all that he wanted was already alongside him? Inevitably, he'd wake, and she'd be gone. And he'd go take his frustrating and anger out in the Finalizer's training grounds with his Knights. He could tell that _they_ knew something was different as well. They never took orders from Snoke and their obeisance had been more out of respect for Kylo than anything else. Now that Snoke was gone, they grew restless. Surely, there was more for the Knights of Ren to do than fetch quests for Sith and Jedi relics?

With a growl, Kylo Ren shifted his thoughts as he stomped through the private residence of some Governor turned First Order sympathizer, and nearly toppled a protocol droid in his haste to get out of the ballroom. Surrounded by sycophants and excess, he was reminded of how much he hated these people. They were a part of the problem and the injustice in the galaxy, but perhaps they were a necessary evil? He didn't know anymore. All Kylo knew was that he needed to find some peace in order to keep his mood level and so he aimlessly wandered the long, twining corridors of the massive private residence until he found himself in a starlight lit courtyard. Kylo stepped off of the stone walkway and into the lush grounds and was shocked to feel _real grass_ give way under his feet. It had been ages since he'd seen real grass, not the synthetic imitation that seemed to be in fashion lately. Kylo's eyes trailed over the leafy trees and fragrant flowers that lined the perimeter of the grounds. A small fountain splashed gently in the middle of the yard and Kylo thought he remembered the Governor boasting that the trees had been taken from the Coruscant Green Park before it had been destroyed. There wasn't much left on Coruscant that was naturally beautiful anymore.

 _Not like Chandrila... Or Naboo..._ he thought before he could stop himself. Coruscant was all glowing lights, sharp, metallic angles, and artificial splendor. The courtyard would have been peaceful, beautiful even if he'd been able to separate the opulence before him from the slovenly man who'd gracelessly bowed before him. Hux said they needed the Governor. And Kylo had tolerated his conversation and bumbling adulation for as long as he could before striking out into the opulent ballroom, only to be accosted, again. It was all such a waste of time. But the First Order needed the support and the credits to succeed.

 _The First Order... What do I need?_

Kylo's wants were increasingly erratic and blurred of late, all because of Rey. No, that wasn't entirely true. Things had changed in the days since he'd killed Han Solo and then he'd nearly lost his mother, and...

 _Luke._

Kylo Ren had felt a change in the Force—a change in _himself._ The Force had always been in flux for him, it was one of the many reasons his uncle's teachings had never resonated with him. If a Jedi was to feel peace, then why was there so much conflict within him? Snoke had known this and taken advantage of the inadequacy of the Jedi teachings, singling Ben Solo out and crafting him into the warrior, Kylo Ren.

But Snoke was gone and all that remained was the hollow shell of the empire that he'd carved out. Without strong leadership, the First Order would cannibalize its own. Kylo knew this, he also knew that his future didn't belong with the First Order, he was _meant_ to belong to her. At least, it was what he'd thought, but things had changed and Rey seemed to belong to the Resistance as much as he belonged to the First Order. She and he were both relics of a bygone era; both feared and revered for their powers. Both straining under a legacy that neither would ever be able to fulfill. He wondered if she realized that she was just as much a tool for the Rebels as he'd been for Snoke. Once they found out about their strange connection, things would change. Her _friends_ would change.

And it would all come crashing down around them both.

Kylo sighed and clenched his fists at the thought. Soon enough, someone was going to discover their secret and Kylo let his anger roll through him as he promised himself that he'd destroy anyone who tried to keep Rey from him.

 _Rey..._

His thoughts were always on her now, especially when he was lonely. The air thickened before contracting around him, but Kylo knew something was wrong even before the connection between them had fully formed. He could _feel_ it through the Force— _She's in pain. Why is she in pain? I'll destroy whoever hurt her._

His thoughts spiraled as the Force pulled her into his world and he into hers. She was curled into a little ball before him in the courtyard, like a wounded animal surrounded by the lush danger of an unprotected forest. They shouldn't be doing this right now, but it wasn't as if either of them could control it and Kylo was too far-gone with worry to give a shit about being found out. He almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to where Rey was curled and dropped to his knees beside her, hands and eyes probing for whatever harm had come to her. Kylo was _frantic_ and Rey was... Annoyed?

 _It's not what it looks like,_ she assured him.

 _It looks like you're in pain. Where are you hurt? What happened?_

Kylo threaded his gloved fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck, gently pulling her head into his lap as she groaned softly.

"It's that time of the month," she told him, blandly.

"That time of the...? Oh. _Oh._ " _That_ time.

"So, you really do not need to fuss over me," she grumbled, even as her fingers sought out the edges of his cloak.

"Surely the Resistance has _something_ to help with the pain?" he asked. Though he was vaguely familiar with the ins and outs of how the human female reproductive system worked and had some second-hand experience with the things his mother had told him.

 _Never mind my Knights..._ he thought. If there were any beings that could channel rage faster into a female creature than her menstruation, Kylo Ren hadn't seemed to have encountered it yet.

"You would think, but the pharma is being rather inconvenient and _not_ kicking in. I am not used to this."

Kylo knew better than to ask what she meant by that, but he assumed things had been different for her on Jakku when food had been scarce. It was his experience that the less said by him, the better. Still, he wanted to help her. She was the last person in the galaxy that he wanted to be in pain.

"Can I help?" he offered.

Rey nuzzled his hand. "Hold me. And put those big hands of yours to good use," she teased.

Kylo could feel the blush rushing to his face and ears. "What?" he choked and Rey let out a strained laugh.

"Just hold me. Take off your gloves and put your hand under my shirt, low on my abdomen. The heat and pressure would be nice right now."

 _That_ he could do. Shifting so that he was cross-legged, Kylo slid his hand under her back and helped her sit before pulling Rey into his lap. She fell into the center of his long legs and laughed a little as she tucked her bare feet under his thigh. Kylo's strong arms came around her and she made a little squeak of displeasure when the rough fabric of his armguards brushed along her exposed arms.

"Sorry," he offered.

"Not in private?" she wondered. He wished he was. He knew how much she hated the fabric of his clothing against her sensitive skin and he was nothing if not a slave to her desires.

Kylo shook his head. "I abandoned a party to look for some quiet and found you instead."

"How unfortunate for you," she teased. "I've never been known for being quiet."

Kylo pulled her tight before wiggling his hands around her front.

"Take them off?" he asked and Rey grinned up at him before tugging at the tips of his gloves, pulling them off, one by one. She looked at them for a moment before smoothing the leather over the column of her neck.

"They're so soft, but I think that your hands feel better without them," she said, even as she seemed to be enjoying the feel of the leather against her skin. Kylo soon found that he was having a hard time remembering what he was supposed to be doing. It didn't take much from Rey to distract him and having her so close was overloading his senses.

"Hand low," she reminded him and he ducked his hand under her shirt with a sheepish little smile. He had to admit, he was getting used to touching and being touched, to the point that it felt almost abnormal _not_ to have some part of him against some part of her. Her touch soothed the raw, jagged parts of his soul that had wanted for connection, calming the raging torrent inside of him. She was unique but dangerous. She clouded his thoughts and influenced his actions.

He knew Rey could feel his mood shifting and, as always, she moved to change his perceptions. She played with the loose fabric of his gloves, slipping them over her fingers with a laugh as her small hands were dwarfed by the leather.

"No wonder your lightsaber is so big," she said while catching his gaze as a mischievous smirk curled her lips before switching to a frown and then a groan.

"More pain?" he murmured against her brow, trying to kiss away the pain as his hands pressed firmly into her abdomen. She was hot to the touch, her body radiating from her core outward. This close, he could feel her pain as well, which was unpleasant, to say the least.

"Mmm... Distract me," she said while shifting in his lap, curling his gloves against her chest as she burrowed into him. Kylo pulled his cape around them both, the thin fabric was deceptively warm and soon they were both cocooned against the night air.

"How, sweetheart?" He could feel the contentment radiating off of her and he was pleased to realize that she seemed to need his touch as much as he needed hers.

"Where are you?" she asked and his stomach clenched as he grappled with whether he should tell her or not. He settled on the truth, but not all of it.

"A Governor's courtyard. I wandered till I found it. Now I'm not so sure I'll be able to find my way back to where I came from," he admitted.

"Mmm, tragic. The great Kylo Ren, disappearing to find his lover during a party. What will the Holovids say?" she teased but not so secretly he was _very pleased_ to hear Rey call him her lover.

 _Aren't you?_

 _I am... just unused to open affection without conditions._

 _Ben. There are many things that I don't know the answers to, but never doubt how I feel for you. You are deserving of love and I believe that the Force brought us together for a purpose._

 _I've never encountered a time, during all my research and study, where the Force hasn't managed to blow apart a little piece of the galaxy every time it exerts itself,_ came his rueful thoughts, loud and clear.

"Well, Ben Solo. I am determined to be the exception to all your studies because I've found, without the benefit of tutors and a formal education, that the Force is mine and, when you listen, it will guide you true. But sometimes, our head gets in the way of the heart and muddles things."

Kylo gently rubbed his nose behind her ear, lips brushing along her sensitive skin as he replied, "Stand tall and shake the heavens, scavenger. If there's a will in this galaxy that is strong enough to change destiny, I believe it's yours."

Rey purred as his words rippled through her while Kylo gently caressed her abdomen as the pain eased.

 _The Force?_ she wondered. _There's not much of that skill in what we've shared._

Kylo had the decency to feel guilty that he hadn't focused on the more practical aspects of the Force. He'd always been interested in arcane knowledge and then the physical aspects of his training. He could heal, but it wasn't his specialty. Kylo opened his mind, letting all his memories of training with healing flow through him and into her.

 _His mother..._ And how she'd gently tend to his wounds, healing with the Force without any practical training, just innate ability.

 _His uncle..._ Accelerating his own healing after he inevitably got into a row with another student over...

 _What was it?_ Rey asked as the memories flowed through her.

 _I can't remember. I think it had something to do with my calligraphy set._

 _Ah..._

Memories of his beloved and rare set passed through them both and Kylo thought he felt a tug of jealousy from Rey.

 _I had to scavenge tools and things to write with—to write on. Mostly ended up using charred... whatever I could find._

He was filled with an immediate and overwhelming desire to give her _everything_ she'd ever wanted. Everything she'd had to scrape and scavenge for. Kylo felt as Rey chuckled against him. Images of real paper and inky fingers, a smudged desk—her drawings.

 _Leia... She helped find the supplies for me. She said that Alderaan used to encourage the arts and that it made her so happy to see my creations. I'm not used to showing people. It's rather embarrassing._

Kylo spread his fingers from her stomach around to her back, gently soothing as he touched.

 _You're so talented. Luke would have loved to have someone with your ability..._

 _Translating texts?_ she wondered.

 _Making diagrams. Writing new texts. In another world, things would have been so different for someone with your skills._

Rey looked up at him with a little smile. "Maybe. Or maybe things would have always been this way."

Kylo ducked his head and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'd like to think that my path would always lead me to you," he admitted.

He could _feel_ the heat flushing to his cheeks and ears, but Rey didn't tease him, just pressed a kiss to his chest and murmured, "Maybe with less fighting on the first introduction, though?"

"Maybe," Kylo gently brushed his lips along the shell of her ear. "I'd let myself be sent to hell and back if it meant that I'd always end up in your orbit."

"Ben, you're so morbid," she said while arching her head back, wordlessly encouraging him to press his lips against her throat. Her words contrasted her feelings though. He knew she was touched by what he'd said, morbidity aside. She had friends whom she loved, but the belonging she had with him was unlike anything she'd ever experienced, he could _feel it too_.

 _You are right._

 _Hmm?_ he wondered while gently pulling his lips along her exposed shoulder.

 _It felt like the galaxy was trying to get us together. I felt like I was being pulled towards you. No matter what I did, I think that this was always going to be the outcome._

 _Even when it was dark between us?_

 _Especially then. Ben, I couldn't stop thinking about you, no matter how much I told myself that I wanted to forget you—to hate you._

Kylo sighed against her skin. _It was the same for me,_ he admitted. _I'd gone so long without someone who... understood. The connection between us... It feels ancient._

 _An extension of something that had come before,_ she added.

Kylo pulled his hand off her abdomen as he felt her pain subside before gently threading his bare hand through her hair. He _loved_ the way the strands brushed against his fingers and he could feel that she loved the gentle sensation of his touch.

 _At least now you can channel the Force to limit the pain,_ he offered.

 _Mmm. Thanks, though I think I'll still hope for your help with this,_ Rey thought while snuggling into his chest.

"Can I hear water?" she murmured against him.

"Mmm, a fountain."

"How fancy. I love the sound of water—and the feel of it, what else is there? This bunk is pretty bare and boring."

He refrained from telling her that he'd take her _anywhere_ in the galaxy if she but asked, and instead told her that starlight filtered through tall trees from an open roof. That the room smelled faintly of millaflowers, except sweeter. But that, most of all, he wished she could be there to see it herself.

"Doubtful an enemy of the First Order would be welcome in a place like that, Ben," Rey reminded him.

"A disguise would be necessary," he teased.

"Oh, sounds like espionage. How exciting. I have always wondered what it would be like to dress like royalty..." she trailed off, remembering that _he_ was royalty, officially.

"I prefer black," he deadpanned.

"I am certain you'd look handsome no matter what you wore," she murmured against his chest.

"And I'm certain you'd look beautiful, even if you wore nothing at all," he purred while Rey shifted in his lap.

"Tease, but tell me more. Tell me what you would do with your starlit princess who wore no clothes... Distract me," she prompted and Kylo found that he was having a hard time thinking of only _one_ thing he'd like to do.

 _Breathe. It's just Rey. Tell her how you feel... What you want._

 _Tell me everything, Ben..._ Came her insistent plea.

Kylo gently nudged her head to the side before his teeth tugged at the edge of her ear. "Brat."

But as his hand skimmed along her ribcage, _just barely_ brushing along the curves of her breasts, it was soon Rey who needed reminders on how to breathe.

 _No fair,_ she pouted through their bond, but nothing about what they had together was fair. It was always overwhelming—always too much and never enough. Glimpses, brushing lips and teasing fingers, laughter, sometimes tears. It felt as if they lived lifetimes in mere moments, and yet, it was never able to satisfy either.

Left them both wanting... _needing_ more. And it was harder and harder not to focus on reality. They couldn't stay like this forever, and neither wanted to. How could they spend eternity in the spaces in between? But, for once, Kylo focused on the present and her desires. "Have you ever gone swimming naked?"

"Naked? I have been swimming exactly once, _clothed._ And it wasn't a pleasant experience. You remember?" she asked as her fingers tightened in his tunic. He remembered. It was the first time she'd sought him out—needing his help and comfort. He'd treasure that memory for the rest of his life, but considering her perspective...

 _What if I was there with you?_

Rey laughed. "You—swimming naked? Ben, you hardly like to take your clothes off. I am having a hard time imagining you nude in nature."

Though she was teasing, he could feel how much she'd enjoy seeing _him_ without clothes. Though he might have preferred to cover himself up from the world, Rey was open and admiring with her affection for his body.

 _For you, I could move the stars._

 _Is being naked outside as challenging as moving the stars, Ben?_ she ribbed.

 _More so,_ he deadpanned.

Rey's fingers trailed along his chest, pressing firmly into the muscles.

"I wish we were somewhere private," Rey pouted.

"Hmm?" he wondered while his lips gently clasped the shell of her ear.

"I could get a demonstration," she said with a purr.

 _Imagine then._

**Her thoughts invaded his own, pieced together by the bits and pieces of what they'd shared. He was tall in her mind, tall and _very_ broad. With her gaze, he could see how much she admired his body. How fascinating she found it, even with the scars and the myriad of freckles and moles. Though he was unsure of his physique, Rey's gaze was always frankly adoring—and nude— _she loved_ when he was nude. She imagined an ocean, waves gently lapping against the shore, while she'd walked close enough to touch. Her hand would trail down his chest first before tripping over the tight muscles of his abdomen. Rey would smile up at him as his fingers flexed under his touch. It would spur her on as his body flexed and hardened under her exploration. Her eyes and fingertips would slide through the trail of hair low on his abdomen, leading her further as she teased. Her eyes would shoot up to his as she laughed with glee before finally taking his hands and leading him to the water—warm, salty, gently pulling at their skin in an effort to lure them both into its calming depths.

Far out in the water, far enough that she would float alongside him as his tall body stood above the surface of the water, she'd wrap herself around him. All of her, tangled around all of him. The vision went black, and he was back in the courtyard. His eyes blinked, and he reached out with his mind only to receive a teasing, _Tell me what you imagine, Ben._

And, _finally_ , he obliged her.

In his eyes, she was sun-kissed and glorious. She was a bright beacon of loveliness that had hypnotized him and possessed his soul. He could _feel_ her disbelief through the bond, but it was _his_ imagination, so he continued. In the water, she was a slight but strong creature, her body against his. The buoyancy would make her almost weightless. And he wanted her. He _always_ wanted her, but Kylo also wanted to please her and sex wasn't something he had a great deal of experience with. Or at all, really. He was afraid he'd disappoint her, even in his dreams. He could feel Rey's reassurances through the bond. _Together. We learn together, Ben._

It had been that way from the start, what was between them had always been a shared process. A great and ancient knowing entity that had bloomed between them both. He shuddered and tried to continue while the very idea of having her overwhelmed his senses, never mind the feel of her in his lap.

He wanted it to be good for her—no, not just good, _amazing._ He wanted her ready for him. Much like the rest of his body, Kylo knew he was large and the last thing he wanted was to hurt her. He'd destroy the galaxy before he'd ever let someone knowingly hurt her, himself included. But how? He knew she liked the feel of him between her legs, with that tight body of hers sliding so sensually along his own. Line himself up with her, press low on her back and hold her _hard_ against him. Slip along and press into that little point of pleasure between her legs until she was shaking. Until she _begged._ Until neither of them could stand the thought of not being joined together.

He imagined what it would feel like to be inside her. Warm? Inviting?

 _So wet, Ben..._ she supplied, and he barely suppressed a groan at the thought. What would it be like to possess her, completely? There was so much yet he wanted to experience with her, not all of it sex, but still... given the opportunity to explore...

 _Rey..._

 _What, Ben?_

 _I need... that is. I'd like to..._

Noise interrupted his thoughts and in a moment of confusion, they were pulled apart once again. Distracted by occupants of their own individual reality.

" _Rey!_ "

" _Ren._ "

 _Foolish._ They'd both been too wrapped up in each other to hear that they weren't alone. The connection between them faded before he could tell her... _What did I want to tell her?_ So much of what they said to each other was without words, but time was running out for them and the galaxy. Kylo barely turned his head to look at a sneering Hux over his shoulder, standing at the edge of the grass.

"This had better be good, General."

Hux looked as if he was choking down a retort and instead answered with, "If you're not too busy, the Governor is ready to consider our blockade proposals. Unless you'd like to sit and speak with yourself for a bit longer?" Kylo barely resisted the urge to strangle him with the Force.

"What I do with my time is none of your concern, _General,_ " Kylo reminded him.

"Naturally, _Supreme Leader,_ " he spat and Kylo thought, not for the first time, that he was going to have to kill Hux. Sooner, rather than later.

 _But for now... How much had he heard?_

He was being foolish. It didn't matter what his feelings were, what they had was dangerous. And, yet, he found he cared less and less. He was known for being foolish and reckless; what was he, if not a fool in love? Kylo searched the grass for his gloves, but they were gone and so was she. Kylo gave a little shake of his head. He hadn't realized that it was possible for her to take things with her, but he was happy to let her have them. He had others, and he'd give her the galaxy if she but asked.

 _You offered her the galaxy, but it wasn't what she wanted..._

A biting reminder that stuck with him through the long negotiations that occupied the rest of his night.

 _The galaxy wasn't enough, but could you be what she needs?_

Later, when he lay in his room aboard the Finalizer, the hum of the giant ship lulling him to sleep, he thought that _maybe... One day... He could be._

And even the oppressive darkness that normally threatened to consume him couldn't snuff out that tiny spark of hope within him.

Not this time.

* * *

I AM SUCH A LIAR! You'll have to forgive me. I've had a huge work project on the go (like 40k in less than a month lol) so I haven't had much time to do fun writing and I just didn't feel like making myself sad (because I was making myself REALLY fucking sad). Things will eventually get serious, but a bit more slowly, I think. It's kind of episodic in nature anyway, so la de dad de dah? BUT IT IS COMING. RN, more anecdotes before I blow this out of the sky (not really). AND THIS IS WAY TOO DAMN LONG LIKE OH GOD WHY. It's my, I'm sorry this took so long? And also a birthday treat from me! (it's my birthday lol). Thanks for celebrating and reading with me haha. You all are the best and I appreciate the time you spend with my story so much. I'll do my best to get something else out to you a lot sooner than this. Any mistakes are blisfully my own!

This chapter wasn't edited a lot, but I put some **where the sexier bits start, if that's not your thing. I don't think it's super explicit, but I did a little editing so it should stay in line with the M rating of this site. Full version, as per usual, over on AO3.

Stand tall and shake the heavens isn't mine, but I've loved it ever since I saw it on an ad for Xenogears about a billion years ago.

Thanks again! I'd love to hear your thoughts if you have time for a review, or shoot me a message over on Tumblr pacficwanderer


	7. Well of Grief

Kylo was tired but much too tired for sleep, which left time for dangerous and dark introspection. _Kill the past..._ What a joke. He was no more able to kill his ties to the past than anyone else. Another deed he'd never been able to follow through with, in an already long list of failures. Seated on his bed and stripped to the waist, Kylo leaned back against the cold, durasteel wall as grief and regret consumed him.

His father had wanted him to be a pilot. Once, when he was very young and still interested in impressing the man, he'd believed that was what he wanted, too. He remembered the weight and feel of his father's sabacc dice. How he'd loved to play with them when he was young while telling anyone who would listen how he was going to be a pilot one day, like his father. _The best in the galaxy._ More often than he cared to acknowledge, Kylo wondered what it would be like if the Force had never manifested in him, would he have been able to form a closer bond with his father? If he'd only been _normal,_ like his dad, would things have ended up so... wrong? Sometimes, when he dreamed, the Force would both tempt and haunt him with visions of what never was, and what might yet come to be. After each, he'd wake, heart pounding, body drenched with sweat while he wondered whether he had any control over his decisions, or if he was simply an extension of the will of the Force.

He didn't hate his father. If he could put it to words, he now realized that he hated Snoke, but it was often easier to stick with the devil you know than to admit you were wrong and seek forgiveness. Things happened. Mistakes were made. He'd felt overlooked and unimportant, but Snoke had _always_ assured Kylo of his place in his mess of a life... until he hadn't. It was foolish to assume that Ben Solo didn't learn very quickly and very painfully what the truth of his relationship with Snoke would be, but it was impossible for him to see any other way. The Jedi path was steeped in misery and denial, broken pieces of a once great legacy, and the New Republic... The elected officials spent more time arguing amongst themselves about their own insular and myopic desires. It was a waste. With all the confusion in life and the galaxy, wouldn't it be better to have a strong, clear path? Snoke offered that. But it was a sand castle, crushed under the weight of Snoke's own ego and obsession with Skywalker.

When Han Solo told him that he was nothing to Snoke, he'd known the truth of those words. But the dark voice inside his head, combined with pain and reaffirmation from years of _training,_ had convinced him, momentarily, that the best way to deal with the past was to destroy it. But the girl—Rey. She had no past. No great lineage. No crushing expectation weighing her down. And when he looked into her eyes, Kylo saw the freedom he desired. But more than that, he saw someone who'd bothered to reach out and understand. Someone who'd changed her mind about him. But then he'd gone and kriffed it all up and now he was at a crossroads. Which way could he go when all his paths seemed fraught with grief and horror?

 _I don't want this._

It was the only thing he knew for sure, for he'd only ever wanted a piece of belonging and now, with Snoke gone, all he had was his Knights and her. Hux was more than assuredly plotting an assassination and the Resistance... He didn't believe in that either. Every path took him back to the beginning and forced him to deal with who he really was, the person he'd long thought he'd abandoned. Which also forced him to deal with the fact that he, Ben Solo, who'd become Kylo Ren, had murdered his own father in a desperate grab for control and power.

He'd failed in that as well.

Kylo had realized too late what it was to _truly_ free yourself of the past and killing his father had done everything but free him. And later, when he'd been confronted with the reality that _his shot_ would kill his mother, he couldn't pull the trigger. He'd always been a failure and Snoke had preyed upon his own weaknesses and insecurities. He should have known that no one wanted anything from him beyond the power that his lineage promised.

But, despite Snoke's abuses and lies, Kylo had risen to become the most powerful man in the galaxy, taking on the mantle of a position he'd thought he wanted, but never really understood. And now, as he sat in contemplation, he couldn't stop the pain from flowing out of his heart. There were many facets to grief. Sometimes, it cut deep and wide, bleeding out from a gaping wound that would take years to heal, if ever. Sometimes, grief was a sharp, wild thing, lashing out with a million tiny gashes that bled just slowly enough that he could almost forget the pain and move past it. But if he stopped... If he gave himself time to think and consider it... The grief was all consuming and he knew he was the only one to blame for it.

He was his parent's greatest disappointment. A child born from a chaotic union of two wildly different people who, despite all odds, loved each other greatly. And they loved him, he knew that, but love and affection are very different creatures. His father wasn't interested in a static existence and his mother had the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders since childhood. What place did a boy have in a world like that?

Some of Kylo's earliest memories were of a voice—a voice that spun fantastic tales and assured him of his place in the galaxy. A voice that drew out his darker inclinations and one that rallied behind every expression of the dark side. He knew he should have told his parents about the dark voice, but it was _his_ secret, like all the secrets _they_ held from him. They had their secrets, and he had his. It would be their downfall, for his parents reacted too late to the danger that Snoke had manifested in their son and Ben... Ben had chosen to believe that he was meant for something greater, grander than a Jedi or a Senator's favored son, or even a prince.

He was meant to follow in Vader's footsteps, wasn't that what Snoke had assured him of? What he'd _promised him_? He'd been special to the Supreme Leader and enticed by Snoke's love and admiration over the years through their secret connection and then, when his uncle had betrayed him, his path had become clear. He'd taken a few believers with him and when the rest had stood in their way, they'd done what was necessary to leave Luke's temple. By the time he'd come to Snoke, it was too late to turn back, no matter what Snoke did or how much it hurt. No matter how much the Supreme Leader invaded his mind, he knew it was better than he deserved.

But Snoke's wasn't the only voice he heard and, as he grew, faint echoes would reach the edges of his mind. Temping him towards the light.

 _Wait... Just wait..._ The voice seemed to say. _I understand and I believe in you. I am here for you._

This voice was kind, compassionate, _understanding._ A voice that would guide him and assured him of his place in all the chaos. Even in his darkest moments, moments when Snoke had beaten him down to the point where he wasn't sure he'd make it through the night, that voice remained. It lingered. Echoing in the strangest times when he needed it the most.

 _Ben..._

And when he'd interrogated Rey, that connection had felt _so_ familiar, it had shaken him to his core. It was almost as if the Force had been pushing him to that point, all along. That their meeting was inevitable. Like a comet being pulled into the orbit of a star, circling and circling until, finally, the comet crashes and the catastrophic impact changes the star forever.

She had changed him. He wanted more now. He wanted _her._ Now, instead of that faint, shining voice inside his head, he heard _her_ calling to him. Experienced _her_ feelings. But instead of feeling intrusive, it felt as if a part of him he hadn't realized was missing had finally been completed. He missed her and hated that they were apart. But what choices did they have when they called on opposite sides of the Force for direction?

 _A balance..._

He thought he heard her through the bond, a faint echo through time and space. But not even the thought of Rey could keep him from spiraling into his grief, if anything, the fact that he couldn't have her amplified it. Kylo Ren was destined to be alone. _Deserved_ to be alone. He'd destroyed his father, nearly destroyed his mother and, given time, he was certain he'd destroy Rey. Destruction was the only thing he excelled at. Once, he'd reveled in this fact, believing it was a step towards disconnecting from his past, but now it felt like a heavy weight around his neck, dragging him down a path he no longer understood or believed in.

 _If it was all for nothing, what am I even living for?_

 _Her...?_

He couldn't live for one person. Once, he'd believed that joining Snoke would enable him to save the galaxy from itself, but the First Order was chaotic with relics of the Empire vying for power along with Hux's new and young officers. What balance could be found when the First Order stole children from their parents and forced them into servitude?

 _Just like the Jedi..._ he thought. There was nothing to be gained by ripping families apart and, as proved by FN-2187, their loyalty was a fragile thing. Who would FN-2187 be if he'd never been forcibly taken from his family, and who would Kylo Ren be if he'd never been separated from his?

Kylo sighed and let his head fall back against the wall. He should have been thinking of ways to eliminate Hux without causing an uprising amongst the officers, or the most effective ways of controlling the galaxy, but he sat, covers of his bed scratching along his skin, as he tumbled into the past once more.

 _Don't tell your mother..._ The echo of Han Solo's voice taunted him through time. Reminding him of how much he'd once wanted his father's acceptance, how he'd wanted to make him proud. As a boy, he'd sat on his father's lap while Han had let him gently guide the Falcon as Chewie looked on, growling and grumbling about how Leia would kill them _both_ if anything happened to their son.

But Ben Solo had never felt more alive than in that moment, with his father's strong arms holding him tight as he shifted the control yoke of the craft, gently lifting them higher and higher. His father had given him a gruff, "Nice work, kid," before taking back control of the Falcon.

"You're going to be one hell of a pilot if I have anything to say about it," his father had promised him. And he was. Kylo absently wondered if Han would be proud of his skills. Even now, he loved to fly, though he had less and less time for it. Snoke's demands had made his command shuttle necessary during his missions, but it was always a pleasure to fly his custom TIE fighter.

Flying made him feel alive. But, more than that, it made him feel normal. When he was flying, he could almost forget that he was the grandson of a Sith and the nephew of the galaxy's hero. Forget that his family was more legend to him now than flesh and blood. Stories sewed together to make a strange whole that had never felt real to Ben Solo and even less so now that he was Kylo Ren. But when Kylo was flying, he could forget all of that and lose himself in the thrill of it. His connection to the Force felt balanced in that it took neither the dark side nor the light to pilot. It took skill, and he had that in spades. His father had made sure of it.

He wasn't sure when the tears began to fall, but his emotions had always gotten the best of him. For his entire life, it had been nearly impossible for Ben Solo to stay in control, but when he'd taken the mantle of Kylo Ren, Snoke had encouraged that volatility. The happiness, pleasure, and joy had been nearly snuffed out, leaving anger, resentment, and entitlement in their wake. Now, the grief surfaced and threatened to pull him under. Kylo pressed away from the wall, sliding to the edge of his bed, but before he could stand, long legs slipped alongside him as _she_ pressed herself into his back while the Force bond solidified around him.

Rey wrapped herself around him, strong legs coming up to hitch over his own, arms tight around his chest as her head pressed into Kylo's spine. He couldn't look at her. Couldn't look into those beautiful eyes and see the compassion there. It was too much. Her understanding was _too_ much and very undeserved.

 _Forgiveness, Ben. It doesn't mean forgetting, but it is a starting place._

 _How do you forgive yourself for becoming the monster everyone believed you to be?_

Rey sighed heavily against his back.

 _If you're a monster, then so am I. Life isn't always full of easy answers, as I've come to realize. But I believe in you, Ben._

Her hands tightened around him as she pressed gentle kisses on his bare back. He could feel that she felt inadequate in comforting him, but the fact that she was there, that she _tried_ to understand him when everyone else in his life had given up on him meant more to Kylo than words ever could.

"I idolized my father when I was a child, did you know that?" he said softly, almost to himself. Rey hummed against his back, revealing that his mother might have said something to her along those lines.

"And I killed him."

She didn't have anything to say to that. His self-destructive tendencies almost wanted to make her recoil from him and reaffirm the insecurities that he believed about himself. Reaffirm the horror of what he'd done and how it had changed him. There were no words to explain how much he regretted that moment. Even as he'd convinced himself that it would help sever his emotional ties to the past, he knew killing his father was a mistake.

Snoke had goaded him into killing his father in an effort to draw Luke Skywalker out of hiding, he knew that now. It had _always_ been about Luke. Kylo's identity and belonging were built around a great and terrible lie, one that had been used to manipulate him into doing horrible deeds, even as part of him simultaneously recoiled at the atrocities he committed. Kylo _knew_ it was wrong, all of it, and he deserved to die for his crimes. Rey's arms tightened around him, almost as if she wanted to hug away his pain.

 _Hmm. Who's to say which among us deserves to live or die? If the Force wants you dead, you'll be dead, Ben. But, as far as I am able to see, the Force wants you alive. I want you alive. And you were right, Ben._

"Right about what?" he mumbled as one of her arms unwrapped from his middle to trail along his skin before gently threading through his hair.

"I needed to let go of the past and accept the truth. You need to do the same. Dying is easy, Ben. Living is infinitely more challenging. Rise to the challenge and be whoever you wish to be."

 _Without Snoke._

 _Or my parents._

 _Or Uncle Luke._

He was free to become the man he wanted to be which, if true, opened up an entire galaxy of frightening opportunity. But she was there _for him,_ not because she was a slave to her passions, or saw him as a tool to be manipulated. She cared for him, loved him even, and wanted to help. It was a heady realization. Rey would take his hand, but he had to take the first step.

"I promised to help you," she said while gently massaging the base of his scalp. "I meant it."

 _You don't have to be alone anymore, Ben. Not unless you want to be._

He'd been obsessing about the wrong things for so long that he'd never noticed how there'd always been another path, one that had been obscured from his vision as he'd tried to bend the Force to his will. She'd helped him see that, but he had to help himself first. He felt that the First Order wasn't the right path, he'd admitted as much to her before when he'd begged Rey to follow a _new_ path with him, but he'd been wrong about that as well. When destruction was paramount, there could be no peace.

With her belief and trust in the Force, maybe he could forge his own unique path? Maybe all the suffering and hate didn't have to be for nothing. If he could learn from the crimes of the past, use that knowledge to keep from falling down the same path again, perhaps he could be more than a force for darkness. Maybe something could bloom from the ashes of his mistakes.

Before he could brood further, Rey slipped her arm back around him and held tight with her arms and legs while pulling back, tipping them both onto the small bed. Kylo pulled free from her and slipped onto his side, rolling slightly to keep from falling on her body. Twisting around, Kylo stared down at her, while she reached up to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"You're not alone," she assured him with a smile. _Not anymore._

"Neither are you," he replied, voice choked. _Never again._

Rey slipped her hands behind his neck before tugging him down on top of her. With his head pillowed on her chest, he wrapped his long arms around her middle. Kylo closed his eyes and, not for the first time, wished he'd known she was waiting for him, somewhere out there in time and space. Things would have been different, had he known, _he_ would have been different. Rey made him realize that it was never too late to step in the right direction. As hard as life had been for her, it hadn't made _her_ hard. She still believed in him. All that was left was for Ben Solo to believe in himself once more.

* * *

 **A/N- Alternate title for this chapter:** WE WERE RIGHT ABOUT BEN SOLO, also subtitled, exercises in making Pacificwanderer VERY sad. IT'S CANON. IT'S ALL FUCKING CANON. We've taken a LOT OF SHIT concerning Kylo Ren and his backstory, but GODDAMNIT. IT'S ALL CANON. WE WERE RIGHT AND I COULD CRY AND DIE because it breaks my fucking heart how much he was set up to fail. If anyone out there doesn't see how integral themes of redemption are for Star Wars, I'd invite you to go watch Rebels, because it is _clearly at work_ on that show. This isn't real life and isn't meant to be. Star Wars is a space OPERA, which means a lot of drama and exaggeration. But you guys know that, if you're reading a Reylo fic, so I'm pontificating to the choir haha.

"You're not alone," and "Neither are you," is from TLJ, only in reverse because THAT IS FUN.

 **And kudos to Savingstuff for their prompt:** "Dunno if you still want prompts, but- Ben has been great about comforting Rey- maybe he needs to break down and cry a little so she can be there for him," you were directly on the pulse of what was to come next. Also, TLJ Novelization was way better than TFA Novelization and it broke my heart into a million pieces and filled me with such hope. This is a lot of me being very overly emotional about two space characters lol, so thanks for coming along with me. Thanks for reading and, as always, any mistakes are my own, my precious.

* * *

 **FFNet Readers!** There's a missing chapter between this one and the lass (sorry). It's a bit too racy for FFnet and wouldn't work well if it was edited, so it's only posted on Ao3. Just a heads up, in case you're interested. I also wrote an interlude for the RFFA over on Ao3 called Everyday Miracles, ALSO not appropriate for FFnet.

Come visit me on Tumblr at pacifiwanderer. My inbox is always open. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend. Thank you for all the likes, follows, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).


	8. Birthday Misgivings

It had been nearly a week since he'd last connected with her through the Force. Kylo was getting antsy. He'd gotten used to her presence and, more than that, he ached for her. With Rey near, he felt more able to handle the strange burdens that he'd managed to become responsible for. With her presence, he could _feel_ that there'd be an outcome that might be able to please them both. But without her, his dark thoughts were oppressive and impacted his demeanor on the bridge.

Hux noticed and seemed to be taking advantage of his mental state by poking and prodding him with every annoying, nit-picky detail about their next course of action that he could. He wanted Hux dead, but he needed him alive. At least, for the moment, despite the fact that Kylo was certain Hux was using every opportunity to spread gossip about how unbalanced the Supreme Leader was. Hux's man, Captain Opan, was a skilled assassin, this much Kylo already knew, but he wouldn't put it past the Captain to take part in more subtle means of undermining him. The First Order had loyalty issues and was becoming a cult of personality. The last thing Kylo needed was for a revolt among the officers as he didn't have their fear quite in the same way as Hux.

They feared his power, his temperament, that much Kylo knew. But Hux was a different beast altogether. They knew that Hux would do anything to survive and the officers would do their best to divine the winning side. The First Order already had support from most of the Galaxy; it had been easy to get the systems to fall into line after the Hosnian Cataclysm... But the fall of the Empire had proven that fear-based ruling wasn't sustainable, that there needed to be a balance. And Hux would never support anything even vaguely reminiscent of a Republic.

Kylo sighed. Too many thoughts swirling through his already conflicted mind. Sliding back into familiar patterns, Kylo made his way towards a place where he could work off some of his aggression, without the risk of Force choking anyone, but the training area was already occupied. With her vibroblade pike in hand, the human once known as Fée, now Fuore Ren was beautiful and deliberate with her intention as she trained. She looked almost tranquil despite her fearsome mask, but Kylo knew it was only a façade; her slow movements illustrated the extreme control she had over both the forms and her own Force powers. That she chose to restrain herself was more terrifying than any display of power, for Kylo knew what she was capable of.

The bodice of her black clothing was tight but released around her hips with a shocking slash of red that accentuated her movement and heightened her fearsome nature. Short, strong legs stretched as she purposefully made her way through the precise exercises. She knew he was watching and, as ever, she didn't care.

"Has the First Order become so odious that you've once again decided to dedicate time to your training? Or perhaps you're missing the scavenger?" She cocked her head, voice modulator deconstructing her throaty voice into something dark and insidious. She was impudent and the chrome detailing on her helm flickered as she gave a mocking bow. But Kylo Ren almost liked her temperament, preferred it, actually, to some of the more obsequious Knights. Besides, he knew where her weakness lay.

"Has Vadon returned from her mission?" Kylo asked, lip quirking. He had no mask to hide his face, not anymore, but he knew she could read his emotions with or without it. Fuore's shoulders tightened, but she otherwise showed no response to his taunt as she continued through her forms. Fuore's lover, a Mirialan, was a capable and discreet warrior and Kylo trusted her abilities, though they hadn't had any contact with Vadon for nearly two weeks. Kylo knew he'd hit on Fuore's own reasons for seeking out the training grounds. He could well understand the feeling of concern for a loved one even if he sought to tease out a reaction from Fuore.

After a long moment, Fuore deigned to reply, "No, she has not made contact, though I have less to worry about than most in that regard."

He deserved that though he'd never admit it to her. He hated how right she was about everything. When dressed without the helm, her long red hair cascaded down her back in vibrant waves, contrasting with her dark skin. Slight and full of ferocity, she'd been the best amongst them, the purest. Precognisant. Brilliantly talented in the Force, she'd been Luke's star student, but she'd chosen to come with Kylo. Something in her gaze had told him she'd anticipated his future long before he'd known it himself. Something in her gaze always seemed to suggest that she knew more than she was letting on. Images. _Pictures._ A future in motion.

 _But with a push in the right direction..._

Not exactly enemies, but something closer than friends, a handful of Luke's former students had followed him when he'd barely had a hold on his own reality. They followed him now and believed in a grander purpose for the Force and for the Knights of Ren. And would he let Rey or the Resistance tear that asunder?

 _No. There has to be another way._

He'd seen her past and within her a kindred loneliness, but it had always been more than that for him. From the moment he first saw her, it felt like coming home. An echoing sameness reaching out to him through the Force. He'd known then, even if he hadn't wanted to acknowledge it, that his life had been leading up to that moment.

"Sentimentality will be Kylo Ren's downfall," she purred as Fuore shifted her stance towards him. Pike held wide to her side, it looked like an open and defenseless position, but knowing her as he did, Kylo Ren realized it would be a mistake to think of this woman as anything other than lethal.

"Maybe," he replied. "But until then, let's see if you can stay alive for one more day."

Kylo angled the hilt of his lightsaber towards Fuore as she adjusted her stance, ready for what was sure to be a punishing onslaught. Kylo Ren ignighted his lightsaber, and he watched as Fuore tilted her head, trying to divine what form he'd decided on using.

 _Let her guess,_ he thought as he readied himself.

In the stillness before the first strike, Fuore Ren taunted, "There is no death."

"There is only the Force," he replied, a tiny smirk curling the edge of his lips as he lunged towards her, aching with the need to fight.

* * *

He could feel her before she manifested, Rey's Force signature thrumming through their bond before their strange collection solidified around them, bringing her into focus. Kylo mentally thanked himself for hitting the sonic shower at the training grounds before heading back to his quarters because she looked _beautiful,_ well, a different kind of beautiful than she normally looked. He was used to seeing her dressed in some combination of her everyday clothes or coveralls, so when he saw her dressed _like this,_ he was stunned to speechlessness.

She knew he was there, but she seemed to be staring out at something—maybe a viewport? Her hair was gathered high, with little wisps of curling around her long neck. It must have been an elaborate hairstyle at one point, but it looked like she'd pulled the pins out to mess it up, but it was an alteration that he found stunningly sexy.

But the dress. He'd be thinking about _this dress_ for days and weeks to come. Black. _He liked her in black._ The square neckline edged low, exposing her décolleté to his ravenous gaze. And short. The dress was so _very_ short. Kylo forced his eyes downward, taking in the soft flare of the skirt, right to the edge of where the fabric stopped high on her thighs. Objectively, Kylo knew Rey was strong and that her legs were a feature that he absolutely _coveted,_ but seeing her like this pushed his thoughts right into the realm of the obscene. What would she look like, in that dress, as she pressed into him from above? Skirt flared and legs spread over his hips, a knowing smile on her face—the one she reserved for him alone. Kylo clenched his fists in an effort to control his emotions. The last thing he wanted was to make a fool of himself or make Rey uncomfortable, especially when she seemed so distressed.

She was barefoot, which led Kylo to guess that she'd abandoned some uncomfortable shoes in a pique. Her Force signature sizzled between them, and while she was annoyed, Kylo was experiencing a different kind of frustration. She was going to be the death of him, he just knew it, but before he could consider the thought any further, Rey growled, and kriff him, it was the sexiest thing he could have imagined her doing, which meant he was _incredibly_ doomed. Kylo took a shuddery breath before nudging her with the Force. Rey wrapped her arms around herself but doggedly refused to turn and face him, so he went to her.

 _Hold me and don't say anything,_ she demanded.

He couldn't imagine what she was expecting him to say, other than that she looked divine, but he acquiesced to her demands. His strong arms wrapped around her from behind as Kylo pulled her against his chest. He resisted the urge to dip his head down and brush a kiss against her exposed neck, instead opting to place his lips against the side of her brow.

"Bad day," she grumbled.

 _Same,_ he sent back through their bond, that and how much he'd missed her.

Rey sighed and pressed her head back against his chest, eyes closed. Kylo could see the glittering edges of her eyelashes and the dark slashes of makeup along her lids. She looked gorgeous but felt unhappy.

"Tell me," he demanded. He'd bring ruination to anyone who hurt _his Rey,_ but at his anger, he only felt amusement in response.

 _Nothing terrible. Sometimes my friends just forget that I didn't grow up around other people... Or with any close friends at all, really._

When he'd been younger, he'd had friends, at least until his powers had started to manifest with a strange and dark intensity. After he'd gone to Luke's temple, he'd tried to convince himself that he preferred the solitude, but it was a lie. But when Rey had found her way into his heart, he realized what he'd been missing out on for so long and now that he had her, he'd do whatever it took to keep her in his life.

"I don't know when my birthday is," she explained before turning to face him. Her lips were stained red and Kylo did his best to concentrate on her words and not on how much he wanted to find out the answer to whether her mouth tasted as sweet as it looked.

"So they made one up, to surprise me. I thought it was just a party. The girls found me a dress and everything, but I was so shocked when it happened. I wasn't happy about it even though I knew I should be. I was anxious and had to keep myself from crying. I lasted an hour before I ducked out."

"Where are you?" He asked while trailing his fingers along her arms in an effort to soothe her.

"The Falcon. It's docked outside so I can sit in the cockpit and stare at the stars."

"Where's Chewie?" _The Wookiee..._ he should have corrected himself, but it was an old instinct that had him using that name, one he hadn't quite smothered yet.

Rey's nose crinkled as she smiled, but she didn't comment on his slip. "He ran interference so I could get away without being noticed. I owe him one." Her arms slipped tight around his back while he gently traced the curve of her neck with his gloved fingers.

"How many pairs do you own?" she teased as she leaned into his touch. She could steal as many of his gloves as she wanted as she'd already stolen his heart; what were a few pairs of gloves if it meant her happiness?

"A few," he murmured. Kylo massaged into the nape of her neck, earning a purr from Rey before she continued.

"It was a nice thing they did for me. They did it to make me happy and I just...," her words trailed off. But she didn't really need to explain to Kylo. His own birthday had fallen on the day the Galactic Concordance was signed—an auspicious birthday, he'd always been told. He'd never believed it. In fact, when he was a child, he'd _hated_ his birthday _because_ the first thing everyone thought of on _his_ birthday was the treaty that had ended the Galactic Civil War. It was silly, but it wasn't always easy to rationalize with a kid who'd felt as if the specter of duty had always been hanging over him.

 _So lucky to have such a day for your birth..._

 _It means great things for you, Ben!_

 _I can only imagine what an impact you will have on the galaxy—just look at what your mother and father accomplished._

Voices from the past still haunted him. Senators, his mother and father's friends, what would they think of him now—if they were even still alive... But Rey, free from that burden, had experienced a different kind of pain. When a child is left to raise themselves, what could they celebrate? Neither Kylo nor Rey was comfortable being the center of attention for long and having a surprise party seemed like the kind of hell that Ben Solo had tried to avoid and one that Kylo Ren never considered anymore.

"I think I said all the right things?" she continued while burrowing her face into his shoulder, her voice cracking as her sadness radiated through them both. That he was a source of comfort for her still surprised him, but they had always been drawn together in their loneliness, which bred a certain kind of understanding. But now, he felt empty when she wasn't near and heartbroken that he couldn't comfort her truly in person. But, for now, he drew her close and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"I am pretty good at getting myself into trouble when I speak," Kylo admitted and Rey chuckled.

"Something you picked up?" she ribbed through her sniffles.

Kylo thought of his father, who'd had an uncanny ability to say all the wrong things at exactly the wrong time. "I come by it honestly," he admitted.

"Rose noticed though. She always notices the little things," Rey continued, murmuring against his collarbone. Not for the first time, he wished he was wearing _less_ , so he could better feel her touch against his skin. Her amusement flashed through their bond as she placed a kiss on his chest.

 _Rose? The girl who bit Hux? And who had eluded Phasma?_ Not everyone had perished in the docking bay after the Resistance's surprising last-ditch move and the Stormtroopers who'd survived had risked punishment by spreading the tale of the feisty Haysian who'd had the audacity to bite Hux, never mind the other rumors that had started spreading through the Stormtrooper ranks after FN2187 had managed to take down Phasma... Still, Kylo couldn't help but feel some appreciation towards the woman who'd enraged Hux and doubly so with how she seemed to comfort his Rey.

"Sometimes, on Jakku, the village kids would get presents for their birthdays. I was jealous of the gifts, but I was mostly hurt that someone cared enough about them to remember the day they were born."

He'd always hated his birthday, but faced with the loneliness that Rey had experience, Kylo realized he'd been selfish. His beautiful Rey... How could he ever put into words how much she meant to him? Enough that he'd rather burn down the galaxy than surrender her life to Snoke. What sacrifice would he be called upon to make for her in the future? Kylo Ren was uncertain, but he knew that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Rey.

On instinct, Kylo dipped his arms and pulled her up against him. Rey's legs splayed around his hard middle as she let out a little, "Meep!" of surprise.

As the heat of his body pressed into the most intimate places of hers, he pressed his lips against her neck and murmured, "I don't know what day you were born, but I do know that the day I met you was the best day of my life."

"Ben, I nearly shot you," she deadpanned before taking his face in her hands.

"I was lost until I found you. You marked me, body and soul, and I wouldn't have it any other way," he assured her.

Rey pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "The Force has an interesting sense of humor, I'll give it that much."

"So, no more surprise birthday parties?" he teased. And she laughed before wiping away her tears.

"Maker, _no._ I'm barely used to being around groups of people, let alone being their center of attention. It's exhausting."

Kylo tried to keep his feelings to himself, that she was _always_ at the center of his attention, but his thoughts slipped through the cracks in his mind.

"I don't mind _your_ attention," she assured him while she trailed a line of kisses along the curve of his jaw.

Kylo licked his lips. He couldn't give her a birthday, but he could distract her from that loneliness by showing her just how much she meant to him.

"I like the dress," he commented, which wasn't entirely true, he _loved_ the dress. Though he was preoccupied with wondering what it would look a little more messed up.

"Oh? One of the lieutenants lent it to me. I'm not used to having so much of myself exposed, either."

Kylo's gloved hands twitched into the meat of her thighs at that comment. Though he'd seen her _much less_ clothed, he wasn't used to seeing her dressed up like this. He liked it, but he liked her _any way_ he could get her.

"What do you like about it?" she teased, feigning innocence while clearly getting a rise out of his reaction. Rey pressed her chest tight against him, accentuating her petite curves. Kylo groaned softly.

After gaining some composure, he managed to say, "It dips low and rides high. Doesn't hide _anything_ from me." Rey studied his face, her eyes exploring his expression before settling on his lips. Kylo darted his tongue out, teasingly. Rey mimicked his action, very clearly wanting to kiss him.

"You've seen all of me, Ben," she reminded him while pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips.

 _But the way this hides some places but exposes others. You are a wondrous temptation, Rey._

Rey wiggled in his grip. _Says the man who makes a habit of greeting me half naked._

 _If I recall, it was you who demanded I sleep with less clothing on._

 _Oh, hush. I know you're just trying to distract me from feeling sad,_ she thought before nuzzling his cheek with her nose.

"How's it working?" he asked.

"Wondrously. Keep going," she urged before he finally, _finally_ dipped his head and pressed his lips to hers.

 _Your lips were made for kissing..._ he thought he heard through their bond, which was funny because he'd been thinking the exact same thing. Rey's mouth parted as his tongue slipped within, gently twirling with her own. Rey slid her hands along his shoulders before dipping them into his long hair, with an insistent tug, she deepened their kiss and it wasn't long before they both want to do _much_ more than just kiss.

 _A bed,_ she thought as he held her tight against him. Kylo fumbled back as her presence was taken more fully into his own experience. After some awkward movements, Kylo seated himself on the edge of his bed while her fingers tripped over the fastenings of his tunic. Rey let out a little cry of victory when his clothing finally slipped open and she _puzzlingly_ pressed her face into his chest.

 _Never wear a shirt. Never never never never..._ her thoughts were almost as distracting as her touch, which was slipping lower and lower by the second. But this was supposed to be about _her_. Kylo's hands clasped around her middle and Rey peered up at him before he gently switched their positions, depositing her at the edge of the bed, legs splayed.

"Lean back," he urged her.

Rey cocked her head at him, unsure, but dipped back to her elbows. He wasn't certain he'd be good at this, hell, when was he ever sure about _anything_ aside from how much she meant to him? But he was going to try. A benefit of being connected through the Force was that he could often feel her thoughts and desires as if they were his own, so he had a bit of an unfair advantage. And it was an advantage he fully meant to exploit.

Kylo knelt before her on the hard ground and Rey finally divined his intention.

"Oh... Are you sure?" she said, hips fidgeting as she unconsciously worked to hide herself.

Kylo slid his hands up her legs and held her wide. "I'm sure. Tell me if you want me to stop, if you _ever_ want me to stop," he directed. He'd dreamed about this. Would she enjoy it? Kylo was already addicted to her taste, so he knew that _he_ would, but he only ever wanted her to be happy.

With a shaky breath, Rey nodded and Kylo slid one hand higher up her thigh.

"Wait!" she said and Kylo's eyes shot up to hers.

"Just... take off your gloves," she said with a little smile.

 _Oh. Of course,_ he thought.

 _I like the gloves, but the connection is stronger without that barrier,_ she assured him. Kylo needed no convincing. He _loved_ the way she felt against his bare skin. Kylo pulled off his gloves before continuing to shrug out of his open top. He could feel her nervousness through the Force. Though they were familiar with each other's desire, there were still many things left to explore. And Kylo wanted her to know, wanted her to _feel,_ just how much she meant to him. Just how much he'd _do_ for her. Nothing short of pulling down the stars from the night sky. Nothing short of prostrating himself before the woman who had destroyed him and saved him. Hands bare, Kylo slipped his fingers under the layers of her dress before tracing along the band of her underthings.

"Lay back, Rey," he urged and, finally, she slid off of her elbows to lay full on her back. Kylo hitched the dress up over her thighs before his hands returned to her panties. With an insistent tug, Rey lifted her hips and let Kylo expose her to his gaze. With a flick of his wrist, Kylo slipped the little scrap of fabric under the folds of his blankets before staring down on her. He couldn't begin to describe how much her trust meant to him. Every time he saw her, he was reminded how exquisite she was—inside and out. And that she let him close, let him _touch_ her, after all that had happened and in the face of all that was still in between them, was a constant source of wonder for Kylo.

"Ready, sweetheart?" he asked, gently rubbing his stubbly chin into her leg, teasing a laugh out of her.

" _Please,_ " she purred with a smile and it was all the encouragement he needed.

* * *

Later, Kylo could not have been more pleased with himself as he stared up at Rey who languished happily on his bed.

"Happy birthday," he teased from between her legs and Rey let out an incredulous laugh.

"If I'd known this was the present that was waiting for me, I'd have ducked out of that party sooner!" she purred.

Kylo gave an obscene lick of his lips before shifting to stand while Rey scooted over. Her dress was beyond messed, her hair in a tangle, skin flushed, but she'd never looked more lovely to him. Arms outstretched, Rey smiled up at him before Kylo slid into the bed to join her. Her arms wrapped around his middle as she leaned into his bare chest.

"Next time, it's my turn," she said with a little shove to his ribs.

"Next time," he assured her as he tucked her close, content to just be close to her.

 _I love you,_ she thought. _Thank you for this and for just... understanding._

Kylo's breath hitched as her thoughts and feelings reached through to him. He knew she loved him, but he was still unused to hearing it so clearly. Rey's thoughts turned to his desires as she slowly caressed the muscles of his abdomen.

 _But for now, Ben..._ she thought.

Rey's hand slipped low and Kylo groaned as Rey laughed. It had been a long day and was going to be a _long_ night, but Kylo couldn't wait to enjoy it with her and hope that one day, _every night_ would be one he shared with Rey.

* * *

We're totally going to pretend that in the GFFA they have words like décolleté lol. Ok, so I was going to make this an angsty one, but the last one was angsty and this chapter is dedicated to glacialreylo and I didn't want to give her something sad to read LOL because I appreciate her kindness so much (she had some amazing art commissioned for Steady As We Burn by laurabacali and I cried and died and love it so much). So this is for you, lovely! Though I guess it's kind of angsty, but also sexy? HAHA. NGL, kind of my fav combination.

I also really enjoy (and am simultaneously depressed by) the idea that both Kylo and Rey are awks as fuck with what should be pretty typical life experiences. Like, these poor kids have suffered through so much, I imagine even being around people that aren't trying to rip you off or kill you is a big fucking adjustment, let alone under the weight of social expectation. MY SPACE KIDS MAKE ME SO SAD. THEY NEED HUGS.

I can't remember who said it first, but the KOR should sure as fuck all be female. Like YES. YES SO MUCH YES. So that's what we're going with here. Also, Kylo being surrounded by strong women is just something that I FUCKING LOVE OK. Also, I'd hella love watching those ladies stick it to Hux, just they'd be so good at pissing them off and he'd be so pissed that he couldn't do a damn thing about it without risking his head. Like, all I'm saying is give me the KOR, JJ.

Also, HAHA Kylo's gaze being hungry is canon. Sorry, I don't make the rules, that's just the way it is. ALSO. WHAT AN ASSHOLE I AM. Cutting it off there! This chap was too long already, so NEXT TIME (on Ao3). As always, the sassy bits are over on Ao3 because this site is the way it is!

Any mistakes are my own because I love them and they are darling and beautiful to me. _I am so tired._

* * *

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend. Thank you for all the subs and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).**


	9. Call Out My Name

Rey was still getting used to traveling throughout the galaxy. After spending so many years alone on Jakku, moving around so frequently gave her a strange sense of anxiety. She loved exploring new worlds, but sometimes, it got to be too much. It was in the quiet, anxious moments while traveling through hyperspace that her thoughts turned to Ben Solo the most. It was strange how he had become an anchor for her in the great unknown of the galaxy. He was a constant for her, but also a source of conflict. She knew things wouldn't end well if her friends or the Resistance found out about her bond with the Supreme Leader, but she couldn't ignore the little tug in her heart that told her that maybe, just maybe, Leia would understand.

Chewie knew and, while he didn't always seem to understand, he trusted her intentions enough to go along with it and besides, it _was_ Ben Solo. Maybe he too wanted to believe that there was a piece of that goodness, that little bit of Han and Leia, still protected inside the hard shell of Kylo Ren. Rey could see it, more than that, Rey could _feel it._

The ship rumbled and brought Rey back to the present. It felt strange to be traveling on the cargo vessel. Though the Falcon wasn't the most secretive ship in the galaxy, which was one of the reasons they hadn't used it for the mission, it had started to feel like a second home to her. The junky freighter they used to sneak by the First Order contingent around Lothal was old and creaky, but blessedly unknown. As they dropped out of hyperspace, Rey could _feel_ the old clunker creak and resist. There weren't enough of them for this mission, just a handful of people that Leia could spare, but hopefully, they could gather some information that would point them in the right direction, or at least help them garner some support from sympathizers.

 _We just need to figure out what the next stage of their plan is..._

"Get in, observe, get out. How hard can that be?" Finn interrupted her musing, a grin crinkling his handsome, dark face. As the ship slipped through the atmosphere of Lothal and made its way towards Central City, Rey shifted in her seat.

"May the Force be with us," Rey replied, even as her stomach sank a little. There was something off about the whole thing. Leia had her reservations about the strength of Lothal's loyalty to the Resistance or any kind of fledgling republic, but Rey was insistent. It was a good chance to get some intel on the First Order and, maybe, take out a few officers. If they were lucky, they might even be able to eliminate Hux. But now Rey wondered whether she should have taken Leia's concerns more seriously.

 _It's not like I couldn't just ask Ben... I wonder if he would tell me his grand plans?_

It was a novel thought. Though they sometimes argued, well, she'd argue, and he'd listen, stony-faced, before gathering her close and trying to calm her, they never talked about what their respective sides were planning. Neither ever asked.

 _Kriff. Kriff! What the hell am I doing?_

She was in love with the Supreme Leader of the First Order and regularly met him through their shared connection in the Force; _that_ was what she was doing. It would only end disastrously, except that, more and more, she felt there was another way. Maybe Ben _did_ have a plan that didn't include taking over the entire galaxy through brute force and intimidation like Hux seemed to be obsessed with doing. As they drew closer to Central City, Rey thought of the last time she'd been with Ben and the thought made her smile, despite her concerns. People had begun to remark on her smiling face lately. Rose or Finn or someone else would catch her smiling up at nothing and wonder why.

 _Why, indeed. Couldn't have anything to do with one pale, dark-haired, unfairly handsome Ben Solo, could it?_

Rey sighed and smothered another grin. Before she and Ben had parted, the last time they'd been together, she'd managed to make good on her teasing promise, even if she'd been terrified of messing it all up. Rey was a master scavenger, but when it came to seduction, she was a novice at best. Luckily, Ben was as awkward and unsure as she was, which made for a great pair, actually. Discovering that sensual side together was something she cherished, and she was more than glad that Ben Solo would be her first... _everything,_ as she would be his.

She definitely wasn't good at it, not by a long shot, but his encouragement and response—harried thoughts and feelings of _More. Oh, so good. Kriff. Please, Rey!—_ did enough to keep her from completely faltering. So much of what worked about their relationship revolved around the give and take between them. When they were balanced, the galaxy seemed to conspire to help them along, but when they were at odds, it seemed to shift and crack around them both.

****Ben moaned as Rey'd teased. The tips of his ears were bright red and an adorable flush had spread across his cheeks and neck. The Supreme Leader of the galaxy was worried, even as they were together, that she would find him undesirable.

"You can't be serious, Ben," she teased."

Ben took a deep breath, hands twitching at his sides as he visibly tried to keep himself still for her.

"I just...," he faltered as her hand continued to caress him.

"Just what, Ben?" she teased, knowing how hard he was fighting to keep his thoughts focused.

 _You managed to figure this out for me,_ she thought. _Why can't I do this for you?_

 _It's not only that..._ came his harried thoughts. _I just don't want you to feel obligated._

Rey chuckled. _You should know me well enough by now to know that I never do anything that I don't want to do._

 _"Kriff...,_ " Ben groaned as he finally gave into temptation and threaded one of his big hands through Rey's loose hair, letting her love him as all other concerns fell by the wayside.

****Later, Rey laughed as she sprawled alongside his big body, her dress still askew. Everything was messy and tangled and perfect.

"Do you think things will feel this good when we're actually together?" he asked, still breathless as one of his strong arms slipped around her middle. Was it a flippant question on his part? Maybe she was overthinking it, but Rey had to ignore the little lump in her throat as she considered a future together with Ben. Somehow, knowing that he'd come to believe that there was even a possibility for a future, with all that remained between them, helped lessen the aching loneliness in her heart.

"Better," she assured him as she shifted, ducking under his chin with a kiss. She knew it in her heart to be the truth.

Finn's voice brought her back to the present. "Ready, Peanut?"

Rey glanced out a small porthole as they pulled into the civilian docking bay and gave a tight nod before unbuckling her safety harness. Finn could always tell when she was anxious and after he unbuckled himself, he strode towards her and pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," she replied while tightening her arms around his middle. "Be safe, Finn."

"Hey, you're looking at a bona fide Rebel. I can do this," he said before placing a quick kiss on her brow and pulling back.

"Yeah, well, Poe _and_ Rose will have my head if anything happens to you, so keep that in mind," she teased, though there was some truth to it. There was no way she _ever_ wanted any harm to come to her friends and, as big-hearted and brave as Finn could be, Rey always felt as if she needed to keep an extra eye on him.

 _He's going to hate you when he finds out,_ she thought. Rey sighed as she pulled away from her friend before making her final preparations. Would Finn understand? Would Poe? Or Rose? What about Leia? But those were thoughts for another time.

 _Nothing_ on Lothal went as planned. It was all so fucked up and confusing from the start. By the time Rey, Finn, and the rest of the team met up with their contact, they and their posse were already on the move through the city, leaving Finn, Rey, and the few others, to play catch-up on the fly as they tried to make their way towards the First Order docking bay.

* * *

She should have protested more. Should have realized that things weren't right with that rocky start, but she swallowed her reservations and kept moving through the dusty city streets. And now, after all that she'd been through, she was going to die alone on a foreign planet that was alike and so unlike Jakku in so many ways.

 _Ben is going to be so hurt._

Her heart ached with the thought of how he would react. And, worst of all, it was her own damn fault. She'd gotten grouped away from Finn once they'd made it to the rendezvous point outside of the docking bay and, worse, when the fighting had started, she'd gotten hurt. The First Order had been waiting for them with Stormtroopers covertly positioned throughout the hangar. Once they'd taken the first shot, the Stormtroopers had started in on them. Someone had ratted them out. It was the only way to explain the response they were getting. It was probably one of the locals, likely for credits considering the First Order had a standing bounty for _any_ members of the Resistance, let alone the girl who'd managed to kill Snoke. It had been a setup from the start and, not just _any_ setup, one that was specifically made to draw _her_ out in particular. Had Hux realized that she'd jump at the chance to take him out?

 _Hux must be out for revenge—or just eliminating threats._

The latter seemed more likely, or perhaps he'd figured it all out. Though Ben was the Supreme Leader now, Hux was still there, lurking like a malevolent shadow. Rey knew that he was biding his time and she was certain that Ben knew it too, but this—had Ben known about this?

 _No. There's no way. Hux is working to undermine him and drawing me out to see how Ben reacts._

According to what they'd found out, General Hux was meant to be surveying First Order interests on Lothal and putting up a united front throughout the Outer Rims, despite their losses, but it hadn't been like that at all. Get in, find out what the First Order was _really_ planning on Lothal, and get out. That was the plan. But the man who'd stepped off of the command shuttle hadn't been Hux at all, but Kylo Ren, flanked by two of his Knights. The Resistance was going to kill him on sight, there was no way they could let an opportunity like this pass them by, but Rey couldn't let that happen. Despite the consequences for her, there was no way she was going to let anyone hurt Ben. As her comrades had slipped into position behind massive cargo containers, Rey let her traitorous heart get the best of her.

 _Ben. It's a trap!_ she'd thought frantically through the Force as their strange connection snapped into place. It wasn't much, but it was enough for him to prepare and block the killing shot, but in protecting Ben, she'd opened herself up by not paying attention to how vulnerable her position was. They should have known when Kylo Ren was standing there and not Hux. That wasn't what the intel had said at all. Did Ben know about this? The shocked expression on his face said otherwise. Had Hux hoped that he'd be able to kill two birds with one stone by luring the Resistance and Rey out of hiding? And Ben had reacted—not much, but enough to be telling, as she'd been shot—hand outstretched towards where she was positioned, expression tight. The skirmish had escalated. Blaster bolts singed overhead as she'd ducked, clutching her shoulder.

Rey from Jakku couldn't believe how stupid she'd been; didn't she learn anything all those years alone, managing to stay alive? But she ignored those immediate thoughts as her body went into shock. Rey almost laughed. It was the first time they'd _really_ seen each other since the Supremacy. He looked... Better, almost. Still pale, but the dark circles under his eyes had faded some. Rey wondered if that had been because of her. And here she was. Getting shot. _Not_ killing General Hux. The whole thing reeked of betrayal and treason and she couldn't wait to tell Ben all about it. If she didn't bleed out before she could get help, that was.

Rey stumbled away from the fray as unfamiliar faces joined the fight. Either everyone on Lothal was gunning for a fight, or the Rebels on Lothal had sent in reinforcements to help.

 _Finn... Where is Finn?_ she thought, but her friend was nowhere to be seen. She hoped he was alright, but Finn had been _trained_ for these fights, better than she had. Rey wanted to fight, but she was well enough aware of the fact that she'd just get in the way or die faster. Rey swung her head around as she clutched her shoulder, trying to find a safe escape route. Though she'd paid attention during the initial approach as they'd made their way through Central City, with the pain and the confusion, Lothal seemed as if it had shifted on its axis and nothing was familiar.

Blood seeped through her coveralls, making her feel lightheaded.

 _Don't pass out here. Don't pass out here. Don't pass out here._

She stumbled through the unfamiliar streets as far away from the fight as she could before nearly falling into an alley. Rey slid down against a wall and managed to sit before she pressed her comlink and tried to speak, but she was too dizzy and the words came out all wrong. She hoped that the tracker in her clothes would be enough for her friends to find her.

She hoped... _Ben..._

 _Oh, Ben..._

She was convinced that this would be the moment where she'd die. Not in a Star Destroyer on Jakku after a miscalculated jump, or by the hands of Unkar Plutt's fiends. No, just a blaster to the shoulder and bleeding out on the dusty streets of Jakku. Maybe she'd always been meant for a place like this, meant to _die_ in a place like this. Dusty Lothal, on the fringes and barely remembered, but somehow still surviving, despite all odds. Until even tenacity and spunk couldn't shake off the darker aspects of the known galaxy. From what she'd been told, Lothal had gone through quite the transformation after the fall of the Empire and was now almost thriving. She couldn't help but think that the Force had something to do with that as Rey could feel it thrumming through the life and will of the planet.

 _The Force..._

Rey tried to use that innate connection to heal herself, as Ben had tried to show her, but it was too hard to concentrate with the pain throbbing and the blood dripping. She was going to faint. She could hear distant noises from the ongoing battle. They were going to find her—the Stormtroopers or the Knights. Would they kill her, or take her hostage? Her last thoughts drifted to a place where time and feeling no longer mattered. Rey almost felt at peace, until... thoughts of her friends invaded her mind, more than that, _Ben Solo._ She couldn't die like this! She had to fight? But she was so tired...

 _Everyone is going to be so angry with me,_ she thought before her eyelids closed and everything went black.

Something was tugging at her through the Force. A strange sensation—like a shiver, but with more depth and complexity—ran down her spine. Rey was shoved out of unconsciousness and right back into the agony of existence.

* * *

"Ugh...," she mumbled as the pain bloomed in her shoulder. All she wanted was to lie down and sleep forever, but _someone_ wouldn't let that happen. Rey hazarded a glance up, which was hard given that her body wasn't really interested in listening to her. Hovering over her was a very tall, and _very_ Force sensitive man. She was confused and the pieces of what happened came back together a little too slowly for her liking, but she knew that _this_ couldn't be happening.

"Ben? Are you crazy?" she managed.

 _I must be dreaming... Did I connect with Ben like this?_

Ben stared down at her, his expression tight. "Funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing," he deadpanned, though she could feel through the Force that he was a strange combination of annoyed and terrified—for her?

 _Of course for you! I didn't think I'd be able to find you at all. The connection between us was so faint, I didn't know if I'd get to you in time._

"In time?" she asked, dazed. Rey looked down at where her hand pressed against her shoulder.

 _Blood. So much blood. Is this mine?_

Flashes of what happened flickered into her mind. Reconnaissance mission, but it had gone wrong. They'd been found out somehow.

 _Luckily, I got to you before the squads did._

 _Did you know?_ Rey thought, but she knew the answer already.

 _No. None of this was according to my plan._

"This is beyond a bad idea, Ben," she grumbled, still holding her shoulder tight. "I knew what I was getting myself into when I came here."

 _When I chose the Resistance..._ She doesn't say it, but the words hang in the air, regardless.

"Rey, Hux knows there's something between us. He doesn't know what exactly, but he knows I didn't take down the Supreme Leader alone. You can't let him draw you out like this!"

"Are you giving me advice on how to avoid the First Order, Supreme Leader?" she scoffed, though the effort cost her and Rey realized she was going to need medical attention, despite what the adrenaline coursing through her veins seemed to suggest.

"He's going to kill you as soon as he can, why don't you see that?" she mumbled, losing energy.

"Of course I see that," he shot back. "Hux is a problem that I will find a solution to."

"Is that right?" she murmured weakly.

"It doesn't matter what I do with Hux. It's none of your concern, especially when you're bleeding out on the street," he growled.

This was stupid. They shouldn't be arguing especially considering they were _both_ right and just too stubborn to admit it. Ben was going to get himself killed, either by the Resistance or the First Order, once they found out that he was helping her. He was an idiot, and she was... so worried about him.

 _Worried about me? Are you kidding, Rey? You could have been killed!_

 _Ben, how the hell are we going to make this work?_

Ben chewed his lip before ducking his body and lifting her against him. Rey let out an indignant squawk before groaning as her shoulder throbbed, but he seemed to be beyond caring about whether he offended her sensibilities.

"I don't know what we're going to do, and right now, I don't care. The only thing I care about is getting you some bacta and making sure those Stormtroopers don't find us."

 _They're your people,_ she thought.

 _And they've been instructed to kill you._

 _Well, they almost did!_ Rey laughed, humor dark, but the effort hurt and she mostly sputtered before she was hit with a sudden realization. "You're here, Ben."

His frustration shimmered through their bond. "I'm here, Rey."

"But like, _really, here_!" she said before reaching up to weakly tug at his tunic. "I thought we were, you know, _connecting._ "

 _You really have lost a lot of blood..._ Came his concerned reply, but she was _ecstatic_.

"Ben... It was worth it," she admitted, more than a little delirious.

Ben sighed as his grip tightened around her. "You really are a fool, scavenger."

"You're the one in love with me," she pointed out. _What kind of fool does that make you?_

She could almost _swear_ that she felt the beginnings of a laugh rumbling against her abdomen, unfortunately, Rey blacked out again before she could tease him for making _such_ an undignified sound.

* * *

The first thing Rey realized when she came to was that she was _very_ warm, but also tightly restrained, which she did not enjoy one bit. It reminded her of when she'd get tangled up in her hammock and bantha wool blanket on Jakku. She _hated_ that. Sometimes, the blanket would work its way up around her neck and she'd wake, sweaty and gasping, as the blanket tried to choke the life out of her, at least, it had always seemed like it was trying to kill her in those instances. She couldn't seem to move, so Rey had to suffer in silence as people complained, _loudly_ , near where she was laid out.

"I know I don't have to tell you that I have a bad feeling about this. This was rotten from the start," a distorted, female voice said.

"I know I don't have to remind you of your place, Vadon," replied Ben.

"Hux will have your head for this if he finds out," another female voice chimed in, this one without the voice modulator distortion. She sounded more amused than upset.

"I neither answer to Hux nor either of you. If you are both finished, I believe I'll need some time alone with the scavenger."

"Scavenger, is it now?" the distorted voice laughed, an unsettlingly hollow sound.

"Come, love," the other woman said. "Time is short."

Rey felt as their Force signatures faded somewhat as they drew further away, and was certain she heard an annoyed and modulated, "Couldn't he have chosen a _closer_ location?" but she still couldn't quite muster the energy to open her eyes. Rey reached out with her feelings and connected with Ben. He was worried about her and she tried to soothe him, even as the sedatives kept her immobile.

 _I'll be fine. Where am I?_

 _My shuttle. I managed to get you off planet. Undetected._

 _My friends are going to be looking for me._

 _I've anticipated that. Where I'm going, you'll be able to make contact._

 _Ben, your friend is right. This is a bad idea._

 _She isn't my friend, she's my Knight. But Fuore didn't object, so my idea can't be that bad._

Rey wasn't sure what he meant by that at all. _I'm not going to pretend to know what you're talking about, but I trust you, Ben._

A hand gently brushed against her brow. _Sleep, Rey. We'll be there before you know it._

 _Where...?_ she thought while fighting to keep herself conscious.

 _Naboo. Varykino,_ he thought with discernible fondness.

 _Leia... She'll..._ Rey thought, but before she could finish, the sedative knocked her out cold.

* * *

WE'RE GOING TO NABOO, BITCHES. Let's have some fun before the giant ginger cat is out of the bag. _SO MUCH FUN._ *cough* Smut *cough* Anyone actually been to Lake Como, where they filmed the Varykino scenes? I've been to Northern Italy, but not Lake Como. I've seen pictures and I hear it's gorgeous, but much of Italy is gorgeous lol.

This chapter is dedicated to high-lady-of-the-night for getting on my ass about it (THANK YOU). Chapter title is taken from the loooovely The Weeknd song, _Call Out My Name,_ which has nothing to do with this story or chapter, really, but I wrote listening to it. Any mistakes are my ownnnnnnn. As always, **** denotes where things get sensual, but within range for ffnet. If you want to see the unedited version, head over to AO3 and search for my username paficifwanderer.

 **Come visit me on Tumblr at pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend. Thank you for all the favs, subs, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).**


	10. Illuminate

When Kylo saw her there, crumpled over in that alleyway, he'd almost thought he was too late. He'd come close to losing her once before to Snoke, and if he lost her... It would all mean nothing without her. Never mind that he'd nearly exposed himself by bolting from the fight. Never mind that Hux had clearly orchestrated the entire event. Never mind that half the fucking galaxy would find out that Kylo Ren was in love with the last Jedi. All that mattered was getting to her and getting her off of Lothal. What was it about desert planets setting the stage for major life changes?

They were nothing, backwater planets that had been drained by the Empire and, if Hux had his way, they'd be drained by the First Order. But that was why he was there, and not Hux. Had the general been upset that Kylo had wanted to oversee the mission himself? Or had it been a show meant to push Kylo into his own death, and one that could be blamed on local insurgents? It didn't matter right now. He would deal with Hux when the time came. The only thing that mattered now was getting Rey to safety.

It wasn't the first time he'd flown with an unconscious Rey in his shuttle, but he was hoping it would be the last. Though Kylo had managed to stop her from bleeding out with his powers, she'd need to be treated properly with bacta to mitigate the scarring and any lingering pain. Kylo hated the thought of her being hurt because of him.

And now he was flying to the only place in the galaxy that had ever meant anything to him, with the woman who meant more to him than the entire galaxy. He was so kriffed. He couldn't stay long, not more than a week before he'd be expected to make an appearance. His Knights would buy him some time, but eventually, he'd have to go back.

 _Do you have to return? Is there another way to resolve this conflict?_

Once, he'd been certain of his path, absolute in his convictions and blinded by faith. But now, uncertainty reigned supreme. His thoughts were never straightforward when it came to Rey. He was reckless for her love. She managed to override every scrap of sense that he possessed; she'd slashed apart the world that he'd constructed for himself out of the ruins of his previous life. She'd shown him that there could be _more._ And how could he repay her? Kylo wasn't sure of much, but he was certain that he _should_ be helping her—that was why he'd risked his own neck to find her, wasn't it? That she'd been targeting a First Order mission was incidental to the fact that she was _hurt_ and he needed to _fix it._ Every time they were together, the galaxy felt a little more balanced, but when they were at odds, when they were _apart,_ it all became unbearable.

He'd held Rey tight throughout most of the journey as Vadon had navigated through uncharted territories before finally hitting the hyperspace lane near the Tharin sector. Rey was in and out of consciousness, though the pharma seemed to be keeping the pain at a minimum. Sometimes, he'd doze off as he held her and it almost felt as if their dreams combined.

 _She was young and alone. Arms wrapped tight around herself as she lay in the AT-AT that was her home; she waited and waited and waited._

 _He was young and alone. Droids humming throughout his home on Chandrila while his mother worked and his father wandered as he waited and waited and waited._

He knew that sometimes, in her dreams, she'd see a boy who looked suspiciously like him—dark features, sullen face, Force signature radiating loneliness. Had she dreamed of him before? He'd thought perhaps he used to imagine someone like her, waiting for him somewhere out there in the galaxy.

 _Waiting. Waiting. Waiting._

They didn't have to wait any longer.

When they slipped into the Naboo atmosphere, Fuore was all smiles.

"You're learning, _Master,_ " she said. Her inflection was always faintly mocking, but given that she could see what others could not, Kylo didn't let it bother him. How could one as powerful as Fuore Ren take anything seriously when she was able to divine the outcome of the future?

"You're taunting. You think this is a bad idea," he returned.

Fuore's beautiful dark face split into a grin. "You know I don't follow fools. It'll mean nothing without her," she added, her long red hair swaying as she nodded towards Rey. Kylo had long gotten used to her being able to divine his true feelings, so the fact that she mirrored his own sentiments concerning Rey was more calming than anything. He and Rey, they were two parts of a whole. Equals. He'd always felt that way. She called out to the aching loneliness within him and now that he had her in his life, he wasn't going to let her go.

Time passed quickly once they were planetside and Vadon reiterated her desire for him to at least _consider_ getting another ship before they were found out. "One that isn't _quite_ so recognizable," she muttered through the vocalizer as she stared navigated. He could tell by the set of her shoulders and the cock of her dark helmet that she disapproved of _everything_.

"Noted and unnecessary," Kylo replied, knowing full well that Fuore had already disabled the tracking system on his command shuttle.

So what if his ship was recognized? He was Supreme Leader of the galaxy and he could come and go as he pleased. Part of him _wanted_ his mother to know that he was in Naboo at Varykino. Would she wonder if Rey was with him? Or did she already know? She'd always seemed to know when he was about to do something as a child, even before he did, despite the fact that she was always busy with her Senatorial duties.

In his heart, he knew that Leia was aware that there was more going on between Rey and him than Rey let on. He wondered if she approved, but dismissed the thought. He'd long since stopped worrying about what his mother wanted, right? The shuttle hummed, settling into the landscape as Kylo held Rey close.

 _Liar._

Rey nudged up against his consciousness, picking at his loud thoughts as he disembarked with her, taking long strides over the gravel leading up to the entrance of his family's great home. Varykino really was stunning even if its familial history was one that was steeped in tragedy. Mid-afternoon sun shimmered off of the lake, giving the surrounding forest an ethereal look. Despite how much had changed for him, he still loved this place.

 _Bright summers spent as a child while the Senate was adjourned. His mother's smile. Sunburn on his pale skin. His father's laugh._

Every thought that he'd tried to erase came rushing back and Rey picked through them all, sleepily rummaging through the memories in his mind.

 _I'm envious,_ she admitted.

Kylo sighed while carefully taking the steps to the entrance, one by one.

 _Maybe... We can make our own memories?_

Rey rubbed her nose into his chest. "Mmmmm...," was all she could manage with the sedative still running through her veins.

 _Ben... I would like that,_ she thought while the huge door to his childhood opened once again. As Kylo Ren took his first steps into the beautiful, ancient home, he realized that there was no turning back now—not for Kylo Ren or for Ben Solo, either.

* * *

The staff wasn't the same and the familiar faces from his childhood had long moved on. It was lucky that Rey was with him. They might not have seen the familiar shadows of his mother or father in his face, but the servants _did_ know Rey and they rushed to ready a room—a _shared_ room—for them both.

"Alert General Organa that Rey the Jedi is in Varykino and that she's safe," he instructed a meek-looking human male who went by Cordin. Small, his ochre face youthfully rounded, Cordin avoided eye contact and ducked his dark head before asking, "Emm. Yes, sir. And from whom should I say this message is from?"

"Tell her...," he paused, taking a moment to consider his next words carefully. Things had changed and, though he did not agree with his mother's methods, he'd come to understand that he wasn't unaffected by all that had happened. That he wasn't quite Kylo Ren any longer, at least, not _here._

 _Here_ he was something else. He waited until Corbin was staring into his eyes before he instructed, "Tell her that Rey is with her son, Ben. And that she's safe and will be returned to the Resistance unharmed."

Corbin straightened when he realized that he was talking to General Organa's son. "Of course, sir. Is there anything else you require while you wait?"

He stared into his eyes before letting his Force powers connect with the man. He could feel his fear and desire to gossip, which wouldn't do at all. "I require your discretion. Use a secure connection and _only_ give your message to General Organa herself. No one else is to know we are here. Once you have given this message, you will forget this conversation. Do you understand?" Ben's voice resonated with the power of the Force as it flowed from him.

Corbin's shoulders sank a little as Ben's power seemed to settle over the man. Finally, he nodded. "Of course, sir. I understand, sir."

"Leave us, then. Only return once our room has been prepared," Ben directed.

As the man rushed to obey, Rey distracted him with her thoughts as she shifted in his lap. _Ben..._

 _Hmm?_

 _You feel different here._

 _Sleep, Rey. There's a medical droid on reserve here. It will help you, but so will sleep._

Rey grunted softly. _You're trying to distract me, Ben._

 _Ben... Ben... Ben..._ she thought, the feel of his name resonating from her through to him. For the first time in a long time, it felt _natural._ He felt like _Ben_. Not quite Solo, just Ben. But she could feel it too and as she fell asleep in his arms, he could feel the happiness radiating from within her and couldn't help but share it.

* * *

It didn't take long for the staff to get the room together and the medical droid was quick and efficient, assuring Ben that there shouldn't be any scarring, but that there might be some residual pain for a few days. That wasn't quite good enough for him, so he reached out with his powers and was sure to ease the healing along as best he could.

One of the maids left out some loose clothes for Rey to wear, but Ben declined her offer to find something suitable for him. For all he knew, the only clothes left in Varykino may have belonged to his father and he wasn't quite ready to have that confirmed. Luckily, he'd traveled with clothing that he'd intended to use on Lothal, which Vadon had transferred from the command shuttle.

After changing into some loose pants, Ben watched as Rey slept. She lay curled away from him on the big, canopied bed. The staff had aired out the room, opening the glass doors to the balcony that overlooked the lake. Spring was settling over Naboo, which he secretly loved. When the flowers bloomed, the fragrance mixed with the gentle breeze from the lake and wafted through the entire home. It made everything feel like a dream. And that Rey was with him— _really with him—_ no with distractions to hinder them.

The sun cast Rey in an otherworldly glow as she slept and Ben thought that he'd never experienced a more perfect moment in his life. Still, he could feel her through the Force. She must have been dreaming, for the loneliness echoed through her Force connection. Maybe remembering her past on Jakku? Her parents were lucky they were dead. Ben took a breath to calm himself and instead focus on the beautiful woman sleeping nearby.

He knew what it was like to grow up lonely. Memories of Rey wrapping her own arms around her middle as a child, trying to mimic the feeling of being held, filtered into his mind. He could make this better. He could _fix this._ Ben crossed the room, slid onto the bed carefully moved towards where she lay before curling his big body around her small frame. He didn't want to hurt her, but he wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. That, if she let him, he'd make it so she'd never be alone again.

Rey murmured, just faintly enough that he couldn't make out her words.

"What is it?" he asked. Maybe he'd done something wrong—maybe she didn't want him touching her. The bond they had through the Force was one thing, but maybe she was able to dismiss it all as some sort of strange fantasy? Did he pale in comparison when they were both faced with reality?

It took her a minute to come around enough to ask, "Ben. Is this real?"

"Yeah, it is," he murmured against the corner of her brow. She rolled around till she was facing him, snuggling tight against his chest as he worked his arms around her again.

"It's so comfortable. Your bed _is kriffing awful_ and my bunk is always so cramped. What is this? This is...," she trailed off.

"Rey?"

"Mmm... Don't leave, okay? Promise... Promise that you won't go...?" she added quietly.

Ben's heart lurched. He, of all people, knew what it felt like to be alone and waiting.

 _I'll never leave you. No matter what happens, I'll always find my way back to you. You never have to be alone again._

He waited for her response through their connection, but she was snoring softly against his chest, which was possibly the most endearing thing he'd ever experienced. She was perfect to him but so human. Strong and fragile. A living, breathing contradiction that he simultaneously was worried for and impressed with. She didn't need him, if anything, _he_ needed her. But she wanted him, and that made all the difference to Ben. For the first time that he could remember, someone was choosing him over everything else, even though it was dangerous for them both, even though the Resistance would brand her a traitor for her actions. She loved him, against all odds and sense.

It was the only thing he'd ever really wanted, and it had come from the last place he expected. He'd never be good enough for her, but she'd chosen him just the same. Ben lay there, strong arms wrapped around the slight body of Rey, thinking of all the ways he would cherish this moment in the days and weeks to come. Finally, he fell asleep, his big body curled around hers. His last thoughts were of how he'd give anything to be able to keep her, just like this, forever.

* * *

Ben woke up to the realization that Rey was still with him, with her head pillowed on his chest, and her legs entwined with his own. It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't a dream—not even the Force connecting them—she was really and truly beside him in bed. Part of him wanted to lay there for as long as possible, just take in the moment and let it wrap around his heart until the only thing that remained of him was this one, perfect moment. Part of him wanted to press gentle kisses to her brow until she woke.

Unfortunately, neither of those fantasies was fulfilled as Rey startled herself awake, pulling back abruptly before she exclaimed, "Oh, _shit!_ Finn! They're going to think I'm dead—my friends. They're going to be so worried!"

Rey looked frantic as he worked to keep himself from feeling jealous. He _liked_ that there were people who cared about her. She deserved to be loved and cherished more than any person he'd ever met, still, it wasn't exactly thrilling to hear her call another man's name after she'd been sleeping with _him._

With a huff, he assured her, "The servants sent a message to my mother. She knows you're safe."

Rey visibly relaxed at that news, except there was more to it than he was sharing and she knew it.

"You told her." It wasn't a question.

"I did," he admitted. "I wasn't going to hide it from you."

"I know. I just... I think she already knew? Chewie knows. He doesn't really approve, but I think he still cares for you, Ben."

It wasn't really the conversation he wanted to be having right now, and she seemed to sense that and let it drop.

"Do you think she'll tell the others?"

 _Do you think they'll think I'm a traitor?_ floated, unspoken between them.

 _You owe them exactly nothing,_ he reminded her.

 _The same goes for you, Ben. In this, we're something that's not quite right. Something outside of their experience. The only time I feel as if I fit is when I'm with you—the one person in the galaxy that I shouldn't feel this way for._

 _So, I don't have to worry about you running back to... your friend?_

He couldn't help it, couldn't ignore that little voice inside of him that said he was worthless, and that there was no way someone like her could see anything in someone like him. Rey cocked her head to the side, not understanding until she reached out with her feelings and finally understood.

With a frown, she cupped his scarred cheek and said, "Finn is my _friend_ and I _love_ him as I love all of my friends. But Ben, you have to understand that what I have with you isn't like what I have with my friends. I'm _in_ love with you."

He was being insecure, and he knew it. Why couldn't he just enjoy the moment with her without his issues getting in the way? Rey leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the edge of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Thank you... and thank you for saving my life," she said with a smile.

"I would do anything to keep you safe. Anything in my power," he assured her.

 _Same,_ she replied. _If we were together more often, it would be a lot easier to keep our promises._

Ben's sigh shuddered through him. He couldn't go back with her. Not to the Resistance, but maybe he could change things from the inside? He'd consider that thought later, but for now... The thin fabric of Rey's sleeping gown slipped low over her shoulder, exposing her precious freckles.

 _What?_ she asked as he stared.

 _You look like an angel,_ he told her as he blushed, and she grinned at him.

"If I'm an angel, what does that make you?"

"Tempting devil?" he replied, which made Rey laugh.

The corners of his own mouth twitched in response before curving fully. It felt _strange,_ but right, smiling with her. She drew out the happiness from the dark spaces of his soul and forced him to revel in her love.

This time, Rey blushed.

 _What's wrong?_

 _Oh, you're just very handsome when you smile like that,_ she admitted before leaning into his body and ducking her head under his chin.

 _Wasn't I handsome before?_ he teased. He was getting better at this. He'd do better _for her._

 _I think you have known how handsome you are for a very long time. It's just that you're usually so serious looking, it's easy to forget that you can be quite charming._

 _Only with you. Only ever with you._

Rey laughed. _I almost believe that._

"How do you feel?" Ben changed the subject. He wanted them both to enjoy this moment as much as possible.

"Mmm, good and bad," she said before snuggling further down on his chest. Her nose brushed against his nipple and Ben had to catch his breath. This was going to get out of hand if he didn't do something to control his reactions.

 _Don't. Don't control it,_ she urged him. And who was he to deny her? He'd never been very good at suppressing his feelings, anyway.

"What do you want, Rey?" he asked around the sudden thickness in his throat.

"I think you know what I want. What I've wanted for some time now." Rey lifted herself up to look at him, hazel eyes clear and determined as she caught his gaze. "What do you want, Ben?" she asked. Ben was suddenly quite breathless as he scanned her face before his eyes focused on her lips.

 _You. I've only ever wanted you._

He felt through their connection that it was enough for her, _more_ than enough, for it mirrored the sentiment in her own heart.

Rey nibbled her lip as her nervous energy slipped from her to him. "I've never done this before—well, not _really_."

Ben blushed. _The only person I've ever really been with at all is you._

 _So, we'll figure this out together?_ she thought as her lips curved into a smile.

 _Figure this out?_ he wondered and Rey scrunched her nose at him before sending him thoughts of _exactly_ what she wanted to happen between them.

 _Oh,_ he thought, eloquently. He had been expecting more of what they'd already shared when she'd anticipated something else entirely _._

"I _really_ don't know what I'm doing, then," he started and Rey laughed.

"How much don't you know? I mean, I can explain it to you...," she teased while trying her best to smother another laugh.

"Funny. I know _how_ it works, I just haven't ever..."

"And here I thought I was going to have to have explain the logistics of it all," she said with a grin.

 _Alright, sweetheart. You've made your point._

"Well, Ben. When two individuals love each other _very much,_ or maybe when they _like_ each other very much..."

"How is your shoulder?" he interrupted, suddenly serious, which seemed to surprise Rey.

"Urm?" She wiggled her body. "Feels pretty good, actually. Anyway, as I was saying, when two aliens love each other very much..."

But Rey couldn't finish because she quickly found herself pinned beneath the _big,_ hard body of Ben. Hands pressed into the pillows above her head, Ben held her tight as he lay half on top of her.

"Hey!" Rey squeaked.

Ben pressed his mouth to her neck and murmured. "How about you put that mouth of yours to better use?"

"Speak for yourself!" she joked.

Ben shifted so that both of her wrists were held in one of his big hands before slowly trailing a path down her body.

 _Oh..._ Her thoughts were muddled and expectant, which meant she wouldn't see it coming. All at once, Ben's fingers dug gently into her side, tickling his surprised captive.

"Ben!" she squealed between peals of laughter.

 _This isn't fair!_

 _Has no one taught you that life isn't fair?_

Rey wriggled helplessly beneath him until he _finally_ stopped.

"You're an ass, Ben," she pouted, but he could feel her happiness radiating through their bond.

" _Your_ ass, sweetheart," he reminded Rey as he pulled back to look at her. Breathless and beneath his body, Ben thought she'd never looked more lovely. Rey's lips parted slightly as she waited.

As she _wanted._

Ben swallowed thickly as the mood shifted between them into something tense and expectant. _Be patient with me? I don't know what I'm doing here..._

 _Our experiences would suggest otherwise,_ she teased. _But I trust you. We can do this._

Touch outside of that shared space in the Force was somewhat overwhelming. Ben was more inside his head than ever.

 _What if I don't do this right? Can I make her happy? What if she hates it? What are we doing here? This isn't going to end well._

Rey, as ever, had a calming effect on him.

 _Ben. Just start small. This is a lot for me too._

He rolled onto his side and stared down at her before another important thought entered his mind.

"Are you... urm. I have an implant," he offered.

Ben groaned internally, had _no_ idea how to bring up the matter of contraceptives without sounding like a complete moof milker, but the last thing they needed to worry about was a pregnancy.

Rey laughed. "Implant, too. Standard issue?" she joked before reaching out and gently pressing her hand to his scarred face.

"Standard issue," he replied, though his thoughts drifted to the past, yet again, and his childhood of feeling like a burden. Rey brushed her thumb over his lip before shaking her head.

 _If we decide ever to have kids, it will be because we're ready and because we both want to. I promise you, Ben. Never before that moment._

It meant so much to him that she understood. She understood him better than anyone else.

"Changed your mind yet?" he breathed, hoping she _hadn't_ come to her senses.

"Not on your life, Ben."

 _This is just the beginning._

And the night was long before them. Being with her in the flesh was a gift and one Ben didn't intend to squander. But as Rey smiled at him, he couldn't help but think that, after this night, nothing would be the same.

* * *

SO the entire rest of the chapter is smut so it's cut off here. Sorry for anyone who reads exclusively on FFnet, but their terms are the way they are. You won't miss anything story-wise, just the smut. It's all posted, unedited, on AO3. So if you wanna read it... it's waiting for you.

Thank you all for the lovely comments/follows/ favs etc. I appreciate it more than you know. Have an awesome weekend!

Any mistakes, as ever, are my own darlings that are there to keep me honest and human.

* * *

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend. Thanks again for all the follows, favs, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).**


	11. A Youth Written In Fire

Hours later, Ben dragged her bodily out of the bed, his need for food stronger than her own. After some grumbling, they dressed, but she wasn't quite ready to let go of the sensation of being near him. Rey stretched her arms up and Ben shook his head a little as he dipped to pick her up. He carried her as if she weighed nothing and, in his arms, she felt safer than she ever had in her entire life. She was trying not to get too used to the feeling, but it was addictive, being loved by this man.

Through the long, opulent hallways, Rey stared as Ben strode easily along, finding his way to the kitchen without any trouble. As he carried her through the entrance, Rey marveled. The room was huge and looked as if it could be used to cook for _hundreds._ Rey wondered if they used to have parties in the lake house, or whether the wealthy just ate _a lot._

 _A little of both,_ Ben admitted as Rey nuzzled her nose into his shoulder.

There were several durasteel-looking nanowave stoves as well as conservators that lined the perimeter of the kitchen and Rey could just make out the faint hum of the electronic devices as they passed by.

The staff had been busy and had stocked it since their arrival, if the fresh fruits and vegetables were anything to go by. The giant room was as lovely as the rest of the lake house with brushed metal handles, opulent light-fixtures, and great, stone counters. So, of course, it made Rey feel highly inadequate.

She hadn't needed to use the kitchen herself, the last time she'd been at Varykino as the staff had insisted on helping her, but they were off duty now, which meant it was just her and Ben. Rey could cook... if it wasn't anything complicated, but she was certain that there wasn't much that she'd cook that would be able to tempt someone who'd been raised by a former _princess._

"I've never seen so much food outside of the mess hall before," Rey mumbled. She didn't even know what to _do_ with half of it. Finn and her had experimented with some strange fruits that Rose seemed to love, but both had ended up with horrible stomach aches and a trip to the infirmary after their food adventure. They had stuck with the mess hall offerings after that.

Most of what she ate was either bland or too salty, but it was adequate in portion, which was more than she was used to.

Ben blinked down at her before looking sheepishly at the mass of fruits and vegetables. "This isn't even half as much as we used to have here," he admitted.

Rey couldn't even begin to imagine what _that_ would look like. She knew that Ben came from a world that she'd never really experienced and only ever dreamed about, probably inaccurately. That he could see anything of value in a nobody like her was a source of wonder for Rey but, as ever, Ben sensed her thoughts and assured her.

 _You're better than I deserve. You're everything to me and even if you come from nothing, it doesn't define the person you are now._

Rey planted a kiss on his cheek before wiggling out of his arms. "Thanks, Ben. You might start to think otherwise when you realize just how bad my manners are," she warned him.

"You met Han... My father. Believe me, I didn't get my manners from him."

Rey laughed. "A little rough around the edges, but I liked it. At least you won't shun me if I don't know how to eat something correctly."

Ben stared down at her. "Open your mouth, stick the food in, chew. You'll be fine."

"Yeah, you say that now. But Rose was telling me that your mother is a _princess,_ so you can't tell me she didn't pass some of that on to you."

"How about we just pick something to eat now, instead of worrying about whether we'll be able to eat it?" he suggested, but that was the issue. Rey wasn't really sure _what_ to pick.

There were so many foods to choose from, enough that she didn't have names for all of them, so she didn't know where to start at all.

"I don't really know what most of this is, Ben. I grew up on food portions and, well, the Resistance doesn't have the greatest food."

"Would you like me to share some of my favorites with you?" he suggested and Rey felt herself relax.

"I would love that, Ben. Nothing too sweet or too rich. I'm not really used to it and it upsets my stomach," she warned.

Ben leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her brow, before his big hands gripped her hips, surprising Rey as he deposited her on the stone countertop.

"My mother used to say that 'tables are for glasses, not for asses,' but I'm going to make an exception for you," he said before dropping a light kiss on her lips.

Though he didn't speak of it often, Rey appreciated it when he opened up about his past, especially when they he spoke of happy memories. She loved Leia and knew that the General still loved her son dearly.

What was Leia going to think of Rey now? Would she be happy, or would this compromise everything that they were fighting for? The fact that Leia knew they both were at Varykino made things complicated, but what had Rey expected? That she would just stay secretly enmeshed in Ben's life without there being some consequences? He was still a part of the First Order even though she _knew_ in her heart that he wasn't committed to that cause, not exactly.

 _If he could be turned..._ A memory echoed within Rey's mind and she banished the thought. It wasn't so much turning as it was learning how to find balance, but how to do that...? Rey held in a sigh.

It was nice, to be at Varykino with him. To laugh with him and love him. It felt more right than anything had in ages though Rey's heart lurched when she stopped to think about it too much.

Once, she'd tried not to get too emotionally invested. Tried to keep her distance and keep her anger fresh because that was the only way to keep herself safe. But she just couldn't.

Being with Ben felt more real than anything she'd ever experienced. She hadn't really believed in soul mates, but there was more to the connection between herself and Ben than she was able to understand.

 _The Force keeps connecting us for a reason,_ he thought as he puttered around the kitchen.

"Mmm," she said, though it wasn't much of an answer.

She had made the decision to let the Force do as it willed and surely it wouldn't be pushing her towards more heartbreak, would it? Rey sighed before consciously changing her thoughts. She watched as Ben moved his big body around the kitchen and was happy to realize that he seemed perfectly at home there.

"Didn't much expect that you'd be able to cook at all," she marveled.

"Mother insisted I learn," he offered and Rey smiled.

It would be like Leia to insist that her son be able to feed himself. She wondered whether Leia thought of the same memories when she saw them all in the mess hall. Did the memory of Ben Solo haunt her everywhere she went, as it did Rey?

 _I'm more literal than a memory,_ Ben reminds her.

 _Sometimes, you are. Sometimes, it feels as if I'm siphoning memories that shouldn't be mine._

 _I feel the same way about you,_ he replied while he reached into a drawer and grabbed out a huge knife.

 _When in doubt, blame the Force,_ Rey teased, though she was half serious. Ever since she'd found BB-8, the Force had been pushing and pushing her along. But where it would lead next was anyone's guess.

Rey wiggled her feet in the air. It was nice to be cared for, plus it gave her a chance to sit and watch as Ben worked. No matter what he was doing, he was endlessly fascinating to her. That big body which always seemed to be afraid of taking up too much space. The way his shoulders hunched a little as he worked, chopping away at what looked to be something delicious. He hadn't bothered with a shirt, and Rey was eternally grateful for that.

 _Maker, that back, and ass..._ she thought before she could stop herself.

 _I heard that,_ he thought without pausing in his work.

Rey tried to guard her thoughts a little. It wasn't that she didn't want Ben knowing that she found him to be beautiful, but it was a little embarrassing _how much_ she desired him.

She thought back to the night they'd shared and the _many_ different things they'd experienced together. It felt like another life and didn't much feel like the first time they'd been linked by the Force. It was more powerful, more seductive.

There was a darkness between them, like a phantom pain, that was only truly overcome when they were together. Though Ben felt otherwise, she was no more a bastion of light than he was a denizen of the dark. Apart, they were tugged in opposite directions, pulled towards imbalance, but together, there was harmony.

And when they were _together-together,_ there was an unending kind of bliss, as if the Force itself was encouraging their connection and heightening the pleasure between them. She'd found herself in his head at different intervals throughout the night when his thoughts and feelings echoed through their bond.

He was reverent towards her, but he also coveted her in a way that was just as appealing to Rey. No one had wanted _her_ before, not the way Ben did. He loved and wanted _her_ because she was important to him, just by being herself, and not because of what she could do for him.

****And the thoughts he shared as he pressed within, as he angled her hips up to heighten _her_ pleasure, were thoughts and feelings that she'd be taking with her and holding in her heart, and her fantasies, for the days to come.

***Rey shook her head to bring herself back to the present, but couldn't quite wipe the satisfied smirk from her face as Ben turned to display a stunning array of fruits and vegetables before he placed it on the countertop beside where she sat. With a wink, Rey picked up a piece of juicy fruit and pressed it against Ben's lips. With a teasing nip, he pulled at the tips of her fingers as he sucked the fruit from her hands.

"Is this how you always eat on Naboo? Here I thought you had some manners," Rey chided. She'd _always_ eaten with her hands and getting used to cutlery had been a bit of an adjustment. It just wasn't something that was necessary on Jakku and, truth be told, she preferred eating with her hands.

"It's considered polite to eat this kind of food with your fingers. It's meant to enhance the intimacy and also the flavors," Ben explained as Rey gave him a disbelieving look.

"That sounds like something you made up so that you can keep nipping at my fingers," she replied.

Ben shook his head, his messy locks falling into his eyes as his lips curved. "Here, it's called shuura," he said while offering her a piece of the same juicy, yellow fruit that she'd fed him.

Rey ate from his fingers while letting her tongue dip out to tease at his digits as the juice dripped down his hand. He _liked_ that but seemed to be planning something more than what Rey was thinking of doing—which was more of what they'd already done last night.

 _Later, sweetheart. I'll let you put those lips where ever you want._

 _What about now?_ Rey grumbled.

He was _so good_ at deferring pleasure for himself. Part of her wondered whether he was still punishing himself for the crimes he'd committed by denying his own pleasure. Rey huffed a little as he gently kissed her nose, his lips sticky from the shuura, which earned a laugh from her.

"Moof milker," she said while scrubbing her nose clean with the back of her hand.

"More?" Ben offered and Rey shook her head.

"I am stuffed. If I eat any more food, I will make myself sick. I'm not built like a conservator, unlike _some_ individuals," she ribbed.

Ben shrugged and Rey stared openly as his muscles flexed under her gaze. He was doing it on _purpose_ and she loved it.

 _As long as you've had enough,_ he added and Rey could feel his concern through the bond.

Though she had filled out some since having regular access to food, she couldn't let go of that bit of insecurity that told her it was all temporary and that she'd be going back to Jakku to experience hardship, hunger, and loneliness all over again.

"I used to have dreams of places like this," she murmured. "Plutt would deny me my rightful share of portions, for whatever made up reason he wanted. So, I'd go back to my home in the dunes and try to sleep as the hunger ate at me, but there was a presence... In my dreams, I could feel _someone..."_

 _Someone with a presence not unlike your own._

They'd shared thoughts and feelings, so she was certain that he knew about her dreams—she certainly knew of his.

"Somehow, it feels like I've been waiting a long time for you to come into my life," he offered.

"Like some piece that was missing?" Rey finished.

 _Exactly. I've never felt so... whole. Always fractured, like I didn't quite belong, no matter what I did or who I was with._

 _I was always so lonely,_ she thought. _At night, I'd dream of a face, a face I could never remember, and a voice telling me that it would all be okay one day._

Ben stepped between her legs and pulled her close as Rey rested her cheek on his shoulder. "I'm here for you. No matter what, I'll _always_ find a way to be here for you," Ben promised and Rey believed him.

"We're not alone anymore," she reaffirmed and Ben hummed his agreement.

 _You're here, with me. A comforting presence instead of an oppressive one._

Rey reached out and pulled his hand into her lap. "Was he always in your head?" she asked while playing with the calluses on his palm.

Ben must not have always practiced with his gloves on, not with this kind of roughness. Rey found that she liked it and, more importantly, she liked the way it felt against her own skin.

"Even before I realized what was happening, he was there," he admitted.

"Did your parents not realize?" Rey wondered.

She'd felt what it was like to have Snoke in her mind and unpleasant didn't even begin to describe how it felt. Rey couldn't imagine what it would have been like for Ben to have that oppressive, dark presence shifting his thoughts throughout his entire life.

"My... mother, she realized. But her solution was to send me to my uncle, Luke. And I felt... Betrayed. Cast off. Snoke capitalized on those feelings for years before finally...," Ben paused and Rey was able to fill in the gaps herself.

 _Luke, he mistook Snoke's influence for Ben's own feelings._

"If Luke hadn't... done what he did, would you have still gone to Snoke?" Rey wondered before she could stop herself.

She still didn't have much of a filter, so sometimes the questions just came out before she could think of a better way to say things, but Ben never seemed to mind, even if she could feel that the questions sometimes made him feel a little awkward.

"I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I wanted there to be peace and order throughout the galaxy and I could never see how that would work, with how disorganized and overwhelmed by bureaucracy the New Republic was. Snoke was so clear in his vision that it was easy to get caught up in that ideology and convinced that _his_ way was the only way. I don't regret it though," he added and Rey started, shifting to stare up at him.

"What? How can you say that?" she asked, shocked.

Ben shook his head. "I mean, I regret _many_ things, but if I'd known that you were waiting at the end of all of this, I can't say that I would have done anything differently. I would do anything to have this outcome, Rey. I only wish I'd been able to find you sooner."

 _Protect you. Destroy Plutt. Vengeance._

His feelings flowed through their bond and into her and Rey smiled. "We're that for _each other_ now. And, besides, Chewie tore his arm off."

 _What?_

"Unkar made the mistake of following me to Takodana and threatening me. Chewie didn't like that."

 _Everyone always jokes about how a mad Wookiee could tear your arm off, but I've never seen it happen before—my father would tell stories._

"Oh, it happened. I'm not sure what became of Unkar Plutt after that, and I don't really care. I think I could handle him now, probably."

 _Maker help anyone that gets in between you and what you want,_ Ben teased through their bond.

 _Even you?_

 _As long as I'm the thing that you want in that equation, I'd bend over backward to see it done._

She was about to tell him that he wouldn't have to go even half that far when he distracted her.

"Come on," he said while helping her off of the counter. Reaching out, Ben captured her hand in his own and Rey threaded her fingers with his. His hands were a constant source of wonder for her—rough and elemental, while still gentle, kind of like Ben.

Leading her through the many hallways, Ben finally brought her out onto a balcony. The weather was warm and delightful. A soft breeze washed the scent of spring over them both. With a little tug, Ben pulled her along to the side of the villa to a great, stone staircase that led to a private beach.

"What are we doing here?" she asked.

"Patience, sweetheart," he teased.

"I should think we that we both know I don't have any of _that,_ " she deadpanned, earning herself a faint chuckle.

"No, can't say that I have much of it either," he conceded. "But indulge me, please?"

Rey shivered. The dark part of her liked when he asked for her favor, a darker part yet liked when he _begged._ What was she becoming with this man? Had she always been like this?

 _A dark inclination while he lifts a measure of your light..._

Rey tried to clear her head while deciding to give into his desires. "Fine, but if it's not better than what we were doing in bed last night... or this morning, I'm going to be _very_ disappointed."

Ben's lip curled at the side and his eyes darkened with pleasure. "You know I'd make it up to you."

Rey bit her lip as she considered dragging Ben back to the bedroom anyway, but he seemed intent on showing her something and she wanted him to enjoy the time they had together as well.

She had been half-convinced that they wouldn't be leaving the bed during their time together, let alone the room, but she should have known better.

Being with Ben, no matter what they did, was always an exquisite kind of torture, something that filled the cracks in her heart while simultaneously breaking it. It wasn't forever, it wasn't even for much _longer_ but, while she had him, she was going show him how much he meant to her—and remind herself that, no matter how her life had been, now she had someone who loved and cherished her.

 _Someone who would tear down the stars for you,_ a little voice reminded.

She'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit how much she enjoyed that thought—and how hard she had to work to resist dwelling on it. Part of her had _always_ wanted to take Ben up on his offer after Snoke's death. He'd been so beautiful and broken before her, heart on his sleeve, imploring, hand outstretched in supplication, that she'd _almost_ said yes.

But they were both broken people, and they'd needed that time and separation, even if the Force had continually brought them back together through their connection. They were a part of something that existed outside of the First Order or the Resistance. They possessed a power that not many understood though many coveted. They were both pushed and pulled by the people around them, and they were fortunate that they'd managed to keep their bond a secret for as long as they had. _If anyone were to find out..._

Rey didn't want to consider the consequences right now. All she wanted was to be with Ben, but when he pulled her onto the rocky shore and stopped just short of the low waves, she was beginning to regret the decision to let him lead her outside.

"Just what do you have in mind?" she asked, nervous.

 _He better not be considering what I think he's considering._

 _And what would that be, Rey?_ he shot back.

Rey blanched. She hadn't been able to keep that thought to herself, but it wasn't her fault. The idea of swimming scared the hell out of her.

"It's not so bad. I used to spend my summers here as a kid, I learned to swim right here from my..." he stops before finishing, but Rey knew he was about to tell her how his father taught him to swim.

"Good memories?" Rey asked and Ben gives her a half-smile.

"Yeah, good memories. I'd like to make _more_ with you," he went on.

"I grew up on a desert, you realize," she explained patiently, hoping that he'd abandon this strange crusade. "And the last time I did this, I nearly drowned."

Rey thought back to that time on Ahch-To in the cave. The lie she'd constructed around herself, that protective barrier around her heart, had been shattered that day, but Ben... he'd been there to help her pick up the pieces.

 _I'll always be here,_ he reminded her. _Trust me._

Rey let out a little huff before finally nodding. Ben captured her hands in both of his, those giant paws pulling her towards the water as he walked backward, still staring down at her.

"I'm not really dressed for this, you realize," she reminded him.

Though she'd dressed, it wasn't _much_ of a dress. Gauzy and flowing, she'd felt she needed to wear _something,_ otherwise, they'd not be able to resist each other.

Ben cocked his head at her and Rey realized the reason for his earlier grin.

 _Oh, no. No way,_ she thought while pulling away.

 _Why not? There's no one here. The servants never come to this side of the villa._

 _What if someone sails by?_ she thought, gesturing to the wide, open lake.

Ben licked his lips before lifting his arms into a great, big stretch. As Rey watched the flex and pull of his biceps, watched as the great expanse of his chest rippled under her gaze, she nearly forgot why she was objecting at all.

 _Take off your dress, Rey. It's too pretty to ruin,_ he added, thoughtfully.

It really _was_ too pretty to ruin. With a sigh, Rey hitched the edges of the bright fabric up and over her head but paused before completely removing it.

"You first, Ben. If I'm going to be naked, so are you."

Despite his proclivity for _overdressing,_ Ben seemed to be more than okay with being naked around her. Rey pulled her dress off the rest of the way before peeping at Ben as he pulled the thin fabric of his trousers over his hips. Her eyes traveled downward, and Rey stared openly at the dusky trail of hair that led downward, at the thick length of him. He hardened under her gaze and Rey tried to pull eyes away, but even as they traveled up, it was no use. No matter where she looked, he was exquisite.

"Ben," she said with a whine.

He swallowed thickly. "Keep looking at me like that, and we're going back to the room," his voice purred and Rey thought that it seemed he'd be entirely fine with that except that, now, she kind of wanted to try this swimming thing again—with Ben there to help her.

Rey scrunched her nose. "That's not exactly a threat, but I've decided that I'd like to give this another try."

Ben nodded, and they walked, quite naked, to the edge of the water. The rocky ground was hard against her feet, but the water lapping at her ankles was warm and pleasant.

"It's not deep, not until you get further out," Ben assured her as he led her out to where the water was just at her thighs.

"Okay," she breathed. She wasn't as comfortable with this as she'd hoped, but Ben wouldn't let her drown. Still, what if there was some great creature in the water? She was about to call the whole thing off when something slithered by her feet. With a yelp, Rey jumped and immediately slipped, falling face first into the water.

Logically, she knew she could stand. But illogically, she was freaking out. Rey sputtered and flailed while two big arms tried to steady her.

"Stop fighting me!" Ben choked out as Rey splashed.

"Something touched my foot!" she gasped while chocking on lake water.

"There _are_ fish in this lake," he told her while helping her stand again.

"Pertinent information, Ben!" Rey grumped, dripping and embarrassed.

With a sigh, Ben stepped close and pulled her tight. He was so warm and comforting and she was being a little silly.

"C'mon, I'll show you how to float," he said while brushing a soft kiss on her brow. Then, all at once, Rey found herself being scooped up into Ben's arms as he trudged further out into the water.

"I thought you said it wasn't deep!" she cried. This was most definitely deeper than she'd imagined.

"It's not. I'm here to teach you and I won't let you fail," he teased.

Somehow, it felt like he was talking about more than just swimming. It felt like he really had always been there to help her, in some strange way, as if their connection went back further than just Starkiller Base, but all thoughts fled from her mind as Ben slowly lowered her into the water.

Rey flailed a little and Ben frowned down at her. "Just relax. The key to floating is staying _relaxed._ "

Rey glared. "This was a bad idea."

"Just trust me, sweetheart."

Rey took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. _Okay, okay, okay. Ben is here. Ben won't let you drown. And, besides, you managed to choke your way out of the water the first time, you could probably do it again._

As Rey calmed, her body really _did_ start to float, though Ben's hands were a comforting presence on her back.

"I'm going to move you around a little, so you get the feel for it. Just keep relaxing and let your body do the work," he guided.

Once she let go of her fear, Rey found that floating atop the water was actually kind of calming. Ben switched his hands so that he was gently tugging her along through the water and Rey found that it was a much more pleasant experience than on Ahch-To.

"Do the Jedi have any swimming powers?" Rey wondered as Ben helped her float.

"I don't know of anything in particular, though a Jedi has a heightened sense of their own body, so perhaps that could be translated into some swimming abilities. There is an old technique for breath control. It could probably be used for swimming though it's mostly used against poisonous gases. I'm going to let you go now," Ben warned.

And Rey immediately started to sink like a rock as soon as he tried to take his hands away.

"I'm really terrible at this," Rey laughed. "Why don't you just carry me forever?"

She liked the water, even if she'd initially been worried about being seen floating naked with Ben but, most of all, she just liked being close to him. She felt stronger and more aware when she was with him as if their powers were complimentary and heightened their strengths.

 _Balance..._ The word echoed at the edge of her mind. Luke had talked of balance, maybe he'd just underestimated what exactly that would look like?

Ben interrupted her thoughts. "It just takes practice and you already have the floating part down. You just have to let go of me and try it for yourself."

"No, no. Last time I got dunked in water, I felt like I was going to drown. I don't want that to happen again."

 _I'm here with you,_ Ben assured her. _I won't let anything bad happen to you._

Rey let out an indignant squeak as Ben walked further out into the lake, carrying her deeper and deeper. Rey dipped her body down to see if she could reach the bottom, earning herself a mouth full of water for her trouble.

"Gak!" she coughed.

"I'd advise against drinking lake water," Ben said, barely smothering his smirk.

"Obviously. Promise you won't let go, Ben," she griped while trying to get a feel for how to both float and _move_ in the water.

"Not until you're ready," he assured her.

Eventually, Ben pulled her around for long enough that she kind of got the hang of floating and was feeling confident enough to try _actually_ swimming.

"I think that I can do this," she said, more confidently than she felt.

"So, I can let go?" he asked, his hands still tight around her own.

 _Let go; slowly, okay?_

 _I'll always be here to help, Rey. Just call out and I'll be there._

And from one moment to the next, everything changed. Rey was _swimming, but_ she found she wanted to be closer to Ben, so she pulled herself through the water towards his big body. With a little squeak, she awkwardly launched herself at him, spraying water as her limbs flailed before finally settling around his middle.

Ben choked out a startled laugh as his hands slipped against her skin, finally managing to pull her up so that she could wrap her legs around his stomach. He stumbled a little before his own arms came up to hold her tight against his broad body.

 _Oh. You feel really nice like this,_ she thought.

Ben was curiously silent, but his tenseness gave him away. It was a strange sort of sensation for them both. Of course, she loved being close to him when they were both naked, but with the added slickness from the water, everything felt more sensual. Ben was still as she tightened her legs around him while their heads bobbed atop the water.

If she stretched out, Rey doubted she'd be able to touch the bottom without dipping her head under, but Ben was tall enough for them both and, judging from the prodding against her thigh, he was enjoying the sensation of her being wrapped around him just as much as she was. Rey anchored her arm around his neck as she drew a hand up to trail a liquid path along his broad chest, fingers tripping from freckle to freckle, before dipping along the cut of his many scars.

 _I gave you this one,_ she thought as she pressed into the gash of his arm.

Ben let out a little huff as his arms tightened around her. _Braggart._

 _No, no. That's not it. I mean, I kind of wish hadn't, you know, but at the same time..._

 _We've come a long way,_ he finished for her.

 _Yeah. We have._

Rey pressed her cheek along his collarbone and listened to the steady beat of his heart. "Even then, I think I knew that there was something more to whatever was between us."

"Whatever comes next, it was worth it—it _will_ be worth it. There will be a happy outcome for us, even if we can't see it now," he assured her.

Rey rubbed her lips along his shoulder and just _felt._ And, for a moment, she knew that every word of what he'd said was true. There would be a happy ending for them both, but she didn't know how or when—but she would. They would figure it out together.

 _But for now..._

Rey shimmied her hips and pressed into him, grinding her body as Ben fought to hold them both upright.

"I'm going to fall over in the water if you keep that up, Rey," he growled a warning.

 _Mmm, I don't much feel like drowning._

Ben thrust his hips into her, earning a low groan from Rey. Dipping his head, Ben pressed his lips into hers as his tongue delved, slipping within her mouth to tangle with her own. He kissed her as if she was the only thing in the galaxy giving him life, as if he needed her very breath, her entire essence, just to keep himself going.

Strangely, Rey felt the same as she clutched at his big body, helplessly being dragged along as they both gave in to their desires. By the time reason had caught up with Rey, she was halfway into wiggling him inside her, but she remembered something with a frustrated groan—something _important_.

"Urm, not in the lake?" Rey managed as Ben dappled suckling kisses down her jaw.

"Hmm? What?" he said with obvious effort.

Ben seemed to be having a hard time understanding her words, so she reiterated, "Friends have warned me about erm... having sex in open water. Apparently, it's fun while you're doing it but the aftermath can be painful."

It was a strange side effect of living in close quarters with others, that forced intimacy, but as a result, her friends almost had less of a filter than her—especially Jess and Rose.

Not one to be deterred or denied, Ben offered, "The shower then?"

"Sonic?" she said, face scrunching.

"No, the one with water, in the bathhouse."

 _There's a bathhouse?_ she marveled.

 _Haven't you seen it? There's a soaking tub, a shower, and a sauna._

 _Well, fancy!_ she teased.

Though the staff had told her about the shower before, she hadn't used it when she'd visited, thinking that it was too decadent for her—and all that water going to waste! But she hadn't realized it was in a _bathhouse._ She still thought it was kind of a waste, not quite able to banish those scavenger feelings that pushed her into conserving, but, if Ben insisted...

"The shower then," she agreed. "And _then_ the bath."

 _Whatever you want, sweetheart._

Rey pressed a kiss against his lips and was almost distracted again as he deepened the kiss.

 _Ben. Shower. Lakehouse. Now._

 _Right. Right,_ he thought through the haze of desire.

"Let's see if you can hold me against you without the water helping," Rey teased as her lips brushed against the shell of Ben's ear. A shiver ran through him both at her words and her touch— _Maker,_ he liked it when she kissed him there.

 _Wicked scavenger,_ he teased before walking them both out of the water.

"What about our clothes?" she managed as Ben dabbled kisses along her shoulder.

Without the water surrounding them, it was rather chilly, and it seemed as if Ben was half-determined walk through the villa naked, with her in his arms.

 _Not that I mind, but I'd rather not accidentally run into anyone._

With a small grumble, he set her down, though his hand sought out her own and held it tight as he gathered their clothes up. Getting dressed while wet was such a pain, another reason she preferred the sonic shower, but watching Ben get stuck in his pants as he hopped and tried to remain upright was worth it.

Rey laughed as he fought with the clothes while pleasure and happiness surrounded them both.

 _You're next,_ he reminded her.

 _My clothes are much easier than those tight pants. Maybe choose something looser next time?_ Rey thought while gesturing to where he was having a _hard_ time getting himself contained.

 _Are we both going to pretend that I didn't choose these pants because you enjoy them, or..?_ he teased as he managed to fit himself back inside his pants— _all_ of himself.

 _Fair point,_ she conceded with a grin.

Rey held out her dress to Ben and let him gather the fabric before he slipped it over her head and down her lithe body. With a smile, Rey stood on her toes to leave a kiss on the bottom of Ben's chin in thanks as he pulled her tight into him, surrounded by his warmth and in his love.

Their Force signatures blended until she couldn't tell where hers began and his ended. She felt as if she could live a lifetime here with Ben and, though they only had mere moments, they were going to make the best of them—together. And, for the time being, thoughts of an indeterminate future were pushed aside for more _pressing_ matters.

Somewhere not so far, eyes were watching and waiting for the right moment. For the right opportunity. And a Supreme Leader shirking his responsibilities to dally with a _scavenger girl—no,_ a filthy Jedi. Well, some opportunities were too good to pass up.

His room on the Finalizer was dark and dimly lit by the light of the terminals and the surveillance holos. It had taken time and considerable manpower, but Hux had managed to recover and isolate the surveillance footage from the Supremacy and it had confirmed his suspicions.

All he'd needed was the right opportunity and with the Supreme Leader on mission, Hux had taken the chance. The dark terminal blinked, alerting Hux to an incoming transmission from Opan.

Hux pressed the comm button, and the holo flicked to life. Captain Opan stood, dressed as a local insurgent from Lothal and waited to give his intel.

"Report," Hux said, teeth clenched as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"General," the man said, saluting. "It is as we thought."

Hux's nostrils flared as he breathed deep, elation flooding his veins. The connection was rough, cutting in and out, which was to be expected considering his location. It had been necessary to send the man to Lothal to verify and to execute the next component of his plan.

"The intel was right. The Resistance walked right into it and the Supreme Leader had disappeared from the battlefield after the Jedi was struck. His shuttle was confirmed in the Chrommell sector a cycle later, near Naboo."

Hux almost laughed. _The weak-minded fool. Let him have his time with the girl. Once he returns, he and his damned powers will be eliminated from the galaxy once and for all._

Giving a short nod, Hux confirmed the next course of action. "It's treason then. You know what needs to be done. Return to the Supremacy at once and, when the Supreme Leader returns, give him the welcome he so deserves."

"As you command... Supreme Leader Hux," the man said with a final salute before the connection cut out and the holo dimmed. It had been a long time coming, but Hux was going to finally get what he was owed. The thin man stared out of the large viewport as the ship— _his ship—_ slid through hyperspace to the rendezvous point. Hux let his mouth curl into a smile as he considered the future.

That weak traitor, Kylo Ren, was going to get the end he deserved and soon the galaxy would have a Supreme Leader that was willing to rule as was necessary, with an iron fist.

* * *

A/N—Hello gorgeous people. Thanks for all of the kudos, subs, comments, etc. I love you all! Went and saw Solo and I really liked it. It felt like a Saturday Morning cartoon (in a good way). I smiled through the entire thing, also I am in love with L3 and Lando. The end lol. Having no expectations was the best kind of expectations to have. Like, holy moly, Gambino's Lando is everything I didn't know I wanted and he can call me "baby" any day of the fucking week. Like YES.

Title of this chapter is taken from the new Snow Patrol album, Wildness (A Youth Written In Fire) and I S2g, Ben Solo wrote some of this album lol but I listened to the song on repeat while writing/editing. I'm pretty sure this is gonna be a few chapters beyond 15 (which is where it's set at right now), but we'll see how much trouble these kids manage to get into.

As always, the unedited version is over on Ao3 (plus a chapter between the last chapter and this). Just look for between **** and **** for the smut (on Ao3).

* * *

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend. Thanks again for all the kudos, subs, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).**


	12. I'm In It With You

**A/N-Though it's edited and (I think) mostly tasteful, there's some m-rated smut between **** and **** if you'd prefer to skip that. As always, there's an unedited chapter over on Ao3, if it's up and running (that bloody site).**

* * *

The clouds had rolled in during the night and the sounds of water hitting the stones outside resonated throughout the lake house. It was a dreamy time and much too early to get out of bed, so Rey listened as the rain poured.

Ben's soft snoring mingled with the sounds of nature and Rey thought that she'd never felt quite so content in her entire life. Her dreams had been vivid, these past few days with Ben. Normally, Rey only had nightmares, but she hardly ever remembered the specifics of those.

Mostly, she remembered feelings—hunger, loneliness, crushing sadness. She'd often wake from those horrible dreams to find herself alone in her bunk and do her best to fall back asleep but here, with Ben, she wasn't alone anymore and her mind seemed to relax with that knowledge.

And her dreams were vivid and beautiful in response to that reassurance. One night, she saw herself and Ben at what looked like the edge of the galaxy, staring out of a viewport as the stars stretched out endlessly before them.

Once, during the day, after they'd fallen back into bed with each other and explored the limits of their own desires before collapsing in a heap and napping together, she'd dreamed of her vision—what she'd seen when she and Ben had touched hands for that first time through the Force.

That vision was bright, _solid, and clear._ They were together, and she knew they were in _their_ home. It was small, sparsely furnished, but overflowing with plants and other little knickknacks that she and Ben had acquired during their travels.

She'd painted the walls a bright green. It reminded her of Takodana. Ben had helped, even though he hated painting. He'd also made some caf, and she drank it though she didn't really like the taste—but she sure did like the energy boost.

It never impacted Ben the way it did her, and she blamed it on his considerable height and broad body. He insisted that his decades-long addiction had made him immune to the drink, even if he _did_ get a headache without it.

There weren't any droids in the home, and they were fine with that. Rey never pushed the issue, though she knew there were some difficult childhood memories concerning droids that he wasn't interested in reliving and she'd gotten used to doing everything on her own and wasn't comfortable with the idea of a... well, someone who'd be to her what she'd been to Plutt—forced to work, without a choice in the matter.

Rey had seen herself with Ben, enjoying the quiet of the early morning. She'd go over and interrupt him as he scanned his reader, sitting right on his lap and forcing him to read over her shoulder.

Sometimes, she'd read too. Sometimes, he'd read to her. And sometimes, she'd sit and enjoy his warmth and closeness as the minutes passed in companionable silence.

This was the best dream she'd ever had.

Eventually, she'd yawn and insist on doing some training, and Ben would refuse to let her go. They'd laugh as she'd pepper his face and nose with kisses, tracing a path along his beautiful speckled skin, from mark to mark, until they both heard as laughter resonated from within the little home—and voices.

The sounds drew closer... closer still until the dream faded and she awoke to find herself in a different sort of dream. Ben was with her, but the future was indeterminate.

She had him now, but how much longer would that be the case? Still, even in sleep, he sought her out and drew her closer. Pulled her tight against that strong body and held her as if he never wanted to let her go.

Rey fell asleep like this—content and cared for. She dreamed while she lay in his arms and whether his own thoughts and desires were impacting her own, she wasn't sure, but as Rey woke with a little moan, she realized that she'd been dreaming of him, specifically of him _inside_ her, his hips tight against her own as she'd wrapped herself around Ben's big body as many ways as she possibly could.

****They'd been close in the dream, _so close,_ but then she'd woken up before either her or dream Ben could climax, which left her now—aching and needy. But Ben was nowhere to be seen and his side of the bed was cold.

The memory of his touch spurred Rey on as her hand dipped low while she touched herself to thoughts and memories of _him._

Rey's free hand trailed along her body, imagining it was him. His lips, pillow soft as they pressed against hers before trailing lower to hitch along her sensitive skin. Or how his hands gripped her hips tight as she sat astride him while she guided them both through their lovemaking.

She imagined the heat of his gaze on her as he watched her—like there was nothing else in the galaxy that brought him more pleasure than watching Rey finding hers.

 _Maker,_ just the thought of him got her so high—she was so close. So close now...

 _"Ben...,"_ she whined unintentionally, only to have her awareness snap into clear focus.

 _Couldn't wait, sweetheart?_

All at once, she realized he was in the room watching her as she got herself off to the thought of his touch. He'd _seen_ her and knew that she'd been so desperate for release that she hadn't been able to wait for him.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, embarrassed even after all they'd done with and to each other.

Ben walked into the room, not from the main door, as she'd been expecting, but through the open balcony. She could feel the embarrassment flushing her cheeks but, most of all, she was _annoyed_ at the distraction. She'd been _so close,_ and now...

Rey stared up at Ben, lip caught between her teeth as his eyes roamed her body before settling between her legs, where her hand had stilled.

"Ben... I," she tried to speak, but her voice faltered.

He only shook his head as he stared at her. "Don't stop," he commanded, his voice deep and hoarse.

Rey raised her eyebrows. "Why? You're back now..."

She wanted him and had been imagining _his_ touch. The way she touched herself couldn't compare to what he was able to do to her body and mind.

Ben licked his lips and, for a moment, his gaze darkened. It reminded her of how he'd looked at her when he'd first taken off that helmet as he'd interrogated on the Finalizer—like he was surprised that _anyone_ could deny him. It was a strange and appealing sort of darkness.

The side of his mouth curved as he repeated, _"Rey. Don't. Stop."_

Rey's breath caught in her throat. He wanted to watch her as she pleasured herself. It wasn't as if he didn't _know_ she did this sort of thing—it was mostly his fault, after all, but having his intense gaze on her while she did it felt... Well, it made her feel embarrassed.

Ben swallowed hard and stepped closer. "Indulge me, sweetheart. I'll be here to catch you, I promise."

His big body settled behind her before he pulled her against his body. With a gentle caress, his hands opened her legs wide.

Ben's big hand covered her own before he gently pulled it between her legs as he urged, "Show me, Rey. Let me watch you."

Rey shivered as his words rolled through her. If she closed her eyes, she could almost see how she looked to him through the strength of their connection. He was happy, content, but also needy and covetous of this moment. He wanted more and more and more...

With a smile, Rey decided to give him what he wanted.

* * *

Ben had been gone too long and was in a hurry to get back to Rey before she woke, but he needed to contact Fuore. He had to get back to the Finalizer as he'd left Hux to his own devices for far too long already. And the information she'd provided about Hux has proven very interesting indeed. Still, it was all so bothersome.

 _I can only imagine what awaits me when I return..._

Ben sighed as he shook those unwelcome thoughts from his mind. His feet padded against the cool, damp stone as he strode back to _his_ Rey. He thought to find her still sleeping as he rounded the corner of the lake house and slipped into the bedroom, but the sight that greeted him stole the breath from his lungs.

Ben clenched his fists _hard_ as he feasted his eyes upon Rey—nude, legs spread, hand fisted in the sheets, fingers dipping between her thighs as she moaned _his name._ She hadn't noticed him enter the room.

 _Maker, I should have never left to contact Fuore._

For long moments he just watched, jaw tight, as he controlled the impulse stride over to Rey and show her just how much he regretted leaving her. He could feel her through the Force, feel how _close_ she was, but _he_ wanted to be the one who gave her that release or, at least, have an active part in it.

He brushed up against her awareness and let her feel his thoughts. _Couldn't wait, sweetheart?_

"Oh!" she exclaimed, eyes fluttering open as her hand stilled.

 _Gods,_ he could feel how badly she wanted him, his eyes glued to her.

"Ben... I," she seemed to lose her train of thoughts as he let his eyes roam over her.

He shook his head and commanded, "Don't stop, Rey."

Rey raised her eyebrows. "Why? You're back now..."

 _Because I want to take the memory of this moment with me on into eternity,_ he barely kept from sending to her.

He let his lip curl into a smirk as his tongue darted out. "Rey. Don't. Stop."

She bristled a little at his demand even as the breath caught in her throat and _Maker_ if he didn't like that just a bit too much.

Ben stalked closer, slowly closing the distance between them. "Indulge me, sweetheart. I'll be here to catch you, I promise."

Crawling onto the bed, Ben slid behind Rey and pulled her tight against his body before spreading her legs wide as his own settled around her. His big hand slid over her own, pulling it back to where it had been before he'd interrupted.

"Show me, Rey. Let me watch you," he urged from behind her.

Ben pressed gentle kisses along her shoulder as she finally decided to give him what they'd both wanted.

* * *

****The hours passed as they loved each other as thoroughly as possible. There was nothing left between them. They were two people dancing around age-old secrets while navigating through their impossible desire for each other.

He gave her _everything._

But part of him knew it wasn't going to be enough. Not when the fate of the galaxy rested in their hands.

Ben rolled to the side, taking Rey with him. He let the long moments pass quietly as they both fought to steady their breath after their shared climax.

 _It's not too late..._

Her words resonated through his mind as he fought for a way to extend the moment into an eternity, but came up short as reality all but crashed around them both.

* * *

It was dark when he left and Rey was having a hard time containing her tears, _kriff,_ so was he. There was nothing more he wanted than to stay with her here, forever. Just casually ignoring the rest of the galaxy as it burned around them both. But it would catch up to them, eventually. And Ben needed to find a way to stop it. Because their time together had run out, and he needed to get back to the fleet and deal with Hux once and for all.

 _Fuore said that Rey was the key to all of this... I wonder if she has more insight into the matter?_

He'd ask his Knight later but, for now, he was going to enjoy every last second of holding Rey as his Knights landed the command shuttle on the platform outside of Varykino.

Rey was dressed in her Resistance fatigues and Ben in his dark, heavy clothing. It felt wrong. His clothes were too tight, too heavy; he wanted to go back, back to those moments where it was just he and Rey and nothing in between them. His long cape swept around them both, caught in a breeze as time ticked inexorably onward.

"I hate how this feels," Rey sniffed against his chest.

He'd take her tears with him, take that one small part of her across the galaxy as life and circumstances worked to separate them both.

"It's not forever. I know we'll get our happy ending, Rey," he murmured against her brow as his arms tightened around her.

 _More time. I just need a little more time to figure this out._

But it didn't seem likely. The First Order commanded so much of his attention and, with Hux trying to undermine him at every turn, he needed to consider some alternatives.

What they had wasn't sustainable. Ruling the galaxy as a dictator wasn't sustainable, the Empire's fall had proven that once before. He understood that now, with Rey's help, but still, he was unwilling to concede that what the Resistance wanted was any better.

 _Instead of following the supreme will of one leader, the galaxy would flounder under a new Republic that was unwilling to let anything happen without years of bureaucracy. But, perhaps, mother had been right with her Populist ideas... Planets retaining their sovereign rights instead of one slogging government?_

It was something to consider at a different time. The sadness rolled off of her in waves and he hated the feeling. The first point of connection between them had been through their shared loneliness, but he didn't want that to be what she took away on her journey back to the Resistance.

He wanted her to remember how much he loved her even if he couldn't be with her. He wanted her to know that, no matter what, he was going to find a way to end this. He held her tight against him for as long as he could, even as his Knights came into view. Ben pressed his lips against her brow before dipping to catch her lips with his own.

"I will see you again," he promised. "We will be together."

Ben wasn't sure where his confidence came from, but as he said the words, he knew them to be true. Rey stared up at him, eyes red-rimmed and full of tears. She was so beautiful, even when she was like this. His heart ached at seeing her sad.

The memory of her pain would haunt him at night, he knew it. Another sin for Ben to carry with him. One day, one day _soon,_ he'd make her happy. He'd take the broken pieces of his heart and hers, and build them a life together out of the shards, something beautiful, bright and whole.

"I love you, Ben. Always know that," she told him as she nuzzled his chest.

 _I love you, Rey. More than I ever thought was possible. I will find a way for this to work._

His Knights had arrived before Chewbacca, so Ben would be leaving first. With a final kiss, he let Rey slip from his arms. Ben's feet felt like durasteel as he took those first steps away from her.

He looked back, which was a mistake. Her tear-streaked face stared up at him. She tried for a smile, it wobbled, and it took everything he had not to run back to her and forget everything.

Everything he'd fought and killed and suffered for.

 _But does it matter if you don't have her?_

He had to do this. For Rey. He'd find a way to make their future possible. Vadon and Fuore flanked him as they walked onto the ship. His Knights said nothing, but he could feel their awareness through the Force.

They pitied him. No, they seemed to understand.

Duty before love was a lifestyle they were both committed to and understood fully. Still, they withheld their customary snark and let him settle onto the ship in silence as they prepared for departure.

Everything seemed to be slipping out of his control. Time skipped and before he knew it, the ship was rising and taking him further and further away from the most important person in the galaxy. Ben stared out of the viewport as his command shuttle slid from the Naboo atmosphere into space. His face was impassive, save for the suspiciously bright glow of his eyes.

It had felt like a final goodbye, like the last time he'd seen his mother before leaving with Luke. He felt assaulted by his feelings. As Vadon hit the controls to engage the hyperdrive, and the galaxy blurred around them, Ben wondered whether he'd be haunted by the memory of Rey's teary face until the end of time.

 _The final moments of her... Mother... My father..._

What would he take with him when all was said and done? Would it be the memory of their love that would sustain him? Or the feelings of loss and loneliness he'd felt as he watched her slip from his arms?

Why did it feel like he should have done more? Why was every fiber of his being crying out that he should go back to her, to _fight_ for her and the life they wished to share, even as he sailed further and further away?

 _I will. I will. I will. I just need more time,_ he tried to assure himself.

But time was running out.

* * *

Landing inside of the Finalizer's main hanger felt wrong. Something thrummed through the Force in warning, but Ben knew that this place wouldn't be safe for him much longer. Hux wanted him dead, but he wouldn't be so foolish as to strike out until he knew he could get away with it.

He'd have to be more careful. Travel with his Knights. Stay planet-side in Coruscant. It would be better, regardless. From there, Ben would be able to negotiate with the planets that had not yet joined their working alliance. Things were going to change, he could feel it.

As Ben stepped out of his command shuttle, Vadon and Fuore followed from behind while joking amongst themselves as they headed towards the turbolifts.

"You two certainly are intimidating with all that banter," he drawled over his shoulder.

Ben could feel their incredulous looks on the back of his head as he walked ahead.

"Was that a joke?" Vadon snarked, though he could tell she was amused even with the modulator distorting her voice.

"Even I didn't see that coming," Fuore said with a hissing, mechanical sounding laugh.

 _Things are going to change. I'm going to get my future... With Rey._

But as soon as Ben stepped into the containment chamber that separated the docking bay from the main part of the spacecraft, he knew something was wrong. Fuore's angry cry sounded from behind him as the front and rear doors of the chamber snapped closed and locked.

"Welcome back, Supreme Leader," Hux's smarmy voice called over the comm.

Ben growled. "What is the meaning of this, General?"

He was going to fucking kill him. He should have killed him in the throne room, but he'd thought that he needed Hux in order to control the officers, but if what his Knights had discovered was true, the officers would be just as happy to see Hux dead as alive.

"I think it's time we put an end to this little charade," Hux continued as a low hissing noise filled Ben's ears while a filmy looking cloud oozed from the ventilation shafts.

Ben had two options, breath whatever noxious fumes Hux was pumping into the room and die quickly, or control his breath and die slowly. He chose the latter as he tried to remain calm and find a way out.

The room was used to block off the main body of the shift in cases of extreme damage, in other words, it was solid and without a secondary exit. Which meant it was only a matter of time before he could no longer hold his breath.

 _I'm such a fool._

He should have known after Lothal. He should have been more careful. Should have done... so many things differently.

 _Rey..._ He could feel her there, just at the edge of his consciousness, the worry pulsing through their bond.

 _Maker, I love you. I'm so sorry._

He could tell she was frantic and fighting, trying to connect with him when the Force refused to bridge that gap fully. His Knights would never let Hux get away with this, if they were all still alive, anyway. He thought that he'd have more time.

Ben had known how conniving Hux was, but he was also a coward. This was brazen. There was no way he could justify this unless...

"Hope you enjoyed your time with that scavenger trash," Hux's voice laughed over the comm. "Did you really think you'd be able to keep what you did to Supreme Leader Snoke a secret from me?"

 _Kriff. Rey, Hux knows about Snoke,_ Ben tried to send his thoughts through the Force to warn her.

He'd been a fool, no matter what Fuore had said. Hux must have been able to recover surveillance footage from the Supremacy. Ben had believed that he could handle Hux and that he'd be able to outmaneuver the general. And now he was going to pay for that hubris with his life.

 _Only... I wish I had more time. I love you so much._

If he could do it all over again, he would. If the outcome were to remain the same, he would still choose her.

 _Every damn time._

 _Ben. Please, fight this. Find a way. Use the Force._

He didn't have the heart to tell her, _That's not how the Force works... but maybe._

Ben could hear Vadon hacking her way into the console from the other side of the blast doors. It wouldn't be enough. She'd never be fast enough. With or without the Force, his breath would run out before he could be rescued.

At least, it wasn't going to be overly painful, which surprised him. He'd expected Hux to make his death hurt, but perhaps he was only interested in ensuring his elimination. That made the most sense.

He was going to die, why not be quick, efficient and thorough with it?

How terribly practical.

A part of him had always been ready to die. Somehow, he'd been resigned to his fate almost from childhood. He wasn't afraid of death, but the dying. That had always been the variable. That it wouldn't be painful was a relief.

But Rey, Maker how he wished he could spare her the pain of this moment. She'd already lost too much because of his decisions and he'd robbed her of a future together with his demands—his hand _outstretched in supplication_ as he'd _begged._

For the wrong reasons. For the wrong thing. He could see that now, now that it was too late for him. The galaxy needed to be free to choose what was best.

Freedom.

 _Will I be free from this pain at last?_

Hux's voice reverberated so loudly over the comm that it felt like it was shaking in Ben's skull. "My only regret is that I won't get to see your face when I destroy _her_ as well. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to bring her over to the winning side and turn her."

It was a taunt and one that was meant to make him lose control over his power—to breathe deep and die quick. He wouldn't give in. He wouldn't... And yet, even at the last, there was too much of his father's heart inside of him.

"She'll choke the life from your pasty fucking body," Ben assured Hux before choking on the poisoned air as it filled his lungs.

Hux laughed and laughed and laughed before the comm cut out. The vents hissed as the polluted air was pumped into the containment room. Wouldn't be much longer now.

 _Fight this, Ben. Please. PLEASE._

She was crying. Oh, he could feel that. Almost as if her tears were grazing his cheeks—or was he crying? Crying with her.

It killed him to feel her pain, to feel her hurt. He only ever wanted to make her happy, but it seemed he was only ever good at making her cry. He hoped she knew that, no matter what, she was worth more to him than anything. She was his _everything._

 _So beautiful. So good. I love you._

 _Tell me the next time you see me, Ben. You are not dying today._

Her thoughts were tremulous and fragile. She could feel him dying and she knew he wouldn't last much longer. He knew it too. But he wasn't alone. As long as she was with him, he thought that he could withstand anything.

 _Even death._

It didn't hurt. He kept waiting for some sort of pain. But it never came. Something bright and strangely tactical surrounded his body. He wasn't going to be alone when he died, he was grateful for that. He hated being alone, even as a kid.

Hated it now even though he'd used the solitude as a kind of punishment to strengthen his connection to the Dark Side. It hadn't worked, not completely, and certainly not when Rey had come into his life. But now... He was glad he wasn't alone.

 _I'll find you. Somehow. Another life. I'll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise._

So much to say. He wasn't going to be conscious for much longer.

 _Make it count. Make it count..._

He could feel her anger through the bond, but also her determination. _As if I'd give up on you so easily. I'm not waiting for another lifetime. I'll find you, even if I have to drag you back into this life kicking and screaming. You don't get to go unless I say so; do you hear me, Ben Solo?_

He almost believed her. He was so tired. The toxin was making its way through his body. Couldn't keep it back. Into his lungs. Flowing through his bloodstream. His heart. Couldn't stop it.

Something like a growl reaches his ears. Vadon's voice modulator?

"Well, this isn't quite as I foresaw it," a wry voice commented.

Someone was grabbing his body—uncomfortably and with obvious effort. He was not a small man. They were dragging him. _Where?_

"Losing your touch, my love," another voice commented. "He's slipping away. They're sending reinforcements...?"

The voices faded. All that remained was the sound of his rushing blood and the beating of his heart as it slowed. _Slowed_...

 _You're not alone, Ben._

 _Stay with me... until the end?_ he begged. He didn't want to do this alone.

 _Always and forever..._

It was all he needed. That final permission. And, finally, Ben let go... as everything faded away to nothing.

* * *

Hey yeah, so I should definitely not write when I'm sad. Just another reminder in case anyone needs it, but I believe in happy endings (after angst). Also, make sure you hug your loved ones and friends. Tell them how much they mean to you. Even the ones that seem like they don't need that kind of thing.

Anyway, big internet hugs and remember, if shit gets too tough or weird in fandom or in life, you are allowed to change. You don't owe shit to anyone except yourself, so go out there and shine on, beautiful. I'm cheering for you all! Thanks for reading and for your comments and for being you.

"hand outstretched in supplication" is not mine, a line belonging to Jason Fry from TLJ novelization.

"I'll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise." Paraphrased from TFA novelization.

"solid and clear" also not mine, belonging to Rian Johnson ala TLJ.

"it's not too late" also from RJ.

"free of this pain," also JJ and Larry Kasdan.

"that's not how the Force works," JJ and Larry Kasdan from TFA.

"too much of his father's heart" paraphrased from RJ.

This chapter was highly inspired by a lot of Retrowave and "I'm in it with you," by Loreen (on repeat).

If you're into it, I'm over on Tumblr pacificwanderer. Come say hi! As always, thanks for your favs, follows and comments. They mean the world to me. Any mistakes are my owwwwnnnnnnnn and I own them TM.


	13. Immortal Lover

For some reason, Rey was consumed with thoughts of death and old memories of her childhood as she made her way through the busy corridors of Bespin.

The passage of time on Jakku had been a strange thing, counted only by the marks on the inside wall of a fallen AT-AT, by a girl who'd taught herself to read, write, and survive. She'd almost died once, when she was younger and inexperienced at scavenging, after she'd fallen down a turbolift shaft in a fallen Star Destroyer.

Rey'd been knocked out cold, her headlamp cracked and useless, as she'd tried to fumble her way out of the dark depths with a twisted ankle. She wasn't sure how much time she spent in that dark place, only that it was hot and dusty. She ran out of water before food, which was unusual, given that she hardly ever had extra food to pack with her during her scavenging trips.

But she'd managed to scavenge enough capacitor banks, and other valuable items to bring to Plutt. Either he'd felt generous at the time or hadn't realized that he'd given her more rations than normal, but Rey didn't say anything. She'd stood silently as he divvied the portions and all but ran back to her den with her haul.

 _So much for the extra food now._ Without enough water, the Jakku sands could suck a person dry but, at night and almost as dangerous, was the cold. Rey had shivered as the sun set and the old metal of the ship let go of the heat. She was cold, thirsty and alone.

If she died, no one would miss her, she'd thought. Would her parents wonder about her? Or would they assume she'd been destroyed, as so many were, by the harshness of life on Jakku? It didn't matter. She didn't matter. Rey had wrapped her arms around herself as tight as she could to ward off the cold and pretended it was someone else—a friend, some family member, who was there with her.

So she wouldn't have to die alone.

At some point during the night, Rey fell asleep. When'd she woken her eyes were salty and dry with her tears. It was wasted water, but she couldn't help it. She was tired, scared, in pain, and thirsty. And she knew that no one would come looking for her. She'd pass from the memory of anyone who'd ever known her. Forgotten by her parents and the galaxy.

She'd struggled so long, so hard. And here, this was to be her end. It wasn't much of a life to live for, but the promise of rescue—that one day, someone would come back for her and treasure her as she knew she deserved—had sustained her. Now, even that fantasy wasn't enough.

Rey had curled her legs up and rested her chin on her knees and tried to think of anything other than how much she didn't want to die. She sat and, despite the pain, slipped into a fitful sleep, only waking once a bright light surrounded her.

She had to be dreaming or delirious. There was something... something strangely familiar about this feeling. In the moments of her life where the aching loneliness had become too much to bear, she'd felt a similar presence. It was a feeling that bloomed inside of her and radiated outwards. Words echoed just at the edge of her memory.

 _I'll come back for you. I promise, sweetheart._

The light had consumed Rey, warmed her up, and filled the hollowness inside of her. It was peaceful. Like a strange imaginary friend who'd come to be with her. Rey smiled and, as her eyes slipped closed once again, she thought that it was comforting that she wouldn't have to die alone.

Later, when Rey woke, she found herself in the main hangar of the Star Destroyer with no recollection of how she got there or, more importantly, who brought her there. She'd managed to hobble her way back home, but she never forgot that moment. She was more careful from then on out, but every time she managed to get close to danger, it almost felt as if that same strange energy was blooming inside of her, calling out in warning.

It was a feeling that reminded her of Ben, now that she had him. Had the Force been working to put them together since before she realized it? She had so much to discuss with Leia and needed to find the General so that she could explain what had happened on Naboo, well, at least some of what had happened.

Rey blushed as the memories resurfaced. She'd loved the way he was always looking for excuses to touch her, even if she was just walking by, his hands always reached out to caress her. It wasn't just the sex, there was a twin need within them both to be connected and cherished.

To be something to somebody. It was a peculiar sort of completion, but she cherished it, even if Rey had never anticipated finding it with someone like Ben. Sometimes, she'd wake to find him staring at her. It was a little unnerving at first, considering she wasn't really used to waking up to anyone at all, but his gaze was so reverent. It was as if he couldn't believe his luck.

Sometimes, he pulled her close and held her tight. Other times, he'd kiss her hard, till her toes curled and her body flushed with desire. They weren't experienced, but certainly ecstatic in their lovemaking. And each time Ben slid with her, hips tight against her own, that gorgeous, broad body of his hovering as he held himself still and waited for her to adjust, Rey couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of rightness, along with the aching desire.

Almost as if summoned by Rey's thoughts, her bond with Ben shimmered into existence. She'd have to get somewhere private if she wanted to talk to Ben, but instead of taking those steps towards the barracks, she'd frozen in place.

Rey had been looking for Leia before the bond had distracted her. She'd assumed that the general would be with Lando, working out whatever kind of arrangement she could so that the Resistance could stay on Bespin indefinitely. Rey was worried for her. Though Leia tried to hide it, they all knew that her brush with death had taken more of a toll on her than she tried to let on.

Though the bond wasn't fully open, Rey knew something was wrong the moment she felt their connection snap into place. Ben was going to _die_.

Rey ducked into an alcove as her heart sank. The polished walls reflected her panicked face as she tried to make sense of the situation. She couldn't see where he was, only that he was suffering and that both the Force and his own intention were keeping them separated.

His thoughts reached hers. _Rey... Maker, I love you. I'm so sorry._

"This can't be happening," Rey tried to figure out what was going on—had Hux finally made a move?

Whatever was going on, Ben was fighting for his life. Was she to be the sole witness of his demise? _No_. She was not going to let him die. Somehow, she was going to find a way to keep him safe.

 _Only... I wish I had more time. I love you so much._

He was giving up. There was no way this was going to be their ending. He had to _fight._ For her and for the future she'd seen together with him.

 _Ben. Please, fight this. Find a way. Use the Force._

Tears streamed down her face as the rest of the city continued around her. Droids and creatures alike passed by where she stood, barely noticing her distress.

 _Will I be free from this pain at last?_

His thoughts were almost peaceful at this point, resigned even. How long had he been suffering for? How long had he wondered about his own end?

 _Fight this, Ben. Please. PLEASE._

She was bargaining, trying to think of anything that would keep him in this galaxy with her. Part of her, the lonely, stubborn part, still believed that if someone just wished hard enough, wanted it bad enough, they could even get the stars to bend to their will. Rey didn't care. She was going to tear apart the fucking galaxy if she had to—she would _not_ lose him too.

 _So beautiful. So good. I love you._

 _Tell me the next time you see me, Ben. You are not dying today._

 _I'll find you. Somehow. Another life. I'll come back for you. I promise, sweetheart._

The endearment triggered her. Fists clenched tight at her sides, Rey closed her eyes and concentrated, feeling out with her power and her intention.

 _As if I'd give up on you so easily. I'm not waiting for another lifetime. I'll find you, even if I have to drag you back into this life kicking and screaming. You don't get to go unless I say so; do you hear me, Ben Solo? You're not alone, Ben._

She could feel his happiness through the pain. He loved her so much and he was so grateful that he wasn't alone, but it was more than just Rey's presence that comforted him. There was something else, something more. A presence that she hadn't felt since... _Jakku._

 _Stay with me... until the end?_

 _Always and forever..._ she assured him as he gradually faded from her mind.

At first, she was panicked, but then she wasn't. Rey was filled with unbelievable feelings of comfort and contentment. Things would be alright. The Force had a plan that extended beyond her own present circumstances and it involved Ben as much as it did her.

Rey would wait, as difficult as that would be, as she'd done on Crait after deciding to leave Ben alive. She would wait and let the future unfold as the Force willed.

Because _he_ was going to come to her. She was sure of it and she needed to be ready.

* * *

When Kylo Ren's command shuttle dropped out of hyperspace near Bespin, Rey could feel it—could feel _him._

 _Ben—BEN._ Rey reached out with her power, but only a glimmer of a response returned to her, but it was better than nothing. Their connection had been dormant for three days.

Three days of not knowing how badly he'd been wounded.

Three days of working herself up and then back down again as she remembered the will of the Force.

Three days of her friends slowing coming to realize that the woman they thought they knew had been hiding something from them even if they hadn't yet realized the magnitude of her secret.

Then his ship had appeared and caused a near panic for the air traffic controllers. Of course, Lando had been notified, but nothing stayed secret for long. The moments passed in a blur as Rey caught snippets of conversation as she ran to the secondary docking bay. No one seemed to be able to understand what was going on at all.

The bay was on lockdown by the time she'd arrived, and the sky was a brilliant, glowing orange and cloudless as the command shuttle, scarred from recent damage, settled onto the dock.

Rey managed to catch the tail-end of the conversation that Poe and Leia were having. Guards and other members of the Resistance had crowded around, meaning there'd be an audience for what was to come next.

"Lando is working out the particulars, but they have Kylo Ren onboard and barely alive," Poe reported, oblivious to the concerned looks Leia and Rey were giving him. "I say, we deny them entry and blow their ship to hell as they fly away."

Lando sighed as he joined the group, annoyance flashing over that handsome, dark face. A navy-colored cape was draped over his shoulders matched with an understated, for _Lando,_ orange suit in a style that Rey had come to realize was fashionable on Bespin. A flashy cane was the only tell of his age— _experience,_ as he called it. Leia was pale and still in her dark mourning garb and Poe looked like he'd rushed out from the underside of an X-wing just to be there, his face more flushed than normal.

Unbelievably charming, Rey had been immediately suspicious of Lando, but with time and Leia's encouragement, she'd come to enjoy being around him. Besides, he was a great storyteller, even if it was all half-truths and exaggerations.

Lando placed a hand on Leia's shoulder as if he was trying to console her. "Good thing you don't have a say in the matter then, Captain."

 _Lando must know that Ben's her son. I wonder if Leia has told him about..._

But one look from Lando confirmed everything. Who else knew that she was in love with the enforcer of the First Order? Judging from Poe's indifference, it was just Lando and Leia—for now.

She was going to lose her friends over this and her place in the Resistance, she was sure of it. How could they ever possibly understand what she had with Ben? If she were in their shoes, she'd probably think she was crazy too or being manipulated.

As the hatch to the command shuttle descended, two guards, flanking a hover-stretcher that contained Ben Solo—known to her friends as Kylo Ren. A cry left Rey's lips before she could contain herself. Deciding that she'd deal with the questions later, she ran towards him.

Rey could _feel_ the shock and anger from onlookers as she ran to Ben's side as her hand sought out his, holding tight.

"Oh, it's _her,_ " one of the battle-scarred women remarked to the other.

Rey shook her head a little as she realized how strange this must all be, except that they seemed to know her. Dressed similarly to how Kylo Ren had been the first time she'd seen him, the cut of their clothing was more functional and obviously tailored to suit a more feminine physique. Their masks, glimmering and terrible, hid both their identity and their species.

They looked like two dark angels, out for vengeance, and maybe that wasn't far from the truth.

 _They know me? How's that possible unless Ben..._

"Look, little Jedi. He doesn't have much time. We were able to stabilize him, but he can't hold out for much longer."

The vocalizer twisted her words and Rey was given a harsh reminder of the first time she'd met Ben and how terrifying he'd sounded. Apparently, the aesthetic transferred to his Knights.

"Follow me to the medbay, then," Rey directed and, after a long pause, both of the women nodded and directed the hover-stretcher to follow along behind Rey as she all but ran through the hangar.

By the time they arrived, droids, doctors, and nurses were already waiting and quickly ushered Ben inside an operating room.

His guards hovered for a while before declaring that they'd be returning to their ship. If they didn't like the escort they received from the Bespin Wing Guard, they said nothing, though their relaxed posture told Rey all she needed to know. These women were the threat and, if they wanted to, they could probably take out a significant portion of the spaceport.

It was hours before they finished working on Ben and, by the time the droid came into the drab-looking waiting area, she was a mess. Luckily, Leia was there to help and soon enough, Ben's mother was being led into the sick room. Rey only hoped that she'd be allowed in next.

Eventually, Leia exited Ben's room with tears in her eyes. After a little shake of her head, Rey knew not to get her hopes up. Had her feelings been wrong? Was she was going in there to say goodbye to Ben—for the last time. Rey was about to rush into the medical room when a heavy hand pulled her up short.

"Rey... what's going on here?" Poe started to ask, annoyance flashing across his face, but Rey couldn't handle any questions. Not now.

"I... I'll explain it all later. After I talk to Leia, but first, I need to see him by myself."

"So, you're not going to explain why you just need to see the Supreme Leader of the First Order _alone_?"

"No, I'm not. This is something that involves the Force," she said with finality even as Poe continued to mumble under his breath.

Rey ducked inside the medbay with barely a thought for how it looked. She was glad for the privacy in the small, chrome-colored room because she felt like she was going to cry.

He looked terrible. The days they'd shared on Naboo were all but erased. He'd been so vibrant, so full of life when they'd been together, but now he looked as if he was a few short moments away from death. An oxygen mask was on his face and IVs ran into his arms and chest as med-droids worked on his body. His clothing had been removed and his skin was worryingly pale—even for Ben. It was as if the life had been sapped out of him.

Rey pulled up a chair and sat beside him. Reaching out, she grabbed his hand, so big compared to her own, but just as rough. She sat and watched as the monitors beeped, as his chest rose and fell with obvious effort, and felt helpless and hollow as she felt him suffer.

There was always the possibility that one of them would end up like this. But what she hadn't accounted for was how lost she felt. It wasn't as if she'd needed anyone before, but with Ben, it had been staggering how much he'd come to mean to her in such a short time.

It felt like falling right back into that shaft on Jakku—dark and hopeless.

The med-droid had beeped something about poison damaging his lungs and that they had him on oxygen to help his breathing and she'd nodded along absently. It was hard to concentrate on listening when Ben was so close and suffering.

Eventually, Rey pulled her chair up closer and dipped her head on the side of Ben's bed and fell asleep. Her dreams were restless, alternating between memories of their passionate encounters, and scenarios where Ben didn't make it. Finally, a hand on her shoulder woke Rey from her sleep.

Bleary-eyed, Rey looked up and found that Leia had made her way into the med-bay and was now looking down on the son that she'd lost, who had finally returned to her.

"I always imagined what it would be like, to see him again. Didn't quite think it would be like this," Leia said while trying for a smile.

She looked regal, her long, dark robes flowing over her dress, Alderaanian mourning braid still twisted in her hair. Rey wondered absently whether Leia would ever stop grieving for Han, but it was a silly thought because, of course, she knew the answer to that question.

 _Never. She'll never get over him. She'll move on because she has to, but no matter where she turns, his memory will linger with her._

Leia's eyes skimmed over her son's body. He'd been stripped of his clothes, likely to eliminate any residual toxins from seeping into his skin, and was covered with a thin, white sheet. He looked impossibly large compared to the small cot he lay on, bigger than life and surely not susceptible to something as common as death.

"Leia...," Rey started, but the words died in her throat.

She knew that Ben had contacted Leia from Naboo, but she hadn't been able to speak with her privately before now.

Leia gave a little shake of her head. "I've known for a while, Rey. You don't owe me an explanation. It's going to make things more challenging, rather than easier, but I've been avoiding this for too long."

Leia didn't say it, but Rey could feel her through the Force and her feelings were... complicated. So much guilt and regret bundled up in her strong, petite body.

"Are you... I mean, is it okay?"

 _Is it okay that I love him? Is it okay that I think he's worth fighting for? Is it okay that I think he's worth dying for? Is it okay that your son loves me? Am I enough?_

So many unvoiced concerns and questions.

Leia smiled at Rey. "You were always meant to be important to my family. Han knew it, and I could feel it as well. Whatever else is uncertain, you were meant to be with us."

Rey blinked as tears flooded her eyes. It was more than she'd expected, by far.

"I... I wish I'd been able to help... before now," she said, gesturing to Ben's prone body.

Leia shook her head. "Whatever happened in the past, you weren't responsible for it. I should have done... so many things concerning Ben. First and foremost, I should have never sent him away, but I was so afraid to lose him. I ended up having my fears realized because I allowed it to consume me. Learn from my mistakes and trust your feelings, Rey. They are more true and valuable than anything this galaxy has to offer."

"Leia... I love him," Rey admitted out loud, even though it was hard. Even though she knew that it might not be enough in the end.

"I know," Leia said as tears trailed down her cheeks. "And I am so grateful for that. Ben... Even if he doesn't come back for me, I am certain he'll keep fighting for you. I think he's been fighting for you for a long time...," Leia trailed off.

Rey wondered if she was speaking about more than just this moment, for Rey had always felt that there might be more to her and Ben's connection than either of them thought.

"The Force...," Rey started as they both watched Ben struggle to stay alive.

"The Force has been an active part of my life for longer than I even realized. Believe me, trying to work against the Force only has unhappy outcomes."

Rey nodded at that. She knew the truth of those words—had seen it firsthand on the Supremacy.

 _Rey... I want you to join me._

She'd been so wrong. They both had. What they needed was something in between the dark side and the light. But Rey wasn't certain she'd get an outcome that didn't end in tragedy. Looking at Leia's life, the Force didn't have much empathy for individual concerns. Would the galaxy consume her son as it had consumed so much else of Leia's life?

"You know, I didn't want to like him," Rey admitted. "He seemed to have everything I've ever wanted, and he threw it away with both hands. I had a hard time understanding that, well, until..."

"You have a connection. I understand. Luke and I had a similar bond. Makes it hard to stay mad at someone when you can see _and_ feel how they are inside, doesn't it?" Leia asked as her small hand skimmed over her son's arm.

The memories still rankled Rey, even as she'd come to understand Ben. He'd seemed so haughty and selfish to her, all those months ago on the Finalizer. There was Han, standing before his son and showing him a different path and Ky—Ben, he'd destroyed that link.

But everything wasn't as it seemed. Snoke had been influencing Ben for as long as he could remember and the dark side... Well, it was more about strengthening the pain and suffering, channeling those dark energies into something terrible and powerful. Of course, Snoke had underestimated Ben's connection to the light, but when he'd tried to dictate the same end for Rey... Ben had enough.

He chose her, just as Rey was choosing him, no matter how hard that outcome would be for her.

"What was he like, as a boy?" Rey wondered, almost to herself, but Leia took the opportunity to tell her tales about the child she remembered.

"He was always so serious and quick to anger, but also loving and sweet. His emotions were complicated... and it was a challenge for him to maintain any sort of balance. But I loved him so much. There was always a strong bond between us and Ben, well, he loved his father—idolized him, really. But his strength in the Force was confusing for Han, who was always a little too grounded. Not much room for mysticism when you're running blockades..." Leia trailed off.

"Ben bragged about digging through the Imperial archives when we first met. It didn't impress me, just made me wonder what kind of time he must have on his hands if the First Order was allowing him so much access to old data like that," Rey mused as she remembered.

He'd been so haughty. So sure of himself. And she'd taken him down a peg or six, but there'd still been that strange link between them both. He'd seen inside of her mind and heart as much as she'd seen inside of his. And their shared loneliness had pulled them both in until neither had been able to deny the claim their souls had made on each other.

"Sounds like something Ben would do. He was always drawn to rare, dusty things, even as a child."

 _Rare and dusty... I wonder if that's how he saw me, at the start?_

Rey sighed as the reality of their situation settled on her shoulders.

"What are we going to do about any of this?" Rey asked.

Leia took Rey's hand and squeezed it tightly. "We're going to help Ben get better and then we're going to help him realize that the only path forward is one that you both can take together."

 _Together..._

Rey liked the sound of that.

* * *

A/N- Surprisingly! This chapter wasn't edited for FFnet at all (didn't need to be). It's allll here for you today lol. Next chapter, not so much (which should be up soonerish, it's almost done). This chapter was close to 10k, but I split it up because editing something that long is a fucking nightmare and my arms hurt like hell!

 _Rey... I want you to join me._ Said by the esteemed Kylo Ren/Ben Solo on the Supremacy during a botched proposal during TLJ (Darth Darcy, indeed).

 _I'll come back for you. I promise, sweetheart._ From the TFA novelization.

A presence that she hadn't felt since... Paraphrased from Darth Vader's lines during ANH about Ben Kenobi.

Rey would wait, as difficult as that would be, as she'd done on Crait after deciding to leave Ben alive. She would wait and let the future unfold as the Force willed.—not mine! Paraphrased from TLJ Novelization "Rey would wait, however difficult that would be to do as the First Order warships descended on Crait. She would wait, and the future would unfold as the Force willed."

Any mistakes are my own because they keep me honest and humble (HAH NO) and my tendonitis is fucking MURDERING ME. This got a little wild and long, so the second half is almost ready to go, but my wrists and elbow hurt like a motherfucker sooooo there's that. Thanks for all the reads/follows/comments. I honestly appreciate you all so much and the comments definitely hold me accountable lol and inspire me to write faster—so thank you! Chapter title taken from the song, Immortal Lover by Andrew Bayer, featuring Alison May! Which I listened to on repeat lol.

Also, the GFFA needs more Lando, so this girl is really hoping he makes an appearance in EPIX (FINGERS TOES EVERYTHING CROSSED). Oh, and more Reylo lol.

* * *

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box. Thanks again for all the kudos, subs, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).**


	14. Hold On To Each Other

A/n: sexyish bits between **** and ****, though heavily edited, but in case you want to skip it.

* * *

Two weeks passed and, though Ben hadn't woken up, his vitals had improved. His Knights had left, which surprised Rey. The two intimidating women had hovered for days before finally announcing that they had commitments that could not be ignored any longer.

It had made Rey a little sad. Was Ben so alone in the First Order that even his own people didn't care whether he lived or died? Still, the petite one—Vadon—had given Rey a cryptic message about how she was on the right path and not to lose her resolve.

The women never took off their masks as they stood vigil, and Rey assumed it was to preserve their anonymity which was smart. There was a fragile kind of truth that existed, for the moment, but some remaining members of the Resistance weren't so eager to forget how Kylo Ren had fought and "killed" Luke Skywalker on Crait—especially Poe.

 _Never mind Han... Or what the First Order did to the Hosnian system..._

But she'd worry about what would come next after Ben was awake. As it was, Rey was dozing when that familiar sensation tingled through her being. Her head snapped up, and she found herself looking into the highly sedated and somewhat bloodshot eyes of Ben Solo.

He blinked at her as if he didn't quite believe what his eyes were seeing. "Am I dead?"

Rey let out a choked sob. "No. Almost, but no."

Ben looked around the room warily. "Where the hell am I?"

Wiping her tears away, Rey replied, "Cloud City—Bespin. Your Uncle granted your Knights passage and, well, they left you with me."

 _Uncle... Lando?_

 _Yeah, he's been pretty worried about you. Also kind of pissed, but mostly worried. And your mother... And others..._

Though Chewie had remained a little distant, Rey could tell from his hovering that the Wookiee was concerned about Ben. Rey wondered how much longer Chewie would remain with them and whether he wanted to go back to Kashyyyk to be with his family. But she could worry about that later.

"Mother...," Ben said with a sigh.

 _Is she here? Are you here? Is this real?_

"It's real, Ben," Rey said while reaching out and grasping his big hand with hers.

His hand felt thinner, and his skin was almost translucent from the weeks of being sick. That worried Rey, but now that he was alive, he could really start to get better—right? Except...

 _Ben... Are you okay?_

Ben gave her an uncharacteristically huge smile. "Better than okay, sweetheart!" he drawled.

 _I know, Rey. I understand now. The way forward isn't about the Resistance or the First Order—it's about us and bringing balance, not order through obedience._

 _And it only took a near-death experience for you to have this realization?_ Rey thought with a little squeeze from her hand.

Ben grumbled softly as his hand tightened around her own. "I had it before I left, but I thought I could impact a change from within. Hux meddled with that plan. But my Knights, he underestimated them. They uncovered a plot among the ranking officers—Rey, they want Hux gone. His leadership is a liability, even to those who consider themselves loyal to the First Order."

"Your mother, she needs to know this...," Rey started, but Ben wasn't interested in talking about his mother, it seemed.

"Does she know how beautiful you are?" he said, and Rey realized that he might be a little more out of it than she'd anticipated.

"I don't know that your mother is concerned with my appearance, Ben," she replied with a little laugh.

Still, he wasn't going to be deterred from his adoration. _Rey, do you know that in this light, you look like a goddess. You glow with warmth. I love you so much._

Rey was more than aware that Ben was _highly_ sedated, but her heart was warmed by his vulnerability and sweetness.

 _I think you might benefit from being drugged more often,_ Rey mused and, surprisingly, Ben let out a little laugh.

 _Maybe. I always feel like I'm drugged when I'm with you..._

Rey stared at him. Looked at that beautiful, strange face that she'd come to love. Mapped the freckles of his face and neck with her eyes before stalling on his lips. She'd been so worried for him, half-certain that she'd never get the chance to be with him like this again.

"Ben...," Rey started, but he shook his head and gently urged her up alongside where he lay.

It was a tight fit as Rey tried to maneuver herself without tugging on his IVs, but they made it work.

 _I love you. I am so sorry for making you worry..._

 _Ben... Don't ever do that again, okay?_

 _It wasn't exactly planned..._

 _Well, how about you don't leave my side again, how about that?_

Ben gave her a little half smirk as he angled his head closer. _I'll see what I can do, scavenger._

Rey scrunched her nose but tilted her head up to meet his own. And when they kissed, it felt like the first time. She was as much inside of his head as he was hers and her heartfelt impossibly full.

 _Ben. Ben. Ben!_

 _I'm here. I'm here. I'm here,_ he assured her.

 _I thought you were going to die at first, but I refused to believe it. The Force wouldn't let me go down that path, but I wasn't sure... not until your people brought you here._

She couldn't say the words out loud, didn't really trust her voice to communicate what she felt properly.

 _I thought I was going to die too,_ he admitted.

 _We need to work this out, Ben. I can't bear the thought of losing you again,_ she thought.

Her feelings were clear, determined—Rey wasn't going to take no for an answer and, to her surprise, Ben agreed.

 _I don't want to have to go through this life any longer without having you by my side. War solves nothing. We need to bring peace to the galaxy, but not with absolute control._

Rey tangled her fingers in his hair. "What are we going to do?"

 _We'll think of something. I'll talk to... my mother about it..._

He didn't finish his thoughts, but Rey understood that he was thinking about all that still lay between them. Rey knew that Ben felt horribly for how things had turned out, but communicating that to Leia was going to be one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

 _She loves you so much, Ben. She was with me almost the entire time._

Rey's thoughts were concerned and Ben picked up on them.

 _How is her health?_

 _Honestly? Not great. I'm worried for her, Ben. She gives all of herself to this cause... to everyone else. I don't know how much remains for just her._

 _She was always like that, even as a kid. She wouldn't stop unless my father made her, and sometimes, not even then._

Rey peppered kisses across the scar on Ben's shoulder. "She always loved you, Ben. Even when hope seemed to be lost, she never stopped loving you."

Rey knew that Snoke had tried to make Ben believe that there was no one in the galaxy that understood him better than he, no one that cared for him and his potential more, but it had been an ugly manipulation of a boy who had felt lost in a world of strange expectation.

The dark side of the Force had always been there, lingering within his mind the same way it did in hers except, with Rey, there'd been no parental guidance to tell her whether those dark feelings were good or bad—they simply _were._

And that had made all the difference. Where Rey was able to hold a balance between both sides, Ben had been pushed further and further towards extremes. He'd made mistakes—great and terrible mistakes—but the resolution that was needed was from within himself.

Forgiveness had always been there—from Han, Leia, and even Luke. Now, Ben had to begin to forgive himself.

They lay for long moments, just basking in the simple joy of being together, until Ben took a look around, a confused expression passing over his face. "My mother is here? Where am I?"

Rey realized he was still groggy from the sedatives and, well, she hadn't exactly explained where he was. He must have been too far gone when his Knights had decided their course.

"Bespin. Your Knights brought you here," Rey answered, conveniently leaving out the part about the rest of the Resistance being there—what remained of it, anyway.

His Knights hadn't been very forthcoming with the details, but she'd managed to discern that there'd been a coup and they'd been able to retreat, though Ben had been badly wounded.

"Bespin. Uncle Lando?" he mumbled.

Rey nodded. "Yeah, he's pretty worried about you. Angry, but also worried. He's been watching over you these few weeks—and telling stories."

 _What kind of stories?_

Ben's thought shimmered through their bond and Rey felt an immediate surge of relief. Though she'd felt incomplete without Ben's presence, she hadn't realized how good it would feel to have their connection back.

 _Embarrassing ones. Apparently, you liked to run around naked when you were a kid._

Ben let out a little croak, almost a laugh. _If I recall, that preference for nudity doesn't seem to be a problem for you now._

Rey blushed. "You're the worst."

The med-bay was the last place they should be having this kind of conversation, and yet...

 _I thought I'd never get to see you again, let alone touch you,_ she admitted.

Everything about their connection was intense, including their physical desires. It was almost as if the bond between them amplified every emotion until, sometimes, it felt like they were a single unit.

Maybe it should have worried her, feeling so dependent upon him, but after a lifetime of only being able to count on herself, it felt nice to be able to have someone to share with. Except... Ben's thoughts turned to her, specifically what he wanted to _do_ to her. Everything. In explicit detail.

 _Ben. You're still sedated, and you almost died. How can you even be considering that?_

Ben groaned, shifting gingerly on the bed as he brought a hand up to play with her loose hair.

"You're going to rip out your IVs," she chided, even as she pressed into his clumsy touch.

 _It'd be worth it. Kriff, Rey, I'd do anything to make you happy. You're so beautiful and wonderful and I just love you so much._

Rey peeked up at Ben, sure enough, his eyes were glassy and heavy-lidded.

 _I think someone just got another dose of painkillers,_ she observed.

 _No, it just feels like I'm seeing clearly for the first time. Gods, Rey. I want you so badly. That little noise you make when you come. Oh, Maker, how you twist your hips when I fuck into you._

Rey let out a little gasp as his mind blended into her own again. Her blood pressure spiked as her body responded to the promise of his thoughts. She had to divert this—what if someone interrupted them?

 _Ben. You have to stop. I'm going to let you rest now because this is not going to help you recover._

 _Rey. Rey. Rey. Rey of light. Have I told you that? That you're a ray of light in my life. You always have been, you know... I felt you, long ago. And when I found you... It was like coming home._

"Ben, rest for me, okay?" Rey said while slipping off the side of the bed.

Ben seemed to instinctively reach for her, so she let her fingers thread with his as he continued to alternate between delirious visions of them together and drug-enhanced, sweet nothings.

Rey felt as if she was experiencing some of Ben's side effects, as if he was pulling her into himself with his power. She could see them together in her mind, but somehow it felt more like a vision and less like a fever-dream.

They were searching for something—answers, but mostly they were searching for ways to help others. Of course, that allowed for time alone together, which they also took advantage of. He was sweet in this vision, sweeter than even she'd come to expect him to be.

Somehow, this Ben was different from _her_ Ben. Was this how he wished he was? Outside of the influence of Snoke or even the Jedi, was this what Ben Solo would have become? Rey felt that, in another time, in another place, or perhaps even the future, this was what Ben saw for himself.

And it nearly broke her heart.

This Ben, this vision, he laughed more. Smiled a lot. It made her heart ache for a moment and hope for a time where it could be true—where he _could_ let go of the past and the pain and become this. And yet, she found that she also loved Ben as he was now. It was hard to relate to people sometimes; hard to relate when a person didn't grow up alone, or with hardship. It was a challenge for Rey to understand that their circumstances and understanding was different from her own. Not everyone was mired in pain and loneliness.

But Ben, _Oh... Ben._

He completed her like no one else. She only hoped that she'd be able to draw out the happiness from within him and compliment it with her own.

The vision shifted to another time and place. Ben was whispering every lurid detail of what he wanted to do to her—how, where, when—and Rey was squirming while trying to keep her composure.

They weren't alone, not at all. They were in a Cantina.

Loud music was being played by an eclectic, non-humanoid band. Looked like Biths. They were fantastic, but Ben was distracting her from the sounds of the music. They were supposed to be negotiating with... she wasn't sure who, she only knew that they were important and also bored. A Mandalorian? Whoever they were, they were drunk and had apparently lost interest in whatever Ben and Rey had come to offer.

 _Ben, this isn't working!_

 _Isn't it?_ he asked, as his lips brushed against the shell of her ear.

 _What are you? Oh..._

Apparently, this Mando liked to watch and Rey found that maybe... she liked it too?

 _Oh. Oh dear._

 _Sweetheart, I'm going to make you say a lot more than that pretty quick,_ Ben assured her as his arms pulled her closer. She was practically in his lap at this point and Ben was—enjoying this? Taunting the Mandalorian?

" _Gar're a tratur cuyir jate isirir, Solo,_ " the Mandalorian rasped as his hands dipped lower and _lower_ between the legs of the impossibly beautiful human female sprawled on his lap, her legs splayed over his own.

 _Ni ganar jate jate'kara megin ni ganar ibic dala's kar'taylir darasuum,_ Ben replied.

Rey knew only the most basic of Mandalorian, but she understood enough to know that she was being spoken about.

"How about you two come back a little later, eh? I'll give you and your little beauty what you're after, Jedi," the Mandalorian suggested as he picked up the woman and wrapped her around his front. Her hands were very obviously fishing through his pants though, apparently, they had _no_ qualms about enjoying each other in public.

Rey felt the flush rise into her cheeks. She wasn't a prude, but this Mandalorian pushed at even her boundaries, still... the way Ben was looking at her was making her body pulse with need.

"C'mon, sweetheart," Ben said while pulling Rey to her feet.

"Ben where are we..." The words stopped dead on her lips at his heated look.

His eyes roamed over her body. He wanted Rey, _badly,_ and he was going to get her.

Just like that, she was ready for him. Theirs was a raw and consuming kind of passion and she willingly gave herself over to that need.

"We'll be back," Ben called to the Mandalorian, though his eyes never left her own. In the low-light of the cantina, his irises looked inky-black, as if some dark power had possessed him and all that remained was his need.

She liked that too, like that she did this to him. Rey let Ben lead her to a dark alcove as they pawed at each other. It was wildly reckless, what they were doing. What if they got caught? But his lips were on her neck and her hands were on his chest, so it didn't seem that she minded so much.

It was lucky that she'd decided to wear a skirt, hoping that a more vampy-look would aid their quest. It had, maybe a little _too_ well. Rey let her panties slide down around her legs as Ben dipped to snap up the scrap of clothing.

"Mine," he growled as Rey laughed.

****Rey's hand trailed low, skimming over the muscles of his abdomen before dipping lower.

With a tight squeeze of his body, Rey purred. " _Mine_. You've made me into something wicked," she chided as Ben backed her tight against the wall.

"But only for me," he whispered harshly against her lips. "You are mine, Rey. Say it."

"I'm yours, Ben. Oh... only yours!" she whined.

She was going to lose herself to this man, to this moment. There was no one else in the galaxy that made her feel the way Ben Solo did, no one in the galaxy that she'd let do this to her either.

He was the exception to every rule she'd thought she'd had, and she was his.

And _Maker,_ he was so _kriffing strong,_ and as if that knowledge didn't make her needy. She loved how powerful he was and how powerful he made her feel. Their bond pulsed between them, like an extension of the powerful and hauntingly erotic music.

If the galaxy collapsed on itself, and nothing remained save for the memory of this moment, it would be enough. No matter what, as long as they were together, it would be more than enough. Ben lifted a hand to his lips before giving an obscene suck to his thumb.

His hand dipped and sought out that hidden bundle of nerves between her thighs.

"Ben, Ben, Ben," she cried, the words almost a prayer from her lips.

She was close. So close! Just a little more and she'd come apart against the wall of a seedy cantina, neither of them willing to wait long enough to get somewhere more private.

Rey tugged his head hard towards hers and she captured his mouth in a fierce kiss that Ben returned with a groan. He loved it when she pressed just a little too hard, when their pleasure edged towards pain.

"Ben," she gasped against his lips. "Don't stop."

Ben locked eyes with Rey as he declared, "This is ours. This moment belongs to us and I will see it made manifest."

****It felt like he was speaking out of time and that, if she just wanted it badly enough, she'd realize her dreams. It was all so curious and strange until...

Rey blinked and snapped back into reality as her cheeks flushed. Whatever Ben had been thinking or dreaming about, he was out cold now. More than a dream, it felt like a memory—maybe of things yet to come? Rey bit her lip and resisted the temptation to think about Ben's illicit thoughts any further. They had more pressing matters at hand, his recovery, for one.

 _And there's still the little matter of what to tell your friends and everyone else._

Rey stared down at Ben as he slept. His dark eyelashes fanned against his pale skin; his lips were flushed red and cracked a little from his illness. He still looked a little sallow, but better. Definitely better were

 _Definitely going to live... But what is going to happen to him once everyone knows he's awake?_

Rey wouldn't let anyone hurt him, no matter what Ben had done or who he was to them, but Rey against an angry mob would be some supremely shitty odds.

 _Maybe I can get Leia on my side,_ she mused as she took up her customary spot beside Ben. Hours passed and Rey woke again, head on Ben's bed, as Leia's familiar presence filled the room, except this time, Ben was awake for it.

"Hi, mom," his deep voice croaked as tears filled his eyes.

"Hi, Ben," Leia replied as a sad expression crossed her face.

There was so much pain and heartache between them both, but Rey knew that this would be the first step towards a reconciliation—and one that they needed to do privately. With a yawn, Rey stood and shuffled out of the way, even as Ben reached for her.

"Rey...," he called and her heart lurched.

The last thing she wanted was to leave, but this was Leia's son and they had more than a decade of feelings to work through.

"I'll be close," Rey promised before reaching out to give his hand a squeeze.

Leia looked on, a little stunned, but seemingly happy with how close her son was to Rey. As Rey turned to leave, Leia surprised her by reaching out and pulling her in for a tight hug.

"Thank you, Rey," she said, her raspy voice choked with emotion.

"Would that I could have done more sooner," Rey replied as she returned the hug.

Leia settled beside her son and Rey left as they started to speak to one another in low tones, Rey didn't really want to face what she knew was going to be a long and complicated conversation with her friends—and Poe. But she couldn't hide in the med-bay forever and they'd been kind enough to give her time to figure out whatever the hell it was she wanted to tell them.

 _Hi, yeah. Remember that guy who killed Han Solo, maimed Finn, attacked me, and just so happens to be the, well, former Supreme Leader of the galaxy? I love him. No, no. We share a mystical bond and I was able to determine that there's more to him than meets the eye—truly!_

Rey sighed. It sounded ridiculous, even to her, but it was the truth. But the information Ben had given her could prove to be invaluable—dissension among the ranks was a great bit of news for the broken Resistance.

Maybe the answer was simpler than she realized. If the First Order couldn't even trust its own people, perhaps division would be easier to sow between them all than they'd thought.

 _Maybe there's hope for more people like Finn..._ Rey wondered as she slowly walked towards the mess hall.

For the first time in weeks, Rey felt hopeful, even if the future was uncertain. It would be hard and there was much to atone for, but Ben and Leia talking was an overdue step in the right direction and now, Rey had to do the same. It was time to face her friends and tell them the truth—all of it.

* * *

Hey all! Writing has been taking aaaaaaaaaaaaloooooooot out of me lately (blah blah chronic pain blah blah), but I'm trying to keep at it. This should be wrapped up innnn I think 2 chaps? Maybe 3, including epilogue? We'll see how it goes. I have to admit, I couldn't pass up the change to write slightly-sedated Ben lol. I imagine he'd be fucking adorable or like terrified at everything? One of the two. Adorable is more fun to write about. Tragedy on Bespin, tragedy on Bespin. I wonder, if you have the Force, do shitty situations manifest because of that connection to the will of the Force? Can you avoid them if you avoid the Force (was this an issue in KotOR 2?). I guess with Luke, it shows that, even if you cut out the Force, that bitch is always waiting in the shadows for you.

Is the Force good? Is it bad? Rebels kind of gets into this with Bendu (it just is), but lawd almighty, does it seem to fuck up circumstances for some people.

So there's some funky SW language translator online that gave me the Mando convo, so if it's wrong... I don't speak Mandolorian (UNFORTUNATELY) lol, so you'll have to forgive me.

Gar're **a** tratur cuyir jate isirir **.** You are a man of good taste, Solo.

 **Ni** ganar jate jate'kara megin **ni** ganar ibic dala's kar'taylir darasuum **.** I have good luck that I have this woman's love.

Man, I love Star Wars lol.

Song title is a lyric from Florence + The Machine's new song _June._

As ever, edited at **** to be in-line with this site's guidelines! But unedited (and sexier) over an Ao3.

 **At any rate, thank you all for your messages/comments/likes/follows/engagement I love you all and I so appreciate the time you spend reading this. I literally wouldn't write if it wasn't for you all.**

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 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box. Thanks again for all the kudos, subs, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).**


	15. Trouble

**_After Ben is poisoned and nearly killed by a scheming Hux, he finds himself in Cloud City on Bespin where his past and future finally catch up with him. The more time he spends in the city, the greater the danger himself and for others. With the First Order and the New Republic on his tail, Ben Grapples with what to do next while Rey has plans of her own as they both come to find that the way forward, is sometimes the way back. Alternatively titled, Ben is a bit of an idiot._**

 ** _(Hi, I'm not dead but I am super sorry for taking so long between updates. More comments at the end. I love you and hope your holidays went well!)_**

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Ben thought that there would be more time, but he always seemed to think that. Life was uncertain, and he needed to stop waiting, stop wondering, and seize the moment—for himself and to keep Rey safe.

But the first step for Ben was one of reconciliation.

His mother always seemed to be larger than life, but looking at her now was startling for Ben. She'd aged, and he'd added to the stress in her life in so many ways. Was she smaller than he remembered? Or was he just bigger? There were more lines around the corners of her eyes and lips, her hair was a little grayer, but her eyes were bright and clear as she stared at him. Despite it all, her strength shined through as her steady Force signature reached out to his.

Leia started first. "It's been a long time, Ben."

He couldn't stop the delirious bubble of laughter that rolled up from inside him. "I don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry."

Her shoulders drooped a little as the full weight of the years between them and the tragedy they'd both experienced seemed to settle on her. She'd stared down the destruction of her home planet, lost her parents, countless friends... but her legacy was one of resistance, one of strength in the face of insurmountable odds.

She was a hero, his mother, and the face of the Resistance. He had many regrets and so much to atone for. Language hadn't evolved enough to the point that it could heal the wounds that existed between them, but fortunately, for Ben Solo and Leia Organa, sometimes words weren't needed.

Leia reached out and held his hand, her fingers threading with his and they sat in silence. As his mother shifted closer, he still saw the love in her eyes despite all that had happened.

"How can you ever forgive me?" Ben choked out as the fear, sadness, and the humiliation all finally bubbled to the surface.

Leia disentangled her hand before reaching out to gently brush her fingers through his hair—just like she used to when he was a boy and upset. A shudder ran through Ben at her touch and it was so much more than just comfort, it was _connection._

 _Has it always been this way for us, Mother?_ he asked, wondering whether she could perceive his thoughts and feelings as well as he could hers.

 _I think so. It's gotten stronger with age and with you close again. I could always feel you, Ben. Even in the darkness, I could feel you there—that bright sliver of light within you never dimmed, even in the face of all that darkness. I am so sorry, Ben._

 _I am the one who should be sorry!_

"It goes both ways," Leia assured him. "There was so much about my past and our family history that I kept from you and my inability to face the pain turned it into something that could be used as a weapon by Snoke. I should have told you everything, the good and the bad."

"Even if you did, do you think it would have made a difference?"

Leia shrugged. "I should have tried. Your power was so raw and volatile, but instead of helping you, I sent you away in fear. Ben, I always loved you, and I wasn't afraid of _you,_ but afraid of the potential that our bloodline holds. I wanted to do what was best for you, but I made you vulnerable and hurt you in ways I... I just didn't anticipate. I thought I was doing what was best for you, but maybe I was only doing what I thought was best for me. You should have never had to live with the burden of our legacy alone. You were never at fault—for this."

"Snoke was..." Ben started before trailing off.

 _Always there. I should have known that you'd be a target. I should have trusted my instincts instead of letting the fear take hold. There's darkness in our family, but a brilliant and strong light as well. I should have trusted that with the light, we could bring balance to the dark. Instead, I made you feel like a monster. My boy... my beautiful son, can you ever forgive me?_

Ben swallowed thickly. "There is nothing to forgive. And how can you say that when I...?" He couldn't finish. The gravity of the past and his mistakes weighed heavy between them.

Her voice was choked when she finally responded. "You've always had my forgiveness. Han... your father... We both knew what the stakes were..."

 _All we ever wanted was for you to come home. All your father wanted was for you to know how much he loved you. A parent would do anything for their child. And... you're home now._

 _At what cost, Mom?_

Leia let out a deep sigh. "I know in my heart, if Han could speak to you now, he'd tell you that he wouldn't change a thing."

 _That's all well and good, but he's not. And I... Mom. I killed my father. I killed your husband._

 _You did what you thought you needed to do in order to placate Snoke. If we'd been there for you sooner, things would have been very different. We should have done more. Said more. But there was always an excuse... until things took a turn._

"What if it was always meant to be this way? I mean, our family... my grandfather. We're drawn to the darkness."

"And our mistake lies in trying to deny that truth. What we need—what should have been clear all along—was that there needs to be a balance. A way to find harmony without the extremes. I left you vulnerable when I should have been there for you, when your father and I _both_ should have been there for you. There is so much I would change if I could go back and start all over again—so many things I would have been more honest about."

"Me too," Ben agreed. If he'd only known to wait... that there was someone out there like him, looking for answers and guidance, and waiting for a better life. Maybe things wouldn't have been quite so fucked if he'd known.

"All we can do now is move forward and make a better future, for ourselves and the galaxy. Things are going to get better, you'll see," Leia assured him, though she looked uncertain about her own words.

"I don't really see how they can, Mom."

 _Once the rest of the Resistance realizes who I am and what I have become..._

"I don't want to be the reason anyone else gets hurt. Not you, not Rey. No one. I've done too much..."

Leia squared her shoulders, her dark eyes locking with her son's. "It's never too late to take a step in the right direction. We will get through this, somehow. And Rey..."

Ben could feel his face flushing as the conversation turned towards his scavenger.

A mischievous smile spread over Leia's face. "I guess we never did end up having 'the talk,' did we? Unless your father beat me to it?"

"Mom!" Ben choked. "It's a little too late for that."

Leia's eyebrows shot up. "Is that right? Your thoughts are rather loud where she's concerned..."

"I mean... Things are complicated between Rey and me, but I love her and she loves me. Somehow, we're going to make it work..." Ben rambled, squirming under his mother's delighted gaze.

"Ben, you don't owe me any sort of explanation. I'm kidding and I love her too. She's special. We could use more people like her in the galaxy," Leia said.

"She's the missing piece. Without her, I don't see an end to any of this," Ben explained and Leia seemed to agree.

"From the first moment I met her, I knew that Rey was meant to be a part of our lives and our story. I think her determination will find a way to bring balance..."

Ben was about to agree when they were interrupted. It seemed his concerns were well-founded because Rey came rushing back into the medbay with news.

"The remnants of the New Republic are here and they want Ben," she announced. "Lando needs to discuss some things with you and, for now, we need to move Ben into containment. It's not safe here for him, apparently."

She looked, felt, and _sounded_ angry as if she'd been fighting whatever the Resistance had decided since the moment she'd heard their intentions.

"I'll go see what I can do," Leia assured them both. Leia reached out and grabbed Ben's hand, giving one final squeeze before rushing from the small room.

"Do you think you can walk, Ben?" Rey asked. "I insisted on moving you because I'm concerned that someone might be tempted by the bounty on your head and act on their own."

"There's a bounty on my head?" Ben asked as he slowly slid his legs over the side of the bed. A medical droid hovered over to help remove the IVs and monitors from Ben's body.

"Yup. Lando says he's never seen a bounty this big before. I'm not sure on the exact number, but it's in the millions of credits. Apparently, you're a valuable man."

"Well, they'll need an appropriate scapegoat if they want to win over the remainder of the public to their side. What better way to do that than with a public sacrifice?"

Rey scrunched her face up at him as she helped him stand. "That's so morbid, Ben. You seem fairly sturdy. Looks like the meds have been doing their job?"

She was still worried, he could tell, but she was hiding it better than he expected. If anything, she seemed determined, almost as if she was working through her own plans.

"Oh!" she exclaimed before heading over to a small closet. "Not all of your clothes made it, but I managed to salvage the cape and boots."

Rey reached inside and dragged out his long cape and boots before handing the items over to him. "It'll cover your ass. No offense, but I don't want the entire Resistance to see you half-naked," Rey said with a wink.

Ben supposed his gown was a little revealing.

"This really doesn't fit so well," he remarked while Rey helped him shoulder his cape.

"You're a little taller and broader than the patients that they normally treat," Rey replied and he could hear the smile in her voice. "There is a _sizable_ gap back there, Ben."

He coughed. "Yes, well. Let's get a move on before I have to greet the galaxy wearing this," he said while gesturing to his robes.

"Good idea."

It took a little while for Ben to get his boots on his feet as his balance was pretty terrible, but he and Rey managed. After he was mostly dressed, Rey led Ben through the corridors of Cloud City, which was relatively deserted. "Is no one out at this time of night? I remember it being busier here," Ben wondered.

"There's a curfew in place because of how close the First Order is to the system, though I've never seen much activity on this level," Rey explained. "They're looking for you, though somehow, we've managed to keep your location a secret. I don't think our luck is going to hold out for much longer though considering someone alerted the remainders of the New Republic."

 _You don't have many friends in the Resistance,_ Rey thought as she gently tugged Ben along.

 _That's not really surprising, given what the First Order and I have done._

 _But they don't know the whole story, Ben. They attribute crimes to you that you never committed. There's so much more going on here than many realize._

 _Well, I do have more than a few crimes to atone for._

 _And you will and you have. Moving forward and doing better is the only thing that any of us can do. We've all made mistakes in the name of some faceless greater good. We should be working together, not breaking into factions. If there were more people like you... like Finn... I think we could make a real change in the galaxy—for the better._

But there wasn't much time to continue with their discussion. When they reached the containment area, there was one lone droid on duty. Rey explained that the cells were mostly used for high-ranking individuals, which meant he should have some privacy.

Rey fished out a datapad from her pocket and handed it to the security droid, who ushered them both into a small cell. There was a bed, a sink and toilet, and not much else.

"But you should be safe here. Safer than where you were, anyway," Rey offered

Ben sat on the edge of the small bed and realized he was more tired than he realized.

 _Almost dying will do that, I hear._

Rey helped Ben with his boots before he settled into the bed. Rey climbed in alongside him. It was cramped, but Ben felt more content than he had in a very long time, almost as if things were finally starting to go in a direction that didn't feel completely fucked—as if he'd finally cued into his place and what he needed to do next.

It wasn't long before Rey was called out of his cell on official Resistance business, apparently. She didn't tell him where she was going and he didn't ask, Ben just gave her a kiss before she slipped out of his bed and left the containment cell.

He was asleep by the time she returned and awoke at the feel of her slinking into his bed.

"This thing is almost as terrible as your sleeping arrangements on the Supremacy," she grumbled.

"It's a far cry from Naboo," he agreed before asking, "Doesn't the Resistance... Well, why are you here with me, Rey? Isn't this a conflict of interest?"

 _Majorly. And I don't give a shit. They only see the present and I've seen the future—so have you. There's more at stake here than they realize and I'm not going to let you out of my sight when there are so many people here who want you dead._

"You're not a very good Jedi," he mused while wrapping his arms tight around her waist.

"I'm not a Jedi. I'm not sure what I am, but I'm learning and I think, one day, I'll be able to figure it out..."

 _With your help,_ she finished.

 _You're putting a lot of faith in me, Scavenger._

 _I'm putting my faith in the Force. We've got a lot of life left to live, Ben. And I'm not interested in watching you almost die again._

Ben brushed his lips against her brow as he assured her, "It was all worth it. I'd spend a lifetime in this cell if I get to be this close to you."

Rey snorted. "Well, thanks for that. But you can't blame me if I'm looking for a life that's a little less... prisony, and with fewer brushes with death."

Her emotions were in turmoil, from their circumstances or for what was yet to come, Ben wasn't certain, but he did know how to rectify that particular problem.

Ben planted a lingering kiss on the column of her throat as Rey purred. "You're trying to distract me."

"Is it working?" he asked as his hand trailed under the hem of her shirt, gently cupping her breast over her thin wrappings.

"Hmph," she said, but it sounded more like a purr. "This is a bad idea, Ben."

He knew that, but he seemed to be committed to making bad decisions where she was concerned.

"We might have guests soon. They weren't too keen on letting me back in here, you realize," she said, breath catching as his fingers gently rolled a peaked nipple.

"Why ever not?"

"They're concerned I'm going to break you— _Oh!—out,_ " Rey managed as Ben gently nipped her shoulder.

 _Are you?_ Ben wondered as his hands explored.

 _Maybe. Yes. If I need to. Finn, Rose, and I have been working out a plan... and, well, I'll do whatever I need to keep you safe. There's no way that I'm going to let anyone hurt you..._

She was so much more than he deserved and Ben wondered if she knew how much he was willing to do to keep her safe as well?

 _But... in the meantime... Maybe we can make the best of a bad situation?_ Ben's thoughts wandered to all that they'd done with each other and all that he still wanted to do with Rey and just as she was about to indulge him, they both turned their heads towards the cell's entrance in anticipation. A loud scraping noise and yelling was all the warning they got before yelling sounded from outside of the cell.

"What in the...?" Rey started to say, but that ended on a cry as the doors to the cell burst open while Rey pulled Ben's hand out from under her shirt.

"Finn? Rose?" Rey said, slinking out of the bed before standing and crossing over to where her friends stood, breathing hard.

"Seems we have a thing for prison breaks, eh, Finn?" Rose joked.

"Seems that way. Rey, we have to get you and _him_ out of here. They've come for Kylo Ren."

"Who's come for him?" Rey cried. "The First Order?"

Finn shook his head with a smirk. "No, what remains of the New Republic. Another contingent arrived a few hours ago. Some former senator—Carise? She wants his head. Seems to think that if she gives him over to Hux, he'll be lenient when the First Order continues on its path of destruction. Leia is disinclined to agree."

"Shit. How much time do we have?" Rey asked.

"Minutes, maybe. Lando is working something out. Said something about a ship?"

Rey tried to remember whether Lando had ever mentioned a ship before, and it finally dawned on her. "The Vantillian catamaran! It's in the western skipdock—Lando and Leia were planning on using it to help the Resistance, but I think this is going to take precedence."

"I brought this," Rose said with a grin as she dug something out of her pack. With a wink and a toss, Rose threw Ben's lightsaber towards him. Ben plucked the 'saber from the air as if he'd been expecting it before returning Rose's smile as, with a press of the dead man switch, it ignited, casting the room in an eerie glow.

"Yeah, I'm not too good with seeing that so close to me again," Finn deadpanned.

Ben had the decency to look chagrinned and mumbled, "Yeah. I think I owe you an apology for that... and more."

But Finn only shook his head. "Another time. Right now, we need to get you both the hell out of here."

"But why do this? Why help us?" Ben asked though he realized that the thought had never occurred to Rey. Her friends might not understand the decisions that she made, but they believed and trusted in her, which made all the difference.

"It's what friends do and, besides, _Leia hates_ Carise. And the last thing that's going to help the galaxy is giving up one powerful Force user to a megalomaniac. Besides, if I can come around and leave the First Order... Maybe Kylo Ren can too?"

Ben could feel Rey's gratitude and love for her friends. They'd risk everything for her, even if that meant saving someone like him. He was glad that she had people like this in her life who would be able to help her navigate through the pain and confusion if everything ever went south.

"We need to be smart about this. No one knows that you're free, aside from us. And no one knows that you're Leia's son, either. As far as they know, you're just the Enforcer, Kylo Ren, and one hell of a bargaining chip for the New Republic," Finn explained as they carefully filed out of the cell.

"So they don't know what I look like?" Ben asked as he eased himself from the bed.

"Well, you're not going to be easy to hide considering how much of you there is," Rose said while waving vaguely in his direction.

Ben didn't know what to make of that, but before he could cut in, Finn finished for Rose.

"Considering the New Republic showed up so quickly, someone on the inside must have let on that you're here, so it won't take much for them to figure out what you look like given that half of the Resistance saw when you were first carted in. But Rose thought of that," Finn said while shooting Rose an adoring smile.

Fishing around in her pack, Rose pulled out some clothes and passed them over to Ben. "You're pretty tall, but I did my best to scavenge some clothes. Lando helped," she said with a wink.

Ben stared down at the pile of clothes in his arms. "A cape?"

Rose shrugged. "You know it. Lando is Lando and wouldn't hear about you wearing something a little less showy."

Rey shook her head, but Ben could tell how happy her friends made her and that her trust in them seemed to be well-founded. That they would do this... for him. It was too much.

"Are you going to be able to change on your own?" Rey asked. He hadn't exactly been standing for long, but he was more lethargic than anything.

"I'm tired, but I think I can manage."

"We'll turn around and let you change," Rey said before motioning for everyone to turn away from Ben.

Rose gave Rey a knowing look. "As if there's anything you haven't—"

"Cut it," Rey glared before giving her friend a smile. "Just let us know if you need help, Ben."

His movements were a little stiff, but he managed. The cream shirt exposed way too much of his chest for his liking, but the pants fit well enough and his boots fit over the fabric fine. A dark leather jacket fit him a little too tight, and then there was the issue of where to hang his lightsaber.

Rey gave him a once-over before commenting, "You look like a right proper scoundrel."

"My father would be proud... My mother, not so much," Ben joked.

The ache in his heart was there still, but it was fading a little. It wasn't as if he forgave himself for the pain he'd brought his family, but he trusted in their belief in him—their love was more than enough and he intended to make good on that trust, no matter what.

Finn motioned towards the exit. "Rose and I will head out first and find Leia. You two follow after. Go straight to the western skipdock. I don't know how much time we'll have before they realize he's gone."

"You're not coming with us?" Rey asked.

"Nah, got a few loose ends we need to tie up here, but we'll join you later, peanut," Finn assured her.

"Take care of Rey," Rose said to Ben as her eyes filled with tears.

"I'll do whatever I can to keep her safe," he assured her as Rose gave him a short nod.

Quick as a whip, Rose launched herself into Rey's arms, holding her tight around the middle as she whispered into her ear. Ben couldn't quite make out what she was saying, but judging from the tears in Rey's eyes, whatever it was, it was important.

"Take care of each other," Rey managed as Rose finally pulled back. "Rendezvous as soon as you can."

Rey held her hand out for Finn, who took it before pulling her in for a close, tight hug.

"Take care of her, Solo," Finn said over Rey's shoulder.

Ben's voice caught in his throat before he replied, "I... I will. No matter what."

Finn gave a short nod before motioning for Rose to take his hand. "Ready?"

"Always."

Finn and Rose walked towards the exit, but before either could press the release for the door, Finn turned back and, with a smile said, "May the Force be with you both."

Rey laughed. "Well, it got us into this mess, might as well get us all out of it."

With one final wave, they were gone. Rey and Ben were alone and suddenly the air felt thick between them. There was so much yet to come, so much that was unknown, but at least this time they had each other.

"C'mon. It's going to be a pain to get to the dock without anyone noticing you're gone," Rey said, taking his hand in her own before leading him out of the containment area. They made their way through the hallways of the floating city which seemed almost endlessly long, before finally reaching the turbolift that would take them to the western skipdock. Every moment they spent in transit was an opportunity for someone to see them and take Ben back to his cell, or worse.

Rey tapped her foot as they waited for the lift to arrive and Ben held her hand tight while trying to think of ways to distract her from worrying.

 _Another turbolift ride together..._ Ben thought while he remembered all that had happened between them on Snoke's ship.

Rey gave him a look. _Well, I don't have any intention of handing you over to the New Republic, if that's what you're getting at._

 _It's not. I couldn't believe that you were there on the Supremacy. There was no way to hide you from Snoke, but I knew... The moment your pod set down in the ship, I knew he was dead._

Rey's hand squeezed his tight. "I knew the same, just like I knew we'd be together. I was only a little off on the timeline."

"Yeah, so was I," Ben agreed.

They'd somehow managed to be right and wrong... about everything and Ben wondered whether they'd have the chance to make good on the future they'd been shown.

Far too soon, they arrived at the right level. The lower levels of Cloud City were grimy, dirty, and often a haven for smugglers, mercenaries, and Force knew what else—which was perfect for Ben and Rey. No one met their eyes as they trudged along, weaving through aliens and humanoids as Rey led them towards the skipdock.

"You know your way around pretty well," Ben commented as they split apart to avoid being run over by a mobile vendor.

"Lando insisted on giving me a tour of the city the first time I came here and, besides, I'm good at finding my way through cavernous places. You know, it's a good thing you insisted on wearing that mask for so long," Rey continued while pointedly looking around. "At least only half of the galaxy knows what you look like, and thankfully most people don't know that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are the same person."

"If that gets out, Rey..."

"Then we'll deal with it. One step at a time," she assured him.

Ben wondered where she got her optimism from because he certainly didn't share it. His stomach turned as he thought about all the danger he was about to bring down on her and everyone else. This was all his fault and only he could stop things from getting worse. He couldn't change the past, but if he could make a sacrifice that would save her future...

"Rey, I... we need to stop. This isn't going to work," Ben started to say, earning him a glare as they rounded a corner and entered the expansive skipdock. Luxury ships were docked throughout, but Rey seemed to know exactly where she wanted to go.

"I don't know what the kriff you're going on about, but we're going to be fine. This is Lando's city, as much as the New Republic wishes it were otherwise."

But Ben knew better. _This is a fool's errand, Rey. You know it. I know it. They're never going to stop looking for me._

"Remember that I have a plan. Finn, and Rose... We're going to keep this whole mess from getting worse," she assured him, but he wasn't going to make anyone else suffer for his sins any longer.

If he gave himself up, Rey could get away from here—find his Knights, save the galaxy. All it would take was just one step in the right direction and he was long overdue in that regard.

"Rey, I have a lot to atone for and I'm not going to make my mother more of an enemy to the New Republic than she already is."

"So, you're just going to give yourself over to Hux?" she said slowly as if she couldn't believe what he was trying to do.

 _Please understand me, Rey. I have faith that things will turn out alright... somehow, but I can't make you suffer for my sins. I need to make this right._

"And you're under the impression that I wouldn't be suffering if you're executed by Hux?"

"It won't come to that," Ben assured her.

"It almost did! He nearly killed you on the Supremacy. Your Knights nearly died to bring you here! Are you just going to ignore the sacrifices they made to save you?"

She wasn't sad, she was angry. That was so like her and something he respected about her character. Sadness had its place, but anger was more versatile and would help her get through what was yet to come, even if it wasn't really an emotion that was befitting for a Jedi. But they'd always been so similar to each other in that regard.

"I can't let anyone else be responsible for my mistakes and leaving Hux alive is my mistake and mine alone."

"And I assume I can't change your mind about this?" she asked as her mood seemed to shift, transitioning from anger to something like acceptance.

 _Good. This is the way it needs to be..._ Ben thought, even though his gut twisted as he realized this would be the last time he'd ever be with her.

"Nothing in the galaxy can change the way this needs to be, not even you, Rey," he assured her. Maybe they wouldn't have their happy ending in this life, but Ben was certain that somehow, someway, they would get the ending they deserved.

And if he had to give his life to save Rey's... to save his mother's... it would be worth it. His sacrifice would give his Knights enough time to relay the information they'd discovered back to his mother and then Rey and her friends could do some real damage to the First Order—from the inside out.

Rey pulled herself up straight, her face blank as she said finally, "If this is the way it has to be, then this is the way it has to be."

 _Good. This will make it easier. It was never going to be you,_ he thought to himself. _That you got even a moment of her time makes it all worth it. You were never worthy of her love._

Rey's expression was determined. She had her loyalties and Ben understood. What was one more person in the long line of betrayals and disappointments that had haunted her life? This was all his fault, anyway, and he needed to make things right.

"One more, for the memories," Rey said while opening her arms.

He'd give himself this one moment and indulge her. He'd sacrifice his very life itself to make her happy, hadn't he always thought that? Well, now was his chance. Ben stepped close as her arms reached up to wrap around his neck. As her lips pressed against his, something cold and metallic pressed into his neck.

An injector pen clicked and released a needle into his flesh as she held him tight with her arms and her power.

 _What the hell, Rey...?_

 _You are such an idiot Ben Solo._

"Rey...," Ben slurred, body heavy and lethargic as the drugs pulsed through his veins.

Rey helped guide him as he stumbled, hands reaching out while Ben tried to keep from falling on his face.

"Easy now, Ben. Just let the sedative do its job," Rey explained, though her voice sounded as if it was coming out from underneath a stack of blankets.

 _Why_ _Rey? I need to... Just let me do this._

 _Let's get you out of here. I'm pretty sure Lando is waiting on the ship._

 _But Rey... Why?_

 _Your mother told me that you might try this. As if the New Republic would be able to make things better by giving you to Hux. We're going to get you out of here. Though, you really should guard your thoughts better around your mother, Ben. Maker knows what else you let slip through._

 _But..._

 _But fucking nothing. I told you that I have a plan. Trust me. Trust your mother. Trust your Knights. Trust us all. We're going to make it through this. It's alright. This is not our last goodbye; this is the beginning._

* * *

 _AN~HI!_ (HIDING).

So, after some inter-fandom bullshit, health and other issues, and then just general fandom burnout, I managed to get a bunch of shit done on this. I'm so sorry it took so long as it absolutely wasn't my intention at all. So thank you for reading (especially if you're _still_ reading) and if you're new, welcome 3 Considering the strange shit show that Tumblr has become, I've also gotten on the Twitter thing for fandom pacificwandere1 (SOME ASSHOLE ALREADY HAS PACIFICWANDERER; ok, I'm sure they're nice, but I still hate them). It's easier to chat over there, so if you're on Twitter or if you'd like to reach me in a more immediate way, I'm often on Twitter and, as ever, my inbox on Tumblr is still open (send me nice things lol I've gotten so much garbo lately—which is immediately deleted). Anyways. I'm alive, painfully, but I'm working on it. Thank you thank you thank you for reading 3

Scavenging, and outposts, and Mustafar! OH MY. Let's give these kids their happy ending. Any mistakes are my own 3 Thanks for being you!

"The way forward is sometimes the way back" is a quote from the GOAT, Labyrinth.


	16. Sing For Absolution

Ben Solo was getting rather tired of waking up in a stupor. He was in some sort of bed, on a stolen ship, flying to Maker knew where, while the one chance to keep the First Order from decimating the galaxy slipped through their fingers. He tried to roll to the side, but his body felt as heavy as duracrete. Ben's head lolled to the side as his eyes blinked open. Everything was blurry, but someone was sitting next to him and he was just able to make out a dark face and a wide smile.

 _Who the…?_

"You might wanna take things easy, son," said a familiar voice.

 _Uncle Lando._

"...the hell?" Ben grumbled. His eyes weren't working properly and his body wasn't reacting the way he wanted either.

"You've got another 12 hours of sedative in your body before you have control of your limbs—you can thank your mother for that piece of information. Who knew you'd be so sensitive to narcotics?"

 _Kriff..._ Of course, his mother was in on this. Of course,she'd let them know about his medical history. He should have known that she wasn't just going to surrender her son either, not when she'd just gotten him back.

Words were hard and his tongue felt thick in his mouth, but Ben managed to ask, "Where... mother?"

"Currently being a royal pain in the ass to the remainder of the New Republic. Seems there's a rivalry there goes _way_ back. She's safe."

"And you…?" Ben slurred.

 _Why are you here? Why are you helping me? Don't you know who I am… what I've become?_

Lando didn't reply right away, just sat there and let the silence settle around them. Lando wasn't known for pregnant pauses, so Ben prepared himself for the worst. This wasn't a conversation that he'd ever expected to be having.

Finally, Uncle Lando let out a deep sigh. "You should have found me sooner, Ben. I could have helped. If there's anyone who understands what it feels like to have a checkered past... well, let's just say there are more than a few decisions I regret making."

Ben's eyes finally started working and his tongue was feeling a little less numb as well. "I... It all happened so fast. I didn't know what to do... Snoke was so...," Ben trailed off.

Uncle Lando stood from his chair before approaching Ben. A cane clicked on the floor as he came closer. Lando squatted beside him and, if Ben didn't know better, the effort to shift so low seemed to be painful. He was getting old, Uncle Lando, and so was his mother.

He'd wasted so much time with anger, hate, and misunderstanding. Even when he'd realized his mistakes, Ben had thought that he could turn it all around and use the power he'd been granted to set his own course without help.

Which had been foolish, of course, for the will of the Force had other plans for him, it always did. She'd been the ruiner and savior of his existence. He'd wanted her, even as he hated her, and now all he had was love raw admiration for her—his scavenger, his Rey. He was unworthy of her, but he'd wanted to prove that maybe, even as broken as he was, he could serve her in some way and try to atone for his past mistakes, albeit inadequately.

But she'd seen right through his intentions and, as ever, was determined to keep him. Ben could only imagine how much shit Rey had just gotten herself into by sneaking him off of Bespin.

"Where's Rey now?"

Uncle Lando grinned. "Who do you think is flying this thing? She's quite the treasure, your girl," Uncle Lando marveled as he shifted and sat against Ben's mattress, his back leaning against the edge of the bed's alcove.

"I don't deserve her," Ben started, but his uncle waved off his concerns.

"We all deserve a second chance, Ben—to be loved. You always did even if Snoke tried to convince you otherwise—and you always were loved. Rey has her own ideas about how the future needs to unfold and I've been around long enough to be able to recognize something important when I see it. I might be an old pirate, but even I know how special she is. She chose you, Ben, and she's going to keep you."

"It was a stupid idea," he voiced. "To hand myself over."

"And selfish," his uncle added. "But your family has always been a little too quick to opt for self-sacrifice, so we'll blame it on your bloodline," Uncle Lando chuckled.

Ben groaned as his fingers twitched—he was getting some feeling back there, apparently.

"It's a hard thing, to trust someone, I know that. I don't trust easily, either. But you don't have to trust everyone, Ben. But trust her and let her in. She told me that she tried to tell you about her plan, but that you'd already made up your mind about it and were determined to go your own way. After all she's been through, and all she's lost, you think it would be fair for her to lose you too?"

Ben didn't answer, but he was beginning to see both Rey's and Uncle Lando's point. Never mind what his Knights had sacrificed in order to keep him safe—and to just go back to Hux? Yes, it was foolish. And yes, it had been a way for him sacrifice himself for past sins, a way to make himself feel better even as those around him suffered.

"Anyway. Enough bitching. Things are coming to a head now. I see it. Your mother sees it. What's more, we can feel it. It's all so damn familiar now."

Ben stared at his uncle as his vision cleared. It had been so long. He was still handsome, looked a hell of a lot better than some, but age had a way of catching up with everyone. He'd seen it with his mother, and he was seeing it now with Uncle Lando.

And he'd been resolved to just… what? Forget who he'd been? Where he'd come from?

 _...The First Order rose from the dark side… you did not._

The past, present, and future echoed around Ben Solo as he finally came to realize his part in all of this. He wasn't the hero, but he wasn't the villain, either. Not anymore. His story was a part of her story and he had to see it through to the end, no matter what she needed next.

"War never ends," Ben replied.

"No, not really. I think we're always fighting for what we love. There's always going to be some asshole out there who thinks they know better than everyone else. For a while, I thought you were that asshole," Uncle Lando mused as Ben fixed him with a look.

"So did I. Guess we were both wrong."

"Guess so," Uncle Lando said before shifting to stand. "Can't sit too long or my knee starts to ache. I can thank your father for that."

Ben let out a small chuckle though it didn't come easy. "Thank you."

Uncle Lando gave a little wave in his direction. "What are uncles for? Anyway, you should probably get some more rest and I have a captain to relieve."

 _Rey…_ Ben's thoughts turned to her. His love—his _life._

"Hell of a girl, she is," Uncle Lando said, face crinkling into a smile that was just as charming as Ben remembered, even for all that it had aged.

 _Time to make up for… everything._

Starting now or at least as soon as he had control of his body again.

* * *

Rey joined him in bed a few hours later. He could tell she was still stressed and likely still upset with him, but she crawled onto the bed and cuddled up to him regardless.

"I'd pull you closer, but I don't have control over my limbs yet," he said blandly.

"Yeah, that was to keep you from running off and doing something incredibly stupid," she said as her head dropped onto his chest. "You can be a bit of a martyr sometimes. Don't really think your actions through."

He deserved that. "Had a chat with Uncle Lando and he agrees."

"He's a good man, and he loves you dearly. Did you know that he's been maintaining this ship for decades—hoping that one day you'd come to him for help? It was meant to be a present for your birth."

"I've made many foolish decisions in my life, and not seeking him out was another in a long list," Ben said with a sigh.

"He's had it modified since then. It'd make quite the little smuggler now," Rey said, and she sounded impressed and amused.

"Once a pirate, always a pirate."

"It would seem so," she agreed before adding, "Don't ever do that again. If we die, we do it on our own terms and not because Hux, or the New Republic, or anyone else demands it, understand?"

"I'm sorry for everything. I wasn't thinking straight," he tried to explain. She meant so much to him and it would have been an honor to die for her—to keep her safe.

Rey read his thoughts. "You really think that your death would be able to keep me safe? Hux wouldn't allow me to live, not now that he knows what I mean to you and what we did to Snoke. He'd keep coming and that would be that. And, besides, things are going to be better this way."

"It seemed like the most logical course to take, but that might have been the sedatives talking," Ben mused.

"You are in so much kriffing shit, Ben. Your mother commed us and she's about as mad as I can imagine and with good reason."

"Well, I can add it to the list, I suppose."

Rey dug her fingers into his side, tickling him while he was vulnerable and couldn't fight back. He deserved it—deserved worse, actually. Ben wheezed before she finally gave up and settled alongside him again.

"You're lucky you can't hide anything from her," Rey continued.

"Well, that's not entirely true."

"What do you mean? She saw right through you!"

Ben sighed, which took more effort than it was worth. "I must have wanted her to know, on some level, or I was too drugged to keep my thoughts to myself. Otherwise, she'd have never known."

Growling from beside him, Rey snuggled her face into his chest. "You're an idiot."

"I'm an idiot," he agreed.

"Together. No more bantha shit, you hear me? If we're going out, we're going out together."

She wasn't going to take no for an answer and, surprisingly, he agreed. The last thing he wanted was to face the rest of his life without her. Even the thought of having to live without Rey at his side was painful.

All at once, Ben realized what he needed to do, what he should have done years ago with so many others. "I'm sorry, Rey. I love you."

"I know, Ben. I love you too. But love means trust—so trust me next time. Don't go it alone. You don't have to."

 _Not anymore._

 _Not anymore,_ Ben echoed.

There were no more words after that, just the quiet and contentment that came from being with a loved one. It was the first day of the rest of their lives. Where they belonged was right where they were and though there was more going on in the galaxy that would eventually need to be dealt with, at least for now, they had each other, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

It was a few solid hours more before Ben could walk, but boy did he need to piss. Rey helped him to the 'fresher so he could relieve himself, which was more painful than he was anticipating.

"That's what you get for trying to give yourself up," Rey tisked, though he could tell she felt bad about his pain.

"Yeah, here's hoping I learn from my mistakes," Ben tried to joke as pain radiated from his bladder.

 _This is… pretty terrible._

 _Well, you can remember this the next time you try to do something idiotic,_ Rey chimed in as he finished.

 _Yeah, yeah…_

After freshening up a bit, Rey helped him hobble to the galley where he ate more than his fair share of rations as Rey watched.

"Not going to eat?" he asked.

"Nah. I had some food earlier and way too much caf."

"There's caf?"

Rey grinned. "Let me get you some."

Ben watched her work in the little kitchen. He was so lucky. Even if he didn't believe that he deserved this, he was going to make damn sure that he tried harder to be worthy of her. Finding that person—the one who believed in him, even when he didn't believe in himself—was all he'd ever really wanted, when it came down to it.

 _Compassion…_

The word echoed in his head. Their meeting on Starkiller had been the start of so much, more than either of them had expected.

 _When the Force wills something, the why or how just seem to slip into place, don't they?_ Rey's thoughts shimmered into his own as she walked back with a steaming cup of caf.

 _It seems I'm intent on learning that lesson the hard way,_ he admitted.

"Seems that way." Rey smiled at him before continuing, "Wonder if the Force has a plan for ensuring Hux doesn't destroy half of the known galaxy?"

"Are we really going to talk about how to take down the First Order over caf?"

"Would you like me to wait for a better time? Perhaps you'd like me to schedule a meeting?" Rey deadpanned before fixing him with a look.

Ben sighed. "You're right. Nothing like the present. There's enough instability within the First Order that sabotage isn't out of the question. Hux isn't loved or feared as much as he ought to be—the Resistance should take advantage of that."

Rey nodded. "The First Order isn't the Empire and their grasp on the galaxy is more tenuous. It won't take much to bring them down—especially from the inside. And with Hux in charge, it actually makes things easier."

"The officers hate him," Ben agreed.

"Yeah, that much the Resistance's intel has been able to find out. Finn thinks there are more people like him— _good_ people who were never given an option and, well, he intends to give them an option, with some help."

"It just might work," Ben mused. "I'm assuming it's some sort of covert infiltration?"

Rey shrugged. "I wasn't in on the planning. Not everyone is convinced that you've turned and, well, they aren't really thrilled that I've come down so hard on your side... Some people might be a little upset about it, but there's nothing to do about it. The Force does as the Force wills and we have a destiny to make happen."

"That's rather ominous. You know, interpretations of Force visions aren't always correct, what if you have made the wrong decision?" Ben asked. The last thing he wanted was for Rey to throw her life away needlessly for someone like him. She was much more than he ever deserved and he'd gladly go to his grave for Rey.

"Then we'll be doomed together. Now that I have you, I'm not letting go, Ben. You can wrap your mind into trouble all you want, but I'm always going to be here to help you untangle the knots, understand?"

Ben's lip quirked. "I wish I'd known to look for you."

"And I wish I'd known that you were coming. But we have each other now, and all that matters is what we choose to do with the time that we've been given. We might not have much time, but we're going to make the most of it. Besides, Lando's contact let us know that there's rumblings of something more coming—something that neither the First Order or the Resistance know to expect."

"His contact?"

"Yeah, a Weequay pirate based out of Batuu," Rey started to explain.

"Wait—Batuu?"

Rey's face scrunched up as she looked at him. "I feel like I have an echo, yes—Batuu."

He'd sent Tamis and Yem, two of his more intrepid knights, to that strange outpost before everything had happened on the Supremacy. He'd been intending to hear their report but hadn't gotten the chance before Hux had attacked. What else could be waiting for him on that planet? Once they got planetside, he'd work out how to contact his Knights—if they were still alive.

Rey interrupted his thoughts. "Yeah. Lando has a friend there—Hondo, something or other. Says he has some information that could be useful to us. Apparently, you're not the only Skywalker to visit this part of the galaxy."

 _My grandfather?_ Ben wondered.

 _Yeah. During the Clone Wars. Looks like there's been something waiting for us at the edge of the galaxy—been waiting this whole time. Snoke was the start, but Ben… I don't know if the First Order is the worst of what's yet to come._

It never seemed like they were prepared enough for what the galaxy had planned. No matter who was in power, there was always something waiting at the periphery to pounce. It almost seemed futile to do anything and something in his mood must have transferred to Rey for she reached over and took his hand in hers.

"Peace is something we have to work for," she offered.

"You know, the Sith said peace is a lie."

Rey huffed. "For an ancient order that thrived on destruction, that idea would be something they'd perpetuate."

He didn't say it and tried not to feel it too hard, but Ben knew that, if push came to shove, I'd let the galaxy burn if it meant getting to keep Rey. It was selfish, but it was true. That she was with him served to temper his darkness as his darkness emphasized her light. Together, they were balanced. But could the galaxy ever achieve such a thing?

"We'll learn more in Batuu, I'm sure of it," Rey continued.

"I'll trust in your judgment," Ben said, wisely allowing the subject to change.

"We should go check on Lando. See if he needs a break."

Rey stood and walked over to Ben, helping him to his feet as they slowly made their way to the cockpit. But Uncle Lando insisted he was having the best time he'd had in years, and did not want to be relieved. "You don't know how badly I've been dying to take this ship out for another spin," he said with a wink.

"You sure you don't need a break?" Ben asked and his uncle fixed him with a look.

"You're barely standing. Good thing your girl is as strong as she is, though I do have a cane I could lend you…" Lando said, trailing off as his lips spread into a devilish grin.

"As long as you're okay," Rey managed as Ben rolled his eyes. "We'll head back to the captain's quarters. Ben should probably sleep the rest of the drugs off."

Lando's eyebrows raised knowingly. "Sure. You two do that."

Ben could feel the tips of his ears flushing with embarrassment. It was a good thing his hair was long enough to cover them, or he was sure his uncle would never let him hear the end of it.

As Rey helped him out of the cockpit and into the hallway, Lando yelled out, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"And is there anything you wouldn't do?" Rey called back as Ben coughed out a hoarse laugh.

They were just rounding the corner when a soft, "No, I've done it all. Some of it, I've done twice!"

Ben only shook his head as they hobbled through the ship. It was pristine—the paneling and durasteel accents still shone as if I was brand new.

"I think he was waiting for you," Rey offered as his thoughts bled into hers.

 _I think they regret only waiting,_ she continued.

 _What could they have done? I don't know that anything would have stopped me, not after I'd started down that path._

Rey turned her head up and gave him a wink. "Still, they never gave up hope, at least, not for very long."

"I never gave them much reason to hope. It's a wonder that they're willing to do this much for me… after all that I've done."

"Well, it wasn't easy," Rey said while pressing the release for the captain's quarters. "Not everyone sees what I see in you. I mean, your mom did, and Lando… It wasn't hard for him to understand what happened and, once he did, he told me that Han would have his ass in the afterlife if he didn't do what he could to help keep you now."

"They might live to regret that."

Rey pressed a kiss into his chest. "I doubt it. The regretting part, I mean. Maker knows how much time any of us have left."

Rey and Ben hobbled over to the bed as Rey tried to help him down into it, which was a bad idea given how heavy Ben was. They both ended up falling in an awkward heap on top of the covers.

"How graceful. I feel like I'm a teenager again. All limbs and none of them listening to what I want them to do," Ben joked as Rey rolled on top of him.

"Let's be honest, you're more brawn than grace, anyway."

His lip quirked. "Yeah, you're right. But you've always been able to see right through me."

"Convenient then, that I like your brawn, isn't it?" Rey said while punctuating her words with a kiss to his chin.

Shifting a little, Ben turned his head to stare out the viewport, which stretched along the length of the bed. Light flashed as they skimmed through the hyperspace lane towards Batuu. Was this it? Would he really be able to shed the mantle of Kylo Ren and become Ben Solo once again?

 _You can be whoever you feel you are met to be. Both, or neither. Whoever you are, I am yours._

His fingers slid up along her back before threading in her hair.

 _I love you, Rey._

 _I love you too,_ she replied before nuzzling under the curve of his neck. He felt her lips quirk against him before she asked, "So, what exactly was your uncle thinking by saving this ship for you—one with a fully functional captain's room with a bed this big?"

"My uncle Lando is notorious for his... passion for living. I imagine he hoped that I'd be the same. Too bad for him it took me a little longer to get there—and that I wasn't much interested in anyone other than a fiery Jedi with murder in her gaze."

"Your mother told me that all Solos are hopeless for a woman that can kick their ass."

"And why wouldn't I want someone who is as wondrous as you?"

Rey laughed against him. "I suppose I am pretty amazing. I mean, who wouldn't want a woman who was covered in sand and sweat? Basically, love at first sight."

 _I can't believe you ever saw anything of worth in me, after what I put you through. I'm so sorry, Rey. For everything…_

But apparently, she wasn't having any of it because Rey gave him a sharp nip with her teeth, causing Ben to yelp.

"Hey!"

"Let the past die, Ben. Pretty sure someone I love and care about told me that—so take the advice and live in the moment, with me. You are worthy. And you are everything to me and your family. Remember that, Ben. We're all here for you."

"It might be the truth," Ben mused as his fingers trailed along her neck. "But I'd rather not talk about my family right now..."

Rey laughed as Ben skimmed his hand over her back. "Better things in mind? Well, save it, Solo. Your uncle is on the ship."

"I can be quiet," he assured her.

Rey gave him a look. "Well, I can't. Besides, you can't even move without help!"

 _I don't need my limbs to be able to get you off,_ he assured her through their connection.

Rey shivered, voice raspy as she chided, "You really are wicked, Solo. Once we get to Batuu…"

 _Aren't we supposed to be living in the moment? Let me have this. Let me have you. I promise I'll be good._

 _You're always good to me,_ she thought back and Ben could tell that he'd won her over.

It was hard to resist the desire between them both. Their bond only worked to amplify their connection, like a charge running through their bodies that electrified every touch.

And reminded him just how lucky he was to have her as he reminded her just how much he loved her... Lips, tongue, hands, body working to give his love exactly what she needed.

As they sailed closer and closer to their destiny.

* * *

Author's notes. Typical, this is edited (there's smut at the end that you can read on Ao3 if that's your thing). So I was gonna be all blalh blahfshfd sorry this chapter is short, but when I got around to adding the final few scenes, things just kind of got out of control and here we are with a normal ish wordcount. So I had the strangest conversation with my spouse about this chapter:

"Hey, so if you hold your pee in for a long time, does it just hurt your bladder, or does the whole dick hurt?"

Him: " _What_?"

Me: "Like, does the whole thing hurt, or just your bladder?"

Him: "What a strange question. Just the bladder? If your dick hurts, you have a bladder infection."

Me: "THANK YOU."

YOU'RE WELCOME. Any mistakes are my own, as always, and I felt like GAR **AGE when I edited this and accidently bolded this and I'm just going to leave it. Title of the chapter is a Muse song, who I always think I don't like until Spotify sticks them on a rando playlist and proves me wrong (over and over).**

 **Also, that bit about choosing what to do with the time we're given is lifted/paraphrased from Gandalf!**

I love you so much for reading. It means the world to me. There's a little bit left to come, but the end is in sight now (HAPPY ending, because I can't conceive of an ending for these two that isn't). Hope your year is going well and hope to hear from you soon. Take care of yourselves!


	17. Sleeping With Ghosts

**A/N: HEY, how's it going? No, I haven't forgotten about this story :) Thanks for your patience and understanding (life's a bitch, but so am I). Looking to update weekly until I'm finished as long as my health and work cooperate, so let's get this done.**

* * *

Ben and Rey are on their way to Batuu with Lando to meet Hondo, a former pirate who's taken to working for the Resistance. Batuu holds many secrets and the artifacts that Hondo possesses may hold the solution to ending the real source of conflict in the galaxy. One step forward may end up being a journey into long forgotten realms as Ben realizes that it's impossible to kill the past.

Batuu wasn't going to be what she'd expected, if the information on her datapad was anything to go by. For a backwater planet, it was surprisingly active. Though, the same could be said of most people's thoughts of Jakku. Except where Jakku was a barren wasteland, Batuu was lush and beautiful, with striking petrified trees that towered over the landscape.

 _Beats the hell out of sand,_ Rey thought to herself, a little loudly because Ben gave a soft snort from where he lay beside her. Batuu was one of the last stops between the known galaxy and Wild Space, and Rey knew that any friend of Lando's who lived in this place must be into shady business, at least some of the time, so they'd have to watch their backs.

"Looks like this place might be a little wild," Rey mused while scanning her datapad as she sat beside Ben, who was still sprawled out and mostly nude beside her, though his body was hidden by blankets.

"Wild how?" Ben asked, hands fumbling under the covers as he tried to reach out and gently trace along her thighs. Ben was still semi-drugged, which made him extra adorable because his sweetness was amplified when his brain couldn't really get in the way of everything his heart wanted to say and do.

"Rough and tumble might cover it. Looks like they have visitors from both within the galaxy and without, so who knows what we'll run into during our trip."

There were creatures that lingered on the edge of the galaxy, beings so terrifying that, apparently, they made the First Order look small and petty by comparison. The locals whispered about how these beings from the Unknown Regions destroyed almost everything they touched and made slaves of anything that remained. It was a terrifying prospect to consider—that there were _worse_ things out there than the First Order.

Rey didn't know if it was smart for them to be going after these creatures, but a part of her knew that, whether she and Ben went after them or not, they were still going to make their mark on the galaxy and that it would be better to know what they were going up against. Because if there were more beings like Snoke lingering on the edge of their galaxy... It wasn't going to be pretty.

"Maybe we should ask Lando what to expect?" Rey asked, still scanning over the info on her datapad.

"Mmm, that's a good idea," Ben agreed while slowly snuggling in against her under the covers.

"You have to actually get out of bed to be able to do that, Ben," Rey teased.

"Just a little longer? Five minutes more," he begged.

Rey laughed. "Okay. Five minutes more," she agreed before putting down the datapad and snuggling in herself. Rey wrapped herself around his broad body, limbs tangling as her hand reached up to thread into his hair.

She couldn't get enough of this, these quiet moments with Ben. She'd spent so much of her life sleeping alone— _being_ alone. Being with him felt like paradise, but how many more moments like this would they get? And what was it all building to?

 _Your mind is going a mile a minute,_ Ben interrupted with his own thoughts. _And here I thought I was the negative one._

"Sorry. Just a lot to think about. A lot yet left to do," Rey sighed.

Ben held her tight as he tucked her into his side. "Don't be afraid. We can do anything if we have each other."

"I think so too, I really do. I just… it feels like we're still a long way from end and I don't even know what the end is supposed to look like?"

"Kind of a metaphor for life, isn't it?" Ben offered.

"Yeah, except it'd be nice if it was _just_ my life and your life that I had to worry about, and not the fate of the galaxy. What if… what if it all gets kriffed up? What if I'm not strong enough? What if I'm not good enough?"

Ben gently shushed Rey as he assured her, "You are all of those things and more. Force willing, we'll find the answers we need on Batuu, or at least a direction to head in."

Rey sighed. "Yeah, you're right. One step at a time, right?"

"Right," Ben replied before fishing under the covers for her hand. He held it tight as they both enjoyed a quiet moment together as the minutes counted down. The future was uncertain, but they had each other, which Rey hoped would be enough. Hope was all they really ever had.

* * *

Ben made his way with Rey to the cockpit and Uncle Lando was waiting for them. He seemed pretty amused at them both as they entered the small area. "You two are lucky I can fly this thing solo," he joked as a smile crinkled the edges of his lips and eyes.

Rey flushed and fumbled through an apology, but Ben just wrapped his arm around her shoulders and greeted his uncle with a knowing smile.

"Ah, there's the little bandit I remember," Uncle Lando said as he grinned back. "C'mon. We need to talk about Batuu and Hondo."

"That's why we're here," Rey started as she pulled away from Ben and stepped closer to the controls. "I haven't had the best experiences with pirates—present company excluded, of course," she hastily added in response Lando's hurt look.

"No, no. That's fair. And this pirate, well, he'll do just about anything for money, so I think caution is your friend here. But he's not the only reason we're going to Batuu."

"What else is on this planet in the middle of nowhere?" Rey wondered. It was strange. Couldn't get more backwater than Batuu and yet, like Jakku, there was more to Battu than met the eye which was why he'd thought to send two of his Knights to the planet before Hux had made his move.

"The Empire had some skirmishes out in these parts. And, not only that but certain high-ranking individuals have made their way through these parts. We should dig in, see if Hondo knows anything, talk to the locals…"

"Which individuals?" Rey asked as his uncle fixed Ben with a look. Ben already knew the answer, but Lando did them the courtesy of saying it out loud, "Anakin Skywalker—and Darth Vader. Padmé Amidala and some Chiss general from the Empire—Thrawn? Seems you have some family history here, Ben."

Rey's eyes were locked on Ben. He tried to keep his feelings under control and keep his expression neutral, but he was certain Rey could read every emotion as they flittered across his face. He'd heard stories about his grandparents growing up, but not the entire truth and Ben wondered just what else he was going to learn about his family here. Vader, he knew, was searching for a way to circumvent death, but he knew very little about how or why his grandmother had died so young. His family always seemed to be searching for something that was always just outside of their reach.

Uncle Lando continued, "Might be a chance to find out more about them, what they were doing here. Your grandfather and I, well we had some run-ins, but they weren't pleasant—for me, at least. And Luke spent so much time searching across the galaxy for answers to questions that only he seemed to think to ask."

"It's part of Luke's charm, or it was…," Ben said before trailing off. Luke had been searching for answers about the origin of the Force itself and that quest had eventually made him a target for Snoke.

Lando cleared his throat. "Damn Jedi are always looking for answers to questions that no one else thinks of. More of a curse than a blessing, if you ask me."

Ben shrugged. "Luke was thinking of ways to start over, but he wanted to keep from making the same mistakes that the Jedi made—the ones that made them vulnerable to the Sith. And he might have done it, had I not… had Snoke not been a factor."

Uncle Lando let out a deep sigh. "I know what that can be like, son. At least, I can imagine what it's like to have people pulling you in opposing directions. Someone steps in, shows you a clear path, and suddenly things that never made sense, all seem so clear. It's all lies, always is, but until you come out of it, it's hard to see the forest for the trees."

"Tell me about it," Ben sighed as Rey stepped close and took his hand. He loved when she did that, loved that she cared enough about him to think to comfort him physically. She meant so much to him. Rey really was his everything, and he'd do whatever it took to build a future for her that she deserved.

"I wish I'd been around more, Ben. I wasn't always the best influence, but maybe a little fun with Uncle Lando could have helped… I don't know what I'm saying except that I'm here now and I want you to know that."

"I appreciate that, Uncle. Especially after all that's happened… after all that I've done," Ben said, trailing off.

"The past is hard, but I don't dwell on it. I can't, not in my line of business. And, besides, I've been there—in other ways, similar ways. Not every path is a straight one and some of us seem to need to learn the hard way," Uncle Lando said while standing from the captain's chair.

He was getting old, Ben could see that in the gray of his hair and the slow, measured way he moved out of the chair and into the co-pilot seat. But his smile and charm were the same, and it warmed Ben's heart to know it. And the fact that he was here for him, for _Rey,_ meant more to him than he'd ever be able to adequately express.

 _Remember this, when things get dark and hope seems lost—it's always there, within us and within the hearts of those who love us,_ Rey reminded him with a mental nudge. _And I'll remember it too._

 _Thank you, Rey. For not giving up on me… for everything I have. For helping me find another way._

Uncle Lando coughed. Apparently, they'd taken a little long with their mental chat and he'd noticed.

"Damn Force, but I bet it makes it really easy to cheat at Sabacc," Uncle Lando said, eyes lighting up at the thought. "You two stay out of my casinos, but any of my competitors are fair game."

"Actually, hadn't considered that," Rey chimed in before stepping forward to help guide Uncle Lando into the co-pilot's chair. "Might bring in more credits than running supplies for the Resistance."

Ben couldn't tell if she was serious or not. "You should know by now that I have absolutely no game face."

"That I know. You'd give us away pretty quick. But what if you just walked behind the other players and… I mean. Morally wrong, would never do it, but if we ever needed the credits…" she trailed off.

"Here, I've corrupted you more than I realized," Uncle Lando joked. "And, besides, Ben used to sit at the table with me and his dad when we'd play. And I'll be damned if any nephew of mine can't win a game of Sabacc."

Ben sighed. "Once we're finished with whatever comes next, you can help me work on my Sabacc face; alright, Uncle?"

"Deal. It's payment for saving your ass—just as bad as your father, in that regard," his uncle teased and it hurt less than he thought it would.

Slowly but surely, the hurt and horror and shame at what he'd done was—not fading, not exactly—Ben didn't think that he'd ever come completely to terms with what he'd done to his father, nor did he think he'd ever forgive himself. But… slowly the haunted feeling was being replaced by beautiful, happy memories. And that was something he intended to build upon, with Rey and with his family.

After Uncle Lando was settled, Rey slid right into the captain's chair and, while he'd expected to fly, he couldn't deny how much he enjoyed seeing her at the helm of this vessel.

Still, he couldn't help but rib her a little, "Think you can handle this, sweetheart?"

Rey cast a look over her shoulder, eyebrow raised. "I've been flying sims since before I could write—what was it you did when you were a kid, again? Run around the house naked?"

Uncle Lando chuckled as Ben gave her an accusatory look. "Just what have you two been talking about?"

"Only embarrassing stories from your childhood. But don't worry, I only told her about the time when you ran out naked to greet me—did you know that Ben used to hate wearing clothes, Rey? Evading your house droid, dripping wet, because you just had to see your 'Unca Wanwo.'"

Rey suppressed a laugh at Ben's horrified expression. "I think it's sweet," she assured him. "And, besides, your mom mentioned you hated clothes as a kid."

It felt weird but also good to have Rey hear about his past—the past where he was just a boy and not a monster, but it was still embarrassing as hell.

 _Couldn't have told you about the time when I saved my neighbor from a rabid Corellian hound, could they?_

 _Where's the fun in that?_ Rey thought back and Ben could feel how thoroughly amused she was with the situation.

"Could be worse, Ben," his uncle assured him.

Ben raised his brow as his left eye twitched. "How, exactly?"

"I could show her some old family holos! I _didn't,_ but I could," his uncle said with a wink.

"When are we scheduled to land in Batuu?" Ben asked as Rey shifted the yolk as they transitioned out of hyperspace. The ship hummed and gave a little rattle as they pulled into the system.

"'Bout an hour."

Uncle Lando laughed. "Already sick of me?"

"Just wondering whether I'll have to push you into an escape pod to keep any more embarrassing stories from surfacing," Ben joked.

Uncle Lando slapped Ben on the knee as he assured him, "No more stories. I promise. We've got bigger issues at the moment."

"Yeah," Rey shot over her shoulder. "Just what are we flying into here? Did you get any more details from Hondo while we were in hyperspace?"

Uncle Lando shook his head. "Just that he has a few artifacts that we'll be interested in and some information that we'll want to hear."

"What kind of artifacts?" Ben asked before settling into the auxiliary seat.

"Hondo wouldn't say in the transmission. Which makes me think it's _big_ or has to do with someone big. Word gets out about that kind of thing, then you'll get people from all over coming to claim the prize, whether Hondo wants to give it up or not. Keep your eyes open in Batuu, the locals are fine, but it's position on the edge of the known galaxy means that it attracts some… unsavory individuals."

"Hondo included?" Rey joked.

"Hondo included," Uncle Lando replied, dead serious.

 _Out of the frying pan and into the fire,_ Ben mused as Rey guided them into the system.

 _We never left the fire, Ben. Let's just hope that we don't get burned too badly._

Ben sighed, shoulders slumping as he settled further into his seat. All they could do now was wait and hope that Hondo would prove more reliable than what his reputation seemed to suggest he would.

* * *

Hondo greeted them at his busy spaceport landing pad, and he was about as slick as Rey had expected. The Weequay was all smiles as Lando went in for a hug, but Rey was certain that they should keep an eye on Hondo. People on the edge of the galaxy were used to a certain kind of living, a certain way of acting, and things like loyalty and trust didn't often exist between people—couldn't, really, when everyone was just scraping by and trying to survive.

She'd learned that living on Jakku, having been betrayed on more than one occasion, but she'd learned and grown and now could spot the same dangerous look in someone's eyes from a mile away. After introductions were made, Hondo fixed his bespectacled eyes on Ben, gaze lingering for more than a few moments on him as Rey wondered just how much he knew about Leia and her son.

"You got the information, Hondo?" Lando asked, getting things on track. Though the introductions and reunion had been friendly, Lando was all business now.

"Yes, yes, my friend. I have the information if _you_ have the credits!" Hondo assured him as he fixed a wide smile on Lando.

Lando didn't look convinced. "I've heard that before. This is how things are going to work, Hondo," he drawled, cane tapping along to emphasize his words. "You're going to prove to us that you actually have the data and the artifacts, and then we'll transfer the credits. You know I don't pay upfront without proof."

"Certainly, certainly, but not here. There are too many eyes and ears here. We will go to a private place. Much better than standing out in the open like sitting targets," Hondo said while waving about.

"And now you want to take us to a secondary location?" Lando asked. "I should let you know that Leia is well aware of our location and plans, so if you're planning to cross us…"

The Weequay waved off Lando's concern while assuring everyone that his intentions were noble and how it hurt his heart that Lando didn't trust him. Rey wasn't sure that Leia did know the whole story of where they were going and who they were meeting up with, but she supposed it didn't hurt to hold it over Hondo's head a bit.

"Come, come, my friends," Hondo said while ushering them to his bulky transport ship. "I will take you somewhere safe while I collect the items."

"You didn't bring them?" Lando asked.

Hondo shook his head. "Too precious and dangerous to transport unnecessarily. You will see what I mean soon."

The spaceport wasn't too far from Black Spire Outpost in Batuu, so after a short ride on Hondo's transport, he took them to a small apartment located in the town. Rey immediately liked the outpost and its people who were friendlier than she was expecting for a backwater place—especially when compared to Jakku. Some even waved and wished her "Bright suns," as she passed by, which she'd read was their daily greeting.

Though they were able to relax a little at the apartment which was to be their accommodations during their stay on Batuu, Lando insisted the swap happen in public. "The more eyes, the better," he said, which Rey took to mean that he trusted Hondo about as much as she did.

Hondo left them in a rush and told them he'd comm once he was ready and that they should meet him at the cantina which Rey had noted as they'd made their way through the outpost. They skipped going back to the apartment and went straight to the cantina to wait. By the time they arrived, Lando looked pretty tired and was relying on his cane more than usual, but he still led the way to an empty, secluded table. Rey grabbed him a chair, and he thanked her before settling in. Quiet chatter hummed through the cantina as did some local music. It was almost nice.

"If only I'd known to take better care of my knees during my youth," he said wistfully.

"War injuries?" Rey asked as she and Ben sat around the big, round table. Lando had picked a great spot. The table was mostly hidden, but had a great vantage point, so almost all of the bar was visible from where they sat.

"Some," Lando admitted with a smile which made Rey think there was muchmore to the story that he wasn't sharing and she wasn't about to ask for the sordid details. Lando had a reputation, that was for sure, so she was certain that however he'd ended up hurting his knees, he probably didn't regret it for one moment.

"Anyway, now that my bones can rest, Hondo let it slip on the ride over that your grandfather—well, _Vader_ spent some time around Batuu. And a Chiss grand admiral named Thrawn. Might be worth it to track down the source location of these relics," Lando suggested.

"Know the source?" Ben asked and Lando nodded.

"Mustafar," he replied and the planet's name seemed to mean more to Ben and Lando than Rey.

"What's there?"

Lando gave Ben a look, so he explained, "Vader had a castle built there. There wasn't much about it in the archives, it was all really secretive and I think Snoke was keeping me from knowing the truth about my family's past. But I know that the Emperor helped supply workers for the construction and that it was a sort of sanctuary for Vader."

"Well, that's something! If Vader had a fortress built on Mustafar for his own, particular use. What if there're some clues as to what he was trying to accomplish there?" Rey wondered.

Ben sighed. "From what Snoke described, Vader gave into his sentimentality at the end and betrayed the Emperor. But maybe it didn't happen like that. What if Vader remembered the part of himself that was once human and made a call? What if it was all for love?"

"Half the problems in the galaxy started with hate, the other half, love. I think, if you need to find the answers to the questions you have, a good place would be to start in the past," Rey offered.

"So, Vader's castle then?"

"There, whatever archives you can find on the 'Net. Whatever your grandfather wanted, it all hinged on that place. Retrace his footsteps and see what answers you can find. What do you have to lose?" Uncle Lando suggested.

Ben sighed. "Just the galaxy."

"Not the first time the odds have been against us," Uncle Lando assured him. "And it won't be the last. Keep your chin up. I think you're on the right path and hey, at least this time, you have old Uncle Lando in your corner. I'm only a comm away. You remember that, Ben."

Rey knew that it meant a lot to Ben that Lando was so unreservedly in his corner. Getting back to the way things once were would be impossible for him, but starting out again and making a new normal? That was in the realm of possibility. And with allies— _family—_ like Lando in Ben's corner, she knew the transition from Supreme Leader to Ben Solo would be a little easier on him.

"Thanks, Uncle Lando. And the same goes for you. I owe you—more than one, at this point."

"If you were your father, I'd keep tabs," Lando joked and, though Rey could feel the mention of Han tugged at Ben's heart a little, it wasn't as sharp as it had once been. Maybe he was healing and forgiving himself? Rey hoped so.

"I get a pass for being the spoiled nephew?" Ben ventured.

"Don't you know it," Lando drawled. "It's a shame your parents didn't let you join me once you came of age. The trouble— _fun—_ we could have had."

"I can only imagine that the kind of fun you wanted me to have was one of the reasons I didn't end up on Bespin, but I wish it were otherwise too. You're a great man, Uncle, and I could have done a lot worse for a role model."

Lando laughed. "Don't know about that, son. But Lobot would have kept you out of most of the serious trouble, anyway."

"Do you ever wonder where you would have ended up if you'd not gone with Luke?" Rey asked quietly as the conversation died down.

"Only every waking moment," Ben deadpanned, but at Rey's stricken expression, he continued. "I'm kidding—mostly. I do wonder, but it's hard to imagine things would have ended up any different from how they are. Snoke was always there and, Lando or not, there was always his influence to contend with."

"And your powers," Rey added. "I'm rather glad mine didn't really manifest until…"

 _Until you got into my head and I got into yours,_ she mentally finished.

 _And there I was, just trying to half-impress, half-terrify you with my abilities. I deserved to get my ass handed to me,_ Ben continued.

 _You did. You definitely did. But I wouldn't be here without that moment, so I'm grateful you were such an unmitigated asshole. And, besides, you're much better now._

 _Much?_

 _Well, mostly. And wherever you lack, you make up for it in bed,_ Rey assured him.

Ben laughed before pulling her in for a tight hug. "I love you, Rey."

"I know," she assured him. "And I love you too. Even when you're an asshole."

Lando gave them both an indulgent smile, shaking his head as he slowly stood from his seat. "I'm getting a drink," he announced. "Let's see what this little bar can do."

Lando walked over to the bartender and was soon chatting away, so Ben took the moment to Ben wrap an arm around Rey. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before suggesting they start planning what to do next. "The sooner we get to Mustafar, the sooner we get to the bottom of all this. Hopefully, whatever Hondo has helps us find what we need."

Rey sighed softly and snuggled into his chest. "Do you really think we'll find the answers we need? What if what we find only makes things worse?"

"We have to try," he murmured. "My family is responsible for so much… so much good, and so much bad. We have to find a balance, at least where the First Order is concerned. I… well, I have to for my own sanity."

 _I have to make up for what I've done… for what the Skywalkers have done. The galaxy can't fall to the First Order and, if I do nothing, there's a great risk that will happen._

 _Do you think you'll find out the truth about the past?_

 _I hope so. Hux, the leadership of the First Order—it all seems to go hand in hand and they're not going to give up without a fight. I know your friends are doing their best and they might win some of the First Order to their cause, but without knowing what they have to fall back on, it could be a lost cause._

"They grew their power in the Unknown Regions and we need to know how and with whose help," Ben said aloud as Rey pressed closer.

"So, Vader was here before—and some Imperial Grand Admiral, Thrawn? I'm surprised the Empire allowed a near-human male into that kind of position. I though they were notoriously specist."

"They were," Ben assured her. "And so was the First Order, but if they needed something in particular, or wanted a specific skillset, it wouldn't be outside of the realm of possibility that they might allow it."

"And a general who wasn't even from the known galaxy. Makes things rather curious, doesn't it?"

Ben shrugged. "From what I read in the archives, the Emperor was always working to pre-emptively solve problems and ensure that the Jedi weren't able to reform. Maybe the Chiss had had information that the Emperor wanted?"

"And, if so, what? If the Emperor wanted someone like Vader here, then it must have been something significant. A potential threat, maybe?"

But before Ben could answer, the air in the small bar shifted in a way that Rey recognized as a shift in the Force. Someone, no, two _someones_ had just entered the area. Her hand was already shifting to the 'saber at her hip when Ben gently calmed her.

 _It's fine. It's familiar._

 _Is it?_

 _Yeah… Though, I think we might be in for a bit of a discussion._

 _Who are they? The Knights you sent to Batuu—did they track you down?_ Rey asked Ben while looking around the room.

 _No and yes,_ Ben replied unhelpfully, so Rey assumed it _was_ two of his Knights, but not the two he'd been expecting.

Two warriors stalked closer, a deadly aura surrounded them both and as they passed, other patrons in the small bar were soon looking elsewhere, or leaving entirely. Rey looked to Ben, who was tense but his hand was nowhere near his saber, so not gunning for a fight.

 _Trouble,_ Ben replied back as a small smile worked its way onto his face and as she was inundated by two strong presences in the Force, Rey realized that this was about to be one interesting conversation.

* * *

 **Any mistakes are my own and I love them. Thanks so much for reading!**


	18. Prophet

Rey knew these women from their Force signatures alone—they were Ben's former Knights, the ones who'd saved him by bringing him to Bespin. Ben stood from his seat and stared the women down as they came to a stop a few paces away from the table, glaring from head to toe as he drawled, "You two look like Resistance members."

"And you look like a Jedi's lapdog," the Knight replied with a grin—Fuore? Rey fought to remember. Their introduction on Bespin had been brief, and she'd been too wrapped up with Ben's health to pay much attention to anything else. Without their masks, they weren't nearly as fearsome, but they still gave off an intimidating air and, to Ben's credit, they were dressed in fatigues that were strikingly similar to what many in the Resistance wore.

Fuore's long, red hair was plaited and her umber skin was misted with sweat from the heat of the day. She was beautiful and fearsome, and her Force signature was a heavy weight in the room, the dark side thrumming through her in a way that was distracting and appealing. She was not afraid of who she was and that gave her strength without malice, which was strange and uncommon for practitioners of the dark side of the Force.

For Rey, the dark side was often an overwhelming temptation that needed to be tempered by her light. Her quickness to anger sometimes made this a challenge, but the light was strong within her. There was no fear within this woman, just confident, capable control. Rey envied her.

The other Knight, _Vadon_? Yes. That was it. Vadon was a tall, imposing figure behind the slight form of Fuore, but what ran between the two of them was something almost akin to what she and Ben had for each other.

Vadon's mauve skin and patterned facial tattoos betrayed her Mirialan heritage, as did her shockingly blue eyes. Her shoulder-length, golden hair framed a handsome if unamused looking face. Her power was similarly dark but tethered somehow. Rey wondered if perhaps they balanced each other, similar to the way she and Ben seemed to act as counterweights to one another's powers.

"Tamis and Yem?" Ben inquired after the fate of the Knights he'd sent to Batuu.

Fuore shrugged. "Gone, but their research remained in their hideout. Must have left in quite a hurry."

Rey could feel Ben's concern through the Force. _We can search for the survivors?_ she suggested.

 _If they want to be found, they'll probably find me, just like these two,_ Ben replied as his Knights shifted closer.

Vandon reached out and placed a hand on Fuore's shoulder and the latter woman tangled their fingers together as they stood and surveyed the cantina. Their bond thrummed through the Force, though it was different from hers and Ben's, it felt no less powerful.

 _Love. They are in love._

Fuore's uncanny gaze slid over to Rey as if she knew exactly what she'd been doing and Rey pulled her own power back, recognizing that she was being kind of rude. Fortunately for everyone, Lando and Hondo proved to be distractions. Lando, sensing the uneasy mood, gave a disarming smile to the Knights while Hondo rushed his way into the cantina on a wave of apologies.

"Ladies," Lando said, ignoring Hondo's entrance as he inclined his head to the two women.

Fuore tilted her head to the side as she gave both Hondo and Lando a long look before saying, "Pirates."

Lando shrugged his shoulders and slowly shifted into his seat while Hondo either didn't notice or ignored the tension as he slid into a seat beside Lando.

"Ready, my friends?" he grinned as his eyes darted from person to person.

"Waiting on you," Lando replied. His lips were smiling but his eyes were hard, so whatever discussion he and Hondo had together had done nothing to alleviate his suspicions.

"Concerning our new friends…?" Hondo started to ask while giving Ben a look.

Ben shrugged. "If they're here, then they already know more about you than you ever will about them. Rey?" he finished, asking for her input.

"They saved your life. That's good enough for me. Join us?" Rey offered while gesturing to two empty seats.

Fuore's face split into a slow grin. "With pleasure, Jedi."

Fuore took a seat, but Vadon stood behind her, almost like a guard. Rey could understand that. Cantinas weren't known for being the safest places in the galaxy, and it was better to be prepared for anything. Ben seemed relatively calm about the whole situation, though Rey did wonder whether the presence of his Knights would cause them trouble.

"Well, continue, Hondo," Lando said while waving his hand encouragingly. "Do you have everything?"

"Yes, of course. Of course. The holocron and the datapads, as Lando and I discussed," Hondo assured him while patting his bag.

Fuore fixed her uncanny gaze on him as she drawled, "That's not all he has."

"What does she mean?" Rey turned and asked while Hondo looked sheepish.

Fuore laughed. "He's been bragging that he has not one, _but two_ holocrons in his possession—one Sith, one Jedi," she continued as Vadon glared from behind her, as menacing as ever.

"And how long have you two been planet-side, exactly?" Lando ventured to ask the Knights. He looked half-impressed, half-annoyed at being out-foxed by the Weequay pirate, though Rey thought they should have known better than to trust Hondo completely.

"We arrived several days before you did," Fuore replied.

"And how did you _know_ we were heading to Batuu?" Rey cut in as Ben let out a little snort of laughter from beside her. Evidently, he found this all to be very funny.

 _Yuck it up, Ben. You're in a dangerous position here and we need to be more than one step ahead of everyone else. The fact that they knew we'd be here…_

 _I know that you're worried,_ Ben cut in. _But they aren't my Knights because they were terrible at what they do. Fuore and Vadon are the best of the best. I'd be surprised if they couldn't find me, not that they could._

Fuore looked between Ben and Rey before remarking to Vadon, "Oh, they're doing it."

"Mmm, that ability would come in handy. I'm rather jealous we don't share the same link," Vadon commented.

"Maybe with a little more practice _connecting_ through the Force and we'll be able to achieve it one day, love," Fuore said with a smirk.

Rey flushed, though it annoyed her that she did so. She shouldn't feel ashamed for her connection with Ben or what they did through the Force. Though she had been having a private conversation right in front of everyone without them knowing. Well, most of them, anyway, but how else were they supposed to gauge how things were going?

"You still didn't answer my question," Rey continued, grumpy that hers and Ben's conversation had been outed.

"Just as you have powers, Jedi. So do we," Vadon said, which didn't really answer Rey at all.

"And you have a homing beacon attached to your leader or…?" Rey snarked as Fuore laughed.

"Something like that. I see what is unseen, what is seen, and what has yet to be seen."

Rey sighed and rolled her eyes. "Well, that clears it up. At least we know that we're never far from _someone's_ help in the galaxy."

Probably sensing her annoyance, Ben cut in and asked, "What have you managed to find out during your time here?"

"Well, _Ben,_ " Fuore started, and the way she enunciated his name made it clear that she found it highly amusing that he had gone back to his true name. "This planet is important and has been used and abused by so many—the Empire, the First Order, other creatures from the Unknown Regions. But perhaps your pirate friend might wish to fill in the blanks?"

Hondo looked as if he'd rather do anything but, but dug out one fist-sized object from his pack before sliding it across the table. Next, he fished out some datapads and handed them over. "That should be everything you need, my friends. All that was promised!" he assured them.

"The second holocron…?" Ben prompted.

"Of course, of course. I will deliver it to your accommodations after we finish here."

Lando shifted in his seat, a dark look coming over his face as he locked eyes with Hondo. "This time, no funny business. Or you and I are going to have a problem; alright, _friend?_ "

Hondo waved his hands out in front of himself in a conciliatory fashion. "Of course. My deepest apologies, friends." But Rey thought he didn't look very sorry at all, only sorry that he'd gotten caught.

Rey reached over and took one of the datapads hand while Ben looked over the bluish, pyramid-shaped relic. Before Rey could ask for more details, one of Ben's Knights spoke up, as if sensing what was on her mind.

"Are you going to tell them where you got the holocrons?" Fuore asked sweetly as Hondo glared.

"Yes, yes. Of course, I was just about to tell the whole story."

"Of course, you were," Fuore said with a little wave of her gloved hand as if urging Hondo to continue.

"And where did you get them?" Ben asked, drawing Hondo's attention.

"Well, my boy, it was a great adventure—"

"That we really don't have time for," Rey interrupted, earning her a glare from Hondo.

"No appreciation for storytelling anymore, you youths have no time for it! It is an art form that has transcended…," Hondo stalled before Lando stopped him with a thinly veiled threat.

"I'd hate to have to tell Leia that you're out here leading us on wild goose chases. Could put that Resistance reward in jeopardy and all," Lando smiled.

That snapped Hondo into action. "Of course, of course. Where was I? I found the Sith holocron on the ship of a Zygerrian slave trader—very nasty sentient—who claimed to have taken it from an Ex-Imperial who was once stationed on Mustafar."

"Mustafar?" Lando parroted. "I thought that planet was nothing but rocks and lava?"

Hondo clapped his hands together with glee, apparently thrilled that he would have the opportunity to tell a little story. "That is true, my friend. That is true! But there is much more on Mustafar than most realize."

 _My grandfather had a special establishment built there during the Empire,_ Ben offered. _I read about it in the archives of the Empire and… I think I've had dreams about it,_ Ben offered. Rey gave him a curious glance but said nothing.

"And the Jedi holocron?" Fuore urged.

"Yes, yes. The Jedi holocron was taken from the ruins of the temple on Coruscant. Nearly every relic was scooped up by the Emperor, but not all," Hondo finished with a grin. "Legend says that, when placed together and under the right circumstances, they do something profound. Unfortunately, while I have many talents, the Force is not one of them so I have managed to do nothing other than scuff their casings in an effort to trigger a reaction. Leia was meant to come here and retrieve the holocron—er, holocrons herself, but given that she has been waylaid…."

"You complaining about the company?" Lando cut in.

"Of course not, my friend. Simply noting how plans do and will change on a moment's notice. As ever, I am glad to be of service to my humble Resistance friends… And for the matter of the credits, I have my transport, so perhaps Lando could come along with me and I could send the second holocron along.…" Hondo trailed off while standing and indicating that Lando should follow him back to the spaceport.

"I'll see you kids back at the apartment. Comm me if you need anything—and I mean anything," he said with a loaded look towards the two Knights. Fuore gave Lando a wink, and he returned it with one, final, "Ladies," before following Hondo out of the cantina.

This left Ben, his Knights, and Rey alone together. Rey wasn't worried, not exactly, considering that these Knights were the reason that Ben was still alive, but it was disconcerting to be the only Light sider in a room of Dark siders.

Fortunately, Fuore spoke up, not at all masking her amusement as she turned towards Ben and gloated, "I told you she was the key to everything. And you only had to nearly die to realize it."

"You overstep, Fuore," Ben warned, but there was no heat to his words and, besides, she was right. Rey had realized that in order for there to be a lasting kind of peace there needed to be balance in the Force, which meant that he would have to find balance within himself and with her. The only way that could be accomplished was if they were together.

Ben as Supreme Leader was doomed to fail, Rey had known that from the start. But Ben as something more… an instrument of the Force, as she was? It was something interesting to consider. Rey sat back as Ben bickered with his Knights, but it was almost like seeing a family come to terms with each other, and less like an argument. Rey wondered if it would irk the Knights to know that she thought of them as a part of Ben's family.

 _Probably,_ she thought.

Still, she was grateful for their support and to know that Ben hadn't been completely alone, even when he was in the First Order. Not everyone would be comfortable with these women and their darker inclinations, but Rey had come to understand that there was more to a person than only dark side or light side. Most people existed within some kind of balance, whether they were strong in the Force or not.

Good people could do bad things and bad people could do good, but everyone should be given the choice to take a step in the right direction. These women might never be what the Resistance would consider friendly terms, but in a wide galaxy that was filled with different beings, different hopes and dreams, there was room for almost anyone.

And, besides, they'd been a great help and had zeroed in on Hondo's pirate trickery when they'd have otherwise gotten duped into believing he was willingly sharing the whole of what he knew.

"Are you staying?" Ben asked and Rey wondered whether he meant with _them_ or on Batuu. She stopped just short of asking him with their link.

Fuore shook her head. "The Force works through us all. We have our own journey to start, but that's not to say that our paths won't converge at some point," she said before staring off at something evidently only she could see. A smile settled onto her face as Vadon gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Besides, you have the Jedi," Vadon paused and smirked before adding, "finally."

Ben sighed. "You two were always more trouble than you were worth."

"Which is precisely why you kept us around," Fuore teased. "Don't pretend like we didn't have a little fun together."

Ben rolled his shoulder as if whatever he was remembering was bringing some tension into his body. "Barely survived most of it."

"Barely. But we did. And you'll survive this too—all of it. As long as you trust in what you know and trust in each other," Fuore said cryptically.

"One final vision?" Ben asked.

"Nothing is ever final or set in stone, but in this, I am fairly confident."

"And you, Vadon?" Ben's steady gaze settled on the tall Mirialan.

"Where she goes, I follow."

Ben nodded, lips quirking into what was almost a smile. "Then this is goodbye?"

"More of a see you later," Fuore promised.

"No, I should know by now that I will never be truly free of you," Ben joked, and the two laughed.

"I followed you once before on a strange and terrible path. I would do it again if the Force wills it. But, for now, our paths part."

Ben chuckled softly. "And here, I'll almost miss you two."

"And here, we'll almost miss you," Fuore replied before digging into a satchel on her side. She flipped out a datapad and slid it across the table to Rey. "All that we know—and the data that Tamis and Yan recovered from their time here."

"Thank you," Rey said.

"Well, I don't work for free or for fun, so you owe me, Jedi," Fuore drawled.

"I'm not in any sort of way rich," Rey assured the dark sider. "But maybe I can ask Leia…."

Fuore shook her head. "No. No credits. Believe me, I'm sufficiently wealthy as it is."

Ben blinked over at Fuore like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Is that right?"

"What? You think Vadon and I wouldn't be able to manage to sufficiently build up a credit stockpile on our missions. Oh, such faith you have in us," she said with a glare. "But as I was saying, Jedi, I want you to promise me something."

"What's that?"

"When the time comes, I want you to promise me that you won't hesitate. I want you _both_ to promise you won't. Death is the consequence of hesitation."

"When what time comes? And hesitate to do what, exactly? And death? I'm not sure what you mean by all of this," Rey said. She could tell it wasn't a threat, but what the dark sider meant by her warning was anything but clear.

Vadon got a faraway look in her eyes as she replied, "I'm not sure. But you'll know when the time is right. Both of you will know. So, promise me."

Rey looked at Ben and his confused expression mirrored her own, but they both promised and that seemed to satisfy the Knight.

"Ready?" Fuore asked, tipping her head back to look up at Vadon.

"Whenever you are, my love." Fuore stood and gave a quick wave as she and Vadon stepped away from the table.

Rey assumed that was it, but was a little surprised when Ben stepped closer, hand raised as if he wanted to keep them there for a moment longer. Both women stared at him as if he'd suddenly grown lekku.

"I just… I want to say—to you both, thank you… for everything," he said, stammering a little as if he wasn't sure how the words would be received. Surprisingly, Fuore smiled, reached out and took his hand in hers.

"I told you once that sentimentality would be Kylo Ren's downfall… I've never been so happy to be right. Be well. And, for what it's worth, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

"Remember," she said softly, eyes locking with Ben's as he stared down at the slight woman and waited for her words. "There is no death."

"There is only the Force," he replied as she winked. Ben chuckled softly, head dipping with embarrassment as his sentimentality got the better of him. His eyes were shining as he whispered, "Goodbye, Fée."

"Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. Maybe too long, Ben Solo."

With a final squeeze, Fuore released Ben's hand only to take up Vadon's in her own.

The Mirialan woman inclined her head towards Ben. "May the Force be with you."

Fuore laughed at that, shaking her head as the women stepped away and walked out into the busy night. Rey watched as Ben stared at the spaces they left behind for a long moment before he turned back to her.

"Gonna be okay?" she asked, reaching out to rub his arm.

Ben nodded. "Yeah, I've got you, don't I?"

"Yeah, we have each other," she replied.

"C'mon," he urged her while gently tugging her up from her seat. "Let's go back to the apartment and see what we can find out about… all of this," he said, gesturing towards the holocron and datapads.

"Sure, but food?" Rey reminded him. Her stomach was starting to revolt and if she didn't get something to eat soon, Rey knew she'd be completely useless.

"Good idea," Ben agreed while Rey scooped the relic and the pads into her satchel and they went over to the cantina owner to get some food to go.

It wasn't long before Rey and Ben were on their way as they stepped out of the cantina and into the brilliant Batuu night. Together, and with the help they'd learned from friends along the way, they'd find a way forward.

 _But food first?_ Rey asked as delicious smells wafted from their satchel.

 _Food first,_ Ben agreed as his stomach rumbled. And that was the sum of their problems at the moment—hunger. Once, it had been Rey's greatest foe, now she was looking for ways to overcome a galactic power. Life changed. Problems were amplified. But she wasn't a child any longer, and she was no longer alone.

Rey closed her eyes and basked in the warm night for a moment as Ben waited for her to catch up. He was beautiful, staring back at her, food in one hand, the other outstretched towards her. Rey jogged to catch up and slid her hand into his before pulling his hand up to her lips. Even with the future up in the air, she'd take the time to appreciate these sweet moments while she had them and she'd do everything she could to make sure they multiplied.

* * *

Later, after eating and resting for a bit, they got to work. Lando returned in the middle of their work and handed over the Sith holocron, which resonated with a wicked sort of energy. Lando insisted the relic had sucked the life right out of him before making his way to a room and, judging from the power it was emitting, Rey wondered if it could be true.

With both holocrons in their possession, Rey read from the datapads that Hondo had given her while Ben worked with the artifacts and the datapad that Fuore had given him. Both were unsuccessful in finding anything of substance. The holocrons sat uselessly, side by side, while Rey stared at the Aurebesh on the pad until the words blurred together and she couldn't read anymore. The same instance of Vader and a Chiss grand admiral by the name of Thrawn kept coming up over and over and seemed to suggest that Batuu was an important place for many reasons and to many individuals in the galaxy.

Rey knew that she'd have to talk to Ben about his grandfather sooner rather than later, but for the time being, she was too tired to dig up old family trauma. So, instead, she picked up on a conversation thread that she'd meant to pull at.

"Did your Knights manage to get any more details about this place?" Rey asked.

"Barely, judging from this datapad. The locals are all terrified of some sentients from the Unknown Regions called the Grysk and don't want to cross them. The First Order's occupation has waned a bit in recent months, probably because they were funneling resources from the Unknown Regions into the Core, but the details aren't certain."

Fixing Ben with a smile, she leaned over and pressed a kiss into his shoulder as she asked, "So, what was it your Knights used to refer to you as, again?"

Ben sighed and Rey stifled a laugh as she felt the embarrassment radiate through their bond. _They used to call me Master._

 _Oh, in what context?_ she teased, not willing to let the subject drop. It wasn't that she was upset, but it was amusing to hear Ben referred to as "Master," but then it seemed he'd always been overly devoted to old conventions.

 _In the context that I was the Master of the Knights of Ren and they were my Knights?_ Ben floundered a little, not understanding her meaning.

 _And they were all women?_

 _Only the most useful._

Rey's eyes trailed over his body before she fixed him with a knowing smile. "Maybe you'd like it better if I call you 'Master?'" she suggested wickedly and earned her the exact reaction she'd been looking for.

Ben swallowed thickly, fingers digging into his thighs like he was having a hard time keeping his hands to himself. "You are the only person in the galaxy that can call me exactly whatever you want," he assured her.

Rey quirked an eyebrow. "I'll test that theory—one day."

Rey could feel that Ben was doing his best not to think about what it would be like to hear Rey call him _that_ or in what context. They both knew that they had things that needed to be done and getting an erection wasn't going to help anyone in any way.

 _I mean, it might be somewhat helpful…._

Ben groaned. "You're a wicked tease."

" _Your_ wicked tease," she replied before she shifted and pressed a kiss to his lips before wisely changing the subject. "Ready to work on the holocrons together? My eyes are going bleary from reading those datapads."

"I guess so," Ben replied like he'd been having just as much of a hard time getting much accomplished with the old artifacts as she'd been with the data.

"Is that a yes or…?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "It's an 'I'm not certain what's going to be waiting for us once we start this all.' Some Jedi have been tempted beyond reason by the information some holocrons contain."

"Well, it's a good thing that we're both good at resisting temptation," Rey assured him with a wink. And, considering neither of them were able to resist any sort of temptation where the other was concerned, it made him chuckle.

"Maybe we should sit on the floor? And meditate?" Rey suggested before gesturing to where the holocrons sat.

"You sound like Luke," he grumbled. "Always thought that meditation would solve everything."

"And does it?"

Ben sighed before grudgingly conceding, "Most of the time."

Rey snorted. "C'mon. Let's give it a go. Can't hurt… probably."

Rey shifted from the small bed and sat on the cool floor while Ben settled beside her, long legs wrapping inward as he crossed them, hands flat on his legs as he prepared to open himself up to the will of the Force.

 _I never much enjoyed this,_ he admitted.

 _How come?_ Rey wondered as she shifted closer to where he sat. Her leg brushed against his as their minds touched.

 _Felt like I was giving too much. Like the Force asked and took too much of me,_ he shared.

 _I understand that,_ Rey offered. _It kind of feels like… like I'm being dragged along, really._

 _Yeah, maybe I just never had the right anchor with me._

Rey looked over at him and smiled. _I'm here for you now, and you're here for me. We can anchor each other through this—throughout whatever comes next._

Ben reached over and gave her hand a tight squeeze before he settled into his meditation pose.

And they sat. And sat. _And sat._

They meditated for what felt like hours as they tried and failed to get the holocrons to open and spill their secrets. It was getting ridiculous.

 _Surely, the Jedi and the Sith didn't have this much trouble mining their artifacts for knowledge?_ Rey grumbled through their bond.

 _You surely do have a hard time focusing on your meditations,_ Ben drawled back.

 _As if I've ever had an easy time with sitting still…._

With a huff, Rey tried to get back into form and focus on… being open to the will of the Force, but nothing was happening and it wasn't as if they had an abundance of time to figure out what to do next. Hux was looking for Ben and the Resistance was doing its best to rebuild and thwart the First Order. And Ben felt that he needed a way to atone for his sins.

Would these relics hold the answers to the questions they didn't know to ask? Or was this just an expensive waste of time when they could be working on other strategies to help Leia? Still, her and Ben's relationship wasn't exactly out in the open and not everyone realized his connection to Leia. How could Kylo Ren disappear, so that Ben Solo could be reborn anew?

It was enough to drive her mad. What did the Force want with them? How could they have all this power and no knowledge on how to use it to dismantle the systems that had worked for so long in the shadows to overthrow the galaxy, while people like Leia had tried to sound the alarm, only to be ignored?

Eventually, her temper got the better of her. Rey got angry, really pissed, at their situation, at what had happened in the past, at what would yet happen if they couldn't help the galaxy, and she let that rage and frustration and anger out as she swore at the ancient relics which, surprisingly, seemed to do _something_. They _glowed._

"Oh! Look at that!" she exclaimed before leaning closer. "Apparently, they like being yelled at!"

"Or maybe it's the energy you're emitting?" Ben offered as a wry smile worked its way onto his face.

"Nah, these masochistic little things just like to suffer, isn't that right, you kriffin' hunks of junk?"

And _that_ really did something.

All at once, the holocrons began to glow with their own, internal light—one red, one blue—before lifting themselves from the ground as Rey and Ben looked on. Lifted themselves and, yet, did nothing more but radiate with their strange light and terrible Force power. Without looking, Ben reached out and took Rey's hand in his own and held tight as they waited.

And the holocrons hovered together while Ben and Rey held their breath in anticipation of what they would reveal.

* * *

 **Author's notes:** These kids are gonna kill me. If you're up for a silly 90s AU that's a retelling of a really old Diet Coke commercial (and a really random anon), give Diet Coke a go. It's nice, short, and fluffy while the heaviness is just getting started here. Close now! Can't wait for what comes next and next. Cheers! Thanks for reading, for sticking with me, and for all of your lovely comments!


	19. Part of You

Author's Note: Smut between ** and ** if that's not your thing and you'd like to skip it :)

* * *

The power that the holocron's radiated was unlike anything that Ben had experienced before. He and Luke had found many artifacts during their journeys, some Jedi and some Sith, but they'd never encountered holocrons that worked in tandem. Luke had been quite convinced that, in order for there to be control, the light and dark sides of the Force needed to be balanced, but balanced meant that instead of learning to control the dark side, his students learned to _resist_ its pull. And that way of thinking was rooted in fear.

That was where he'd lost Ben.

It was impossible for Ben to resist the pull of the dark side, just as it was impossible for him to resist the pull towards the light. Both sides of the Force existed within him, pushing and pulling as his powers developed. Without Snoke, his powers may have balanced out, but with his influence and his family's fear, the dark side had taken precedence.

Now, in order to find a way forward, one that truly understood the true meaning of the Force and what was needed in order for there to be peace in the galaxy, they needed to find a path toward true balance. Rey had been his anchor in the light, just as he was hers in the dark, but what if they were separated? What if one or the other was lost?

What then?

"Do… we ask questions? Or are they just going to float there and glow?" Rey asked, jarring him from his mental spiraling.

Ben shrugged. "Normally, they speak to whoever is looking to listen. Maybe if we touch them—together, I mean?"

"Well, that's a thought. Couldn't hurt, probably," Rey replied before reaching out. Her hand stopped just shy of the Jedi holocron. "Maybe I should touch the Sith holocron and you should touch the Jedi?"

Ben nodded. Sometimes the knowledge contained within the holocrons was tempting and could send both Jedi and Sith alike on paths towards their destruction. Better not to tempt fate by giving a Sith holocron what it wanted—someone strong in the dark side of the Force.

He and Rey readied themselves, but before they touched the artifacts, Ben reached over and held Rey's hand tight.

 _Now, I'm ready,_ he assured her.

Together, they reached forward, reached _out_ with the Force, and touched the holocrons. And it felt as they were being brought to _life._ They were together in their minds as the holocrons flooded their senses with knowledge.

Time stretched, the world around them disappeared. It was an impossible moment, made possible by the power of the Force. When the holocrons conveyed their knowledge, it felt as if it was echoing within their souls, filling them with information on a cellular level. It was overwhelming. It was terrifying. It was bliss. And it was impossible to determine which holoncron was conveying what information—they were blended as one and their power was in their balance.

As Rey and Ben connected, the thoughts, feelings, memories, and knowledge of the holocrons rippled through their souls while they sat, open and receiving.

 _The beginning. The end. There lies the impetus. Love. Love is key. To life. To destruction. To all. Love is the key. Fear is a pathway to destruction. Pain. Hate. Anger._

 _But it can be channeled. It can be useful. It can cut like a knife but needs control. Needs a sheath to offer protection._

The voice echoed in their minds as Rey and Ben fought to find the right words to say—to ask these ancient sources of knowledge.

 _What is the reason for this key?_ Rey tried.

 _Life. Death. A way to restore what was destroyed. A way to release what was not destroyed. Hope. Healing. A world reborn._

Ben tried to focus his mind and hone in on what the ancient devices were trying to tell them, but it felt a little like trying to wade through a raging river. _What place? What was destroyed?_

The knowledge swirled around them as the holocrons shifted their focus. _A planet, wounded. Magma pulsing from the core of what was once a lush, vibrant place. Destroyed by loss. Torn apart by pain. Healing can only come from within…_

In Rey and Ben's shared mind, a stark, black tower flashed against the backdrop of a broken planet. A creature, more machine than man, worked tirelessly—through pain and tragedy—to bring back what was once his.

 _What is it…? I've never seen a planet like this before,_ Rey started as the knowledge from the holocrons continued to swell in their minds. Fortunately, as she was an anchor for Ben, he was an anchor for her. His mind focused, reached out, and pulled her thoughts into his own.

 _This is Mustafar. I've seen it... In a dream… a nightmare,_ Ben explained. _A great tragedy from the past that could only be mended by the present. My grandfather… he was looking for a way to reverse death._

 _Wasn't that similar to Plagueis?_ Rey asked.

 _How do you know about Darth Plagueis?_

At Ben's surprise, Rey offered, _3PO is a great source of knowledge—R2, as well, actually._

 _Somewhat similar,_ Ben continued. _Darth Plagueis could control life and keep death from those he loved. My grandfather meant to bring back one that he had lost._

 _Who?_ Rey wondered.

 _My grandmother. She died before my mother was born, but there was more to her story than my mother ever told me. I went looking for answers when I joined the First Order, but I didn't find much. Except for this feeling… like… I don't know. Just like a memory or something I've already lived happening in repetition._

 _Sounds strange,_ Rey offered. _But I've had strange feelings and dreams before too, so I understand that._

An echo filtered between them both. __I'll find you. Somehow. Another life. I'll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.__

 _Ben nodded. "I've had the same dream._ _Ever since I was young. There was… someone. Someone I was meant to look for. Someone I needed to save."_

 _Rey clenched his hand tight. "I've had the same sort of dream. Imagine my surprise when you stomped into my life and that strange feeling of connection returned."_

 _If the Force wanted two people together, then those two people could either work against that will, with disastrous consequences, or they could allow the Force to flow around_ _them and guide them._ At first, both Ben and Rey had worked against the will of the Force, but eventually, things had started to come together, and now, there wasn't much in the galaxy that would be able to tear them apart.

 _I only wish that I'd found you sooner—that I'd known._

 _All we can do now is make use of the time we have, Ben. Cherish our time together as we cherish each other._

The combined power of the holocrons interrupted their thoughts once again and, this time, visions of the past filtered through their minds. There was death, sadness, but also feelings of hope, possibility.

 _Together. Balance. The past exists within the present and the future. We are more than the sum of our parts. We are whole._

This revelation was hitting Ben hard. For so long, he'd worked to divorce himself of the past, but that was impossible. Killing the past wasn't necessary, but learning from the past? Healing? There was more possibility there.

Eventually, the holocrons retreated back into their original forms and gently floated to the ground as their power subsided, leaving Ben and Rey to sit and marvel over all that they'd learned.

Rey broke the silence first. "So, I guess Mustafar means more to the galaxy than a place to scavenge from?"

Ben chuckled. "I guess so. We should talk to Hondo and see if he has any more information that could be useful. I also need to reconnect with my Knights."

"Of course. There's a lot to discuss. I need to talk to Lando about some… well, some Resistance stuff."

"Secret stuff?" Ben teased.

Rey looked embarrassed. "Kind of. It's nothing bad, but it was one of the conditions that I had to follow in order to secure your safety—I'd do anything to keep you safe, Ben."

"Even lie?" Ben gasped, mock horrified.

"Lie, cheat, steal, and even murder. You don't want to get on my bad side, Solo!"

Ben smiled at that. "No, I really don't."

Rey stood from the floor and offered Ben her hand to help him up, except she underestimated his weight and almost fell face-first into him before she corrected herself with the Force.

"Oops. I forget how tall and large you are."

"Is it a problem?" he asked when he was finally upright.

"Nah, I can handle all of you," she teased before finishing. "But I have a plan—Finn and Rose... All of us. We're going to keep this whole mess from getting worse," she assured him, though he didn't feel entirely convinced.

"First step is to find out what we can here and then figure out what Vader was truly doing on Mustafar... and if he found anything useful. And decide what to do with the information then."

"And you really think a lava-infested planet is going to have what we need? It's possible his fortress isn't even on Mustafar anymore, Ben. It's not like a planet made of lava is very stable," Rey said before gently pressing her hand against his chest as if to soften the blow of her words.

"It might not be, but I'm willing to take a chance to find out. Vader… My grandfather was working on something there. Something powerful. There wasn't much information in the archives about it, mostly shipping notes and ledgers. He was building something there that was outside of the Emperor's control."

"Wasn't the Emperor his master? Would he turn against his master?"

"Darth Sidious was counting on it. The Sith weren't known for their loyalty," Ben said, lip quirking as Rey glared.

"Yes, obliviously. But what I mean is, if I can get into your head, couldn't the Emperor do the same for Vader? Snoke could do it too… How could anything be kept a secret from the Emperor?"

Ben shrugged. Rey could tell that he wasn't really sure either, but he had managed to keep some things from Snoke, despite all he'd given away, so there was a possibility that Vader had been able to do the same—or at least deceive Palpatine.

"Snoke hadn't realized my plan to kill him until he was being stuck with your 'saber. I'm not saying it's easy to keep things from one's master, but it is possible."

 _And what secrets are you keeping from me, Ben Solo?_ Rey teased as her mind brushed up against his.

 _None. All that I am, all that I know, is yours,_ he assured her.

 _You know, it was a joke. I know that you don't keep anything from me. You couldn't, even if you wanted to._

Ben grinned. "I wouldn't be too sure about that, sweetheart."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Well, we both have some secrets then, but we can tell each other _everything_ after the galaxy is safe, deal?"

"Deal," Ben agreed.

"So, did you learn anything else useful from your 'archives'? Or do you just flout that when you're trying to impress your prisoners?" Rey prodded, reminding him of the first time she'd seen his face and the first time they'd seen into the deeper recesses of each other's souls.

Ben had the decency to blush. "It wasn't bravado, I really did read as much as I could find in the archives."

"And? Seems to me the Emperor was the kind of person who would have planned for everything, even Vader's potential betrayal."

"The Emperor could foresee many possible outcomes through the Force, just as you and I could. He was known for being a brilliant tactician and had a contingency plan for it all," Ben started and Rey gave him a look.

"Yeah, if by a contingency plan you mean 'burn down half of the known galaxy,'" she finished for him.

Ben rolled his eyes. "More information from 3PO, or R2 this time?"

"3PO, but given what happened to Jakku—and how the remnants of the Empire found their way into the Unknown Regions by way of that planet, I was able to put some pieces together on my own. Still, blowing up half of the known galaxy isn't the best contingency plan, Ben."

"I didn't say that I agree with it, Rey. But it would keep anyone from wanting to invade—who wants a barren wasteland? And what better way to make those who defied the Emperor suffer than to destroy all that they loved?"

Rey sighed. "Do you ever wonder whether it's worth it—all of this? I mean, without the Emperor the First Order rose up. Without the First Order... I can only imagine what could come next? Stability seems to breed disorder as if people forget what it was like to live under someone's thumb."

Ben gathered Rey close, lips brushing against her brow. "I know what you mean. These are the same sort of concerns I had when... Everything happened the way it did. But I've come to realize—thanks to you—that even a small step in the right direction can cause unimaginable ripples. So, all we can do is step in the right direction and try to help other people see it, as well."

Rey snuggled into Ben's chest as his arms wrapped tight around her. "I know. It's just that, sometimes it all feels so hopeless. Like I'm that poor kid back on Jakku with nothing to live for except living... How many more people are out there—living the exact same way, you know?"

 _Life is hard for much of the galaxy, but we might be able to keep it from getting worse—with the First Order or something worse._

"Are we really ready, Ben?" she asked, voice small as her insecurities took hold.

"I don't know, but as long as I have you by my side, it won't be all bad," he assured her.

Rey gave him a tight squeeze back at that. "Love you."

"Love you too."

And, for the moment, it was all they needed.

* * *

As it turned out, Hondo took a liking to Rey, much to her surprise, and ended up being a pretty entertaining source of information—once he started drinking, anyway. Batuu had plenty of delicious drinks to choose from and, as Hondo regaled her with stories of his run-ins with Anakin Skywalker and the Jedi during the Clone Wars, Rey realized she might have misjudged him, at least a little.

"Though it will surprise you to hear it, my friend," Hondo said while leaning forward conspiratorially, "but I was not always on the up and up!"

"You don't say?" Rey drawled because she could believe exactly that about him. That he'd once run a gang and had frequently run afoul of the Jedi didn't surprise her in the least. But his joining the Resistance effort was a surprise, especially when it was evident by way of his somewhat bustling business, that money talked for Hondo.

His spaceport was huge and busy, but Hondo still managed to have a private drinking establishment installed. A servant droid busily made cocktails while Hondo, Ben, Lando, and Rey tried to pick his brain. As they would discover, he was an almost fathomless source of information, but whether that information was relevant or not remained to be seen.

After another tale of daring and bravery from Hondo, which was probably embellished so much that it was entirely false, Lando commented, "And here you are now. Once a pirate, always a pirate—but a pirate that's picked up a bit of a conscience."

Hondo shrugged. "If you can see how things are able to change, then it is better to go with the flow, my friend! The galaxy stops for no man, and no Weequay, either."

Hondo was an opportunist and, while Rey's loyalties came first in her life, she could see the wisdom in seeing a chance and taking it. Hell, taking a chance on a ball droid had changed her life. And, maybe for once, a story was just a story, and a night was just a night.

Spending time amongst friends was something she'd experienced precious little of in her life and part of her still had a hard time letting her guard down—not wondering whether she should pack some food away in case it was scarce later or checking for exits in case she needed to make a hasty getaway.

So much time spent _just_ surviving left very little time to actually live. But as the night carried on and she and Ben and their motley group drank and laughed, little by little, the memories of her broken childhood were buoyed up by the brilliant and simple experience of enjoying a night out with friends.

* * *

When the drinking was done, and the music died down, Rey and Ben finally made their way out and into the night. Hondo had offered them a speeder, but they'd opted to walk in the warm night. The outpost was quiet this late and sparsely lit, but that allowed the overwhelming starlight to brighten up their path.

It felt like they were sailing across the stars as Ben and Rey slowly walked, hand in hand, through the town. It was nice, this little bit of normalcy in their otherwise chaotic lives and Rey wondered if somewhere, somehow, someday, they might always have this shared feeling.

"That's what we're fighting for, isn't it? A bit of peace in the galaxy and for us?" Ben asked, answering her thoughts.

"Yeah," Rey agreed while giving Ben's hand a tight squeeze. _Fighting for our happy ending._

Ben pulled her hand up against his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of her palm before they continued on their way, except there was one place Rey wanted to stop before heading back.

Not too far from their apartment, there was a tree decorated with strips of fabric. Rey remembered vaguely hearing some locals talk about it—the Wishing Tree, they called it. Apparently, if you tied your wish onto the tree, it was supposed to come true over time and, while Rey had never been much for wishes, the night was warm and her heart was full, so maybe... just this once.

 _You want to make a wish?_ Ben asked as they stepped under the tree's boughs.

 _Yeah, except I didn't bring anything to tie onto the tree. You're supposed to tie a piece of fabric onto the tree and, as it fades with time, your wish is meant to come true._

Ben gave the tree a look then smiled down at Rey. "I already have everything I need."

Rey blushed. Even after all that they'd experienced, he still managed to make her heart soar and her cheeks flush.

"Well, it's mostly for fun. But I never had anything like this growing up, so I thought that maybe… But I should have planned ahead and brought something," Rey trailed off, feeling silly for wanting to take part in the local custom, especially considering Ben already felt like he had everything he needed—which meant her.

 _Don't feel bad. I can feel you spiraling there,_ he cut into her thoughts. _I used to throw stones and coins into one of the fountains near my childhood home on Chandrila—used to wish for someone to come into my life and…_

 _What?_ Rey wondered.

Ben gave her a wry smile. _For someone to come and be my friend. Someone who wasn't afraid of me. Someone like you, actually. So, I already got my wish, is all. But it's your turn, I think._

Before Rey could protest, Ben was pulling at the edges of his shirt and lifting it over his head. It was nothing for his Force powers to pull apart the seams of his shirt, making it easy to tear a strip off the bottom.

"You really just wanted to take your shirt off for me, didn't you?" Rey couldn't resist teasing.

Ben shrugged, which was horribly distracting because, without his shirt, she could see the flex and play of his muscles under the starlight. He really was quite a sight.

"It's not anything you haven't seen before," he said casually, but Rey could feel the smugness rolling off of him in waves. He felt pretty pleased with himself that he'd flustered her a bit. Ben handed the strip of white fabric over before putting the remnants of his ripped shirt over his head again.

"Go on, make your wish," he urged.

"Okay, I need a second to think," Rey said as she stepped up to the trunk. She had so much now, so much that she never really thought she'd have—friends, family, belonging. But there was that kernel of fear in her gut that she was undeserving of it all that, one day soon, it would all escape her and fade away like dust in the wind. Rey knew that it was important not to let fear take hold inside of her, but it was hard when the odds were stacked against them.

All at once, her wish hit her and she made her decision. Reaching out, she wished for a happy ending for herself, for her friends, for the good people of the galaxy, but mostly for Ben. She wanted that more than anything now—as long as it was a happy ending that included her. Rey finished tying the strip of fabric on the bough and stepped back to Ben.

Linking her arm with his, they continued walking through the outpost. Soon enough, they were at the entrance to their small apartment. Ben swiped the keycard into the reader and the door slowly shifted open. It was pretty clear that the apartment wasn't used frequently, but Rey appreciated having some privacy away from the busy spaceport. And, with Lando staying in one of Hondo's rooms after drinking just a bit too much, she and Ben had the place to themselves.

It almost felt like coming home—to a place that they shared. At least, for the moment, it gave Rey something to hope for and to dream about. The apartment lit automatically as they made their way through the entrance and into the main area before they ducked into their room. There wasn't much in the way of furniture, but the small bed would have to make due again.

"It's a good thing I like to snuggle," Rey grumbled while staring at the bed.

"You could just sleep on top of me?" Ben suggested with a wink. Rey loved that—that he was joking with her, that the carefully constructed walls around his true self were slipping away, more and more with each passing day.

"Maybe I just might, but I need to use the sonic first."

Ben gestured towards the adjacent 'fresher. "Be my guest. That thing looks like it might be too small for me, but I bet you'll fit just fine."

Rey fixed him with a glare. "I'll have you know that I'm a perfectly respectable size, _you_ just happen to be very large."

"Very large?" he purred. "In what way?"

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as she considered. "In all the ways that count."

"That's exactly what I like to hear," Ben chuckled. "Now, go use the 'sonic before I find something better to do with your time."

Rey grinned but did as she was told, or rather, followed her original plan instead of giving in to the temptation that was Ben Solo. She loved all of him, but the teasing, flirty, dare she say— _happy_ —Ben, this she was grateful for the most.

Later, after they'd both freshened up and were settling in for the night, a thought from earlier occurred to Rey. "Where did your Knights end up going off to?"

"Hunting for more information and for relics on Batuu."

"What kind of relics?"

Ben shrugged. "Whatever they can find, but holocrons and ancient Jedi artifacts could hold useful lore about the Sith and Jedi. Might help us on Mustafar."

"Are they going to meet us there, then?"

Ben shook his head. "They'll contact me. For now, they're on their own. I'm no longer their master, but Vadon can see the wisdom in helping us. She's always said you were the key to it all."

"The key to what, exactly?"

Ben smiled. "Saving the galaxy."

Rey gave a startled laugh. "You can't be serious?"

Ben's eyebrow quirked fixed his gaze on hers—as intense and soul-crushing as always, like he was looking right through and into her heart. "I've never been more serious about anything in my life."

"Well," Rey said before slumping onto their small, shared bed. "No pressure then?"

"No pressure," he said while settling beside her.

Ben opened his arms and Rey didn't have to be told twice as she shifted from sitting and straddled his legs on the edge of the bed. Ben pulled her tight and dropped sweet kisses along her neck as ground her hips in anticipation of more.

"Now that we're all clean…" he murmured against her throat.

 _**Might as well enjoy the privacy,_ Rey added thoughtfully as she pulled at the edges of his shirt.

It didn't take long before they were both exactly how they wanted to be—naked and in each other's arms. He'd always been in her head, but as their connection moved from the spiritual to encompass the physical, it had been so hard to maintain her distance, until finally, she _hadn't._ It was the best decision she'd ever made, even though she knew there would be heartache and hard decisions that would come along with it.

Ben was, as ever, hers. And the love he showered on her through their bond was a miraculous thing. He was capable of such deep and unending affection as his naturally gentle nature finally was able to break through that hardened, protective shell. The trust that took, the love, it made her heart heavy with emotion.

Ben stilled, reaching up to brush at the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes. "You okay?"

Rey nodded before leaning forward to press a kiss to his full lips. _So much more than okay,_ she assured him. And soon, there wasn't room for much else in her mind except for more, and please, and _yes, Ben, just like that._

 _Just like that,_ he was everything to her. It wasn't about destroying his connection with the dark side or enhancing her own connection with the light, it was about finding _balance._ The Force had shown them the path, and all they had to do was believe in its will and do their best to let it guide their actions—even in the face of seemingly impossible odds.

Impossible didn't feel so terrible with someone there to face it with. And as they both found their completion in each other, Rey thought, not for the first time, that she'd do anything to keep him safe and with her. _Anything._

"Are you ready for this?" she asked, lips brushing against his chest as they dozed together.

"No, are you?" he replied, ever honest with her.

"No, but I think that I'll be okay, as long as I have you there with me. I think I could take over the galaxy with you at my side."

Ben's laugh rumbled through them both. "I seem to remember you _not_ choosing that option when it was offered."

Rey nuzzled his chest. "Yes, I was joking. But it doesn't make it any less true. I think, together, we can find a way to keep our friends and family safe."

"Together, I think we can," he agreed.

And that would be enough as they took their first steps towards saving the galaxy from an even greater threat.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks for reading and for your lovely comments. Sorry if I've taken a while to get back to anyone. Haven't been feeling that great lately, so typing is blehhhh. Love to you all! Just a reminder that I often edit this for FFnet because adult content isn't allowed, so there are some smutty bits available over on Ao3 (pacificwanderer) if that's your thing :)


	20. In A Spiral

Ben wasn't good with goodbyes. There was a finality to it, whether intended or not, that he'd always disliked, even as a child. So, when the time came for him to say goodbye to his uncle, he was filled with the same feelings of dread and awkwardness as when he was young. Goodbyes were obviously just a part of life, but the kind of goodbyes he'd had to say…

Ben didn't like to think about it. And, to be fair, Lando looked like he was having a hard time with it too. His normally cool and collected Uncle looked downright out of sorts. It was a strange look for him.

The docking bay was busy as Hondo's shipments arrived and set off from the bay. Ben, Rey, and Uncle Lando stood at the bottom of a newly acquired ship—one that was meant to take Rey and Ben to Mustafar, while Lando would be switching the Vantillian catamaran for something a little less conspicuous as well before making his way back to the Resistance.

Hondo had offered to store the ship until things settled down, but who knew how long that would be. Uncle Lando thought the whole thing was hilarious—the ship had spent more time docked than in use, and still, it would end up with a notorious reputation by virtue of association.

"Guess there's still some life left in this old pirate yet," he bragged before the conversation stalled. Droids and lifts carting goods darted back and forth across the docking bay, but even the noise they were making wasn't enough to distract them all from the awkwardness of goodbyes.

There was a lot still left unsaid between Ben and his uncle. Some long conversations that were way overdue, but there wasn't time for that right now. Maybe one day… when the galaxy was safe and when its fate didn't rely on what the Resistance or he and Rey did next.

"Kind of strange," Uncle Lando started first, hand clenching and unclenching against the top of his cane like he was worried about what he was going to say next. It was a lot. All of this was a lot.

"What's strange?" Rey asked when the silence stretched on too long.

"Well, I kinda got used to having you two around. Didn't think saying goodbye would be this hard," Uncle Lando said, lip quirking as his face crinkled into a half-smile.

"We'll visit," Rey assures him. An 'if we all survive this' hung in the air between them all, unvoiced, but echoing through the silence just the same.

Uncle Lando coughed a little, clearing his throat as emotion seemed to get the better of him. "Remember, I'm here for you—both of you. And maybe remember that there are people on the other side waiting for you two?"

He wanted them to be careful, wanted them to come back, wanted Ben to know that his mother was waiting for him too. He didn't say it, but Ben knew. He could feel it. It… meant more to him than he could say.

"Thank you. For everything," Ben started, but it felt inadequate. How could he put into words just how much his uncle's help meant to him, and more so, his love, in the face of all that Ben had done?

Uncle Lando shrugged. "If I'd been here sooner, maybe I could have done more. For now, this will have to be enough." Ben started to interrupt him, but Lando shushed him with a wave and a wink. "We all have our regrets. Next time you need something, no matter what it is, you know where I'll be waiting. We'll _all_ be waiting."

Uncle Lando held his arms to the side, cane in the air as he demanded, "C'mere, kid."

And Ben went. Wrapped his arms around his uncle and held him tight. It had been a long time since he last hugged his uncle and he'd been a lot shorter then. Uncle Lando felt small in Ben's arms, the bulk of his clothing masking the frailty that came with age. How much time did his uncle have left? How much time did his mother have?

 _It's time to stop wasting my time,_ Ben resolved and Rey mentally chimed in with her support.

"You got big, little bandit," his uncle said as they both pulled back. "Almost as handsome as your uncle; a little too serious, but come visit me on Bespin and we can work on that."

"I have more than a few things that I need to work on," Ben agreed. "She helps."

Uncle Lando laughed. "Isn't that always the way of it?"

Rey went for her own hug and Uncle Lando whispered, loudly enough that Ben could hear, "You two take care of each other. Sometimes, the end is the hardest part."

 _He would know,_ Ben thought as Rey gave his uncle a quick kiss on his cheek.

How many endings had Uncle Lando lived through now? How many were yet to come? And where would the galaxy be when all was said and done? It was a lot to consider.

Ben and Rey were going radio silent, so comming wasn't an option. This goodbye could just as easily be the _last_ goodbye, but there wasn't much time to consider that either. They all stood together, searching for the right words until a knowing smile worked its way onto Uncle Lando's face.

Chin back, shoulders squared, he said the one thing left that was yet unsaid, "May the Force be with you—and a good blaster ever at your side."

Ben snorted. "Same to you, Uncle."

Rey patted her blaster. "The best."

And, after their final checks were done, Rey and Ben boarded their vessel and waved from the interior of their ship before closing the hatch. The INT-66 gunship was used for smuggling, mostly, and was fast enough and dangerous enough to have kept off of the First Order's radar so far, which meant it was perfect for Rey and Ben. Soon enough, they were cleared for takeoff.

Rey was flying, with Ben acting as co-pilot. This ship was only about 50 meters long, but it was built for stealth and smuggling—get in, get the goods, get out. Definitely didn't have the same luxury as the Vantillian, but it'd do.

 _Guess no sneaking into the captain's quarters for us,_ Rey joked before entering the destination coordinates.

Ben stretched, arms over the back of his head, chest out, before adding, "I think there's a bed? You might be able to fit inside, but there's no way I'll be able to spread out."

Rey gave him a pointed look. "You think we need a bed?"

Ben coughed as his cheeks flushed, which made Rey laugh.

"Anyway," she said, changing the subject back to the matter at hand. "Have you gone through the data that your Knights gave you any more?" Her head leaned back against the captain's chair as their small ship slipped seamlessly engaged its hyperdrive—no clunky noises or compressor failures like on the Falcon on this vessel.

Ben made a little noise in the back of his throat, so Rey looked over to find out just what was wrong with that question.

 _You okay?_

 _Just remembering… some of the details weren't pleasant._

 _Show me?_ Rey suggested.

It wasn't quite like talking, more like feeling their way through thoughts and memories and ideas together. Rey could see it all, this way, and see what precisely had bothered him. Sordid details flittered through their shared minds. Stories of old heroes and villains, fearsome conquering alien beings—and there! They kidnapped children. Young females from the Chiss.

 _They can direct ships through hyperspace with their Force powers, fascinating…_

 _What the Grysk do to them when they're no longer useful… Rey, they make the Empire look like child's play._

 _The Emperor knew? About this and the Grysk?_

 _He must have. His contingency plan. Burn it all down so no one else could have what was his._

Rey took a deep breath and Ben realized she was trying to sort through her own feelings as she processed this information. Logically, they'd both known that there were other galaxies—other sources of power—that lived beyond their known regions but to have a terrifying prospect knocking at their door. No, not just knocking, evidently, they'd already made steps towards branching out on Batuu… It was a lot to process.

 _These beings… there are worse things than the First Order in the galaxy. What are we going to do, Ben?_

He sighed before reaching over to take Rey's hands. "Whatever we can to keep the people we love safe. For whatever reason, the data on these beings—the Grysk—seems to disappear around twenty years ago. Maybe they moved on to different star systems?"

 _Or maybe the Chiss were able to handle them?_

"For their sake, I hope so. What my Knights were able to find out, which wasn't much, mind you, wasn't pleasant. They conquer from within."

"What does that mean?"

"They are able to inspire absolute control in the systems the conquer. No questions. No fights. Once they infiltrate, the system is theirs and all the beings within it are powerless to stop them."

"Slaves?"

"Obedient, unquestioning, and unable to defy them."

Rey rubbed a hand over her face. She looked tired. So tired. Of everything. No matter what they did, or how they did it, there always seemed to be something just beyond their awareness that was always waiting for them.

"What do we do about this?" she asked.

Ben shrugged. "For now, nothing. We go to Mustafar and find out what we need to know, hopefully."

"Hopefully," Rey parroted. "All we seem to have lately is hope."

Ben gave her a wink. "Hope is all we need."

Rey blinked and sat up straight before announcing, "I'm going to get some sleep while we travel, you mind?"

Ben shook his head. "I'll take the controls."

Hours later, Rey trudged sleepily into the cockpit to relieve Ben, but he couldn't fathom sleeping right now. His body felt like a coil just waiting to spring open.

 _I wish I could train._

 _Kind of small for that in here, maybe go do some push-ups?_

Ben laughed. "Not a bad idea, actually."

So, at her suggestion, that's exactly what he did, working off some of his nervous energy before hitting the small sonic shower and returning to his Rey. They were close now and soon the proximity alert was blaring in their ears.

"You ready?" she asked as Ben's as he stared out into the blur of hyperspace before the ship slowed at Rey's steerage.

"With you at my side, I'm ready for anything," he replied before reaching over to give her hand a tight squeeze.

"Let's hope that's true, Solo," Rey said with a little laugh that trailed off as they entered the Mustafar system to face their destinies.

* * *

Mustafar was as bleak and horrific to behold as the legends had maintained. Neither Ben nor Rey had been to the planet, though Ben had studied it during his time with the First Order—he'd studied everything he could about Darth Vader once he'd learned the truth about his family.

Hondo's ship was holding up well. Whoever he'd stolen it from, because Ben was certain that Hondo had stolen it from _someone,_ had great taste in ships. As they dipped into the atmosphere, Vader's castle came into view and Ben was surprised that it was still standing—though, to look upon it, it was more a fortress than a castle.

It had been nearly thirty years since anyone had last set foot there, at least, that was what he'd been led to believe. Without Vader, there was no need for his fortress and the First Order had been too preoccupied with surviving in the Unknown Regions to care about Vader's esoteric obsessions.

Still, he'd been able to glean some information about the purpose of the place and his grandfather's desires. The planet was known for being seeped with dark side energy and power enough to further Vader's desires. But what that entailed, Ben was uncertain.

The entire planet seemed to radiate with the power of the dark side, with the fortress acting almost like a channel for that power. It was overwhelming and Ben found it was challenging not to be consumed by the Force's dark will.

Rey reached over to give his thigh a tight squeeze, probably in response to his thoughts and feelings. "We're together. We can resist this as long as we don't get cocky."

Ben's eyebrow quirked. "Cocky? Have you met my family?"

Rey choked out a laugh. "Well, it's better than saying we're fucked if we get too deep into this. Do you know what Vader was trying to accomplish here?"

"Learn to bend the Force to his will?"

Rey hummed. "I'm sure that worked out well for him."

"Seems to be a family trait," Ben offered while Rey guided their vessel around the hulking black mass of Vader's fortress. Smoke plumed and lingered as Rey manipulated the craft through the haze. She was a brilliant pilot, self-trained or not, and Ben was able to see why his father had taken such a liking to her so quickly. It had been much the same for him.

Her draw was undeniable. It almost felt like she'd been sent to them—sent to _him._ And maybe, she had. The Force worked in mysterious ways and was ever seeking to achieve a balance. She was certainly that for him, and he hoped he was the same for her.

 _You are,_ she assured him. _Once you get in my head, once your Force signature is with me, it feels like I'm whole in an entirely different way than when I'm alone._

Ben flicked the controls for the landing gear as Rey circled the landing pad. _It feels the same for me. Now that I've had this, I really hate to think what it would be like if either of us…_

He didn't want to finish that thought. He could feel Rey's annoyance and worry through the Force. Here they were, circling his grandfather's fortress, about to explore the unknown. It was all so…

 _Strange, but here's how it's going to be. Me. You. No matter what. We have each other. We'll always have each other. This life, the next. Doesn't matter, Ben._

A smile worked its way onto Ben's face. She was so stubborn. Determined. And he loved her so much. He almost believed through her sheer will alone they _could_ find a way to stop the First Order and stop whatever dark power was pulling them to Mustafar to confront his family's past.

As the ship touched down on the landing pad, Ben wondered how the hulking structure had managed to stand so long in such a formidable landscape, but with the magnitude of dark power emanating from the area, he figured that the dark side of the Force was at play here.

"Let's go see what's still here," Rey said before disengaging from the controls. "I don't think I dressed appropriately for this."

Ben shrugged. "It's going to be hot no matter what we're wearing."

Hondo had found them extra clothes on Batuu, though Ben's pants were about an inch too short, and Rey's several inches too long, but they were roughspun and tough, meant for adventuring in Batuu's often harsh landscape, so he hoped that they'd be more than enough for Mustafar.

Rey shrugged. "Still, might be worthwhile to just go in naked. You, me, the Force—oppressive heat."

Ben brow furrowed. "What if there are scavengers?"

"Ooh, don't want to mess with scavengers. I hear they're pretty fearsome. Guess that means clothes on, despite the lava."

"Despite the lava."

"Blasters?"

"Mmmhmmm," Ben agreed. "'Sabers?"

"Never leave the ship without it. Are we really doing this?"

Ben took another look through the cockpit window. It looked _horrible._ Worse than horrible, it looked like a planet that was suffering—felt that way, too. Ben watched as lava flowed from beneath the surface like it was bleeding out from with.

 _Feels like it's hemorrhaging. Something's not right here and that building just seems like it's amplifying it somehow,_ Rey thought before standing. Ben stood alongside her before reaching over to thread his fingers with her own.

 _It's oppressive. We need to be on our guard. This energy can impact… well, it can make people do things that they'd never do. Make mistakes._

 _Well, it's a good thing I'm here to hold your hand through it,_ she joked back, though he could feel her seriously considering the weight of his words through their bond.

"Let's go see your granddad's house?"

"Guess there's not much else we can do," Ben reluctantly agreed. He didn't let go of her, not when they walked the bulk of the ship, not down the ramp, not even when Rey engaged the controls to secure their ship.

Together, they turned to face his grandfather's dark legacy and walked towards their future, hand in hand.

* * *

Their steps echoed through the cavernous entrance. Its darkness seemed to absorb light and though their steps into the menacing building had initially triggered some sensors, the lights that had quickly flared were snuffed out, leaving them in complete darkness.

"Charming place," Rey's voice called from beside him, echoing throughout.

Ben ignited his 'saber and in the darkness as he considered the lights. Thirty years of disuse, only to suddenly flash to life, must have shorted the building's circuits.

"Okay, that's not at all creepy," Rey commented as the red from his 'saber cast its glow.

"Definitely adds to the ambiance," he added.

Aside from the dark side of the Force, there was also a terrible loneliness that seemed to permeate the structure. As if someone had poured their being into this place, all the broken pieces of the broken shell of a heart. It felt… _familiar._

 _I don't like this place. It feels like we're being watched,_ Rey thought while reaching into his mind.

 _Things linger here. The Force… I think some beings we're never able to let go of this place…_

 _Didn't Vader die on Endor?_

Ben nodded. _It's not him. It's… something else entirely._

The air between them shimmered strangely. Rey stepped back, hand at the 'saber on her hip while Ben slipped into a fighting stance with his own as they both realized at once…

They were not alone.

* * *

Ben and Rey stood at the ready to face the intruder, only to find a haunting specter staring back at them both.

 _Force ghost?_ Rey asked.

 _Seems so,_ Ben replied before stepping closer.

 _Shouldn't you… be careful?_

Ben shrugged before his head cocked to the side and he considered the being. _I don't think it's here to hurt us…_

 _Who knows what it wants? Stay sharp, Ben,_ Rey thought.

There was something going on here, something that she didn't like. This place wasn't right. The wrongness permeated every fiber of Rey's being while Ben stood and considered the strange, nebulous creature. It almost looked like a person who'd been covered in a death shroud—face and body masked by what would have been fabric if the figure was able to take form.

Still, something about the being made Rey curious—like there was even more to this place than what she and Ben had sought out to discover. The creature gestured to further in the fortress as Rey looked on.

"I think it wants us to follow it," she suggested as Ben pressed into the entity with his hand—which slipped right through as if he were trying to touch a ghost.

"Hmm? Oh, seems so," Ben replied as if he'd been lost in thought. "This place is…."

"Something," Rey finished for him before unclipping her 'saber from her hip and lighting it as well, more a precautionary measure than for the light. Who knew what else awaited them within the depths of the strange place?

The entity, robbed of voice, pulled them further into the fortress until they were within what seemed to be some sort of dark sanctum. The vision wanted to tell them something, but either the dark powers of the planet had muted its ability, or perhaps it had forgotten how to speak with time. Still, Rey felt as if there was more to the entity than they realized. Maybe it was some sort of guardian or keeper of this great and terrible place?

Still, it had led them right to what looked like an altar. Great black tablets jutted from the ground, surrounding a broad, circular stone centerpiece. Covered in glyphs, the tablets shone with an unnatural gleam, even after what had to have been many years of neglect. The great altar drew them in and Rey knew why. It radiated with the power of the dark side of the Force and it took everything she had not to reach out and let the power of the object consume her. It was deeply alluring.

Fortunately, Ben was a strong and stable anchor at his side, hand firmly clasped around hers as they let the soothing power of their bond flow through them both.

Rey turned to the entity and asked, "Is this the key to the questions we have about this place?"

The entity said nothing, but its form flickered as it lingered, pointing to the altar which didn't help much.

"Ancient Sith and Jedi devices often have a trigger, at least in my experience," Ben offered.

"What kind of trigger?" Rey wondered before stepping closer to the structure. "The holocron said that love is the key, maybe our love could be the key to this… whatever this instrument is?"

Ben snorted. "I have a hard time believing that ancient Jedi and Sith were predicting that our love would save the galaxy."

Rey gave him a look. "Says someone who once thought that the Force could be bent to his will. I think we should take it literally and trust in the guidance the holocron provided. Maybe if we meditate together, it will show us the right way?"

Ben shrugged. "You're probably right. I'm sorry. This place is having more of an impact on me than I thought."

"If you want to use your grandfather's death fortress as an excuse to let your Solo out, far be it from me to stop you," Rey replied tartly before she realized just how snarky _she_ had gotten. "On second thought, I think you might be right. I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."

Without thinking, Ben held his arms open and Rey stepped close. Bodies pressed together, arms wrapped tight around each other, it helped.

 _Try it like this,_ Ben suggested. _Don't rely on words._

 _Words have never been my strong suit anyway,_ Rey added.

 _I think you're right and I think part of the challenge of this place is that the dark side energy is resisting the light. There needs to be balance for this... whatever this is... to work—and it resists that balance. I wonder why?_

 _What happened to this place?_ Rey wondered.

Ben shrugged as Rey pressed her face into his chest. _We could explore more. See if we can make sense of the history of this place, but I think our answers lie here and now. Maybe there's even a solution for balancing whatever dark energies have hold of this planet?_

 _Their strange guide lingered for a moment within the confines of the alter before fading from view entirely._

 _I think that's our cue,_ _Rey thought._

 _I think you're right. Maybe we can… hold hands and meditate on the Force overtop of it?_

 _Rey laughed softly. Whatever we're meant to do, it seems the Force prefers if we work together, so worth a try, I think._

 _Rey stepped away from Ben but reached out to take his hand. Somehow, it felt better when they were connected, as if_ _some of the dark energy of the place was balanced through him. It helped quiet some of her disease._ They reached out together, hands joined and hovering as they closed their eyes and opened themselves up to the power of the Force.

* * *

At first, there was nothing other than the strange pull of the dark side that seemed to linger through every aspect of his grandfather's fortress, but then something _shifted._ Rey and he _connected._

The power of the dark side pulled at the very fabric of his being, but as Rey reached out with her own power, the darkness was tempered—shaped from something harsh and unwieldy into a weapon that he could use, instead of a weapon that would use him.

With this balance achieved, they reached out with their powers, minds, bodies, souls uniting until they were one. The same. A key and the answer to the question the Force kept repeating.

 _Balance. Balance. Balance._

The power bloomed all around them, pulling sharp—tight—before they fell through the stone floor and into…

 _Another place._

 _Another space._

 _Every time._

 _All._

In unison, they reached out and touched the strange, pulsing relic and… were drawn within.

It was as if space, time, and existence had all converged to one point as they journeyed into the strange place. At first, the path was obscured in darkness, but the further they were drawn within, the more they were able to see and understand.

There were many paths, _there was only one path_. A voice echoed around them as they moved... "Always in motion... is the future..." Ben wondered whether they'd find what they needed in this strange place, or if they'd only end up getting more questions.

"Both," Rey replied to his thoughts. "It always seems to be both."

On and on they walked, the pathway seemed endless until they came before a portal. Ben looked around as the room came into focus and realized there were many portals—no, that wasn't quite right, they were more like great scrying mirrors into... other places. Other times. this seemed to be the past. A beautiful woman laughed as a tall man embraced her—he looked like Ben, but so did she.

"My grandparents...," Ben explained as he and Rey watched. He'd seen some old Holos from the Clone Wars of Anakin Skywalker. Everything he'd come to know about his grandparents was influenced by what was kept from him. He knew their names, but not their stories. All that he'd learned about Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker had been colored by the old Republic and the Empire.

But this. This was new. They loved each other, that much was clear. Ben wondered whether that love had been used against him, much in the same way Snoke had tried to control his compassion for Rey.

The image of the couple shifted. Padme was crying. It was all wrong—nothing would be right again. Anakin was enraged.

 _"Together, you and I can rule the galaxy! We can make things the way we want them to be!"_

But it wasn't what she wanted. She'd never wanted that.

 _"I don't know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow."_

The couple faded. A procession walked behind the hovering coffin of Padme Amidala. They honored the woman she'd been and grieved the loss of the woman she would have become. The vision shifted. Vader building and destroying, tearing the planet asunder in pursuit of…

 _"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural…_ _Learn to know the dark side of the Force, Anakin, and you will be able to save your wife from certain death."_

They were left in silence as the strange mirror world faded away.

"Was this place was meant to be a conduit between this existence and the next?" Rey wondered finally.

"Maybe my grandfather was trying to find a way to cheat death—to save his wife. But to draw her into a place like this... seems wrong."

"People do strange and terrible things for love," Rey replied quietly.

"But love needs to be balanced, or it can be manipulated. You have to be willing to trust, or the fear will consume you," Ben explained.

 _If I've learned one thing, it's that love can't be selfish. It can't be done in half measures, and it can't be jealous. Otherwise…_

 _I don't know if I could do that,_ Rey admitted. _I've only just got you. How could I let you go now?_

 _Hopefully, we won't have to find out,_ Ben offered as they moved on.

Time felt strange, like it was slowing down, or that the moments were stretching out endlessly as they explored. Not every portal showed them bits of the past, some of the portals even seemed to show them the future.

Rey paused at one such portal, watching as a planet came into view—lush, green, beautiful. And voices calling from within—laughing. Ben waited for their faces to be revealed because it all felt so familiar like he knew what was coming from within the strange vision…

And just when it felt like the vision was shifting to reveal the beings within, an oppressive blue light encompassed them and, all at once, Rey and Ben were separated. Ben called out for her, but only the echo of his own voice called back. Ben blinked before his head darted around. The vision faded. Quickly, he realized he was alone and surrounded by a strange and familiar power.

Alone in a world between worlds.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks for reading :) Love you to the moon and back! Any mistakes are my own and keep me humble.


	21. Death of Me

_Kriff… Rey…_ he thought, reaching out with the Force and his bond, but still nothing. It was dark, but the strange place felt like it was reflecting starlight. It was beautiful, but also cold and haunting. Ben thought the place should have felt welcoming, but there was something strange about it.

This place felt hostile, and it certainly didn't feel safe—had they been led into a trap by that ghostly entity? This place seemed to be outside of time itself and Ben realized that it must have been a manifestation of the Force, beholden to its will, as he and Rey were.

He pressed on, further and further as the past, present, and future compressed and expanded all around him. He saw visions of himself. Visions of his old life. Visions of people he'd never met, but who felt strangely familiar.

And then he saw it. One vision that he'd worked to banish from his mind and heart. His father—Han Solo—watching as Kylo Ren, stalked further away from where his father hid. Back then, Kylo had known the moment his father had broken through the atmosphere of Starkiller. Kylo could feel his father's signature in the Force like a steady heartbeat and had known that his father was close on the base, likely watching him, and he needed to retreat before he was forced to do what Snoke wanted.

But Kylo Ren failed his father, and the deed had brought him no closer to the dark side. Ben knew how this vision ended, but what if he could change it? What if he reached out and…? Ben stepped closer to the great gateway, stretching out to skim along the glimmering entrance before him and was surprised when his hand pressed straight through and into the past.

Ben realized could change this! He could stop himself from making that great and terrible mistake. His hand pushed through the pathway and it felt like moving through quicksand, but he pressed on, reaching out to grab his father before he could make the fatal mistake of drawing Kylo Ren's attention.

And the instant his hand touched his father's shoulder, he realized that this moment had happened before. Like a piece of him that had been missing just clicked into place as Han reached up to touch his hand and hold tight.

Their minds linked and time stopped or stretched. A moment felt like a lifetime. There was so much to say, but words seemed worthless in the face of the chasm that remained between the two men. Fortunately, Han was good at breaking the ice, for Ben was certain that he might have stood there in silence otherwise as eternity extended between them.

"More Force shit, eh kid?" his father joked. That he could still joke in the face of his inevitable death said so much about the man.

"I'm… here to rescue you," Ben said. It felt strange to say those words, strange that he could choose to save his father from himself. Ben could feel his father's amusement.

"Funny thing, kid. I'm here to do the same thing. Only one of us is going to get what we want, I think."

"Then it should be me. I chose this life, Snoke's influence or not. My family shouldn't have to suffer for my sins."

Han chuckled. "Your sins? Ben, I've got a lifetime of bullshit to make up for. This is a much-needed step towards… Well. I'm not sure what, but I know it's something I gotta do."

Ben stared at his father, into the face that he'd loved so much as a child. He was old now, like his mother, still handsome, but time had worked wrinkles onto that ruddy face that weren't there before—his hair was grayer, but that smile, the smile stayed the same.

"Starting to believe in the Force, fa…father?" Ben choked on the word. He never called him father, always dad, but somehow, he didn't feel as if he was worthy of something so familiar. Not now.

Han sighed, shoulders slumping as memories from the past settled onto his shoulders, weighing him down with their heaviness. "The Force? I… I should have worked harder to understand it from the start. Shouldn't have dismissed it, shouldn't have… Look, Ben, I should have done... so much. Kid, I'm sorry I wasn't the father you needed. I wasn't afraid of you, I was afraid of the Force—of the power I couldn't understand. But it came out all wrong. I blamed myself and looked for a way to fix something that was never broken."

Ben choked back a sob at that admission. It was so much—too much to take in. "I only ever wanted to be normal."

Han's hand tightened on Ben's as tears shimmered along the edges of his eyes. "You were perfect, Ben, exactly the kid we needed. I'm sorry it took me so long to see it."

"Come with me," Ben urged. "Let's stop this!"

Han's eyebrow curved as his eyes crinkled with amusement. "I might not know much about the Force, but I know what's right. I need to do this. There's only one path forward and it's the only one I'm going to be taking. But do something for me?"

"Anything," Ben assured him, even as he tried to think up ways to stop the past from happening.

"Tell your mother I love her, Chewie too. And you, kid. Know that I love you with my whole heart. You were worth everything and I'm sorry it took me so long to get on the path to do the right thing—trouble for me is, the right path's not always straight—or easy."

"That's something I learned from you," Ben admitted as tears flooded his eyes.

"I was good for something then," Han said with a sad smile. "You are my greatest achievement and I know that you will go on to shake the stars. And... I love you. I'd do anything for you, son. And maybe that means I make a sacrifice, and maybe it doesn't. Either way, I'm getting you back from Snoke, even if I'm not around to see it."

His father's sacrifice would be the start of Kylo Ren's downfall, the start of Ben's redemption. If Ben saved his father now, would everything be for naught? Would Kylo Ren realize the magnitude of his sins without that sacrifice? It didn't matter, Ben couldn't let his father walk out there and die, not when he could do something about it.

"Kid, this ain't goodbye. We'll see each other again—one day." Han stepped back and stretched his hand out and Ben met him in the middle with his own, that strange portal between past, present, and future acting as a bridge between the two Solo men as they realized their place in the story of their lives.

"Father... I...," the words got caught in Ben's throat, but Han finished for him.

"I know, kid. I love you too. Tell your mother...," Han trailed off, as his mind seemed to wander towards his princess and all that they'd shared. "Tell her I'll be waiting."

"Dad!" Ben finally managed as his father's hand slipped away, as Ben's _chance_ slipped away. "I don't want to lose you again."

His father cocked his head to the side, staring at the man his son would one day become. "No one's ever really gone, Ben," Han whispered as he faded, his words echoing through time. With a little wave and a quirk of his lips, his father disappeared from view to make his way towards that final outcome.

A final sacrifice for a lost son, who would be found by a clever scavenger, whose light would lead him home, even if it hurt. And now, the Force would move them both as it willed, pushing them further along its current, as it sought balance. This tragic, deplorable act would set into motion all that was yet to come. Rey... Snoke's death... Luke's... all of it.

With his father gone, Ben slumped to the floor and let the feelings of grief and forgiveness wash over him as some of the heartaches he harbored finally began to heal. Ben couldn't change the past, but he could learn from it and learn to let it go.

* * *

Ben was alone once more and the strange doorways through time had stopped offering up visions. It was almost like he was being led somewhere like someone had control over what he was being shown. It felt like a test and from whom, he could only begin to guess, but it didn't feel friendly.

The air shifted again and Rey appeared from nowhere. Stepped right out of the darkness itself and met him with a smile. But something wasn't right. The bond didn't feel right between them. It put Ben on guard.

"I've found you!" Rey called as she walked towards him.

Ben let her come close, close enough that he could gather her up in his arms. He loved the way she felt against him, her softness, her love, the strength of her power wrapping them both in its warm cocoon.

"I know what I have to do," he assured her as she stared up adoringly into his eyes.

"Tell me the truth of what you know," Rey begged. "Tell me what you have learned."

Ben opened his mouth to explain what he'd been shown, but he pulled up short at what he felt when her presence touched his. Something was wrong. Ben reached out with his feelings and, instead of finding the welcome and familiar warmth of Rey's presence, he found something else entirely.

"I… I found the answer I've been looking for, all this time," he started as Rey stared on, love and adoration in her eyes, but nothing in her Force signature that was familiar—nothing that made her _his._

 _Rey…_ He reached out with his feelings and found nothing. _This isn't right. Something else is lurking within this place…_

"You're right. I've found it as well. It is power incarnate—power we can use. Come with me, Kylo. Let's leave this place and make our mark on the galaxy. With the strength can gain here, we'll be unstoppable."

Ben managed to work a smile onto his face. "There was a time when that was all that I wanted to hear."

"Well, you're hearing it now. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand, but this place… this power. It's ours. And we should wield it."

"What did you find, Rey?" he asked, giving this manifestation one final chance to prove itself before he made a move.

"That the galaxy is ours. The power we've needed has been within us all this time. What the Resistance wants, what the First Order wants… it all pales in comparison to the power of the Force. That power is ours and it is our divine right to wield it. This fortress is the key to it all."

"I thought you might say that," he said sadly. "This place, Rey, don't you find it strange?"

"Only in that it's allowed me to see what should have been clear all along. This power, this place, it was made _for us._ All we need do is reach out and take it. There's nothing left to do. This is our first step into a greater galaxy, a galaxy shaped by our hands!"

Ben leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her brow. "There's one thing yet that we have to do, Rey."

She beamed up at him. "Take my hand, let me lead you into a new future."

Rey stepped back and held out a hand between them as Ben reached forward and took it, but instead of stepping inline with her, he held her tight so that she had to look him in the eyes.

"What is it, Kylo?"

"My name, Rey… My name is Ben Solo." And with a flick of his wrist, his Force powers erupted and pushed the manifestation from his arms, but instead of falling to the ground, she faded before his eyes as Ben realized that he and Rey weren't alone, and whatever was watching them both, wished them harm.

Rey hated being alone. A low droning noise ebbed and flowed throughout the strange expanse, almost as if it was reacting to her movement. The closer she got to certain portals, the more the strange noise seemed to resonate. She walked on, looking for Ben, looking for the exit, looking for a way to rationalize a place that seemed to exist outside of time and space.

Voices called from within the portals, but it felt wrong—menacing even. Still, there was one she could not resist. Not when the sharp, "Quiet, girl!" echoed outward.

"What is…?" Rey started, stepping closer as a vision was revealed to her. She was a child. She was lost. She was taken and forced into a life she'd never chosen. She was angry. Hurt. Didn't understand… She remembered the feelings, but the vision in front of her made no sense.

Rey watched as a ship was pulled from the sky against its will, thrusters boosting against the wicked pull of some sort of unnatural gravity. The ship did not land but crashed into the barren landscape in a fiery blast. All aboard must have perished within the flames, but before Rey could consider any further, the portal closed. She moved on.

The next portal was even more horrifying, for this was a vision of the future. It was her friends, and they were dying. She'd chosen wrong. Chosen the dark path. Chosen selfishly. And they'd perished—as had any hope for the galaxy. Planets were aflame. What remained of the Resistance fleet hung in space, cracked and broken in the wake of the First Order's terrible power.

But what path was the right one? Which was she meant to take? Would she find the answers in this strange place or only more questions? The vision shifted again. She saw a planet, lush and beautiful consumed by fire, the great gaping wound held open and facilitated by… _Vader's fortress._ Could it be Mustafar? She needed answers. Needed Ben. Needed to get out of this strange place before she lost her mind.

Rey was angry. Frustrated. Hurt and scared. She reached out with her powers and tried to call to Ben… For a moment, she was outside of herself, frozen in time as infinite pathways spread hopelessly before her until time contracted to a single point. She was within herself. She was whole, and Ben was beside her again.

It must have been a trick of this strange place, to make them feel like they were being separated except… something was wrong. Rey looked over at the man she loved and felt nothing for him. He looked the same. Was dressed the same. The same small smile in place on his face, but his gaze was hollow. Empty.

"Ben?" she said softly.

"Rey. I've figured it out—the true meaning of this place. It's a source of power. We can use it to help my mother, to help the galaxy!"

"What do you mean?" Rey asked, worry blooming in the pit of her stomach.

"Everything is possible here. The power to change the past and built a new future," he explained as an unnatural gleam came into his eyes.

Ben smiled down at her, his dark energy radiating off of him in cloying waves, drawing her in. She loved him, this man. The darkness, the light. All of him. And she loved him enough to do the right thing.

"Come with me, Rey. Together, we can make this right. Together, we have the power to heal the galaxy and reshape it in our image."

Rey swallowed thickly. This wasn't right. _He_ wasn't right. She reached out with her powers… and was horrified at the gaping void that threatened to pull her in. Their connection, their bond—it wasn't… None of this was right and she needed to think fast.

Rey let Ben gather her close and pull her tight, his strength and his warmth enveloping her as she reeled. Rey looked up into his eyes and knew for certain something was wrong. His eyes were not the warm brown color she knew, they were different, almost golden. Rey reached out again with her feelings and instead of finding the strength and resolve and comfort that she knew to be Ben's presence, she found something else entirely. Something raw and evil.

"I know what I have to do," Rey said, mind clear for the first time since she'd entered the strange world between worlds.

Ben looked down at her and stared into her eyes, a kind of ferocity and love reflected from within as Rey strengthened her resolve.

"I love you," she assured him as her hand slowly slipped over her hip, finger smoothing over the latch for her 'saber belt as she palmed its length.

"I love you, Rey. For now, and forever," Ben replied as his arms held her tight.

Never breaking his gaze, Rey tipped her head back and reached up to press a kiss against his lips as she ignited her 'saber and killed the man she loved.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks for reading :) Happy endings guaranteed. Had to get this out because I saw someone pose pretty much the same idea on Twitter and I was like OH FUCK. Haha. FOR the record, I've had this written since ohhh January? But I've had the idea of the confrontation with Han since they introduced the concept of time travel in Rebels with Ezra in the WBW. Any mistakes are my own and keep me humble.


	22. Old Wounds

"Kylo" was gone, disappeared the moment her 'saber struck true, and she was left to consider her actions. Had there been another path she could have chosen? What was the meaning of the vision? Why did her choices always seem to beget violence?

 _You went straight to the dark side…_ Luke's voice echoed in her memories as her head spun. This place was wrong, she could feel it. The way the darkness seemed to seep in through her skin and right into her soul. It was corrupting her thoughts, or had her thoughts been corrupted, to begin with? While Ben struggled with his light, she had struggled to contain her darkness, was this place amplifying what had always been there?

Rey backed away from the portal through time, not sure of what she'd really seen or whether she wanted to consider the truth of what it seemed to show her—stepped back too far and found herself falling, too much! Too fast!

 _Slipping, falling, crashing…._ Into Ben's big body as he seemed to catch her out of thin air.

"Rey!" he cried, as shocked to find her in his arms as she was to be there.

 _It is you,_ he thought and his relief was palpable through their bond.

Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight as she whispered frantically, "We need to get the hell out of here! I think this place—it's not right."

"It's corrupted, the whole planet is corrupted. I don't think we're alone. We need to leave and destroy the entrance to this place and destroy the fortress itself. It draws the dark power into and who knows what else it does. There is nothing but tragedy here."

"It's a manifestation of pain," Rey agreed. "I could feel it the moment we passed through into this place, but that's not it, Ben. There's more lurking in this fortress—powers that could heal if given the chance."

"But first we have to make sure that dark presence is never able to leave this place. Ever again."

"Do you think it's…?"

"The Emperor? I don't know, but it feels like something that's come before and something that has been waiting to return."

"Drawing us here… did it feel like it was looking for a pathway out?"

"Were you tempted by a vision, as well?"

"Yeah, I saw you, but it was all wrong. You didn't feel right. Glad my gamble paid off," Rey added.

"Same."

 _There's nothing in the galaxy that can mimic the way we feel for each other,_ Ben assured her.

 _And that's a damn lucky thing because I don't ever want to feel how I felt when I ran you through with my saber,_ she replied.

 _'Saber? What do you—? Never mind. We need to get out of here. This place… it's evil and the longer we're in this corrupted realm, the more likely we'll be corrupted ourselves._

Rey slipped from Ben's arms before he took her hand in his and they started to run, but the pathways seemed endless, splitting every which way in the looming darkness.

 _Reach out and feel…_ Rey suggested as they ran.

 _Ask the Force for guidance?_

 _Exactly._

Ben pulled up short and Rey stopped alongside him.

"Ready?" she asked.

Time, which had felt endless, suddenly felt like it was running out. Ben gave a short nod, eyes slipping closed as Rey followed suit. Together, they reached out in the Force, searching for answers, for guidance, for a way out of the strange world between worlds.

A feeling shimmered through them—a special piece of awareness that felt like pure _light._ Their eyes opened, and they knew.

"Run," Rey breathed as an exit presented itself. Whatever was with them in the world between worlds, it was _not_ happy. They had to move.

The sounds of their footsteps echoed like drumbeats counting down to an inevitable conclusion. The air felt cold and thick as they moved. Rey found it hard to breathe. The exit was close but not close enough. Before they could take another step, a wicked blue light flooded their vision, blinding them as they fought to make it to the exit.

They could _feel_ something approaching and as the blue light faded, Rey and Ben turned together to face a vision pulled straight from the past. Twisted and evil, a cloaked entity pursued them from behind, movements jerky and unnatural, as if it was having a hard time manifesting itself.

The being's Force signature an oppressive wave beating against Rey and Ben's bond. Force power cracked, illuminating the dark space of the world between worlds with its unnerving light as the figure drew closer.

 _Palpatine… He's not dead?_

 _Not dead, but not quite alive,_ Ben thought grimly. His hand tightened around Rey's as he called out to the vision, "You're not real. Not yet."

The vision of Palpatine laughed in response, his great maw of a mouth opening to reveal the decay within. "You cannot win, boy. I've already planted the seed, and I mean to see it grow."

Rey realized just what Palpatine meant a moment before Ben did. There had always been a sliver of darkness within Ben, even as a child; Rey knew that, but what they'd not realized was how that sliver had been manipulated, cultivated, drawn-out until it was a festering wound within the split soul of Ben Solo.

Palpatine wanted his power, but more than that, he wanted his very _being._

"You can't have him. He doesn't belong to you, and he never did," Rey growled before shifting to stand between Ben and the Emperor.

"Ah, the girl. I've dealt with creatures like you before. Your love is nothing compared to the power of the dark side. This, my child, is an eternal game and one that ever will I win."

"That's what you think!" she spat back.

A smile that was ripe with decay worked its way onto the Emperor's face. "Oh, there was once a woman like you. Thought she could keep me from my grand purpose as if she could compare to the power and strength of the dark side of the Force. She died, as did her lover, but not until I'd had my fill of him. And now…." His wicked golden eyes shifted from Rey and latched on Ben as a shiver ran through her.

 _Your grandparents._

 _He was always there… lurking in the darkness, waiting as he's waited for this moment,_ Ben thought back.

"Your grandfather had no such bond with his wife; more's the pity, I could have used that to my advantage. But I will use it now and take what I need until I am quite done with you, unless.…"

The Emperor's power stretched, dark tendrils reaching out to lick at their bond and their minds, seeking… _searching._

"There," Palpatine said as fear clutched at Rey's heart. He'd found… _What_ had he found? "And here it is, the truth. You are no more inclined towards the light than I, girl."

Rey nearly toppled over, crying out while the memories she'd been shown in the portal, incomplete as they had been, came rushing to the surface as the Emperor revealed the truth about her parents.

 _Rey watched as a ship was pulled from the sky against its will, thrusters boosting against the wicked pull of some sort of unnatural gravity. The ship did not land but crashed into the barren landscape in a fiery blast._

And, indeed, they did not. Her powers had been the reason they'd sold her for drinking money, for how could they handle a child that could move objects with her mind? Whose angry tantrums threatened to pull their ramshackle house down around them?

And, when they'd sought to escape the sand and heat and squalor of Jakku… Rey had reacted. And her parents had died as a great bloom of power from within her pulled the transport ship from the sky and sent it crashing into the sand.

She'd killed them. Unintentionally, but she'd done it—if Palpatine was to believed. There was a darkness inside of her, a darkness that was ever waiting to take hold of her heart the moment she slipped, even just a little. The Emperor seemed to know that, seemed to know exactly what to show her to draw that weakness to the surface.

"No… it can't be true!" Rey cried out with the horror of what she'd been shown.

"Little Jedi… such dark inclinations. How quick you were to choose the path of violence. You could have made a powerful Sith, had you not been corrupted by the light side of the Force," Palpatine snickered. "Tell me, did it rob you of your memories as well? Protecting you from the truth?"

"No. Your words are nothing but lies," Rey growled, but her resolve wavered.

 _What if it's true, Ben? What if what if what if what if….?_

Rey spiraled with her grief and horror, barely registering through their bond as Ben sought for a way to fight back, but whatever control the Emperor had over this place had almost nullified his own abilities. The Emperor's power descended, falling onto them like cinderblocks, freezing them where they stood.

"Like respects like, boy," the Emperor purred. "And power respects power. This is my domain. Not even together could you hope to defeat me in this place, in this time. And you, girl. Are you ready to face the truth of what you are—of what you've done?"

"I'll never believe a word of what you say!" Rey cried as she fought against his power and his words.

"You're no match for me, Rey." Palpatine's eyes slid shut as he reached out with the dark side of the Force and saw right through to the quick of her—and Ben.

"Ah, I see it now. The lies you told to protect yourself from the truth. And the omissions he made to maintain the lies or did he not know? It doesn't matter. You know the truth now, girl. Say it."

"You are a murderous monster and I will not bow before you. Ever."

Palpatine snickered. "Bold words from a murderer."

Ben's eyes shot to Rey as realization finally dawned.

 _Your parents…_

 _Ben… He's lying… he has to be. I couldn't… I was a child! I couldn't have known! I didn't…_

Rey panicked as the truth hit her hard and Ben fought to calm her through their bond. _It doesn't matter. The past. What's happened has happened, we move on from here. Don't let him weigh you down with this. It's not who you are._

 _And what am I?_

 _Mine. Nothing else matters._

 _Ben… I feel like I'm slipping. I can't… his power._

 _Mine, Rey. Not him, nor anyone, nor even death will take you from me. In this life, in the next, in all lives—we are one. Fight with me, Rey. Join me now._

Palpatine's dark laugh shot through their thoughts like a blaster bolt. "I can change your past, Rey. Give you back what you destroyed. I can give you your parents back. Give you the happy life you deserved," the Emperor whispered, voice full of dark promise and Rey knew it was true.

She knew he could erase the past with this strange place, but turning now would mean sacrificing everything that she'd come to love. Whether she'd done the terrible deed of killing her parents, as the Emperor wanted her to believe, she knew that nothing good would come from believing any of his promises.

"You are as sick and twisted as your words, Emperor."

Palpatine's face split into a horrifying grin. "Such strength, to reject everything that you've ever wanted," his voice trailed off as his eyes closed. Pain, wicked and perverse, shivered through her as the Emperor dug through to the darkest corners of her mind.

 _Ever the lost child, I could give them back. Keep you here, but bring your parents back from the death you sent them to. And you could even keep the boy…_ the Emperor's wicked thoughts twined around her own.

Rey tried to shut him out, tried to keep the perfect vision of what he offered from contaminating her heart. It was seductive, what he offered, and almost made a strange sort of sense. If she just gave in—let him use her this once—she could get everything she'd ever wanted.

To her horror, she was considering it. The dark side tempted her, it always had. Why shouldn't she get everything she ever wanted? She'd sacrificed so much in her life, would it not be fair for her to get something in return, just this once?

All at once, Ben's power mingling with hers made her reel. The Emperor retreated from her mind as Ben seemed to focus on their bond, burning bright and true as the Emperor's words were banished from Rey's mind. He was hers. She was his. The past was gone, but the future hung in the balance. All at once, their path was clear, and it seemed that even the Emperor realized that something was not quite right.

"You two can play games for all eternity, but nothing will save you from my true power, from my true purpose!" he snarled as his energy swelled. "Even now, my plan is unfolding throughout the galaxy. My true servants are at work bringing about a new order for the Empire—a rebirth! Your destruction will serve as the first true sacrifices to its power and will eliminate the last of the Jedi order."

His words had been nothing but lies, twisted and sick, a way to gain her trust only to betray her at the last before eliminating her from his path. Clouds swirled, lightning crackled as the Emperor's magic surged. Ben cried out from beside her the Emperor electrocuted him where he stood, but for Rey, he had other plans.

Rey screamed as Palpatine's power encircled her, gathering her towards him. Ben's feelings mingled with her own as he stood, suffering while he watched as the woman he loved was pulled, closer and closer to the bane of the galaxy and his family. The Emperor had destroyed Ben's grandfather and grandmother, sought to destroy his uncle, mother, and father; and now, he sought to destroy the woman he loved.

Rey was consumed with pain, but felt as Ben _still_ tried to reach out with his power, to fight for some sort of control… but came up short as the Emperor's power and the pain kept him firmly in check. Rey hovered before the Emperor, body no longer her own, even as she struggled against the vice grip of the dark side.

Palpatine's ghostly hand reached out and pressed against her chest. Pain radiated through her, both where the Emperor touched her and where his power permeated her body. Rey wasn't sure how much more of this she could stand—or how much more of this _Ben_ could stand.

She was not afraid to die, but she knew she'd make it through this—somehow, even as the Emperor, moment by moment, pulled the life and Force from Rey's body. Resolve filled her heart, a bright beautiful feeling, as Rey made her choice despite her suffering. Her mind opened, and the future stretched before her, once infinite, now finite.

There were only two paths—one towards the light and one towards the dark. Both would give her what she wanted: Ben Solo. But where one path was wrought with anger, hatred, and pain, the other bloomed before Rey, calling her with love, compassion, and understanding.

She knew the path the Emperor wanted her to take, the one he was goading her into taking. The pain, the hatred, it would amplify her power—and the Emperor's. But she wouldn't give it to him, no matter what he did, no matter how hard that choice would be.

"Submit," Palpatine growled. "Give in to the power of the dark side and all the pain will melt away to nothing."

"Never," Rey said through the pain. _I'll never give in to you._

"We shall see," he replied, mocking her.

Ben cried out as the Palpatine's power surged and Rey could feel him dying. He was going to kill them both if she didn't act—the power to act, to overcome this, was within her.

"Can't you see, you've already lost, Emperor?" she taunted even as he tortured, even as he leeched the life and Force from her body.

"Lost? I've only just begun. Such a powerful, young Jedi. So much wasted potential. But do not worry, you will serve a far greater purpose in death than you ever did in life."

"And what is that?" Rey grit through her teeth.

Palpatine gave her a nasty smile. "Your death shall be the catalyst for my vessel's transformation. All the pain, the anger, the grief—he shall be consumed as your bond is severed while you die. And then, I will take him for my own."

Rey laughed hard, though the effort cost her. "You are such a fool."

"You are either very brave or very foolish to taunt me," Palpatine seethed. "Knowing the Jedi as I do, it is likely the latter."

"You. Are. Such. A. Fool," she repeated with considerable effort. "You see the past, present, and future but cannot conceive of what's right in front of you—of what has always thwarted you."

"And what is that, girl?"

Rey smiled, even as a thin trail of blood dripped from the side of her lips. "Love, Emperor. You cannot conceive of it and therefore cannot understand the power it has."

"Love? Foolish sentimentality. I grow tired of this game. I will take your life and take what I need from _him_ ," he assured her. Palpatine pulled back, ghostly body shimmering as his power was amplified, but instead of expelling that power, he hesitated—clearly confused by what was happening to the young Jedi in his grasp.

Rey took a deep, calming breath and assured the Emperor, "You can't have him. He is mine. And I will keep and protect what is mine."

Her eyes slipped closed and Rey felt the most beautiful calm bloom in her chest, as if her power was responding to their bond and her needs, dragged forth from the galaxy itself as it flowed in and through her. Palpatine was right, there was a vessel here, and it was Rey acting as both conduit and vessel for the light.

The Emperor realized too late the flaw in his plan and he'd underestimated both Rey and Ben, just as Snoke had. Pure light suffused Rey's body. She could feel Ben's awe as the light consumed both Rey and the Emperor. Shimmering entities past, present, and future were pulled from their place in time and rallied around Rey as she focused her power.

Their power was hers. Her power was theirs. And they convened inside of her in a bid to overthrow the Emperor, one last time.

"No!" Palpatine screeched. "This is not my end. I have foreseen it."

"That's the trouble with the Force," Rey replied softly, though her voice seemed to echo with the power that flowed through her. "The future is always in motion and your path of destruction will now end."

Palpatine cried out, ghostly body writhing with pain as Rey's power consumed his.

"I am inevitable!" he screamed. "This cannot be."

"The only eternity you'll experience is one where you're trapped inside the light forever. May it heal you. May you find peace. And may the Force be with you," Rey grit out as she too was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the power flowing through her.

Palpatine screamed as his dark essence was suffused with light. The evil entity before them burned bright as the power of the light side of the Force flowed through him, rippling through his existence with practiced precision as his dark power was extinguished until only a faint wisp of darkness remained before, finally, disappearing into nothing.

Wherever he'd gone, the Force had him now. Only Ben and Rey remained, and they were badly hurt. Without Palpatine's power holding them, both Ben and Rey collapsed to the pathway. Rey had absorbed more of Palpatine's wicked punishment and she could feel Ben's determination to get to her as he crawled towards her with everything he had left.

Rey could feel him moving, could feel his suffering as it blended with her own. Her hand reached out as Ben collapsed, his own outstretched as they managed to touch each other—fingertip to fingertip.

Rey's consciousness was barely a whisper against his own, _Ben… I thought we were meant to make it out of her, but now I'm not so sure..._

 _I know that we are,_ he assured her. _I've seen it._

 _What do you mean?_

 _When we touched hands… for the first time… I saw your past and our future. I know we're meant to make it… somehow._

Rey closed her eyes and focused on staying conscious while her body ached as Palpatine's power lingered. But the pain… it gave _Ben_ power, she could feel him channel it and he commanded that power to save the love of his life.

At first, her light fought against the dark intrusion, but as his power flowed into her, it relented and was balanced and perfect in a way that wasn't possible with either light side or dark side energy alone. His power flowed through him and into her, blending until they were neither light nor dark, but something more.

Together they were balanced. Together they were whole. And as their love and energies combined, Rey and Ben were one.


End file.
